I Will Wait for You And I Will Burn
by Pavarti
Summary: Complete - AH/AU. Bella loves her new life in Forks. She has the perfect friends and the perfect gorgeous boyfriend. But what happens when tall dark and handsome walks out of her past and back into her life? LEMONY GOODNESS ADDED
1. Chapter 1

**OK, here's my most recent try at this. I don't own any of them, although I'd give me front teeth for a taste of Jacoby goodness :)**

**This is All Human and I'm making Jacob the same age as Bella so he can have naturally gone through his growth spurt**

**Please let me know what you think and how you like it!**

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**I'll Wait For You – And I'll Burn**

It was my first day back to school after spring break and it was easy to slip back into old patterns. I had spent the break in Jacksonville with my Mom, Renee, and found it less relaxing then I had hoped. Forks had quickly become home. As I pulled my beat up old truck that my Dad had bought for me from some fishing friend of his I saw my friends waving at me.

I waved back to Angela, Ben, Jessica, Mike, Erik, Tyler and even Lauren (although she wasn't my favorite.) Grabbing my bag out of the passenger seat I jumped out of the cab and slammed the door shut. I loved my truck, but ever since it had been hit by Tyler's van this winter the driver door never seemed to shut all the way. Thank God I'd been early getting to class that day or I could have easily been killed!

Everyone was talking about what they had done over the break and I knew they'd all want to hear what I'd done since I was the only one who'd gone away. "Where's your tan!?!" squealed Jessica when she saw me, causing me to duck my head a little and blush, I hated being the center of attention.

"Yeah, me and the sun, not such good friends" I responded, hoping that would be the end of it.

"Really? God I would have LOVED to have gone to Florida" Jessica cooed "All that heat and sun, and sexy beach bodies. But I guess _you_ don't have much interest in that do you?"

As Jessica spoke I turned and saw my boyfriend, my totally gorgeous, completely out of my league boyfriend getting out of his silver Volvo. His twin sister Alice and her boyfriend Jasper were getting out too, seemed like they went everywhere together. Edward walked over to me and it was like time slowed down. He was so perfect with his green eyes and auburn hair. He had his backpack thrown over one shoulder and was running his hand through his hair and he smiled that crooked, cocky smile I loved.

"Hey Bella" he whispered as he leaned down to kiss me gently. I practically swooned having him so close to me. Even his smell was sexy.

"Hey" I said, smiling at him chewing on my lip.

"Bella, oh my god! How was your Mom's? Was Phil there? Was he nice? Look at you! Did you spend ANY time on the beach?"

"Alice, ok, let me answer one question before you jump into the next!" I hugged Alice as Edward and Ben did the hand swat-shake-hug thing. It was too bad my two groups of friends didn't get along better but Edward and Alice had a way of taking over any situation they were in. Edward did put in a lot of effort though, now that he was dating me, and seemed to genuinely like Ben and Angela. He said hello to the group; Jessica and Lauren were tumbling on top of each other trying to talk to him when he said their names, hoping to win his attention for a conversation and knowing them, anything else they could get. Mike trying to kill him with his eyes. I think Mike was probably the only one I knew who actively disliked Edward, but I think that had more to do with jealously than anything else. Mike had asked me out a few times, but it never worked out, he really just wasn't my type. Plus, once Edward started talking to me, I was done, put a fork in me I was cooked.

"So, tell me _everything"_ Alice said as she took my arm in hers and led me away from the group. I looked behind me at Edward, sad for even the small distance between us after being away for a week. He winked at me and smiled and I could feel the blush spreading across my face.

"Alice, it was fine, but really, there's nothing interesting to report. My mom bugged me the whole time about reading and doing my homework and I spent most of the week listening to her tell me all about Phil's new job. We painted her kitchen and did some shopping…"

"Shopping, yeah! What'd you get!"

"Oh just some jeans and a new jacket, nothing special"

"Jeez Bella, when are you going to start taking me seriously? You are so gorgeous, why do you insist on dressing like a 12 year old boy!"

I laughed at that, knowing that this was Alice's strange way of telling me she loves me. "I know Alice, maybe I'll try." I smiled and kissed her good bye on the cheek as I walked to my first class.

For the most part I liked school. I only had 1 class with Edward but saw him between classes and had friends in all of the rest. Angela was in most of my classes since she and I had both tested into the gifted program for our junior year. The only class I dreaded was gym, I was a hopeless klutz with no ability to catch or throw anything. Fortunately the Gym teacher recognized it and let me either referee or team up with Mike who didn't seem to mind doing most of the work when we were playing volleyball or racquetball.

I had never had many friends in Phoenix, but here it really was like I'd found the place I belonged. The weather was awful and gloomy, but somehow it all fit, and hell, I liked wearing jeans and a sweater all the time so it worked for me.

Biology II passed pretty uneventfully, just a review to get back into class, I was probably the only one who had done all of the homework anyway so it was basically a free period for me. I sat next to Angela who couldn't resist telling me all about her week with Ben over break via furious note passing. They still weren't "officially" dating but it sounded like they had spent every day together and she was really anxious to take it further.

On the way out from class I found Edward waiting for me outside the door. "Hey beautiful" he said as he leaned down to kiss me. "Hey" I stuttered. The fact that he was there, waiting for _me_ was amazing. He was so smart and smooth, so perfect in everyway it was impossible to believe he wanted to be with clumsy plain mousey haired me. But here he was, looking at me with love.

I threw my bag over my shoulder and took his hand. "Damn Edward, did they have no heat in your Creative Writing class today? You're ice cold" I lifted his hand and rubbed it between my hands until the circulation returned to normal.

When we got to my locker he leaned lazily against the one next to me and watched me through his eyelashes turn the locker to my combination. His gaze on me made me so nervous I messed it up twice before getting it right and stuffing my book inside. He chuckled, watching me blush. Grabbing my English notebook and the novel we were currently reading "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe. It was a good book, an easy read.

"So what happens in this one?" Erik says as he joined Edward and me at my locker.

"You really should try reading the assignment sometime. You'd be shocked at all the opportunities literacy can bring you." Edward joked as we started walking to class.

"Ehh, I read a chapter or two, but really, it's not as entertaining as when Bella describes it to me." Erik wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "You have such a way with words, Bella, please…." He begged

"Sorry Erik, I told you Romeo and Juliet was the last one I was going to help you with, and I don't think there's a movie for this one!" I elbowed him in the ribs and ducked out from under his arm, grabbing Edwards hand as we walked away.

Edward laughed and squeezed my hand, "I love it when you get feisty; you're like a kitten who thinks she's a tiger." He smiled his crooked smile at me and I melted. Somehow Edward had a way of saying things that made me feel like I'd gotten the biggest compliment of my life. Maybe it was that he was speaking me to at all.

We got to English just as the bell rang and settled into our seats. English was my favorite class by far. Not only did I love to read and had already read the entire years reading list, but most of my friends were in this class too. We were all opening our notebooks as the classroom door opened and the biggest, most beautiful guy I'd ever seen walked in. I could hear Lauren start chocking across the room, which made me laugh. That girl was not known for her subtlety.

He must have been 6'1" wearing low slung jeans and a tight black tee-shirt. His skin was dark, a reddish brown chestnut color, his chest was broad and his arms were thick. I never much thought of myself as someone who went for the athletic type, but damn, he was hot.

"Oh, Mr. Black, you're here, good." said Ms. Watson "Class, this is Jacob Black; he's transferred here from La Push High to take advantage of our Gifted Program. Jacob, you can sit in one of the chairs along the wall until we can have another desk brought in. We weren't expecting another student in this class, but I'm glad to see you. I take it you were given the reading list?"

"Yes Ma'am" said Jacob, his voice low and scratchy, as if he'd been out smoking all night. "Thank you". He said and with his head lowered he walked down the isle toward the extra chairs stacked in the back. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail that hung down well below his shoulders.

"Here!" called out Jessica suddenly. She was like a puppy that had seen a great big sexy bone to chew on "you can squeeze in here with us today." She noisily scooted her chair over, forcing Erik to do the same thing so that Erik was practically sitting in the middle isle.

"Thanks" Jacob said, smiling at her, showing us all his perfect white teeth and twinkling black eyes. Jessica audibly sighed and Edward started to giggle. I elbowed him in the ribs. "What? You'd think the guy was dipped in caramel the way they're all acting" he whispered.

"Alright class, you can all get to know Jacob during break but for now let's get into 'Things Fall Apart'. Ms. Swan, can you give us a brief synopsis of the book?" As Ms. Watson said my name I could feel everyone looking at me. Even though I'd read and loved the book I hated the attention I got when called on. Teachers loved to call on me though because I usually had done the assignment.

As I began to speak I started to feel light headed. I turned and saw 2 onyx eyes looking directly at me. "Bells?" I heard him whisper while tilting his head to one side. I nodded unconsciously, lost in his gaze. I felt like we were the only two people in the room, our eyes locked for an eternity. His face was so beautiful, like it have been molded out of the most beautiful clay and smoothed to perfection, he was open and his eyes were warm, crinkled at the sides as his face lit up into a smile.

After class, everyone filed out, Jessica talking furiously to Jacob, asking him about his school and his friends and did he like Forks High so far. After I gathered my things up, Edward and I headed to the door. I could hear Jessica saying, "so yeah, like, I can show you around and whatever and if you need any help with school work while you catch up just let me know."

I snorted and looked at them, Jessica Stanley couldn't have helped a fruit fly find a banana let alone help Jacob if he was in the Gifted Program. Edward put his hand on my elbow as if to shepherd me along when I heard it "Bells, wait, Bells, is that you?" I stopped, knowing that there was only one person who called me that, my father, so who was this guy? I looked at him as he picked up his books and binder in one hand and came toward me. It was exciting and terrifying to have all his attention focused on me. Like being stalked by the sexiest Panther there ever was, his body kind of rolled as he walked, that smile so warm and inviting.

"Wait…" I heard Jessica say as he pushed his way past her.

"Bella, is that you? Bella Swan!"

"Yeah, do I know you?"

"Bells, it's me! Jake!" he smiled the biggest toothiest grin; it almost looked like it wouldn't fit on his face. And then I remembered, summers in La Push with my Dad and his friend Billy, building sand castles with Rachael, Rebecca and Jake… "You remember me right? You made me eat a mud pie when we were six!" He laughed a soft chuckle that seemed to emanate out of him like waves, pulling me closer to him.

"Jake?" I said, my eyes opening in realization. "What happened to you? You're _huge!_ You know anabolic steroids are bad for you right?"

Edward grunted, never moving his hand from my elbow.

He laughed easily, "What can I say; you aren't the only one who grew up." He said, looking down at me with a little smile, his eyes darkening as he held mine.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen, Bella's boyfriend." Edward said with a thin lipped smile, one hand on my elbow, the other stretched out between Jacob and me.

"Hey! Great! Then I have two friends at my new school, huh?" Jake said, shaking Edward's hand. "So what do you have next? I have Social Sciences in Building 3 I think…"

I started walking to the door, Edward trailing behind, clearly fuming at the attention I was getting from Jacob. "Yeah, that's what I have too, honestly, if you're in the Gifted Program, we will have most of our classes together, there aren't too many of us officially in it."

We walked out into the hall and headed toward our next class. "Oh, that's great. I hate to say it but…" Jacob lowered his head down to me and whispered conspiratorially "all these Pale Faces are making me a little nervous." He lifted his head back up and looked at me mocking fear, chewing on his lip and looking around from side to side. I laughed out loud; he was making such a ridiculous face. I put my hand on his arm to steady myself as I giggled; his arm was so warm and strong, it made me feel safe just to stand next to him. I left my hand on his arm and looked up, his eyes looking directly at me.

"Ok, um, I have Gym so, I'll see you later Bella." I dropped my hand from Jacob quickly. What had come over me? Edward walked up to me quickly, gave me a peck on the cheek and walked off, his narrow shoulders hunched over, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets.

"Bye Ed!" Jacob called gleefully. "So, which way?" he looked at me innocently

I laughed again and headed off to the next class. Jacob was in my 3rd and 4th period classes. He charmed the teachers and other students into letting him sit next to me in both of them. By lunch we had mostly caught up on the past 8 years since I'd moved away at least in the sense that I knew his Dad was in a wheelchair, his sisters were in college and he was doing Mechanic work on the reservation to help pay the bills. I'd told him about Phoenix, my mom's new husband Phil and my decision to move to Forks. He never opened the books for the classes we were in but always seemed ready to jump in wherever the teacher was.

"So how do you know all the answers on your first day of school?" I asked as we walked to the lunch room.

"Well, don't tell but I read all the textbooks already so I'd be prepared for whatever happened today. Honestly, I wasn't anticipating having this good of a day." He looked at me beaming. It took my breath away to have him look at me like that, so open and happy.

As we walked in I showed him where the lunch line was. "So, you can get lunch over there or if you brought your own…" Jacob held up a plastic grocery bag he'd gotten out of his locker "then we can just sit down." We headed over to the table where I usually sat. I normally held the place at the center of the table, being the pivot point on which the little lunch time friend truce relied. On one side of me sat Edward, with Alice across from him and Jasper next to her. Across from me sat Angela and then Ben, Eric, Tyler, Mike, Jessica and Lauren all settled in on that side. I hated always feeling split in two but this way I could have Edward and my friends too.

"Come on" I said, pulling Jacob by the arm.

He stopped and looked around the cafeteria a little nervously and said to me: "Seriously, am I the only ethnicity you've got here?"

"Well, Angela has like an Eskimo grandfather or something but other then that, yeah, you're our affirmative action!" Jacob laughed his soft warm laugh and let me lead him over to the table. I took my place next to Edward and Jacob sat across from me, on the other side of Angela. "Hey guys, this is Jake, he's new but is from La Push so be nice."

"Oh great! La Push, awesome, I've been wanting to get out their surfing as soon as the weather breaks" said Tyler and with that Jacob was off, talking away about the beach and the weather this coming weekend. He was so comfortable, confident; it was great to see him blend in with my friends so easily. My guy friends at least; other than Angela the girls were barely able to make coherent sentences around him.

"So Jake, how do you know our little Bella?" Jessica piped up, having seen our re-introduction this morning in English.

"Well, our Dads are great friends and my Mom used to work at a shop where Bella's mom got all her school supplies when she lived here so we pretty much grew up together until she moved away." Jake said simply.

"Huh, never would have guessed you for a Rez Rat Bella." Edward huffed as he sat down next to me with his tray of food, using the term reserved for the easy girls who go down to the reservation to have a little cheep fun with the guys there.

Jacob turned to him very slowly "What. Did. You. Say?" he spoke each work clearly, softly and incredibly menacingly. I looked over to see that Jake's face was hard, his jaw clenched and he looked absolutely terrifying. His hands were on the table, one gripping the edge, the other curled into an incredibly hard fist.

"No offense Jake, just a joke, don't get all Indian Pride on me" Edward said smoothly, pulling out his most sincere smiles, all the while snaking his arms around me and pulling me closer. I'd never seen this side of Edward before, I couldn't decide if this was jealousy or something else, but I didn't like it.

"Indian or not, you don't talk to her like that. Ever." Jacob's eyes were blacker then black, like the anger and hatred he was sending out to Edward could reach out and touch him. "And it's Quileute."

The rest of the group shuffled a bit and tried not to get involved but it was clear that whatever this little stand off was between them wasn't going to get resolved easily. "Jake, it's OK, Edward was kidding. Thanks for defending me though." I smiled at him and touched his fist across the table. As soon as I made contact with his skin, I could feel his warmth. He looked at me, concern and kindness radiating out from him. "I'm OK, really." And with that it ended.

He leaned back against his chair and put his hand on the back of his neck. In that stretch, you could see every muscle of his abdomen and obliques through his shirt. He was stunning and seemed completely oblivious of it. "Ok Bells, I guess, old habits are hard to kick huh?" He looked at me meaningfully and I blushed slightly, nodded, smiled and looked away. Edward's grip on me tightened and I knew he had seen our exchange.

"Ok, so this weekend" interrupted Tyler, completely uninterested in our little drama, "who's in? La Push Baby!" he said and everyone relaxed, excitedly talking about taking a trip down to La Push. "Jake, will you meet us there? It'd be awesome to get the insider's hints on the best place to surf."

"Yeah, sure, that'll be great. Ok if a few of my friends meet us there?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, yeah, that'd be great."

"Sure, that'll be fun"

"Do they look like you?"

Jake laughed "Ok First Beach is probably best this time of year, let's say Saturday? 2?"

I was excited to go down to La Push and see everyone there, I hadn't been back since I returned to Forks. I hoped that Jake's friends would be as great as he was. As everyone starting gathering their food up to throw it away Edward grabbed my arm. "I need to talk to you." He said, quietly.

"Sure, sure, I have media this period, I can be late." I said as we walked outside.

"What the hell, was all that in there?" he ranted "and all day, seriously, are you planning on fucking him after school or what?"

I was shocked. I'd never heard Edward swear before and it didn't suit him. "What is your problem Edward? You've been nasty all day. I don't think I did anything wrong here, I've just been nice to a friend I haven't seen in a really long time. Why are you being like this?"

"Why am I being like this? You're the one acting like a fucking whore!" he said and stormed off. I sat on the bench outside of the library and just cried. I cried over Edward and the person he was. I cried because I didn't understand how the person who just yelled at me could be the same person I loved so much. I knew things were tense between us. He was always pushing the sex issue and I just wasn't ready yet. But that didn't explain why he would just explode over Jacob.

My next period was Physics and by the time I got there Jacob was already sitting at my table, somehow having finagled the seat away from the kid who usually sat there. As soon as he saw me though the frown on his face made it clear he could tell I'd been crying. I sat down and he reached over and took my hand in his, rubbing small circles with his thumb. He never looked at me and never asked me what happened. He just sat there, holding my hand, calming my heart and soul with each movement of his thumb. We sat that way the whole class, not taking notes - holding hands. I have no idea what the lesson was about, I'd catch up during homework. I allowed his touch to south me and warm me. I accepted the love he was giving me so freely, without strings or restraint.

After class as soon as people were filing out and into their own conversations he stood up next to me and pulled me to him, crushing me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist and took a shaky breath. I could feel his back muscles under my hands where the dipped down to his spine, I could smell his detergent and some other, distinctly Jacob smell. After a minute he pulled away and bent down looking into my eyes. "Thank you" I whispered as I gathered my bag and walked away from him, toward gym class.

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**Hope you enjoyed it! I love a big lovable man! Please R&R**


	2. Chapter 2

**Still don't own 'em. Still wish I could at list nibble on Jake though**

**Thanks for all your comments, it really helped me decide how to shape this chapter!  
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That afternoon after gym I left quickly. I didn't wait for Edward at my locker like usual, I didn't go over the nights assignments with Angela and I certainly didn't wait to see how Jake's last class had gone. I rushed out to the parking lot and sped home in my truck. My head was whirling with the implications of Edward's words and my hand was still warm with the memory of Jacob's touch.

I got home and pulled out some ground beef to thaw for dinner and went upstairs to start my homework. I didn't manage to get very far before I was pulled into the memories of Jake from when we were kids.

Renee never wanted to go to La Push, she always felt pressured to be more of a wife and mother then she really wanted to be there; always expected to help Mrs. Black with the cooking and so many kids to keep track of. If anything could have warned my Dad of her wanting to leave it would have been that. She fought so hard against what she considered a small life.

Whenever we went there I always wanted to play with Rachael and Rebecca, they were a few years older than me and for a while thought it was cute to play with me but quickly got bored with having me follow them around. Jacob had always been there too: shy and not very talkative. He could usually be found sitting on his mother's lap or in the yard playing by himself. It never seemed like he wanted much to do with me, even though we were the same age.

One day when we were there the girls had disappeared down to the beach and I was left at the house. Dad and Billy were off fishing and I was in the back yard, throwing stones into the forest. I wandered down one of the paths that we took to get down to the old boardwalk. It wasn't used anymore but was a good place to go exploring for snails and treasures. I could always find at least 1 piece of interesting sea glass too. I walked and walked and never managed to find my way to the boardwalk. The sun was high overhead and I was starting to get tired, I was lost.

I walked for what seemed like forever before I came to an old cabin. It was run down and looked like no one could possibly live there but there was an old man sitting on the porch and a boy carving something in a piece of wood.

"Hi, um, I'm lost, how do I get back to the Black's house?" I asked from across the yard, not sure how close I should get to strangers.

"Paul, go see what the pale face is going on about son." said the old man without looking at me, and the boy, a few years older than me, stood up and walked my direction.

"What do you want?" He said as he got closer.

"Well, I'm lost; I just need to get back to the Black's"

"Yeah, sure" he said smiling down at me, I breathed out a sigh of relief that someone knew where I was supposed to go. He reached out and took my hand and walked me back toward the woods. We walked for a little ways before he stopped and looked at me. "You're awfully small to be walking around by yourself" he said, turning to me and pushing a piece of my hair away from my face. I backed away from him but his hold on my hand was strong.

"I'm, I'm 7, and my Dad will be looking for me if I don't get back. Which way is the Black's house?"

"No, I don't think anyone's looking for you." He said, stepping forward and closing the distance between us. "If they were you wouldn't have gotten all the way out here, you're far from home little one, don't you know that the forest is a dangerous place? You could get caught by the big bad wolf." Paul backed me up against a tree and pressed his body against mine. He smashed his lips against mine and pinned my hands with his. I stood there, rigid, unsure of what to do, what was he doing?

The next thing I knew Paul had me on the ground and was kissing me. When I struggled and tried to get up he punched me across the face. The impact was so hard my head snapped back and hit the ground making it so that I had been hit twice. I had never been hit in my life, even my parents had never spanked me; no matter what wall I colored on or what color juice I spilled. My mind raced as I got lost in my thoughts and stopped feeling what was happening to my body. I was cold and knew that Paul had begun taking off my pants, but I was too shocked to move, or speak, or fight.

"Bella? Bella are you here? Mom sent me to look for you. Bella?" I could hear Jacobs's voice calling me but as soon as he started calling for me Paul was on top of me, his hand over my mouth. "You scream and I'll kill you" he said. My pants were off and his were down around his ankles, he looked me in the eyes and whispered "stay still". We lay there, waiting for Jacob to wander away; Paul's grip on my mouth tight.

The next thing I knew Paul slumped on top of me. I looked up to find Jacob, with a stick in his hand. Paul's head was bleeding on me and I just laid there. "Bella, Bella, come on, you've got to get up." Jacob pulled Paul off of me and looked at me, lying there, shaking, naked from the waist down.

"Bella, honey, Bells, you've got to get up, come on; we have to go before he wakes up." Jacob was yelling at me and I put my hands over my face and started to cry. I sobbed over being seen this way. I cried over what had almost happened. I cried out all of my fear and rage and humiliation until I was hiccupping, no more tears left. I don't know how I got dressed but by the time I stopped crying Jacob was carrying me over his shoulder taking me back home.

After that Jacob never left my side when I was on the reservation. He never told our parents what he'd found and never said anything about it to me, but he was never out of my sight either. He still didn't talk to me much but his eyes always followed where I was going. He was always there with a soda before I realized I was thirsty or a smile when I started to think too much.

I sighed, and looked down at the empty worksheet in front of me. It was a memory I had worked hard to forget. Jacob had saved me then, and he had been there for me today, ready to rescue me again if I needed it. I smiled thinking about him holding my hand, so sweetly, no pressure, no innuendo, just there for me; just like he'd always been.

I looked down at the clock and was shocked to see that it was 5:30 already. Charlie would be home around 6. I got up and stretched, I'd have a lot of work to do after dinner; fortunately Charlie wasn't one to chat so I'd be able to just focus on homework. I went down stairs and put the ground beef into a bowl. I got out some oats, an egg, and spices; I chopped an onion and started mashing it all together for meat loaf. While I was working I heard my phone bing that I had a text message but I was up to my elbows in ground beef, it would just have to wait. I molded the meat into a baking dish, put it in the oven and scrubbed my hands. Meatloaf was great because leftovers lasted and Charlie loved it, but it really was a grossly visceral thing to make.

After I got water boiling and threw some peas in I checked my phone.

_Sorry about today – I love you so much – EC_

I sighed and sat down. Well, at least he knew he was out of line I guess.

_S'ok. Lets 4get it – luv u – BS_

Well, at least that was over and I didn't have to worry about Edward any more tonight.

The next morning started the same as pretty much all of them. Charlie woke me up for school as he was leaving for his job as the Chief of Police in Forks. He kissed me on the forehead and I could hear the police cruiser heading out as I started the shower. I got myself breakfast and headed off to school. When I got there Jessica and Lauren were still a-twitter about Jacob, asking me if I knew if he had a girl friend and if he was going to join our football team. I chuckled "I don't know on either front, but I really can't see Jake playing football."

"Why, he's so…big"

"Yeah, but, I don't know, I just don't see him taking orders from the coach well."

Ben and Erik walked up, talking about the baseball game on last night and we all settled into our morning banter when we heard a growling sound getting louder and louder. I looked out to the street and saw a black dirt bike pulling into the parking lot with one Mr. Jacob Black on it. He had on his jeans again and a leather bike jacket zipped up tight across his chest. He put the bike in park right near my truck and jumped off, waving to me as he walked over.

"Holy Sexiness Batman" Jessica whispered as she meekly waved back, hoping that he was heading toward her.

"Hey Bells! I didn't know you got my Dad's old truck!"

"Oh, yeah, Charlie bought it for me when I got here."

"Is the clutch still sticking? I could look at it for you. I never bothered when Dad said he was selling it but if you've got it, I'd rather it be working right." He smiled down at me, sweetly, taking my breath away. I knew that right now I was the only thing in the world that he saw and I was lost, transported by those eyes, pulled toward his warmth like a moth to flame.

"Yeah" I said softly "That'd be, that'd be great actually. I was thinking about taking it to the garage in Port Angelus…"

"No way, those guys will rip you off, it's just the clutch, no biggie, why don't you come over early on Saturday and I'll look at it." He smiled and swung his bag onto his other shoulder. "Hey guys! I checked with my Dad about Saturday and he said he'd put in a request with the council for us to have a bon fire. I thought that might be fun after surfing." Jacob smiled his toothy smile, waived and walked off toward his first class, leaving me with Jessica and Lauren to watch him, jaws on the floor.

"Shit guys, get a hold of yourself." Mike said laughing at us. "You act like you've never seen a sexy man before." He and Tyler had walked up and were now making Mr. Universe poses to show us that Jacob wasn't the only one with muscles.

The rest of the week went by pretty uneventfully, Edward was extremely sweet to me, carrying my books and texting me between classes. He came over one night to study and have dinner with Charlie and I and was very sweet, helping me cook and do the dishes. When it started getting late and Charlie was on his 3rd beer I told Edward it was time for him to go. He gathered up all his school books and gave me his crooked smile. "Walk me out?" he said softly.

I nodded my head looking at the ground and followed him to the living room. "Dad, I'm going to walk Edward out, I'll be right back."

"Ok hon, don't stay out there too long" he called from his place on the couch. He was pretty invested in whatever game he had on so I knew he'd have no idea how long I was out there.

Outside, Edward took my hand and led me to his car. He threw his book bag in the back seat and then stood up to look at me. "You are beautiful" he said putting one cool hand on the back of my neck, pulling me to him. He kissed me softly at first but soon had pushed his tongue into my mouth and was driving it into me over and over again. I put my arms loosely around his neck and tried to kiss him back but I could never find the rhythm, I could never figure out what I was supposed to be doing.

Edward was beautiful, I had heard the other girls talk about what kind of things they would do to him if he gave them even half the attention he gave me, but I never managed to come up with enough interest. As he kissed me and started pushing my shirt up with his hands my thoughts turned back to Jacob, I sighed, thinking of his warm hand in mine and Edward took that as encouragement. He started kissing my neck, biting it and sucking on it. It was a nice feeling, but soon it became too much, so much pressure on one spot and it started to feel sore. I tried to move away a little but Edward had me pinned up against his car. My movement got him more excited "God Bella, you are driving me crazy tonight" he whispered in my ear between kisses. His hands were against my bra, squeezing my breasts and crushing them; he was grinding his hips against my stomach. I knew I should feel something with this. I loved him and sex was all anyone talked about, even Angela who was as shy as I was, but all I felt was some kind of weird obligation to try and kiss him back.

Eventually he pulled away and looked at me. "I can't wait until my parents go away next weekend" he said roughly and came back in to kiss me. I returned his enthusiasm as much as I could; holding onto him a little tighter and kissing him back when I could. "I can't wait…I love you Bella" he said, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I…I should get in, Charlie is waiting..." I said into his hair. "Good night Edward" I said as he leaned back and I reached up and kissed him again.

"Good night Bella, I'll see you at school tomorrow." He said and ducked his head into the driver's seat of his Volvo.

I stood on the porch and watched him drive away, feeling a strange emptiness inside. He was so good, so perfect. He was nice to me and tried hard to get along with my friends and always made sure to be nice to my Dad. I felt so special with him, like I had won the lottery. I didn't deserve him at all and I felt terrible that I didn't feel the same passion for him he felt for me. But maybe that was just who I was. Maybe I was passionless. I'd never felt it and if I couldn't with Edward, it might just not be a part of who I am.

I went inside and up to my room, a little chilly from being outside and still not feeling like myself. I knew it was going to be a hard night to sleep; at least I would have homework to keep me occupied for the next few hours.

The next morning I woke up at my desk. "Damn it!" I said as I looked at the clock and realized I only had 15 minutes to get ready. I threw on a clean t-shirt, went to the bathroom and grabbed my bag as I ran downstairs. On my way out I saw a motorcycle speed by my house. I watched it go. Was that Jacob? It kind of had to be right? I mean, who else owned a bike like that around here. I felt a blush start on my face as I heated up standing in my driveway at the end of April.

My blush deepened as I saw the bike slow, stop and turn back around. "Bella, hey! You running late? Wanna ride?"

"Oh my god no!" I said, too loudly "I mean, Charlie would kill me".

"Hey, come on, I'm a good driver and Charlie loves me. Remember? Hop on, we'll be there in no time." Without thinking I hoped on the back of Jacob's bike, hooking my other arm into my backpack's strap so it wouldn't fall off. I wrapped my hands around his waist and was shocked at how hard his abs were, I mean, really, how does that even happen. "Hold on tight Bells, come on" he took my hands and pulled them tighter around him. I felt the blush come back to my cheeks but I couldn't deny liking the feel of him under my hands. He was warm and strong.

"OK, I'm ready" I said, pulling myself closer against him so that I could feel his back against my breasts and his ass against my center. When the bike started to move I pulled him tighter, bringing one hand up onto his chest, clutching him with my thighs. I could feel his chuckle rumble in his body and he patted my hand again. Sighing I rested my cheek against his back and relaxed my hips, allowing my body to follow as the bike took the curves in the road. I let my hips roll with Jakes, finding a rhythm that was comfortable and exciting. Every time the bike tilted I could feel him move and I followed, melding my body to him. When his hips dropped I could feel the movement inside of me, when we went over a bump in the road and his body bounced slightly, I felt his body push against the seem in my jeans, right against my core. I gasped at the feeling of it. Jacob patted my hand again; he must have thought I was afraid.

By the time we got to school I was completely keyed up. The ride was exhilarating, moving my body with Jacob and feeling the effect of his body against mine was new and confusing. I shouldn't be feeling this way about my friend. I mean this was Jacob. Besides what about Edward; why had I never felt anything even near this with Edward? As Jacob turned off the bike he got off and helped me off putting his hand on my waist.

"You OK? Take a second to get your legs back. You did great you know, it was like riding with someone who knew how to move with the bike." He smiled as I blushed and turned away to grab his back pack from the saddle bag. "I don't think you're boyfriend likes you getting a ride with me though." He said with a chuckle.

I looked over at Edward standing in front of the main doors and his face was hard, his eyes slits with his eyebrows hanging low. I looked at me, shook his head and walked away. The rest of our little group had already gone to class.

Jacob and I walked to my locker, his talking about the beach trip tomorrow and how the bon fire was a go. He seemed excited to have his new friends to his terf. He walked me to Bio II and when we got to the door, he stopped and looked at me for a second. "Bells, I'm really glad you're here, at this school. I don't know what I would have done without you." He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back weakly, my arms around his middle, not trusting myself to be touching him again after the feelings awakened in me on the bike. I stepped away.

"Ok Jake, see you in English" I said and ducked into class.

Angela looked at me out of the side of her eye during the entire class. I wasn't able to concentrate and every time my mind would wander to Jacob it would take me a moment to remember how to breathe. She never asked me what was going on though. That's the main thing I love about Angela, she never pushes. I can tell her when I'm ready and when I want to talk about it she's the first person I'll go to, I can always trust her to give me an honest answer.

The morning sped along, Edward barely spoke to me during English, but he didn't bring up Jake and walked me to my next class without fighting with me. He wasn't his usual laid back self but he had me, I was his, it's not like he had anything to be upset about.

During lunch the conversation was mostly on the surfing trip tomorrow.

"The weather is supposed to be gorgeous, sunny and warm, at least for here" said Tyler, really looking forward to surfing.

"Yeah, a few of my friends are going to meet us there and they are bringing their extra boards in case any of you don't have your own" Jake said, a huge smile on his face. I think he was looking forward to playing tour guide in La Push.

Jessica was wondering what kind of bathing suit to wear, if it would be warm enough to sun bathe a little and Edward was picking at his pizza, barely eating.

"So Edward, are you coming or what?" asked Ben, always glad to have as many people around as possible.

"No, I think it's going to be a little…crowded." Edward said, looking directly at Jacob.

"Well, I think it sounds delightful!" chirped Alice breaking the silence, happy as pie to have a chance to show off her new wet suit. "I have a whole picnic planned so you guys bring the drinks and chips and stuff but I'll take care of lunch."

"How about you Jazz? You're coming right?" I asked, trying to make it clear that even if Edward wasn't coming, I still was.

"Yes, I'll be there if Alice is" he said in his sleepy southern accent. He looked at her with love and Alice giggled, moving in for a kiss.

"OK, well great, I have the van so I can pick people up on the way." Mike said.

"Jazz and I will come in my car, I live too far out for you to come get us" Alice said.

"Alright, well then that means I can fit everyone in the van if we squeeze."

Jake coughed a little uncomfortably and said "Well, Bella, you're coming over before hand right? So I can check out your clutch?"

Everyone looked at me and I lowered my eyes. "Yeah Jake, that'd be great, thanks again. I'll be there at like 12 OK?"

"Sure, sure" he said, moving on to his second sandwich.

"Seriously man, where do you put all that food?" Ben asked, taking the conversation toward teasing Jacob over being twice the size of everyone else.

"Bella" Edward said to me quietly "I don't want you going there tomorrow"

I turned in my seat and looked at him square in the eyes. "Edward Cullen, I'm not having this fight with you, if you don't want to go that's fine, but these are MY friends" I stood up and walked away to throw my trash away and I could hear Alice hiss behind me "Edward, why are you being such an ass?"

My last class that day was Gym, the most detestable class every. How anyone thinks it's fair to give a grade in this is beyond me. Today was track and field though which meant I got to spend have an hour walking in circles and talking to Mike. He could run a fast mile and the gym teacher knew it so no one cared that he walked and really, no one expected me to run, we were all just happy if I didn't fall down.

"So Jacob Black huh?" Mike asked.

"What about him?"

"Well, you two seem pretty damn chummy"

"Yeah, he's an old friend. He's a good guy."

"I don't know Bella, I don't like the way he looks at you, and I _know_ Edward doesn't like it."

"Edward can bite me; I don't know what his problem is but I'm getting pretty tired of it"

"Wow, Bella, settle down, I didn't mean to set you off, it's just, I don't know, it's not like you to not just do whatever Edward wants."

I thought about that for a minute and realized Mike was right. A week ago I probably wouldn't have gone to La Push if Edward wasn't. I would do whatever he was doing and if he was busy without me I would just be at home. I hadn't really realized it before but I was so used to doing whatever he wanted it was like I'd disappeared. As I changed back into my street clothes and came to my locker, instead of finding Edward's lithe body and perfect eyes waiting for me I found a darker, much more intense man waiting for me. I was surprised to realize, he was the one I was hoping to see.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Don't own 'em, just love 'em. Thanks again for the reviews, keep em coming, it really helps me as I work through the story!**

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The next morning couldn't come soon enough. I was so keyed up last night even Charlie commented on me needing to cut down on the caffeine. I got 3 texts from Edward, all of them a form of apology and I didn't reply to any of them. No matter what happened with Jake, I really wasn't in the mood to deal with Edward. I needed to figure out what happened to me that I just lost myself so completely in him. It's the same thing I'd seen my mom do over and over again and I hated that about her.

By 11am I had done the laundry, vacuumed the house and scrubbed the bathroom. I was starting to drive Charlie crazy so I decided I would drive down to La Push a little early. At this point I'd get there at 11:30 and half an hour early wasn't a big deal right. When I told Charlie where I was going he was thrilled. "That's great Bells, Billy mentioned Jake starting at your school but I didn't realize it happened already. I'm glad you two reconnected, have fun."

"Thanks Dad, we're having a bon fire tonight too so can I have a little leeway on the curfew?"

"Sure, no problem, but you know, no drinking and driving OK? I'd rather come get you or have you sleep on Billy's couch then get a call you'd been in an accident."

"Yeah Dad, but you know I don't drink"

"Yeah, I know, but I know how kids are, ok? Be careful Bells"

"Always am, Dad" I said with a smile, turning his usual phrase back on him.

He smiled at me as I left, pulling me into a quick half hug when I walked past him to the door. I had my bag with me with a towel, a change of clothes and a bathing suit. I should be all set. I wasn't about to try my hand at surfing but lying on the beach would be fun. Jessica could be a twit, but she would be fun to spend the day with as long as Lauren wasn't too much of a bitch.

I drove down to La Push with the windows down. Jake was right, it really was a gorgeous day. I don't think my truck had had this much fresh air inside since I bought it. I followed the directions Jacob had given me after dropping me off at my house yesterday to the little red house that was his home. I would have recognized it anywhere though. It was straight out of my memory. Driving up that driveway was like driving into my past.

I hoped out of the car and walked down the path to the old garage. The big bay doors were open and I could see Jake bent over a car, looking under the hood at something. He was shirtless, in just those low slung jeans. I could see the tops of his boxer briefs around his hips and his muscles were shining in the sunlight coming through the windows. His skin glistened with sweat and I had to mentally remind myself to close my mouth. He stood up and stretched. Today, his hair wasn't pulled back in a ponytail and it fell down his back straight and shiny.

"Hey" I said from the doorway.

"Bells!" he said and walked over to me and pulled me up into a hug. He was so comfortable with himself and so unassuming; I couldn't help but throw my arms around his neck and hug him back. My hands on his soft skin was intoxicating, it was like touching him warmed me straight through to my soul.

"Hey, ok now, I'd like to touch the ground again." I said laughing into his hair.

"Sure, sure, you brought my girl!" he said.

I stood there staring at him, completely unsure what to say. I really wasn't his girl, but I had to admit, when he said that and looked at me, I smiled up at him. The idea was pretty appealing. What would it be like to be Jacob's? It was something to mull over later, when I had time to myself.

Jake shifted his weight back onto his heels..."Bella? The truck?"

"Oh, right" I said, biting my lower lip as I tossed my keys to him. He walked past me to the car, taking my hand on the way. He walked a little in front of me, giving me a chance to steal looks at his arms, they were strong and wide, but his muscles were compact, perfectly formed.

He pulled the truck into the garage and quickly diagnosed and repaired whatever was wrong with the clutch. I wasn't particularly interested but I loved hearing him talk about it. He was good at this, and clearly enjoyed it. I envied him being able to fix something, make something tangible. It must be really satisfying.

"Wow Jake, you really are talented you know?"

"Thanks" he said reaching his hand to the back of his neck. He still had no shirt on and I found it difficult to watch his face when he did things like that. "It just, makes sense to me, you know? Like the way you read a book. I read a book and I get the plot, you read something and you get a whole world. Cars are like that to me, I can see all the parts and how they work together."

"That's really awesome."

"I'd really like to open my own shop here one day. That's part of why I'm pushing so hard in school, if I can graduate with good grades and get a business degree in college there are a lot of good loans and grants and things for us to start businesses on the Rez." As he talked he got more animated and walked over to me.

"Well, that'd be great, I know you're Dad would be thrilled. And you know, if your Mom was still here, she'd be really proud of you." Jacob looked down, obviously a little surprised that I had brought up his mom. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No Bells, it's OK, actually it's kind of nice. No one ever talks about her since she died and I like that you knew her." He smiled up at me, only a few paces away; so open and beautiful. Before I knew what I was doing I walked up to him, put my hands on his shoulders, leaned up on my toes and kissed him.

His lips were warm like his skin and so much softer then I'd expected. He didn't move and I pulled away from him blushing. "Sorry, I just…" I started to turn away but his hands reached out to me. "No Bella, don't, don't turn away."

He leaned down and kissed me, wrapping his arms around my waist and bringing me up into him. I could feel his body curve around mine as I leaned back into his strong arms. His lips on mine were like fire. He kissed me chastely a few time. Then he pulled my lower lip into his mouth. I opened my mouth and kissed him, pulling his head closer to me with my hands in his hair. I'd read about kisses like this and I'd felt excited by them, but never had I felt something like this before. It was nothing like when Edward kissed me, no pressure - no formula of how a kiss was supposed to go. Our lips moved together naturally, his body against mine, his tongue… Oh god, he was putting his tongue in my mouth. He licked my lips and caressed my tongue with his own. I felt my nails dig into his neck and he moaned; pulling me higher, off my feet, and carrying me over to the couch in the garage.

He sat me down on the couch and kneeled between my legs. He never stopped kissing me and never acted like it wasn't enough for him. I wrapped my legs around his as he put his hands on my waist, warm and strong. I scooted closer to him, wanting to feel more of his body, wanting to feel him against my center, which had been aching for him since our bike ride yesterday.

"Bella, God…" he moaned into my mouth and I pulled him closer, running my hands up and down his arms, massaging and scratching him. I arched my back so that my breasts were against his chest and his hands grabbed my hips roughly. He pulled me toward him, sliding one hand under my ass.

"So, ah Jake man, should I like come back?"

"Fuck" Jake muttered. "No Quil, just ah, give me a minute" Jacob stood up quickly, turning away from me as the kid who had just interrupted us walked back out of the garage.

"Bella, I'm, I'm sorry, it must be 2 already. Everyone will be here soon, we should, ah…" I walked up behind him and put my hands on his arms which made him jump.

"Jake, are you, are you ok, what are you doing?"

"I'm just trying to calm down Bells; it's a little embarrassing to walk around like this." He laughed embarrassed.

"Ok, it's OK, don't worry OK?"

He turned and looked at me, boring into me with those eyes, making me catch my breath. "Bella, I just, I didn't plan on this OK? I didn't like, invite you over here for this you know right?" He looked so earnest and nervous that I would think badly of him. It was actually completely adorable and made me want to pet his hair and tell him it was OK.

"I know Jake" I said, running my fingers through his hair "now come on; introduce me to your friend." I said, walking out of the garage.

Outside the kid Quil and someone else were sitting on the ground by the garage door. "Hey" I said "I'm Bella."

"Oh right, we heard all about _you_" said Quil with a smile on his face.

"Shut up Quil. Bella these assholes are my friends, Quil and Embry" Jake said as he walked out behind me, pulling a white t-shirt on.

"It's great to meet you Bella" Embry said as he stood up. He was almost as tall as Jacob and absolutely beautiful in his own way. He was thinner but still muscular.

"Yeah, it's nice to meet Jake's girlfriend finally"

"Shut _up_ Quil!" Jake growled.

"Oh so you guys have girlfriends? That's awesome!" I said looking directly at Quil. He shuffled his feet a little and looked away. "So Jake, if people are going to be here soon where can I change?"

"Yeah, come on, you can change in the bathroom inside." We walked away from Quil and Embry toward the little house that held so much of my childhood. "Look Bells, I didn't tell them you were my girlfriend or anything, you know, Quil's just like that."

"Sure, sure" I said, looking up at him raising one eyebrow.

He laughed as he opened the door for me. As I walked into the little house a flood of memories came at me: my mom sitting uncomfortably on the little couch in the living room, Mrs Black singing as she made sandwiches for the kids. "Where's your Dad?"

"Oh, he's on a tribal retreat this weekend, he'll be back tomorrow sometime… Come on, here's the bathroom, you can change in here."

Jacob walked further back into his house to change into his board shorts as I shut the door to the bathroom. What had just happened? I had just kissed Jacob Black. And that kiss, I thought as I ran my fingers across my lips, that kiss was the most amazing feeling of my life. I could feel a tingle in my core, begging to be touched, begging to feel the warmth of his body rubbing against me again. I sighed and started taking off my clothes. I couldn't let myself get too wrapped up in Jacob though, I mean, I was still dating Edward. I hadn't talked to him since school yesterday but technically we were still together and it wasn't right for me to be kissing Jacob.

I slipped into my black two piece bathing suit. It fit me well, tight at the top with a razor back and small boy shorts on the bottom. I wasn't much of a girly girl but I knew I looked good in this sporty little suit that I'd bought with my Renee over Spring Break. I threw a peasant skirt on over the bottoms and a tank top and walked out to the living room. Jacob still wasn't out yet so I started looking at the pictures in the living room. There was one of the twins going to their Sr. Prom, one from Billy and Sarah Black's wedding, there was an adorable one of a little Jacob leaning down and petting a puppy they used to have. He was so small in that picture, but it was still him, that toothy smile and gentle look on his face; he'd grown up but he really hadn't changed.

Jacob came out and stopped in the hall when he saw me. He had on his board shorts and nothing else, just a towel thrown over his shoulder. He put his hands on the doorframe above him and leaned into the room a little. "Bella, you look…" he paused and shook his head. "I mean, damn!" he laughed and walked over to me. He had his eyes trained on me and was walking with such intensity, I could feel that tingle come back and spread out from my clit up into my stomach. I wanted him to touch me; I needed to feel him touch me. He came over and stopped just millimeters from me, not touching my body and brought his hand up to my face. He cupped my cheek in his warm hand and leaned down with his eyes still on mine, bringing his lips to just graze mine.

I let out a shaky breath I didn't know I'd been holding and opened my mouth, anticipating taking his lips and tongue into me. "Bella…" he whispered and I felt myself get dizzy. I brought my hands up and put them on his chest, he was so hard and so smooth.

"Jake…wait…" I said, surprising both of us. I didn't know what I was saying, I didn't want him to wait, I wanted him on me…in me… "Jake" I breathed "I'm still dating Edward. We…we can't…" his face fell and he looked at me with such sadness and quickly his jaw clenched and his face hardened.

"Sure, sure…" was all he said as he turned to walk out.

"Jake. It's not that I don't…want to…I just…not yet OK? I have to talk to him you know? It's not right" He turned and looked at me, the anger in him softening slightly and I saw hope flash in his eyes.

"Yeah Bells, I get it." He lowered his eyes and looked up at me through his eyelashes "just don't make me wait too long OK?" he said heavily, his voice scratchy with lust. I felt myself shiver as I looked away from him, and nodded.

He bounded outside barefoot with his towel still over one shoulder as Mike and Alice drove up and the whole crew started piling out into Jacob's yard.

"Hey Pixie-Pie!" cried Jacob as he picked Alice up into a hug. "Uggh, Jacob! You smell like gasoline!" Alice giggled and struggled against him. He laughed a full laugh of someone completely at peace and put her down. He looked over at me, still standing in the doorway of his house and winked. I felt my knees shake a little as I walked down the steps and joined the rest of the group.

Jake introduced everyone to Embry and Quil and led the way out to the beach. Apparently the guys had spent the morning digging a pit for the bon fire and gathering wood so we could go ahead and get it lit whenever we wanted. Quil joined me as we walked out to the beach slowing his long legs to match my strides, "look, I don't wanna get involved or anything but Jake, look Jake's a good guy, he's been through a lot. Just, don't fuck with him OK?" Quil didn't look at me the whole time he spoke but I could hear the affection in his voice. Quil was a good friend, someone who Jake could count on and no matter what else, that made him someone I was glad to know.

"I know Quil, thanks for looking out for him" I said softly. Quil grunted and ran off to catch up with Embry who was laying the charm on to Jessica pretty thick. It's too bad he was putting so much effort in; it wasn't hard to charm her.

We spent the afternoon lying in the sun and surfing. Jake and Tyler were definitely the best and Embry was trying to teach Jessica but she just giggled and kept falling down. I don't think she was really trying honestly; she just liked having him touch her. Angela and Mike were out there, trying to catch a wave or two too while Alice and Jasper swam around enjoying the water. Ben and Erik were off somewhere probably trolling for native girls. Lauren and I lay on the beach next to each other, barely speaking. "So Jacob Black huh?" she said, as if we'd been talking the whole time.

"What about him?" I said sleepily, the sun was really taking a lot of my energy.

"Well, you know" she said turning to her side and resting on her elbow "it's just not fair for one girl to have the two hottest guys in school following her around like love sick puppies. You really should share."

"Jake's my friend Lauren, I'm still dating Edward. You know" I said turning to look at her "you should ask him out. Jake doesn't have a girlfriend right now." I said it to be mean. I didn't like Lauren and I didn't appreciate that she was always giving me a hard time about Edward and saying things in front of him that clearly meant she thought I was plain and not good enough for him. Edward and I may be over in my mind but that still didn't give her the right to be a bitch.

"Hmm, really?" she said, suddenly friendly "did he say something about me?"

"mmm" was all I said as I laid back down and smiled wickedly to myself. Jacob had said plenty about her, but none of it was ever nice.

Jacob decided that then was the right time to come out of the water. He shook his long hair out like some kind of Fabio porn star and walked right up to us. He was dripping wet and his board shorts had pulled down low showing off all of his muscle and that little v shape at his hips that made my insides turn to goo. "Salty Goodness…" Lauren coo-ed as she watched him. She licked her lips and I had to suppress and giggle as I saw her sit up to talk to him.

"So Jacob…"she said huskily, really laying it on thick "how's the water?"

"Oh it's great," he said toweling himself off "warmer then usual for this time of year, you really should go jump in" he said. He was so genuinely friendly he smiled right at her as she talked and she took it as an invitation to continue.

"Maybe later, I'm still enjoying feeling the sun on my skin" she said "but, I need some help putting lotion on my back…" and with that she rolled over and untied the back of her bikini top. Jacob's eyes got huge and he looked at me obviously completely unsure of what to do.

I raised an eyebrow at him and smiled, shaking with the effort to not laugh. Lauren reached behind her and pulled her brown hair up off her shoulders and put her face down. She shimmied her shoulders to encourage Jake and his jaw fell open. He looked at me and scowled grunting as he grabbed the lotion and kneeled next to her.

Jacob managed to deliver the least sexy suntan application in the history of suntan lotion. He squirted it directly onto her back and rubbed it around in no particular pattern with the palms of his hands only, not allowing his finger tips to touch her. Lauren sighed and wiggled underneath him as he looked up at the clouds to avoid looking at her. "Mmmm…that feels good…"

"I ah, I'm gonna go jump in the water." I said as quickly as I could, jumping up to run to the water. I was laughing so hard I fell in the sand twice trying to make it. I walked in and dived under the first wave that was big enough to cover me. God the water did feel good. It was cool against my skin that was warm from so much time in the sun. I was really careful to wear spf 45 in the sun so I wouldn't burn or even tan, but the warmth of it against my skin was still a treat. I swam around in the water and looked back to see Jake standing awkwardly next to where Lauren was lying. I laughed and waved "Hey Jake!" I yelled, "come on, I'll race you to the sand bar!"

I saw him say something and then he ran straight towards me his eyes dark but laughing.

"What the hell Bells!" he laughed when he got to where I was "You just left me there with slut-zilla!"

I laughed, splashed him and started swimming out deeper. Usually no one went out as deep as we were going but Jake and I had found a small sandbar out in the water where it was shallow enough to sit on the rocks underwater and rest. It was nice to be out so deep where no one could hear you. It was like a little island out in the ocean. Jake and I used to swim out there right after his mom died; when he needed to get away. At first our Dad's would freak out about us going out so deep alone, but when they saw how calm Jake always was when we got back they stopped trying to stop us.

We got to the sand bar and Jake sat down and pulled me onto his lap. "Jake…they might see us…"

"From where they are it looks like you're sitting next to me, don't stress it, besides, you're going to talk to Edward soon right?" he said looking at me shyly, his hands around my waist underwater.

"Yeah…" I sighed and turned to face him.

We sat there, me on his lap, looking out into the ocean for a long time. It was just like when we were kids actually; we barely spoke, our bodies comfortably next to each other watching the waves. I turned back to look at him and leaned my forehead against his, closing my eyes I could feel his heart beat and his hand rubbing the small of my back. He sighed and pulled away from me slightly "Come on Bells, let's get back…" he breathed and leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips. I pulled in a ragged breath... "OK"

We raced back to the shore and when we got there they had the fire started already. Jessica was sitting on Embry's lap chatting away about some TV show that made people dress up like animals and perform some task, he seemed to find her fascinating though, but I think it had more to do with his hand on her thigh then anything she was saying. Everyone was huddled up in blankets, sitting on logs around the fire. Alice broke out the sandwiches for dinner and soda. There was some beer but no one was really all that interested. I think Tyler and Lauren each had one but that was about it.

Angela was sitting in between Ben and Quil looking completely uncomfortable. I felt bad for the girl, she had just gotten the attention she wanted from Ben and then came this beautiful Quileute boy who was being so nice to her. Actually, I really related to how she felt on that. Jake sat down on a log and I sat down in front of him between his legs. We were talking about the VW Beetle he had bought cheap and was working on fixing up. He loved that thing and was enjoying the challenge.

"So where's Cullen?" Mike asked as we were eating.

"Oh, yeah, he wasn't in the mood for the beach I guess..."

"I'm surprised he's not here to keep an eye on you" he said, looking at me and then up at Jake.

Alice pipped up then "Well, he's being such a fuck-tard lately he would have ruined the day anyway. Seriously, he may be my brother but sometimes I wish he would chill the fuck out!" I laughed a little uncomfortably at that, not used to hearing Alice talk about Edward that way.

The gossip picked up then and we were all off talking about who was dating who and what teachers had hit on Lauren this year. We talked and laughed as the sky got dark and eventually everyone was gathering their things up to start heading home. Mike and Jasper walked back to get the cars and park it in the lot next to the beach

Embry and Jessica had walked off a little into the darkness and we could hear her giggling at whatever he was saying. "How come Jake didn't bring us any chicks, I mean, we're going to start losing all the girls to you redskins" Erik laughed, looking from where Jessica was laughing and then to me.

Quil was helping Alice pack the food up and he threw a soda at Erik's head in response. "Ow man, Jeez." He complained. Jake and Ben had started filling sand in on top of the bon fire as Mike drove up with his van. We were loading the boards that they had brought in Mike's van and getting Alice's car loaded up I made the mistake of thinking I knew how to walk. I was carrying a pile of towels over to Alice's trunk when I tripped over the concrete bumper of her parking spot. I fell straight down onto my face and screamed.

I made so much noise that everyone came rushing over to me. "Bella, Bella are you OK?" Angela asked as she got to me.

"Yeah, yeah, just stupid" I muttered, feeling more embarrassed than anything else.

"Oh my god Bella, you're bleeding!" Alice squealed, putting one hand over her mouth. The site of blood was enough to make Alice faint; I don't know how she managed to be friends with me.

Jake was at my side then, "Bells, look at me, are you OK?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm, I'm fine, it's nothing OK?"

"Sure sure" he said "it looks like you split your lip, but you'll be ok, maybe a little swollen"

"Great, more physical evidence of my clumsiness, just what I need" I groaned as I got up.

"Come on, let's get back to my place and get you cleaned up, Charlie won't be happy if I send you home all bloodied up" Jake laughed, putting his hand on the small of my back.

"Ok, bye guys, I'm really sorry" I said.

We all said our goodbyes and Jake laughed silently as we walked back to his house.

"What?" I demanded

"Only you would apologize for bleeding" Jacob said, leaning in and giving me a peck on the forehead.

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**Next chapter will have LEMONS! I'm pretty sure I know what's going to happen but your comments help me shape it. So, let me know what you'd like to see and you shall be rewarded with Lemony-goodness... Please R&R**


	4. Chapter 4

We walked slowly back to Jacob's house, his hand never leaving the small of my back. His touch was firm and comforting, like it was meant to be there. Even though I had stopped us earlier because of Edward, the fact that I had no curfew tonight was in the forefront of my mind. Billy wasn't home and I had no curfew. Just thinking about it made that tingle at my core come back, spreading quickly to my stomach and skin. I felt like my skin was tightening and I could feel every movement of my body, my thighs brushing against each other as we walked and his hand, lower slightly so that it was resting on the top of the beginning of the swell of my ass. I wanted him to grab me, to maul me, to take me.

We walked silently and when we reached the house Jake took my hand and led me into the bathroom. I leaned back against the sink as he took a washcloth, warmed it in the sink, leaning around me to reach the water. I kept my hands behind me on the sink and didn't let myself reach out to touch him. The feeling of him so close, I was quivering with the desire to touch and be touched but something was holding me back. I was nervous and excited but I knew that what I felt for him was the beginning of something real, something that couldn't be stopped and that was terrifying.

He looked into my eyes and he slowly wiped the blood off of my face. He gently stroked my lip and my chin, the feeling of the washcloth against my injury was slightly painful, but it pulled against me, bringing my lip out into a pout, making Jacob catch his breath as he stared at my lip. He reached around me again, rinsing the blood out of the washcloth not letting his body come close enough to touch me. He brought it to me again, washing my face, then my neck and along my collar bone. Then he lowered his eyes from mine and brought his mouth down onto my neck.

I shivered with the contact, the warmth of the washcloth evaporating on my skin only to be replaced by the warmth of his mouth against me. He opened his mouth and licked and suckled along my neck, bringing him up to my ear. I whimpered, shaking from the effort to hold still, but not wanting to do anything to stop this moment. He grabbed my ass and lifted me onto the bathroom counter; his hands found their way to my hips and his body leaned into mine. I drew a shaky breath in, bringing my hands up to lie on his chest.

"Jake…" I whispered as he brought his lips roughly to mine. "Ow…" I gasped pulling away bringing my hand to my lip. His eyes darkened and he grabbed my hand, pulling it down and kissing me again. "Oh God…" I moaned into his mouth as the pain of my lip melted into the fire he was stoking inside of me. His hands pushed up my tank top, one on my back the other coming up to cup my breast over my bathing suit. He growled into my mouth clutching me tighter to him.

My breast felt so good in his hand, he couldn't touch enough of me or grab me hard enough, I pushed myself against him and brought my hands up to his shoulders. I grabbed his hair at the base of his head and pulled it so that his head tilted back. I attached my mouth to the base of him neck, using my tongue to trace his throat and then along his collar bone. I bit down on his shoulder when I got there hard and liked the feeling of his skin against my teeth. I chewed and sucked on him roughly and his hand worked its way under my bathing suit.

"Oh Fuck Bells…" he moaned as he had my breast in his hand. His hands were large enough to hold all of me and he squeezed and pulled at me, drawing his thumb across my nipple roughly. I could feel the calluses on his hands and it only made the fire in my core burn hotter. He pulled his hand out from my top and pushed it down in between us, when his thumb found my clit through the fabric of my skirt and bathing suit pants I yelped and bucked my hips at him. No one had ever touched me like that before. When Edward put his hands there I was always surprised at my lack of response; his fingers always felt dry and hard on me.

As Jake pushed hard against my clit I could feel a rush of moisture warming me, breaking through all of my reserves. I slammed myself against him and arched my back. I lost all sense of where I was or what I was doing as I ground against his hand. Jacob pulled his hand from between us and grabbed me under my arms. He lifted me up, god he was so strong; I loved how he could just move me. He put me on my feet on the floor in front of him, grunted and took my mouth into his. I clawed at him as he kissed me, trying to climb up him and wrap my legs around him again. I rubbed every part of me against any part of him I could reach. I was going crazy with the heat that was building inside of me. He wrapped his arms around me and pushed my tank top and bathingsuit top up over my breasts. He leaned down and took one hungrily into his mouth biting the nipple, while the other hand wrapped around me grabbing my ass.

I leaned back on the counter, moaning so loudly I was sure that anyone walking past the house could hear me. "Jake, don't, god, don't…stahhh" My legs began to give underneath me as I struggled to get closer to him and away from him at the same time. My body was revolting over all of the sensory input but I never wanted it to stop. He had me firmly in his grip though and I felt so safe releasing all control to him.

He sucked my breast into his mouth and lapped at me at his tongue, he moved to the other side and kissed and sucked his way around all of me before finally bringing me into his mouth with a strong pull. "Oh, ahhhh, I…can't…" I was screaming, I didn't know what I was saying, somehow making noise came naturally though as I pushed core against his thigh.

As I rubbed against him and scratched at his arms and back he grabbed my hips and turned me away from him. He put one hand on my hip and the other on the back of my neck and pushed me down against the counter. I put one hand on either side of the sink as I pushed against him with my ass. I could feel him long and hard rubbing me. The hand that was on my hip moved it's way into the front of my bathing suit to my skin and started rubbing my clit hard and fast. I was screaming now. I'd never had an orgasm before, but I could feel something building inside of me, something uncontrollable and wild. I pushed up with my arms against his hand and threw my head back screaming his name.

He pulled his hand out of my shorts and pulled my dress and bathing suit bottoms down hard. I stood there, shaking, my top up under my arms, my breast hanging down in front of me my breath ragged. I hadn't cum, but I couldn't wait for whatever he was doing behind me…

I felt his hand on my hip again first then his other hand grabbed my breast from underneath me. He pushed himself against my ass again, but this time there was nothing separating us. I felt the smooth length of him along my exposed crack, he slid against me and his hold on me got tighter. His breathing was ragged and I could tell he was trying not to hurt me. But I wanted him to, I wanted to feel every part of him every where. I took one hand off of the counter and reached between my legs to where I could feel his soft balls. I took them into my hands and squeezed gently, they were so hot, so soft and smooth. The noise he made then was unlike anything I'd ever heard. The hand on my breast moved to my neck again and he slammed me down against the counter. My face pushed against the cold granite and I shook with anticipation of what he was going to do next.

The hand on my hip lifted me up slightly and then his body moved away from me. He took his fingers and coaxed the lips of my core open, feeling the wetness there, feeling how ready and open I was. He moaned and whispered "Bells, I don't think I can stop"

"Don't Jake, god, please don't" I moaned wanting only for him to take me, be in me. He guided his cock into me and we both gasped. "Fuck! Jake!" I screamed as he bellowed out and surged against me. I was tight and had never had sex before but I was so wet and ready for him the pain that he caused subsided quickly. He pushed into me roughly, keeping one hand on my hip and the other on the back of my neck. I lifted my ass to meet him with every thrust and cried out every time he pulled out. My face throbbed with the impact of the counter and my legs were shaking with the effort of holding me up. He moved his hand to my shoulder and he pulled me closer to him, getting deeper inside of me. I put one hand on the mirror above me to help hold me steady. I could feel him slamming against my inner wall; I could feel every ridge and vein of him as he stroked me bringing me higher and higher with every thrust.

"Bells Oh God! I'm gonna, Oh God!" he screamed as I started shaking uncontrollably under him. My legs were frantically trying to find a foot hold and I was bucking underneath him and the orgasm rocked me and threw me over the edge into chaos.

"Bells…Bells?" he said as he pulled out of me; all I could do was contentedly sigh. My muscles were past the point of exhaustion, it was late and I was spent on every level. My emotions were raw and my heart was so full, I just started crying. I lay there on the counter feeling it's coolness underneath me and cried. "Bella? Honey?"

I lifted my head and turned to look at his with a smile full of love. I was the happiest I'd ever been which is why his reaction was like a blow to the face. "Bella, Oh my god! Look at you." I turned to look in the mirror at my tear stricken face; my lip had split back open and was bleeding, I had a mark which was certainly going to turn into a bruise on my cheek bone and my bathing suit top was still scrunched up around me. I smiled at my reflection, amused that only I could manage to look like a refugee after the best night of my life. I turned to look at Jake, still smiling but the look on his face shocked me out of my contentedness. He looked at me with black eyes, full of terror.

"Oh God Bella, what, what did I do. I, you said don't, I couldn't hear you, but I remember you saying it; Oh my god." He backed away from me, his face pulling in on itself. He pulled up his shorts and backed out of the bathroom.

"Jake, Jake, no!" I said trying to follow him but I was too tangled up in my skirt and bathing suit bottoms still to get very far.

"It's Ok Bella, it is. I…I won't hurt you again, I, oh my God." I saw the tears start down his face as he disappeared into the hall. I looked down at myself then and saw what he must have seen. There was blood between my legs from where he had opened me and the counter had left an awful indentation against my stomach. The skirt I had been wearing had blood all over it, crumpled around my ankles. I touched my face and winced a little, but knew that it would be better quickly.

When he came back to the bathroom I had taken my bathing suit and clothes off and was washing my face again. My handprint was still on the mirror from just a few moments earlier. I turned to him and saw him wince as soon as he saw me. "Here" he said, throwing a towel at me. "I'll, I'll wait out here if you wanna take a shower." He lowered his head and started to turn away.

"Jake…" I started but he just looked up at me again with tears in his eyes and slammed the door between us.

I decided that a shower would be nice. I was tired and despite being thrilled with what had happened my muscles were sore and my body was pretty battered. I thought that might give Jake some time to calm down too. I don't understand how he could think he's hurt me. I was there with him for every thrust, every stroke. I was grabbing him just as hard as he had grabbed me, didn't he know that my passion for him was as strong as anything he had felt for me. If he was lost in the moment I had be completely delusional in it.

The hot water felt good. I was tired and it had to be late. I stayed in the shower a long time. I soaped up my body, making sure to get all of the blood off of my legs, feeling the heat of the water loosening the muscles of my back. Eventually I got out and grabbed the towel Jacob had brought me. I toweled my hair as dry as I could and wrapped the towel around my tying it into a robe. I picked up the shower mat that had been under us which now had blood on it and gathered my skirt into it. My bathing suit and tank top were still fine so I hung them over the shower rod to dry out.

"Jake?" I called as I came out of the bathroom with my bundle.

"Out here, I uh put your bag in my room if you wanna get dressed" he called, but I decided to walk out into the living room in my towel. I didn't want him to think he'd hurt me. I wanted him to know I was comfortable still with him.

When I walked out he jumped up from his seat on the couch and stepped back about 3 feet from me. You'd think I was made of Kryptonite the way he was backing away from me. I took a few small steps toward him, as if he was a frightened puppy I didn't want to startle. "Jake..." I said and he looked down at the floor, he looked so small and young right then, almost like he could break at any minute. "Jacob" I said softly and he raised his eyes to mine; but before I had a chance to say anything though he saw the bundle in my arms.

"Oh Fuck Bella, you didn't have to _clean up!_" he said flinching as if I'd hit him. He came over to me quickly and ripped the bundle out of my hands. "I'll, shit; I'll throw this stuff out in the dumpster outside. You, you gotta go get dressed OK?" He ventured a look up to me and I smiled at him, reaching out one hand. He pulled away from me as if I was on fire, looked at me with so much self-hatred it made me recoil from him. He whipped around and stormed out of the house. I watched him go out to the garage and around to the dumpster where he threw out all of his trash from working on cars. I sighed, and walked back into his room to get dressed.

I pulled on a clean pair of underwear and my jeans. My thighs were sore and my legs felt like jelly. My bliss over what Jacob and I had shared was fading. I sat down on the edge of the bed and rested my hands in my head. I was so tired; my heart was broken to think that Jake didn't feel what I did. That he could possibly regret what had happened between us. He hadn't hurt me! Didn't he hear my screaming his name? Didn't he feel me cum under his strength?

I grabbed my tank top and threw it over my head not bothering to put on a bra when I felt the tears start to bubble up again. I wanted him here with me. I wanted his arms around me and his smell and his taste. I couldn't breathe for wanting him. I lay down on his bed and wrapped his blankets around me, feeling their warmth and pretending it was him. I hugged his pillow to my chest trying to stop my heart from breaking. I cried myself to sleep that night; the night I lost my virginity to the man I loved, the only person who had always been good to me and I was alone, crying myself to sleep.

I never heard Jacob come back that night. I never heard him sneak into his room and sit on the floor, crying as he looked at my tear stricken face asleep in his bed. I never heard him whisper he was sorry into my hair as he leaned over to kiss my forehead for what he meant to be the last time. I didn't wake when he pulled a pen and a piece of paper out his desk drawer and wrote me the note I found in the morning lying on my bag. I never heard his voice break into a sob as he left saying "I love you Bella…"

When I woke I was cold and my body was sore. The muscles in my arms were sore and when I rolled over and placed the bruised side of my face on the pillow I jumped from the sudden pain. Looking around it took me a minute to figure out where I was. I was in Jakes room, with clothes on the floor and plates of food stacked on his desk. I smiled a little at the boyness of it but the smile brought back the pain in my lip. When I got up to go to the bathroom I found it was a difficult to walk. I was sore in places I'd only just discovered and my body protested movement but I had to go to the bathroom.

When I was done grabbed my things from the shower and wandered around the little house looking for Jacob but he was nowhere to be found. I sighed and went back to his room to grab my bag to go home.

_Bella, I spent the night at Embry's, I didn't want to wake you._

_Stay here as long as you want, I won't come back until dinner time._

_Jake_

No I love you, no see you on Monday. I crushed the note in my hand and stuffed it into my bag. Driving home I noticed the light blinking on my phone that I had new text messages. They were all from Edward, Alice had told him that I was hurt and he was frantic that he hadn't heard from me.

As soon as I got home I texted him back

_E - I'm fine just a busted lip - typical Bella. Don't worry – BS_

I sighed dreading the talk I was going to have to have with him, I wanted to just get it over with, but texting didn't seem like the right way to do that. My phone buzzed almost as soon as I'd hit send.

_Do you need anything? I can come over. – Love EC_

_No – I'm good, thanks – BS_

I felt bad not telling him right away about Jake and me, but I also didn't really know what to say. I needed to talk to Jake; I needed to fix whatever had happened last night. I spent the day trying to move as little as possible and taking Advil with copious amounts of caffeine. I had enough unfinished homework to occupy me and then I started reading the next English assignment. I'd already read all of Things Fall Apart, but I still liked to read the chapters as assigned so it was fresh for class.

Charlie left me alone for most of the day. He could probably tell that something was off but he accepted my explanation that I'd fallen in the parking lot easily enough. It was true and it was a pretty common occurrence. I fell asleep that night anxious and nauseous for school the next day. I needed to talk to Jake and I knew that at some point I would need to talk to Edward. I didn't sleep well that night, memories of the night before exciting me and then breaking my heart as I remembered the look of pain in Jacob's eyes.

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**Oh my god this one was so much fun and so painful to write! I hope you liked it. What do you think should happen at school on Monday?!? Clickety Click - It totally makes my day when I get that "you have a review" email!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Someday I'm going to have to start working again. These snow days are giving me WAY to much time to obsess of the deliciousness of Jake.** **Thanks to everyone who had added me to their alerts and favorites, it's so awesome! I'm glad you're having as much fun as I am!**

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Monday morning I woke to Charlie kissing me on the head, "Wake up Bells, it's time to get going…" I groaned and rolled over, having only really fallen asleep about an hour ago. I could hear Charlie getting his lunch and guns together downstairs as I got up to get in the shower. When I looked in the bathroom mirror even I was surprised by how bad I looked. I actually did look like someone had beaten me. God, looking like this was going to make it so much harder to convince Jacob he'd done nothing wrong. My lip was swollen and my left cheekbone had a nice big purple bruise on it. I hadn't slept for crying so my eyes were puffy and red.

I got in the shower and washed my hair and used the fancy facial scrub Alice insisted I buy to try and get the swelling to go down. All I managed to do though was irritate the cut and get pomegranate exfoliating scrub in my eye, which of course, only made my eye redder. Ugggh, the day was off to a fucking great start.

I blew my hair dry, hoping to minimize the awfulness of my face by wearing my hair down. At least no one would second guess that I'd done all of this damage to myself. It certainly wouldn't be the first time I'd shown up to school with a black eye or cast thanks to some self inflicted injury. I threw on a clean pair of jeans and a tight short sleeve black v-neck t-shirt. I might as well try to make the rest of me look good if my face was messed up. I put on my thick leather belt and the punk rock bracelet Renee had bought me and thought the overall effect was pretty good.

I grabbed my books and some toast and sat outside to eat. I was hoping to see Jake's bike go by. Maybe if he saw me he's stop. Maybe I could get him to listen to me. Maybe I would get to kiss him. I thought about Jacob's lips, his tongue and the way he made me feel. My skin felt taunt and my clit ached to be touched. Even with everything that was wrong right now, what he had done to my body was nothing but right.

I didn't get my wish though. Instead of Jacob, Edward drove up to find me sitting on my porch. "Hey you!" he called as he got out of the car and came towards me "eating breakfast outside or did you know I'd come pick you up today" he smiled at me his beautiful crooked smile.

I smiled back weakly, knowing that things would be easier if I just ripped the band-aid off. But as I smiled my lip tore open again and started to bleed a little.

"Bella, look at you!" Edward laughed "Did you get hit by a truck or something?" he pulled me up to look at me and when he saw the look in my eye he stepped back a little "sorry babe, I just, wow, you're really fucked up. You did all this falling in the parking lot?"

"Yeah" I mumbled "Look Edward, I'm ok to drive myself."

"No way Bella, I don't want you out of my sight today, you clearly can't be trusted to take care of yourself" he laughed again picking up my backpack from the ground. I let him lead me over to the passenger side of his Volvo, feeling too desolate to fight him on it. "I don't know what I'd do if you ever really got hurt…" he whispered and kissed me lightly on the side of the mouth that wasn't hurt. "Come on; let's get to school before people start wondering where we are"

I climbed in and rolled down my window. Edward had some whiney singer-songwriter music in his CD player, so I looked out the window as we drove; hoping to see Jake's bike come around the bend behind us.

When we got to school Edward kept true to his word. He didn't leave my side for a second. He walked me to Bio and was there as soon as the bell rang. I don't know how he got from his class to mine so fast, but he was there. I hadn't seen Jacob's bike in the parking lot this morning and I was starting to worry that he wasn't going to be there today. Not seeing him was killing me. I felt like I was going to throw up every time I turned a corner in anticipation of seeing him there.

Our friends were having a great time torturing me about my injuries except for Alice, who strangely hadn't said anything. She seemed to be keeping a distance from me, which normally would have been the most important thing on my mind. The only thing I regretted about my upcoming break-up with Edward was the possibility that I might lose Alice too.

Walking to English class I felt the butterflies in my stomach going crazy like they'd just had a shot of red bull. Jacob would be in this class. He didn't sit near me but if I could just catch his eye or grab him after class. I sat with Edward at our usual seat and kept watching the door, hoping to see Jake come in. The bell rang and he still wasn't there. Ms. Watson began her lesson and just as she was getting to the vocabulary words she hoped we had all picked up on in the most recent chapter the door opened.

Jacob stood there in a baseball hat, his jeans and a black t-shirt that said "DayMan – Master of Karate and Friendship" His hands were stuffed deep into his pockets but you could see scratches along his arms and one big gash in the side of his neck. My jaw dropped, he looked like he'd been attacked by a rose bush. Oh, shit…did I do that to him? I blushed thinking of raking my nails against him trying to pull him to me. He was so beautiful standing there apologizing for being late. His eyes briefly flickered to me as I was blushing and trying to hide in my seat. I started to smile at him a minute too late because his eyes turned hard and black and he looked away, stalking to the back of the classroom with his shoulders hunched in on himself where a table had been brought in for him.

I didn't hear much of what happened in English, I was too busy thinking about Jacob. Now and then Edward would reach over and put his hand on my leg or doodle something on my notebook but I just ignored him. I could tell he was getting irritated with me by the tapping of his leg. I just wanted everyone to disappear so I could grab Jacob and make him see what he meant to me. When class ended Jacob booked it out of the room. He didn't stick around to walk to our next class together which I knew was a bad sign. "What's up his ass?" I heard Jessica say as I walked out of the classroom.

Edward, however, was delighted by my new found Jacob-free-ness. I know he resented always having Jacob around during school and since Jake and I had so many classes together it was hard to not end up just walking with him. Edward wrapped his arm loosely around my shoulder and we started off toward Building 3. The nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn't go away and I was actually glad Edward was walking me, if he wasn't I may have never found my way to Social Studies or walked into a wall or something. My mind was wherever Jacob was, certainly not focusing on the ground before me.

When I got to class Jacob was already there talking to the teacher. "I'm sorry Mr. Black but everyone already has a partner and so do you, we're not switching seats this late in the year."

My stomach fell on the floor. He was requesting to move his seat? Why? He didn't want to sit with me now?

"Fine, I guess I'll just have to endure it." He said turning around and walking almost directly into me. Before I had a chance to say anything Mr. Bogman continued…"Oh and Mr. Black? Please remember not to wear your hat inside the building."

Jacob stiffened, standing in front of me looking at the floor. "Fine" he grunted and took off his hat. I gasped at what I saw before me.

"Jake!?!" I said and rushed up to him. He had cut off all of his hair. What was left was only maybe an inch or two long and sticking up in all directions. "What have you done?" I said, putting my hand on his arm. He wrenched out of my grasp, practically hissing at me as he went and sat down.

"Love the new look" said Lauren from her seat behind us "It's much sexier…"

"Jake" I whispered turning to him. "Why would you cut off your hair?"

He looked at me then, pain in his eyes and something else too, resolve maybe. It was the first time he'd looked at me since Saturday night and I could feel myself drawn to him. I leaned forward unconsciously until I was shocked into reality by one word. "Penance" he said looking straight at me.

I covered my mouth, tears coming to my eyes. As Jacob looked at me the tears started to spill over and he looked away, head bent. I stared at the side of his face and saw a small bruise next to his eye and the scratch that trailed down the side of his neck. I reached out to touch him when Mr. Bogman called out for everyone to open their books. I wiped my tears away and turned to the right page and heard Lauren mutter behind me "What the hell…"

Jacob did not speak to me during 3rd or 4th period. After every class he ran out too fast for me to try to talk to him and he somehow managed to be late to 4th period even though it was in the same building as 3rd. Edward, however, kept his promise and did not leave me alone for one god-damn second. He was being sweet and attentive and kept pointing out things for me to avoid tripping over, which was becoming quite annoying. Finally on the way to lunch I feigned having to go to the bathroom just to have a second to myself. I locked myself into a stall and let the tears I had been fighting with all day fall.

I cried for what Jacob had done to himself, for the hurt he was feeling. I cried because he wouldn't let me fix it, I couldn't get to him; I couldn't reach him and get him to understand that he'd done _nothing _wrong. While I was in there I heard two girls talking about how delicious Jake looked with his new hair.

"And that bruise and those scratches, was he in like a brawl or something?"

"I wouldn't mind him pulling on my hair, that's for sure."

I sat silently and waited for them to leave. I don't know how long I was in there but I heard the bell for 5th period and I didn't come out. I heard the bell for 6th period and I didn't come out. Jacob would notice I wasn't in Physics, but I just couldn't… couldn't stand to see anyone. The hole in my chest was widening with every breath and I didn't know how to plug it up enough to keep from falling into it.

"Bella, Bella hon, are you in here?" I head Alice call "Bella? Edward sent me to find you; he said you came in here before lunch…what's going on, Bella?"

I sobbed, my chest heaved and the silent tears I had been crying broke through to full size wails. "Alice, I don't, I've done something, and I don't know how to fix it!" I sobbed.

"It's Ok Bella, whatever it is, it's OK, we'll fix it OK, come on, open the door." Alice stood outside the stall door and I stood inside with my head against it. I knew that if I opened the door I'd never be able to tell her what happened, that if I saw her, my shyness, and my need to protect Jacob from anyone thinking he had done what he thought he did would stop me. But I needed to tell someone. I didn't know what to do on my own anymore.

"Jake cut his hair…"

"You're crying because Jacob cut his hair?" Alice asked, completely confused.

"He cut his hair because of me Alice, because he, he thinks he hurt me…"

"Bella, what are you talking about?" she paused and took a deep breath… "Are you telling me that your face isn't bruised because of your fall Saturday?" I could hear the indignation growing in her voice. Alice was small but she wasn't someone to be trifled with, she could easily out smart and out maneuver someone twice her size. I've seen Edward rough house with her and he has never once managed to get her to cry Uncle and more often then not, she manages to make him actually cry.

"No Alice, not…" I opened the stall door to look at her "Alice he didn't hurt me OK? He kissed me and we had sex. I mean, it was more than that, he made love to me and yeah, the bruise is from him and the scratches he has are from me, but I was right there, I wanted it, he didn't do _anything_ wrong." I was whispering by the end, trying to get it all out.

Alice stood there, jaw on the floor, eyes wide and silent. "Well, shit!" she said and started pacing around the small bathroom. The bell for 7th period rang but neither Alice nor I made any motions to indicate we were actually going to class.

I sat down on the floor next to the row of sinks and put my head in my hands. "I just don't know what to do, I mean, I need to end things with Edward and I need Jacob to stop blaming himself, but he won't even look at me and he cut off his hair as some kind of fucking punishment for having sex with me!"

"Bella, we just have to think this through." Alice was still pacing, trying to work through the situation herself. "Well, first you have to talk to Jacob, I mean; he's obviously a bit prone to over-reaction so you need to get through to him…. After 7th, what does he have now?"

"Spanish"

"OK, you have to meet him after class and get him to talk to you."

"Yeah, that's going to be easy Alice, he won't even look at me!"

"Well, you just have to make him, come on, I'll walk you over and try not to trip; we don't have time for a concussion today." She said, pulling me up from the floor.

Once we were in the hall outside of the Spanish room I really started to get nervous. "Alice, this, this isn't a good idea, He probably doesn't want any more drama today. I mean I can talk to him in the morning or call him tonight or something." I was pacing and mumbling, picking at my fingernails as I talked.

"God I think you're having hysterics. Do I need to slap you?" she said as the bell rang.

"I'll be over here OK? Don't let him get away this time."

I stood in the hall as kids filed out of their last class, complaining about homework and making their way to their lockers and to meet up with their rides home. I saw Jacob come through the door of his class last. He bent down a little to get through the door, even though he probably didn't need to. It was cute to think he was used to smashing his head into things. I let the smile spread over my face and called out "Jake!"

He turned at the sound of his name but when he saw me his eyes narrowed into slits.

"What do you want Bella?"

"I need to talk to you Jake; I need to…tell you something.

"Look I hate to shatter the dream world you live in — the one where the sun is orbiting the place where you stand — so I won't tell you how little I care what your problem is. _Go. Away."_ He turned to walk away from me and I felt like part of me was being ripped out of my chest along with him.

"Jacob Black you obnoxious, moronic _dog_. I am talking to you!"

"You know what Bella, I'm trying here; I'm trying to do the right thing." He walked over close to me and said softly almost in a growl "It's all I can do not to reach out and touch you; I'm shaking with the effort of staying away from you, why can't you just leave me _alone!"_

"Because you are an idiot! You didn't do _anything_ I didn't _like."_ I whispered back.

"Well then, I guess Paul was right" he scowled at me "you do like it rough."

Without a thought I reached out and punched him in the face as hard as I could. His head moved back from the impact but I could tell he barely felt it. Meanwhile I was jumping around holding my hand. I might have actually broken it. Jacob stood there and smiled at me cruelly and then walked away.

I never thought I'd see him look at me that way. I never thought he would be so callus as to say such an awful thing to me. The tears came to my eyes from the pain in my heart and the pain in my hand.

Alice rushed over and took my swelling hand in hers. "How do you do these things Bella? I mean really, I've never known anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy!"

We walked down to the nurse's office and when she asked what I had done to my hand I just told her "I punched a giant Native-American". She rolled her eyes at me, got me and ice pack and sent us on our way.

Outside everyone was still enjoying the nice weather by sitting around the parking lot. We got out just in time to see Jacob's bike roar out of the parking lot with a lot more noise than usual.

As we walked up to the group of friends I loved I couldn't help but feel alone. Alice was there and Edward had come up and put his arm around me, chuckling that only I could break my hand in the bathroom. No one seemed to notice my puffy eyes from crying and the conversation was quickly turning to plans to see some new movie that was coming out this weekend. And I stood there, ice cold in Edward's arms, alone, alone without my sun, my Jacob. Who was that hard-faced prick who had said such…such an awful thing to me? I longed to see his smile, feel his warmth.

I was jolted out of my thoughts as Tyler said, "So Bella, are you coming?"

"Oh, ahh yeah, Friday, Port Angelus, sounds great." I smiled trying to muster up any enthusiasm for going out with my friends, but all I wanted had driven off to La Push, alone.

The week continued exactly how it had began although I avoided any more disappearing acts in the bathroom. I felt like I was walking around in a fog. Jacob was right next to me almost the entire day but he never spoke to me or looked at me again after I hit him. It was hard to believe it had only been a week and a half since he had come into my life and changed everything forever.

Edward was at my side every moment and I couldn't muster the energy to break up with him. Jacob still sat with us at lunch but now he sat at the other end of the table from me, with Lauren who was intoxicated by his attention. Everything he said must have been trimmed in gold because he held her in rapt attention. I wasn't really talking much and had pretty much stopped eating, but no one really noticed. Edward kind of led me through my day and the more detached I got the most animated and sweet he became. It was like he was at his best when I was just a reflection of him instead of a real person to be contended with.

Only Alice knew what was going on and she quickly left me to my misery after figuring out that any attempt to talk to me about Jacob only ended in me crying.

Mike was the only one who seemed astute enough to figure out what was going on. He would hint at it during gym class but never came out and said anything. He'd look at me oddly sometimes when Edward said something to tease me and when I winced hearing Jacobs laugh I would usually look up to find Mike looking at me.

Friday quickly came around and Edward was ecstatic with the knowledge that his parents were going out of town. Alice was already planning on spending the night at Angela's house which meant he had the whole place to himself. He was trying to convince me to tell Charlie that after the movie on Friday night I was spending the night with Alice. Charlie loved Alice and would never second guess anything I was doing that involved her. Her or Jacob, he had been asking about Jacob since the weekend, clearly happy to see me hanging out with a boy who wasn't Edward Cullen.

Angela had mustered up the nerve to call Quil and invite him along on Friday night and Embry was planning on coming too, so it seemed like everyone was going to be there; which should have been exciting, but instead I was dreading it. Another night pretending to care about anything but the one thing I wanted; the one thing that mattered.

Edward picked me up before the movie and we rode out to Port Angelus to meet everyone. We didn't talk much on the way there, but he was smiling and humming some song he was composing. He said he was writing me a lullaby. "I told Charlie I was spending the night at Angela's. She and Alice said they'd cover for me if he called."

"That's great Bella" he smiled over at me, lust in his eyes "I can't wait."

I knew that he expected me to sleep with him tonight and at that point I didn't even care. Why not? There was nothing that could make me feel alive like Jacob had and maybe it would feel nice to just be touched and wanted. I felt so dead inside, I didn't care what happened; I just wanted to wake up.

Getting to the movie there were a lot of us all trying to sit together. We were there to see some terrible tween-vampire-fraughtness-thing that Jessica was totally obsessed with. Mike gathered our money and went to get tickets while the rest of us held our place in line when I felt someone walk up behind me. Quil put his hand on my shoulder and when I turned to look at him he had the softest look on his face. He pulled me up into a hug that I didn't expect at all whispering "I'm sorry Bella" into my ear.

I nodded into him, tears threatening to spill over. I wrapped my arms around him and wanted to hold on. I wanted to tell him everything; that Jake was wrong, that he didn't understand. That Quil wasn't sorry for what he thought he was sympathizing with me for. But before I could get any words out Edwards coughed and Jacob barked at Quil to join him over with Embry. Quil stepped away and smiled at me again.

"What was that about?" Edward asked "You have some weird effect of those Quileute guys."

"Quils a good guy, we bonded at the beach" I said shrugging, "plus, he's good for Angela I think". I could hear Angela giggling behind me at something Quil had said.

When I turned to look at them Jacob was staring at the ground, his eyes sad. He was gorgeous even with the short hair. Somehow it made him look older and even a little dangerous. I felt that tingle come back as I looked at him and I smiled. When Embry caught his eye and looked over at me looking at Jake he quickly pulled Jacob away. It looked like Quil and Embry were there to see their new friends as much as they were there to play interference between Jacob and me. How was I ever going to get through to him if I couldn't even get close enough to try?

Things got confusing as we filed into the theatre and I ended up sitting between Edward and Jacob. Yes, this was pretty much the worst possible thing I could have imagined happening. Edward was all for holding my hand and rubbing my leg and Jacob was trying to practically climb into Mike's lap on the other side of him he was straining so hard to get away from me.

As the lights dimmed and the movie started I could tell this was going to be such a fucking tomato. I was laughing at the overly dramatic scenery before we even got to the good parts. When the girl finally figured out that her weird ass boyfriend was a vampire Jacob was practically howling at the screen "Say it! Say it!" he kept chanting. I was laughing so hard I couldn't feel my face any longer and didn't hear Jessica screeching at us to shut up. Even Edward seemed annoyed at our antics. Jake looked at me and smiled, he nodded his head toward the exit and I laughed and nodded.

"Oh shit, Oh shit! That was awful!" I was laughing as I tumbled out of the theatre and onto one of the benches.

"Seriously, I think I might have wet myself laughing though" Jacob said looking down at his crotch, which caused me to break out into another fit of laughter so hard I fell off of the bench.

"Shit Bells, can't you even sit safely?" he laughed, kneeling down in front of me.

I reached out a hand to put on his face "I'm so glad you're here" I said before I could stop myself.

His face hardened and he stood up and took a step back, "God, look, I ah, I'm gonna just wait for everyone outside". I felt myself shatter a little at the idea that he was walking away from me again.

"Do I have to hit you again? Next time I'm going to use a crowbar or a baseball bat so I can reach you!" I was yelling at him now in the middle of the theatre.

"Shut up Bells, there are people in there" he gestured to the theatre and grabbed my arm, pulling me towards the exit.

"Jacob, this week has been hell for me."

"Me too Bells, but…" he ran his hand through his shorn hair "it's better if I just stay away from you. I don't wanna…do anything to hurt you."

"Jake, shut up" I whined and stomped my foot

"Did you seriously just stomp your foot? I thought girls only did that in the movies!" he laughed.

"What can I do to get through to you…?" I whined again "I want you, I miss you"

"But Bella, what happened…" he looked at me with so much pain.

"What you think happened isn't what happened."

"You were crying…and you were hurt and…" his voice broke and he looked at me with tears in his eyes.

I reached up to him and wrapped my hands behind his neck pulling him down to me. I kissed him on the lips and when he tried to pull away I grabbed him tighter and growled. I kissed him on the lips and then I kissed the corner of his mouth. He wasn't responding but he wasn't pulling away any longer. I kissed his lower lip and pulled it into my mouth and he let out a ragged breath. "Bells…" he moaned, pulled away. He walked over and sat down on the bench and cradled his head in his hands between his legs. We sat next to each other in awkward silence until the rest of the group came out of the theatre.

Mike came out first with Ben groaning that he can't believe he just wasted two and a half hours of his life in there. "So how were the vampires?" I asked.

"Oh my fucking god, you wouldn't believe it… It was so awful. Jessica!" he called out "this was worse then when you made us go see The Proposal last year."

Jessica and Alice were falling all over themselves drooling over the hotness of the main character and I walked over to them to laugh at their girliness when I felt a cool hand on my back. "You ready to go?" he whispered against my ear, making me shiver. I looked up at him shocked, Edward…I had _completely _forgotten about Edward…

He started maneuvering me toward the exit, calling out goodbyes to everyone. They were so caught up in their own conversations that they didn't notice that I wasn't really going with him as much as I was being pushed/pulled toward his car. "Edward, I don't know, I think everyone's going to get something to eat"

"All I want to eat is you" he cooed

"Look, I don't know, I'm not, I'm not really sure this is, I think I just wanna go home alright?"

"What?" He said looking at me in the eyes with so much force I backed away from him a little. "I have been looking forward to this forever." He said through clenched jaws. "You promised."

"I, what? No I didn't. I'm just not sure anymore OK?"

"No, it's not OK. I have the whole house to myself. I got rid of my meddling sister for the night and you told me _tonight._ You said it, not me, _you_."

He had me to the car now and was opening the door with one hand on my elbow.

"Edward, stop it, let go" I said "Edward come on, you're hurting me." And then I heard Jacob's bike…

"Get on Bells." He said looking me in the eye for the first time in a week.

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**So, what do you think? Should she go with Edward or Jacob? We'll make it a game. Whoever gets the most votes by...tomorrow evening will get the story written about them. Come, on, click on the green button there and tell me what kind of lemon you want in the next chapter. No votes means no lemons!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok first of all I love you ALL!**

**Second I don't want to make light of rape, this is a story about a miss-communication, not a rape. I don't write that kind of story, lived it, done it, not interested. Even if Bella had gone with Edward there would be nothing like that.**

**Third the votes are in and Jacob won unanimously, this got a little long because there were things that needed to happen, but I promised you a lemon so I couldn't stop until it was all hanging out so to speak. So read, enjoy, and REVIEW!**

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"Get on Bells." He said looking me in the eye for the first time in a week.

I stared at him. Jacob, of course he was here, he was always here, always at the ready, always my hero. He needed a red cape and some blue tights. I took a step towards the bike and Edward tightened his grasp making me wince and step back.

"Fuck off Black, Bella and I are leaving" Edward seethed

"Bells?" Jacob said never taking his eyes off of me.

I swallowed and nodded at him.

In one fluid controlled motion Jacob put down the kickstand and jumped off the bike. "Bella…" he said holding his hand out to me.

Edward pulled me back and shoved me behind him squaring himself between me and Jacob. "Bella and I have plans, we're leaving now, go back to the reservation."

"Jake…" I whimpered. He took his eyes off of me for the first time and took one powerful stride toward Edward. When his fist met Edward's face there was a cracking sound that filled my ears. Edwards head snapped back almost hitting me, and blood fell from his nose quickly. Jacob took another step toward him, hatred and bile filling his voice "_You_ are not going _anywhere_ with _her_." He spit.

Edward was slumped against his car, tears falling from his eyes as he held his face. "You fucking hit me!" he screamed. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Jacob glared at him with detest, looking at him the way someone would look at a pile of shit covered in maggots. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and turned his attention back to me, clearly finding no reason to waste any more energy on Edward. "Ready?" he said, holding his hand out to me past Edward.

I nodded, taking his hand and allowing him to lead me over to the bike. I got on behind Jacob and as we sped off I heard a shriek from one of the girls as they discovered Edward's bloodied face.

We drove off into the night. We were a good 45 minutes from home and I wasn't paying attention to how long we rode. I held on to Jacob, breathing in his smell and enjoying the warmth of his body protecting me from the cold night air. I rested my head against his back and wrapped my arms around his chest, my hands on his pecs. Every now and then he would pat one of my hands and I would relax, knowing that he could feel my body tensing up, remember the look in Edward's eyes as he tried to usher me into his car.

I lost myself in the feeling of riding with Jacob; our bodyies moving together, dipping and rolling with the turns on the bike. Feeling his strong body between my thighs felt so right, matching his movements with a corresponding movement of my own. I caressed his chest and let one of my hands fall to his thigh. I could feel him tense as my hand rested on the top of his thigh but he didn't move it, so I patted his chest playfully, the same way he had pat my hand earlier. I felt him chuckle and relax. I didn't dare move my hand on his leg; I didn't want to push him too far. Eventually, I started to feel myself stiffen and I sat up straighter, bringing my hand to his hip bone and unwrapped the other from around him to place it on his shoulder. As I stretched my back slightly, I could feel the cool air against my chest where he had been just a moment ago. I scooted back on the seat a little and immediately missed the contact of him against my cunt.

Jacob pulled into the parking lot of a truck stop dinner along the highway and we got off the bike. I watched as he grabbed his hands above his head and stretched, pulling his hands against his shoulders. His shirt lifted and showed that perfect patch of skin above his jeans. I could see the top of his boxer briefs and the v of the strong muscle that led down to…

I took a step to him and put my hand on his chest "Jake…" I breathed bringing myself closer.

He snorted at me, looked down and shuffled uncomfortably, taking a step away. "Come on Bells, I'm starving and it's not your curfew yet…you mind grabbing some greasy food?" He was looking at the ground now one hand on the back of his neck.

"You starving, I'm shocked" I said gently taking his free hand into mind, "come on" I said pulling him inside.

When we walked through the door a little bell jingled announcing our arrival. It was like time transport though. I looked around and there were truckers sitting in booths and spandex clad middle aged women at the counter. There was cigarette smoke everywhere, even though I'm pretty sure you weren't allowed to smoke in restaurants anymore. I kept Jacob's hand in mine, intertwining my fingers with his.

The woman behind the counter looked at us and up at Jake. She smiled a big smile that might have once been seductive but she was missing one of her lower front teeth and had hair that was of the same era as the truck stop. "Sit wherever hon, I'll be right there"

We walked to the booth in the corner sitting down across from each other. Jacob had disentangled his hand from mine and was playing nervously with the napkin wrapped silver where sitting in front of him.

"Jake, come on, chill, you gotta calm down ok? It's just me?"

"I know Bells, I just, god what is it with you and men?" he said looking up at me. "It seems like everyone you meet wants to hurt you!"

"Jacob Black, you have never hurt me." I said forcefully.

"Whatever Bells…" he said looking back down

"Stop it!" I said loudly, causing heads to turn in our direction. I threw the salt shaker at him and pouted.

He laughed and relaxed back into his seat a little. "Come on Jake, just drop it tonight OK? We don't have to keep doing this to each other"

"Yeah, we do." He said looking at me with heartbreak in his eyes. What was it about this big stupid kid sitting in front of me that seemed to want to believe he had hurt me? The waitress walked up and we placed our orders. I got a chocolate milkshake and burger while Jacob got the Pancake platter and a cup of coffee.

"You plan on needing to stay up tonight?" I said raising an eyebrow at him.

"With you around who knows, I might end up having to single handedly take on Bolivia or something just to get you home." He smiled my smile at me, laughter in his eyes.

"Jacob…" I said and he looked at me with concern over my serious tone. "I know what you are." I whispered.

He lowered his head and looked up at me with mock seriousness, furrowing his brow. "Say it Bella" he said softly "Say it!" he whispered harshly with a smile starting to crack.

"Vampire" I whispered, bringing my fingers to my mouth and pretending to bite on them in mock fear. Jake let out a roar that earned us another round of head turning that set us off in a giggle fit again.

"If we were going to see a vampire movie why couldn't we see a good one with some gore in it?" I said, making Jake look at me in astonishment.

"You like horror movies?"

"Well, not really horror but you know, like Blade was good, that was a _much_ better vampire movie."

"Well, Blade 2 or 3 sure but Blade 1 sucked" he said.

"Yeah, I don't know, I liked it."

"Blade 3 was the best – plus Ryan Reynolds is hot." Jake said making me spit out my water. "What? I can't appreciate the hotness of another man?" he said in mock offense.

"Sure sure Jake, whatever you want" I laughed happy to see him relaxing with me. We giggled over movies and Jake's man crush for a while longer until our food came.

I was hungrier then I thought I was and we ate silently for a few minutes. Silence was comfortable with Jacob though. I never felt the need to fill the air or say something just for his benefit. One of the best things about him was that I could just be me and he could just be him, Jake and Bells, Bells and Jake.

When our eating slowed a little I took the opportunity of him having a mouth full of pancakes in his mouth to say what needed to be said between us. "I'm in love with you, Jake." He chocked on his pancake and took a drink of water. When he looked up at me with big eyes I said again, "Jacob, I love you. And I want you to stop thinking you hurt me; I know you think you did something wrong, but you didn't and we didn't do anything I wasn't completely willing to do. I need the truth out there. I wouldn't want a miscommunication to stand in our way."

"But Bella," he said "you were bruised and there was…blood and you scratched me!" His voice hitched as he brought one hand up to the scratch on his neck that was almost completely healed now.

"Jake, I was there for all of it ok? I was pulling you to me and I scratched you as you grabbed me and" I lowered my voice and leaned toward him "you liked it. Why can't you consider the possibility that so did I?"

"Bella" he said ducking his head. "I fucked you in the bathroom…I made you bleed! What could I have done that would hurt you like that that would be OK?"

"Aren't I, isn't that supposed to happen the first time?" I asked quickly, blushing and looking away. Since I had no idea I really wasn't sure, but it made sense to me and it hadn't hurt after the initial pain.

Jake's head snapped up and he looked at me, his eyes wide with surprise "You were a _virgin_!" he said loudly, but this time no one turned to look at us, I think we'd managed to stop shocking the local crowd with our outbursts.

I blushed and nodded looking at the food in front me, my hands, the cracks in the Formica table between us.

"Oh my fucking god" he said leaning back in his seat pushing his hands through his short hair. He stayed sitting like that, his hands on his head staring at me for an impossible amount of time.

"Jake, say something." I said, sneaking a look up at his from under my eyelashes. He was staring at me with such intensity and he was inscrutable. He stayed there silent and slowly brought his hands to the table. I reached out and touched his hand with my right hand, rubbing his fingers softly "Jake? Please…."

"It's just, god Bella, that's not how it's supposed to be the first time."

"Why?" I said surprising myself with how angry he made me. "Why do you get to make the rules? Why does everyone get to decide what I'm supposed to do and when I'm supposed to do it and how I'm supposed to feel but _me_?" I was getting hysterical and I knew it but I couldn't stop. "What is it about me that makes all of you _men_ think you know what I want better then I do?" I stood up and walked out of the diner in a huff. I knew he had to pay before he came out to me so I took advantage of the time to try and calm down.

I paced on the sidewalk in front of the parking lot in the cool air taking deep breaths. When I'd calmed down a little I sat on the steps leading up to the diner's entrance. I was starting to get cold, but I knew Jacob would be out any minute now. I watched the headlights go by on the highway and looked up at the stars.

The tinkling of bells behind me alerted me to Jacob's exit. He sat down next to me and put his elbows on his knees. We sat there for a minute until he elbowed me and laughed.

"What?"

"Slut." He said laughing.

"Rapist" I said leaning into him. He sighed and dropped his head onto mine. We sat there for a few minutes together; I was warming up just being next to him. I sat up and turned to him. He looked at me earnestly, looking so much younger then his 17 years.

"I really fucked all this up didn't I?" he said softly

"Yep" I said, over pronouncing the "p" and making a popping sound. I smiled up at him and leaned in to kiss him. He sighed shakily but didn't move away. I brought my lips up to his and kissed his lower lip, then pressed harder against both of his lips moving closer to him on the step. I licked his lower lip and put my hand on his heart…"Don't do it again, OK?" I said into his mouth and I sucked on his lower lip bringing it into my mouth.

"Bella…" he said brining his hand up to my face, cupping my cheek and pulling back to look at me. "I should get you home"

"Uggh…right. Look, can we just go to the beach or something?" I asked.

He looked at me and cocked his head in an unspoken question.

"The thing is, I told Charlie I was spending the night with Angela and I really don't want to go home and tell him why I'm not."

He pulled away from me "so you _were_ going to go with Edward." I looked down at the ground below me and nodded. "Why in holy hell would you…?" He stood up and looked at me jealousy flaring in his eyes as his hands curled into fists. "You were going to have _sex_ with _him_?"

"I, I didn't really think about it…" I said

"What do you mean you didn't _think_ about it" he was pacing now, back and forth in front of me, his rage rolling off of him like waves of heat. He was practically shaking now. "So once you fucked me you figured everyone else was fair game? Does it mean _anything_ to you?"

"You have no right…you weren't even _speaking_ to me!" I stood up and looked at him.

"What happened to 'I love you?'" he said mockingly.

"Fuck you Jacob." I stormed of towards the highway, going no where in particular just feeling my legs take me away from him. I walked across to the other end of the parking lot and out onto the access street. I had no idea where I was going, but I just wanted to feel the movement of my legs. How could he be mad at me for something I hadn't even done!

Behind me I heard Jacob kick-start the bike. He was leaving me here? He was fucking leaving me here alone? So much for my super-man huh? I sat down on the curb and started to cry. How did we manage to get into these situations? All I wanted was him, all I thought about was him: his skin, his laughter, his warmth, and yet every time we spoke it was like all we managed to do was push the other further away. I wrapped my arms around me, trying to hold myself together, to stop the hole in my chest from exploding and shattering my heart all over the dark road in front of me.

I heard Jake's bike pull out of the parking lot and then slowly come up the road toward me. The headlight shone directly on me and I stood up to meet him as he approached. "You didn't go with him" he said straddling the bike as he turned the engine off.

"No"

"You didn't want to get in his car, I saw you."

"No, I asked him to take me home"

"But you don't want me to take you home?"

"No"

Jacob put the kickstand down and smoothly got off of the bike. "Why Bella, why didn't you want to go with him?"

I took a step closer "he wasn't you." I whispered, not daring to look at him.

The next thing I knew Jacob was wrapping his arms around me, kissing me hard on the lips. I lifted my arms, running my hands through his short hair, scraping my nails against his scalp. "Jake" I breathed into him mouth, begging him to touch me, taste me. His tongue darted out of him mouth as he groaned and licked me. I pulled one hand to his face, pulling on his jaw to bring him closer to me. I wanted to envelope him, consume him, he was so delicious.

"Bella…" he said, taking a step back and straightening his arms to keep me away. He looked up at me and the sadness that had been there earlier was back. "I don't want to do this wrong again…" he said looking down.

"Jake, there's no wrong, there's just us" I said, tilting my head to the side, trying to get him to look at me. He stood there and shook his head.

"Come on" he said taking my hand and leading me back to the bike. I climbed on behind him, not knowing where we were going and not caring, as long as I was going with him.

Back on the bike with Jake I felt like I was at home. I pulled myself closer to him, comfortable now with the rolling motions of our hips. I wrapped one hand inside his shirt lifting it and rubbing his chest. I felt his chiseled ab muscles and caressed my way up to his pecs. He was so strong, but his skin was so soft, touching it was intoxicating. He was warm even on this cool night and my hands couldn't get enough of him. I pulled closer to him, wanting to feel his back against my clit. I put my other hand back on his thigh, rubbing it, massaging him and I pressed my breasts against him.

We were riding on a straight stretch of highway now so there was very little movement, just a little back and forth as Jake enjoyed the feeling of being on the bike. I moved my hand further up his thigh and felt him clench a little, relaxing as he let out a ragged breath. I placed my hand on the front of his jeans, not rubbing, not pressing hard; just letting the warmth of my hand seep through to him. He lifted his hip slightly, repositioning himself of the bike and I felt him growing hard against my hand.

With the hand I had in his shirt I sought out his nipple. I stroked it with my thumb, rolling the hard nub back and forth and then I pinched it. He jumped slightly and I could feel his whole body tense up. His cock was hard against my hand now and I wrapped my hand around it, pulling on it firmly. He moaned, reached down, and moved my hand back to his waist. I leaned my head against his back and pouted. I knew he was only being safe and with me on the bike the chance of an accident was increased exponentially. He took a few ragged breaths and took the next exit onto rt 101 toward La Push.

About 15 minutes later we pulled up in front of a house I didn't recognize. He turned off the bike and jumped off. "Wait here" he said looking at me, and then kissing me firmly. I felt my legs start to give out from under me from the intensity of his kiss and the excitement of the ride, but I managed not to fall down. I stood there next to the bike and watched as he walked up to the house and knocked; while he waited for someone to answer the leaned against his forearm against the door frame. The sight of him was intoxicating. I let my eyes take him in greedily; appreciating the straight spiky hair he had from riding on the bike and the long lean muscles of his sides. His ankles were crossed lazily, making his back arch and his ass, damn, how could he be this beautiful?

Someone older who I didn't recognize opened the door and looked out at Jake and then at me. He nodded and handed Jake something and closed the door.

"Drug deal?" I asked as he walked back.

"No" he smiled sheepishly "un-rented cabin" he said holding up a small key with a number tag that read "7".

"You do this often?"

"Nah, Sam's a good guy; he lets kids use the un-rented cabins when we need to get away from our parents. I've been to a few parties out here but I know from Embry Sam doesn't mind letting a couple borrow one every now and then." Jacob still wasn't looking me in the eye. "We don't have to…I mean, it can just be a place to crash if you don't want to go home"

"You're so cute when you're nervous" I laughed and waited for him to hop on the bike.

He seemed to darken a little but it was hard to tell with his copper skin and the dim street light and he slowly got back on the bike. I climbed on behind him and pat him on the shoulders, encouraging him to get going. I felt him laugh and kick start the bike.

We rode just a few minutes up the road and then turned off onto a dirt road and starting going up one of the hills. We wound through the forest for another 5 minutes or so and then pulled up to a tiny log cabin. Jacob turned off the bike and hopped off. He looked and me a smiled and then walked over to open the door.

The cabin was beautiful inside. Small and perfect. There was a wood burning stove and small kitchen and a couch looking out a large picture window. At the end of the room there was a door leading to what I assumed was the bathroom and a ladder going upstairs. I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I peed and washed up; looking into the mirror to make sure that my bruises were gone and the split lip was healed. I didn't want Jake reminded of what he thought he'd done last time. I put my hands on the sink and took a few deep breaths. I was shaking, my nerves on edge.

Tonight was different from the last time. Tonight we both knew what we were doing; we were both here for the purpose of making love. There was no miscommunication, but something about the inevitableness of it had me anxious. I washed my face and dried off, going out to find Jake. He had built a fire in the stove and I smiled at his sweetness. It still got cold at night.

"Hey" I said, leaning against the wall.

"Hey" he shuffled his feet again and looked everywhere but me.

He was so adorable; it was making it hard not to laugh. "You aren't nervous are you?" I said walking up to him. "It's just me you know"

"I know. You're what's making me nervous" he said running one hand through his hair.

"I like it you know." I said walking up to him and bringing my hand to his hair. "I like it short, it looks really good and, I don't know, I kind of like that you did it because of me." He looked up at me shocked. "It means you think of me every time you wash it, every time you run your hand through it." I whispered, putting my hands on his chest.

"Well, that was kind of the idea…" he said looking sad

"But now they can be good memories" I said, leaning against him. Bringing my lips up to his jaw and nipping at him. He sucked in a deep breath and put his hands on my hips. He looked down at me, and brought his mouth to mine.

We stood there, kissing, exploring each other's lips and tongues. I nibbled on his lip and sucked on his tongue. The kiss was languid and slow. No rushing, just a slow burn. My clit was on fire, begging me to rub it against him or with my hand, but I ignored it. We'd get there and I didn't want to risk anything by being too rough tonight. I needed to feel him, to love him and I needed him to know how I felt.

I pulled away from him and looked at his still closed eyes, his wide nose and chiseled jaw, the muscles in his neck and his full lips; he was a picture of perfection. I pulled his hand and his eyes opened to look at me as I walked over to the couch.

When he sat down I walked right to him and sat on his lap. I put one leg on either side of him and lowered myself against him. He had his hands on my hips looking up at me smiling. My hands were on his shoulders and I leaned in to kiss him again. I was more forceful this time. Not waiting for permission to thrust my tongue into him; I moved to his neck, kissing and suckling, bringing his skin into my mouth. I felt his body shudder underneath me and could feel him swell against me. I chewed on his ear and sucked on the spot under his jaw line as I slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

"Bells…" he moaned and I reached my hand inside his shirt and rubbed his strong shoulder and bicep, pulling the shirt off of him. He sat up a little and unbuttoned the rest of his shirt and took it off. I leaned back and took off the tight fitting shirt I had been wearing, leaving only the small black lace bra I had been wearing. "You are…" he said bringing one hand to my breast. He leaned in and kissed the tops on my mounds, one hand rubbing me while the other reached around to my ass.

I leaned back arching into him and felt his hand free my right breast from the lace that had been restraining it. He used his hand to push it up a little, cradling it firmly and brought his mouth down onto my nipple. He sucked at me and pulled me into his mouth. I moaned and raked my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to me. He nipped my nipple softly and flicked at it with his tongue. His hand came back to my front freeing the other breast from its constraints.

He rubbed and suckled back and forth between my breast, kissing me between them and using his hands on my ass to grasp me tighter to his ever hardening cock.

I grabbed his face in my hands and brought my mouth down to him. I lifted him up to me, taking him in my mouth, sucking on his lip, chewing on his tongue with a franticness I hadn't expected.

"Slow down Bella…" he coo-ed. "We have all night." And the thought of all the things I would do to him between now and then made me shiver. "You cold honey?" he asked, looking at me with concern.

"No", I breathed getting up and taking off my bra. I took his hand and stood him up. "I was just thinking you have _way_ too many clothes on."

A slow smile spread across his face "Are you trying to take advantage of me Ms. Swan?" He said, his scratchy voice dropping lower than usual, a dark glaze covering his eyes.

"Yes" I said as I reached out and undid his belt buckle "I definitely am".

I undid his pants and pulled them down to his knees, then I tucked my fingers into his boxer briefs "these too" I whispered, freeing his erection and sliding them down. I pushed him back down onto the couch and he leaned over to take off his shoes and his pants the rest of the way as I watched; savoring every muscle movement, every angle of him. When he was done he sat there completely naked before me looking at me with those dark narrow eyes and then, he licked his lips. I kneeled down between his legs and he reached forward "Bells…no…"

"Jacob, shut up" I said looking up to him and reaching one hand to softly touch him. I kept my eyes on him as I curled my fingers around him and leaned forward. I breathed onto his shaft and then licked him from his base to his tip, never taking my eyes off of him.

"Oh Fuck Bella…" He groaned, throwing his head back "That is…amazing."

I took him into my hand, he was big but not too big, thick but not too thick. He looked like he had been made for me and he looked too good to be true. I put one hand on his stomach right above his cock, scratching him gently through what little hair was there, my other hand was firmly around him as I bought my body higher and kissed his tip.

I heard him moan and I squeezed his base in response. I lowered my mouth back onto him and opened it just enough to take his tip into me. I rolled my tongue around it and sucked very softly. "Uggghhh" I heard above me as he brought one hand gently onto my head. I lowered my mouth again taking more of him, just past his ridge so his entire head was in my mouth, I pulled back, sucking as I went but never took my mouth off of him completely. I lowered my head over and over again, each time taking more of him into my mouth, one millimeter at a time.

He moaned and grabbed my hair and with every sound he made I stroked him with the hand around his base. I was moving my hand along with my head now, sucking and licking him as I took him into me over and over again. I brought my other hand up his chest feeling him, grabbing him as I continued to suck. I started moaning myself, unable to believe how hot I was just giving him head. My clit was screaming to be touched and I could feel the friction of my jeans against me. His hips bucked against me and I moved my head back in response, he was starting to loose control and was pulling my hair. I brought my hand down from his chest to his hip and held him down as best I could, never stopping, never moving too far away from him, taking more and more of him inside of me.

"Bells, fuck I'm gonna…." And with that he pushed me off of him and grabbed his shirt, cuming inside of it. I sat there and looked at him, lying on his side on the couch curled up around his soiled shirt breathing heavily. His eyes were closed and he was shaking slightly.

"Cold?" I asked with my wicked smile in my voice. His eyes opened slowly, languidly and he looked at me and laughed.

"Oh the things I'm going to do to you tonight…" he said, flashing his own wicked smile.

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**So? Did I get you worked up at all? I'm giggling just thinking of the possibilities for the next chapter! Review please!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Happy Valentines Day!**

**I can't tell you how much I wanted to make this start with "The next morning…" but thought that would just be toooooo mean… Hope you enjoy! **

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Jacob sat up on the couch and looked at Bella smiling. "Come here." He said opening his arms. I sat on his lap enjoying that he was completely naked. "What's this?" he said, reaching into my back pocket and pulling out the phone. "Good thing, I thought you had the boniest ass on the planet for a second there." He laughed, tossing the phone onto the table.

I noticed that the text message light was flashing and reached to get it back. "What? What could _possibly_ be important now?" Jacob whined and pouted.

"My Dad? You really are adorable you know"

"Nope, I'm hot, totally manly; I just need some damn chest hair"

I laughed stroking his smooth chest with one hand while the other flipped open my phone. I had 9 text messages form Edward "Uggh" I deleted without reading them and 1 from Alice. I opened the message from her.

_R U OK??? Where R U??_

I typed back quickly, getting off of Jacob's lap and sitting on the floor in front of him. "What is it honey?" he said leaning into my neck. He lay down behind me and ran his fingers through my hair as I typed. "It's Alice, just let me tell her I'm OK."

_I'm gr8, w/ Jake _I wrote

She wrote back quickly, clearly having been waiting for me to get in touch

_?? E said J abducted u_

_Haha – no. E's an asshat_

_Ok…u sure ur alright? E's pretty pissed. R u going home?_

_No staying with JB 2nite_

_??? more bathroom sex?_

Jake was reading over my shoulder, enjoying that I was opening telling Alice I was staying with him, but when he read her last message he froze. "She knows?"

"Well, yeah, you told Quil and Embry didn't you?"

"Yeah but, god…" he said rolling onto his back behind me "she must think I'm an asshole"

"No Jake, she thinks you're an idiot who doesn't listen but she doesn't think you're an asshole, you know, pretty much the same thing I think." I said smiling and turning around on my knees to face him and kiss him gently.

He kissed me back, softly at first and then rolling towards me bringing his hand up to the back of my neck. "Hold on let me just text her back." I said laughing, breaking our kiss. I sat back down and knew he was reading over my shoulder so I quickly wrote:

_If I'm lucky:)_

I heard Jacob take a ragged breath behind me. I closed my phone and turned to look at him "So?" I said blushing

"What?" he said smiling wickedly, lying there rubbing his chest with one hand, the other bent under his head.

I turned to him and got back on my knees…"So, about tonight…look I'm spent, I'm gonna go up into the loft and crash." I said with as much of a straight face as I could muster. He looked up at me in astonishment, his eyes popping open and he sat up onto his elbows.

"Oh…Ok, I uhh I can sleep here if you want" he said, sitting up and trying to cover himself.

I turned away from him and undid my pants, letting them fall to the ground. I put my thumbs in my panties and turned around to look at him and giggled. He sat there, hands clenched at his sides. I slowly lowered my underwear still looking at him and then bent over to take them and my jeans off all the way.

"Oh Fuck me…" I heard from behind me.

"I intend to" I said, looking back at him and raising one eyebrow.

Jacob laughed a warm full laugh that warmed me from me toes to my heart. I turned all the way around then, as naked as he was "Last one up the ladder is bitch!" I said running around the couch. Unfortunately I forgot how athletic Jacob was because he vaulted over the couch to the ladder and was half way up it before I realized I had lost. He shook his ass at me as I looked up at him and laughed. "Guess you're my bitch tonight" he smiled down at me.

I watched him climb up the latter thinking this really wasn't the most flattering angle to view the male form from and climbed up after him.

When I got to the top of the ladder Jabob was standing there waiting for me, he pulled me into his arms and held me. I felt the warmth of our skin against each other, his cock getting hard against me. He leaned down and kissed me slowly, exploring my mouth with his tongue with his hands in my hair. I got lost, so caught up in that kiss. I could have kissed him forever. He sucked on my lip and I arched into him, I opened my mouth, trying to pull him into me. I pulled on his upper lip and put one hand up his back and the other around his middle. He was so warm to the touch, so smooth.

He walked us back toward the bed, never taking his lips off of me and sat down, moving his hands to my hips and pulling me on top of him. I settled down on his lap and felt him against the front of me. I moaned at the contact of his hot cock against my clit and starting rubbing myself against him. He brought one hand to my breast, massaging and squeezing it firmly. The other was on my lower back. I lifted myself up onto my knees and reached down between us for him. I wanted him inside of me. I wanted to feel him. All week I had felt like a part of me was missing without him inside me.

He smiled into my kiss and rolled me over onto my back, scooting us up to the pillows. I pushed up with my legs so that I would be face to face with him again. "Jake…" I said softly. He held my gaze as he stroked my face with his long fingers. I brought my fingers to his lips and stroked my thumb across his lower lip. He parted his mouth slightly, trying to take me into him and I pulled it away, coming toward him with my mouth instead.

I kissed him softly and pulled my body tight against his. I could feel his chest against my breasts, making my nipples hard at the contact and I wrapped one leg up over his hip, hooking my foot behind him and pulling him toward me. His hand dropped to my breast and he languidly stroked my nipple as he kissed me, causing fires to break out on my skin everywhere he was touching. Soon I was trembling with the desire to touch him and my clit was aching, seeking him out.

He pushed me back onto my pillow and hovered above me for a moment, one knee between my legs, his hands next to my head. "Bella, I…I love you too. I want you to know that, that this is… this is something I want so much" he said. I leaned up to kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck. After a moment he laid down gently on top of me, letting his arms relax a little. He began to kiss down my neck.

"I love the weight of you" I said "I love feeling you on top of me, so warm"

"I'm not crushing you am I?" he said into my neck

"No" I ran my hands down his chest and around his back "you are perfect for me"

He kissed down my shoulder, shifting his weight down me as he went, kissing every inch of skin he could find. He had his left hand on my breast now; stroking it as he licked my other nipple. I could feel him hot and hard against my thigh. He was slowly rubbing against me. I don't think he even realized he was doing it. He pulled my nipple into his mouth, sucking hard and I gasped, grabbing his head and pulling him against me. The he bit my nipple, hard enough to make me buck against him, but not enough to hurt me. I could feel him growl against me as he continued to pull and suck on my, rubbing his tongue on me. His left hand moved down to my hip and he started to shift his weight again.

"Oh god" I moaned, in anticipation of where he was going. I could feel my juices flow out of me at the idea of him sucking on my clit the way he was on my nipple. His hand rubbed up and down my side as he kissed down my ribcage. I sat up slightly looking down at him. It was beautiful to see his dark skin against me. The contrast was striking and so sexy. I leaned my head back, but stayed up on my elbows. He looked up me and made what sounded like a purring sound. I looked back down at him and caught his eyes. He looked at me, not moving. "Please Jake…" he smiled and put his hand on my hip. His head was so low, all he had to do was dip down and he would be right there. "Please…" I said, straining against his hand to bring my hips up to his mouth.

He lowered his head, keeping his eyes on me and kissed me on the lower stomach and then lower on the hair at my center. He breathed out hard, covering me with his hot breath and I shuddered. "Oh god" I leaned back and bent one leg, placing my foot next to his shoulder.

He stuck out his tongue and spread my outer lips slowly. His hand moved my thighs further apart and I bent my other leg, bringing my foot onto the top of his shoulder, tilting my hips up to meet him. He breathed out on me again, and I could feel all of my reservations melt away. I placed one hand on my forehead as he licked me, opening my inner lips. The contrast of the cool air and his warm tongue had me shaking. "Jake…."

He kissed me, and moved his tongue lower to my entrance. He put gentle pressure against me with the tip of his tongue and then dragged it up along me. When he reached my clit he groaned and wrapped an arm around my lower back under me. He pulled me closer to him and began to suck on me, rolling my nub against his front teeth.

I screamed, and slammed my hand down onto the bed. Raising my weight off the bed with my feet I rolled onto my side. Somehow Jacob stayed with me, never releasing my clit from his mouth. I was gasping for breath and brought my hands to my face. "Oh Fuck" I was shaking and curling into myself as the spasms in my clit spread out to my stomach and down my legs, and then he was in me, his fingers were in me, pushed to the hilt, stroking me inside, in and out fast and hard and he sucked and licked and pulled on my cunt with his mouth.

My eyes rolled back into my head and I shook and screamed with abandon. By the time I could breathe again, I was lying on my stomach, one leg splayed across Jacob's chest. I was half off of the bed, hanging upside down. My hands were on the floor and I groaned with the effort of pushing myself back up. I was dizzy with ecstasy and all the blood that was in my head. I fell onto my back, still intertwined with Jake, his head somewhere between my legs.

"God Jake that was…that was unbelievable" I said bringing my hands up to cover my eyes. He looked up with me with fire in his eyes and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

"I am _so_ glad you enjoyed it" he said huskily "I like you screaming under me"

"Me TOO!" I said, slamming my hands down and sitting up to face him with a smile. He laughed and got up to turn on the small light next to the bed. I stood up and kissed him on the shoulder "I'll be right back".

I went down the ladder and back to the bathroom. I peed and smiled at the wall in front of me. I walked back upstairs giggling.

"What?" he said from under the covers

"I'm just, god I'm so happy, you, being here, god" I beamed and I knew that the glow of love and sex was all over me.

He smiled up at me with love in his eyes. I walked over to the bed and slid in next to him, feeling the strain of the day now that I was relaxed. But when I lay down on my side and he wrapped his arms around me, I could feel that while I was sated, he was not. I rolled over onto my side and kissed him slowly, warmly. I did not try to devour him, I just savored the taste of him and the softness of his tongue.

"I love you Bells"

"And I you Jake…"

He moaned a little as I kissed him and gripped him on the sides of his neck. I leaned into him, pushing him onto his back. "Bella, we don't need to…"

I looked him in the eyes and smiled dreamily, there was nothing in the world I wanted more then to feel Jacob Black inside of me. I didn't need to be wild with passion to want to feel that. I wrapped my leg around him and sat up still keeping my eyes locked with his. I lifted up on my knees and leaned forward slightly while reaching between us. I placed his head against my entrance and slowly sat down bringing him all the way into me. I sighed, leaning back slightly, putting my hands softly on his chest. He had moved his hands to the outsides of my thighs.

Jacob closed his eyes and I saw a shiver go through him. I leaned forward and kissed him chastely on the lips. His mouth moved but he did not open his eyes or say anything. I sat back up and slowly lifted myself off of him and lowered back down my hands on his chest to support my weight. "Bells…" he moaned as I moved up and forward and then down and back, when I lifted off of him I tightened the muscles inside around him, milking him.

He began to match my movements and opened his eyes to look at me. His eyes were heavy and our rhythm started to speed up. The feeling of him inside of me and the long, deep strokes were having an effect on me as well. I moaned as he brought one hand up and cupped my breast. I leaned into his hand, feeling the warmth of his hand. His hips lifted harder now as I pushed myself down with more force. His other hand was on my shoulder, holding me up, keeping me from losing my balance as I started to spiral out of control. I allowed him to hold me up, my breath speeding up and I brought my right hand between my legs and started rubbing my clit.

"Oh _fuck_ you are hot" Jacob said deeply, taking a ragged breath and increasing the speed of our thrusts. He had taken control and I lost myself into his strokes and strength. I threw myself back and dragged my hand against myself hard, feeling myself tightening around him, the beginnings of another amazing orgasm.

Jacob grabbed my hand away from my cunt and I whimpered in protest as I opened my eyes to look at him, he rolled us over so that he was on top of me and had one hand next to my head and the other holding the head board. He kissed me and began slamming into me so hard I had to put one hand above my head on the headboard to push against.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, and began to moan and scream as he pounded me over and over again, pulling himself almost all of the way out of me and then thrusting back in hard and deep. We screamed together and my body began to convulse against my will. I wrapped my arms around his back and clung to him until the shaking subsided. When I looked up at him there were tears in the corners of his eyes.

"You are beautiful" he whispered down to me

"You are amazing"

He started to move off of me and I held him tighter "Mmmm, no, don't go yet, I love the way you feel"

He chuckled and settled on top of me, keeping most of his weight on his elbows and knees. He kissed me and then kissed me on the forehead. After a few minutes he rolled off of me and I curled up on my side "Good night love" he whispered in my ear "If you need me, wake me, I'll be right here". I sighed and relaxed into the bed, falling into a deep contented sleep quickly.

In the morning I woke to a chilly room, an empty bed and muffled voices downstairs. I hadn't brought any of my clothes upstairs with me so I pulled the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around me. I looked over the balcony to see Jake standing in the door in just his jeans and talking to someone outside the door. The look on his face was not a happy one.

"It's none of your god-damn business that I'm here" I heard him say and I leaned forward to try and see who he was talking to. I couldn't make out what was being said but it was definitely a female voice.

"No, this shit has got to stop" he said, running his hand through his short hair. I loved to watch him do that, I got warm at the sight of his muscles and low slung jeans, even his clenched jaw and angry narrow eyes were a turn on. I knew I was in deep, but damn.

Jacob looked up at me and smiled tightly "I'm going now" he said to whoever was on the other side of the door, closing it without another word.

"Who was that?" I called down to him

"No one, don't worry about it" he said, not looking at me.

"Jake, that didn't look like no one" I said, walking to the ladder. I dropped the sheet and went down naked, knowing that my trying to descend a staircase with a sheet around me was a recipe for disaster. When I got to the bottom of the ladder I turned to find him staring at me, that fire back in his eyes.

"Oh no you don't" I laughed and ran to the bathroom giggling. While I was in there I heard my cell phone ring and Jacob answer it?

"Yeah yeah, that's great" I heard him say. "How about Clearwater Café here on the Rez in 15? Ok, see you then".

"Who was that?" I asked walking out into the main room again.

"Alice, she and Angela wanted to make sure you were still alive. I invited them to meet us for breakfast. There's a little place that Sam's fiancé runs here on the Rez."

"Sure, sure" I said "that sounds great."

I walked over and kissed him softly "good morning" I coo-ed

"Morning" he said, wrapping his hands around me "I had a great night you know" he said smiling at me.

"Me too"

I broke out of his embrace before we got too interested and started getting dressed. When I finished and picked up my phone to put in my back pocket I saw that I had 4 more messages from Edward. I sighed and deleted them. I was going to have to deal with him at some point but right now, I wanted to enjoy the warm feeling in my chest.

"Do we need to clean up the bed or anything?"

"I'll come back later and do it, let's go meet the girls"

"OK" I smiled up to him and blushed a little. I looked away, trying not to be dazed by the love that I felt coming from him when he looked at me.

We walked out to the bike hand in hand and rode down to Clearwater's Café.

The Café was right on the water with a patio that you could sit on and look over the beach. Angela and Alice were already there when we got there. Jake and I walked up the steps hand in hand and Alice just smiled. Angela however, looked from our hands to my clothes which hadn't been changed since last night and smiled. "Sooo, I guess Edward was exaggerating when he said you threatened Bella into getting onto your bike with you."

Jake laughed and pulled a chair out for me; such a gentleman at 17. "That's not exactly how it happened…" I said "Edward was getting totally out of hand and Jake, well, he came by just in time." I smiled up at him then, and saw that his jaw had clenched and he was looking at something behind me.

I turned and looked and saw the most beautiful Quileute girl I'd ever seen walk up to us. Her eyes were hard and fixed on Jacob. "Is this her?" she said nodding her head at me.

"Leah…"

"Is _this __**her?**_"

I stared at Jacob, what was going on? Who was this girl? She was acting like his girlfriend or something. Oh shit! Did Jake have a girlfriend? The way he acted with me it never occurred to me to ask.

"Is this the white girl you cut your hair for? The girl you broke up with me for!?" she started screaming.

Another older but just as stunning woman came out of the café obviously intending to take our orders but stopped when she saw Leah and looked at Jacob.

"Not here you two." She said softly, but forcefully.

"Emily, he had her at one of Sam's _cabin's_ last night!_"_

"Leah!" Jacob said standing up "Stop this OK, this has to stop!"

"Jake, I'm _not_ standing by and just taking this, you _love __**me!**_" she started crying. I was dumbfounded, my mouth hung open and I just kept looking at this beautiful girl who was clearly made for Jake; she was Quileute and gorgeous just like him. How could he possibly want to be with me when she was there fighting for him.

"Should we go?" Angela whispered up to Jacob.

"NO" he said and walked over to Leah "Come on." He said, grabbing her arm roughly and pulled her down the steps and out to the beach.

"Sorry about that" said the woman who had come out "They can get like that, but it'll blow over" she said smiling, clearly having seen them fight before. I watched them walk out onto the beach. When he let go of her arm she started hitting him in the chest and he just stood there with his arms crossed.

"ok…ok…and you?" I heard dimly behind me

"Oh, ah yeah, I'll have ah the cheese and spinach omelet and orange juice and Jake'll have"

"Coffee and pancakes, I know" she said kindly, smiling at me. She looked out at the beach and her friendly demeanor cooled as she frowned and walked back inside.

"What is going _on_?" Alice asked me as soon as Emily had walked away.

"Seriously Alice, I have _no_ idea" I said looking back out to the beach to see Leah stomping up the beach and Jacob walking behind her, reaching out to grab her.

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**How will things go with Edward? What is Leah and Jake's relationship? **

**What will happen!?! What do you want to see happen?**

**Click the green button below and tell me what you think!**


	8. SONGS

**Here are the songs that have inspired this story so far. I know it's not really a chapter so I'm posting it at the same time as the most recent chapter, hope you don't hold it against me. I'd love to hear what you think of them though. I put a lot of thought into the words and style of the songs.**

**Stupid won't let me post links, but here's what I could do, please listen anyway.  
**

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Lover, You Should've Come Over by Jeff Buckly: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/504684663484655122

Nothing Came Out by The Mouldy Peaches: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/1225260590883039894

My Blakean Year by Patti Smith: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/504684663600844006

WOLVES by Iron & Wine: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/360569475235978178

Moon by Rusted Root: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/432627077923423120

Sweet Somewhere Bound by Jackie Greene: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/432627052148768907

In the Cold Cold Night by The White Stripes: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/360569466645872686

Gray or Blue by Jaymay: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/576742231821010997

Worms by Beth Orton: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/576742231817024155

Blood Bank by Bon Iver: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/360569449471431522

Water by PJ Harvey: http://popup(dot)lala(dot)com/popup/432627056443795100


	9. Chapter 9

**OK I'm totally blown away by you guys, I'm really amazed by how many people are commenting and adding me to their alerts and favorites. Thank you so much. I can't tell you what it means to me. This story is fluttering around in my mind all day and its all I can do to get any work done. Thanks again, Please review!**

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Emily brought our food but I couldn't eat. I was trying not to watch the scene playing out on the beach, it was obviously personal, but it was killing me inside. Who was this girl? What was it about her that made him so furious?

Alice and Angela didn't say much, obviously uncomfortable to be witnessing whatever this was. It felt like we had walked into some bad lifetime movie but didn't know the plot. As we ate Angela kept checking her phone and smiling; "Can Quil join us?" she finally asked.

"Sure, yeah, I'd love to see him!" I said as I smiled at her, glad to have some kind of distraction.

"Oh good, he's all put out that I'm in La Push and didn't make plans with him" she smiled sheepishly. It seemed like they were really hitting it off which was great. Quil was sweet and Angela deserved someone who was going to be nice to her.

"Have you talked to Edward?" Alice asked.

"No, I have like 732 texts from him but haven't replied yet."

"You really should…" she said darkly.

"What's he doing now?" I whined.

"I don't know Bella, but you know he can get…mean"

"I figured that out last night." I said pointedly looking directly at her, not wanting to give her the option of thinking that all of this was somehow just about me and Jake. Edward had fucked up last night and was really scary.

We heard Quil drive up in his Dad's pickup and we turned to greet him. Before coming to say hello to us he looked out at the beach. I followed where his eyes went and saw Leah in Jacobs's arms. He was holding her and rocking slightly.

"How the fuck did she get here?" he said as he walked up to us gave Angela a kiss on the head and then plopped down in Jacob's seat.

"She just walked up and started screaming at Jacob, is she like his girlfriend or something?" Angela asked

Quil snorted in response and shook his head.

"Quil, what is going on out there?" I asked looking at him.

"s'got nothing to do with you or me, best to just leave them to it" he said not looking at me. "I'm surprised you're here, you know after…" he said looking up at me, his eyes darting over to Angela and Alice.

"Did you ever notice that you're friend Jake can be a stubborn idiot?" I said looking at Quil, not wanting Angela to know about our miscommunication but wanting to make sure Quil was on the right page. He nodded and smiled weakly at me. "Well, he has a tendency to think the worst about himself and then not _listen_ when other people try to explain that he did nothing wrong." I said.

Quil looked back at me blankly for a minute and then smiled letting out a breath I didn't realize he was holding. "Good" he said stretching his legs out in front of him in Jacob's chair. "I told him cutting off all that hair over some pale faced girl was a stupid thing to do" he laughed, looking at me with a twinkle in his eye.

Angels muttered "huh?" and wrinkled up her nose but Alice just laughed softly and the subject was dropped. Quil dove into Jake's pancakes as we heard someone coming up the steps

"Wait here" I heard Jacob say softly to Leah as I turned around. Leah however, was hot on his heals, not willing to be left behind. "Babe, wait by the bike OK?" he said turning to her. She nodded but as soon as he started up the stairs again so did she.

"Will you _for once_ listen to me? Wait here by the god damn _bike_!" he yelled. She stared at him with eyes like stone standing her ground.

"Fuck you Jacob, you don't get to tell me what to fucking do anymore!"

"Why does everything have to be a fucking fight? Shit!" He said, storming off, leaving her standing there glaring after him. Who was this girl!

Jacob walked by us without even acknowledging our presence. She was only 3 or 4 steps away from us, but her focus was so completely on the man inside, the man that was supposed to be mine, she wouldn't have noticed if Quil had started Yodelling.

I heard him talking to someone inside and then Emily came out and went down to the girl on the stairs. "Leah, hon, come on…" she said as she took Leah's arm and tried to turn her around. Leah stood there, frozen, her death gaze fixed on Jake. I was trying not to stare at her but this whole breakfast was turning into a fucking train wreck. "Leah, come on, leave him be, let's go to my place."

"No" Leah said quietly but forcefully.

"Em, maybe I should just take her home." Jake said from the door way, his hand on the back of his neck. I could see the concern in his eyes and it sparked a flame of jealousy in me I didn't know I had. I immediately felt terrible, clearly this girl was broken or disturbed in some way but I didn't want him taking care of her. He was mine now.

"I don't know Jake, is spending more time with you really a good idea?" Emily said, glaring at him with a sharpness I hadn't expected from her sweet face.

"Leah! Now!" Emily said, tugging on the statue's arm, finally getting her to break her eyes away from Jacob. Emily and Leah started walking behind the café to the little house Jake and I had gotten the key from last night.

"I can watch the café for a while if you want." He called after them.

Leah kept walking but Emily stopped and looked back at Jacob "Thanks hon, I know you're trying here, but…" Emily just shook her head and walked quickly to catch up the Leah, we could hear her strangled sobs from the side of the building.

Jake came over to us and sat on the railing next to Quil; "Fuck man, I thought she was getting better" he said.

"She found out Bella and I were up at the cabins last night" Jacob said softly. He looked at me with sad eyes and I wanted to reach out to him, tell him that whatever was going on it was going to be OK because he had me now; that I could take care of _him_. But I just sat there, very aware of the people sitting uncomfortably around us.

"so ahh, I think we'd better go…" Alice said looking at me. "Bella, do you want me to drive you home?" she raised one eyebrow as she said this, clearly she did not want me staying here.

"I, ahh" I looked up at Jacob feeling like we needed to talk, but maybe this wasn't the time.

Quil jumped in "Angela, I'll take you home later, come on, I want to show you the cliffs" he stood up and took Angela's hand. "Thanks for the pancakes Jake!" he called behind them as they walked down the porch steps.

"You know" Jacob said, looking at pretty much everything but me, the napkin dispenser on the table in particular seemed to be fascinating "I might need to be here for a while, depending on when Emily comes back and I have homework and stuff…"

"Oh, ah, Ok, yeah Alice, thanks" I said looking at my lap and chewing on my lower lip.

"Ok, let's go then. Jake what do I owe you for breakfast?" Alice chirped.

"Yeah, don't worry about it, I'll cover it this time, Emily will owe me for watching the shop anyway so it won't be too much" he said quickly. He lifting himself off of the railing and as he walked past me he put one hand on my shoulder. I leaned into it, needing the reassurance of his touch. He kissed me on the head "I'll try and call you later" he said softly into my hair.

"Mmmhmmm" I murmured closing my eyes as I felt the loss of his warmth when he moved away from me.

"Come on Bella" Alice said, holding her hand out to me. We held hands walking down the steps like 6 year olds on their way to the playground. Alice always knew what to say and do. I don't know how she did it but being her friend was one of the most important things in my life.

"Thanks Alice." I said as we got to the car and I wrapped my arms around her in a big hug. "I love you, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, that's what all the girls say" she smiled as she pulled back from my uncharacteristic show of affection. When we got in the car Alice beeped twice in goodbye. I looked out my window but didn't see Jacob.

20 minutes later when we pulled into the driveway the front door slammed open "Bella!" Charlie screamed as he came barreling at me. "Where the hell have you been?!? I've been worried all day and now you're driving up in yesterday's clothes!"

"I, ah, Dad, I'm fine Ok?"

Alice got out of the car and smiled at Charlie. He couldn't resist her charms. "What's up Chief Swan?"

"Alice, I hate to say it but you're in a bit of trouble here too, you'd both better come inside.

Alice and I went and sat in the living room looking at each other but not saying anything, what could possibly be going on. Charlie took a deep breath and stood in the middle of the living room looking at us. He paced around a bit and finally sighed and sat in his recliner. "Well, you two look fine and that's what's important, but… What happened last night?" he said looking at me.

"Nothing really Dad, I mean, we went to the movies…"

"Bella, now don't lie to me OK? Edward has called here like 10 times this morning going on and on about how you took off on some guys bike and he couldn't get in touch with you all night. I've been really freaking out here and almost started calling in some favors to get my guys on the force out looking for you!"

"Edward!" Alice cursed under his breath.

"Dad, you don't have to worry Ok, Edward is just mad, I think he's trying to get me in trouble." I smiled. If Edward only knew how much Charlie preferred Jacob to him he would have never tried something like this.

"What is going on Bells?"

"Ok Dad, now I really don't want you to freak out. I did leave on a motorcycle but I left with Jacob OK?

"What?"

"Well, Edward was getting a little…pushy…" I said looking up at my Dad blushing. Charlie stood up and started pacing. "…and Jacob drove up and helped me out, so I stayed in La Push last night."

"Why didn't you come home Bella?!"

"I guess I didn't want to talk about it and I just…I don't know…I guess I should have" I said looking at my hands.

He stood there in silence staring at me shaking his head. "It's alright" he said taking a breath and rubbing his hands up and down his thighs "I understand, I'm glad Jake was there for you" Charlie said sitting back down.

"Has Edward been…pushy…before?" Charlie asked without looking at me. God I couldn't believe that not only was I about to have the sex talk with my Dad but it had to be about Edward like this.

"A little, but…never like that…and…nothing ever happened so it's ok alright?"

"No, it's not alright, I'm going to go arrest that little prick, treating you like that and calling me here getting me all worried…"

"Dad, No!" I called as he stalked out of the living room. I got up and followed him "Please, don't make this a big deal ok and I think Jacob broke his nose so he's probably suffering plenty already."

Charlie looked at me and laughed "yeah, I can see Jake doing that, he's a good kid. I'm going to have to have a talk with Dr. Cullen though; I don't think he'd approve of his son treating you this way."

"Oh god…Dad…" I groaned, but knew there was no way I was going to be able to talk him out of that.

I walked back into the living room to find that Alice had kicked off her shoes and was lying on my couch furiously texting away on her phone. "What'cha doin?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"I'm texting that fuck-tard of a brother of mine" she said not looking up.

"Oh god Alice, please don't do this"

"Trust me Bella, he doesn't play fair and it's better if I just smack him down for you now" she said looking up and smiling at me "besides, it's been like 3 weeks since I made him cry, it's about time don't you think?"

Her phone buzzed in her hand and she looked down, smiled and quickly got up from the couch. "Ok, I'm off to take my car to my pathetic little slave so he can wash and vac it before school tomorrow" she said cheerily. "Love you Bella! Try not to kill yourself between now and Monday!" she waved absently behind her and she skittered out of the house. "Bye Charlie!" she called; for whatever reason she was the only one who could get away with calling him that.

"Dad, I'm gonna take a shower" I called into the kitchen. I wasn't sure what Charlie was doing and in all honestly I'm not sure I wanted to. I really didn't want to deal with this anymore. Couldn't Edward just move to Alaska or something and leave me alone? Alice could move in here… wishful thinking on my part I knew.

I walked up the steps to my room taking my shirt off and then my pants in my room. I still smelled like Jacob. I smiled thinking of him touching me, kissing me. Sighing I picked up my towel and threw it around my body, heading out to the bathroom.

The water was warm and I was tired, we really didn't sleep all that much last night. I lathered up all of me, letting the warm water sooth my nerves. I washed and conditioned my hair letting the clean smell wake me up a little. When I was done but not out of hot water I decided to shave my legs and take a little extra time with myself. Hopefully, I'd get to see Jacob again soon.

I spent the rest of Saturday doing homework and folding laundry. Later that night I watched some bad movie on TV with Charlie while we ate tacos for dinner. Steven Segal really loved to play cops and robbers; I think every movie has the exact same plot. Charlie loved tacos and never seemed to notice that I had switched from using ground beef to ground turkey, so I always like to make them. It wasn't easy keeping Charlie healthy, but I did my best.

When I finally headed up for bed I still hadn't heard from Jake. I stripped and put on my flannel pants and a tank top to sleep in and climbed in grabbing _Wuthering_ Heights to read for a while. It was an old favorite and always helped me settle down when I was wound up. Just as I was nuzzling in I heard my phone buzz. I had a text message.

I groaned desperately not wanting it to be Edward, and when I opened my phone it was from Jacob. I didn't know he had a cell phone, or that he could text…interesting… I opened the message and read:

_Sry I didn't call - Jake_

_S'ok – BS_

_Haha, BS that's u – full of Bull Shit_

_Shut up_

_Srsly – I'm sry_

_S'ok, rly – u ok?_

_Sort of_

_Wanna call?_

_No – 2 tired – can I come over 2morrow?_

_Sure – b prepared 4 Charlie – he might make u a deputy_

_Y?_

_U hit EC_

_Indeed I did : )_

_Ok c u 2morrow_

_Ok – luv u Bells_

_Luv u_

_If u need me – call – I'll be here – Jake_

I shut my phone, pulling it into my chest. He was the best ever; just amazing. I sighed happily and rolled onto my side still holding the phone. I fell asleep quickly. That was the first night I dreamed of running in the woods, free, breathing the fresh air and speeding through the night. Jacob was there with me, but he was different somehow that I couldn't put my finger on. I was agile, jumping around laughing, not constantly struggling not to hurt myself and when we got to the edge of the forest there was a cliff. I stopped and waited for Jake. He came up next to me, held my hand, and we jumped together, into the cool clean water below.

The next morning I woke, excited knowing that Jacob would be coming over. I didn't know what time he'd be here so I got dressed quickly and went downstairs to make breakfast. Charlie and I ate in relative silence, he was reading the paper and I was looking out the window, hoping to hear Jake's bike coming up the road.

After breakfast I cleaned up and Charlie went in to the living room, putting on C-Span and finishing the paper. I looked through the cabinets trying to think about what to make for dinner that would have leftovers for us to eat during the week. I had all of the ingredients for lasagna which didn't require me to thaw anything, so there was nothing left to do. I flipped the laundry and decided to throw in a load of towels. I would have stripped my bed too but didn't know if Jake would be allowed in my room and I didn't want it to be a mess if he was. I went up to my room and crawled into the rocking chair by my window and continued reading Wuthering Heights.

An impossible amount of time later I heard Jacob's bike pulling into our driveway. I took a few deep breaths and made myself stay in my room even though all I wanted to do was run downstairs, fling open the door and run into his arms. That may have been a tad dramatic though, so I waited, breathing.

The doorbell rang and I heard Charlie grunt and get up to get the door. "Hey kid! Good to see you, thanks for rescuing my girl the other night" Charlie said, welcoming Jacob into our home with a hug. I walked downstairs, keeping my hand on the railing; I _really_ didn't want to fall down right now.

"Hey Jake." I said and blushed, having him here was unreal; it was like someone had teleported him out of a movie and into my life. He was so beautiful and strong, so comfortable standing there with my Dad.

"Bells!" he said, walking over to me and lifting me into a hug. Charlie chuckled behind us and I took Jake's hand pulling him up to my room.

"Door Open Kids!" Charlie called out behind us which made me laugh. If he knew what we'd done the other night, the door would be the least of his worries.

When we walked into my room Jake leaned down and swept me up into a big hug. "I'm so glad to see you…" he said into my hair.

I pulled back and looked at him beaming. I reached out and wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him. It was a small, but deep kiss. I felt myself warm under his touch and I sighed pulling away: stupid open door.

Jacob laughed at my pout and I sat down on my bed, cross legged. He plopped on my bed on his stomach and starting going through the things on my bed side table. "Where are all the exciting illicit things girls are supposed to have in their rooms?" he asked looking up at me.

"You are the most exciting thing in my room today" I said lying down next to him. He rolled over onto his back and reached for my hand. We lay there together; fingers intertwined looking at the cracks in the ceiling of my room.

"Do you ever wonder who the first person to live in this house was?" he asked.

"My parents bought it from some old couple who never had kids. I don't know if they built it though"

"My Dad built our house for my mom so there isn't any history or fun discoveries. I love that show where they tear down walls and find money or comic books or something cool"

"Yeah, I remember when I was little going up into the attic, there's an old chest up there with a bunch of clothes and papers. I opened it up one day and found a grenade."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, it must have been from WWII or something, Renee called the bomb squad and everything, which you know was my Dad and Jude, the guy who works at the super-cuts as the barber."

Jake laughed and rubbed my hand with his thumb. He sighed but it sounded more like a purr. I rolled onto my side and looked at him, switching which hand he was holding so that I could lean on my elbow. "Long day yesterday?" I asked, hoping to get him talking but not wanting to push.

"Yeah, it was" he said and we sat in silence for a while longer, him looking at the ceiling, me looking at him.

"Look, I don't need to know everything, but, is Leah your girlfriend?" I said quickly, biting on my lower lip.

"No dorkus, you are!" he said laughing, rolling in to kiss me again.

I pulled away before he could melt my reserve "Jake…who is she?"

"Fuck, I don't wanna…" he stood up and started walking around the room "I mean, this fucking shit just never fucking stops!" he said getting louder "I fucking switch schools and finally start to live my fucking life again and this shit just keeps fucking up my _god damn life!" _ He was yelling now. I had no idea what to say.

"Jake, nothing's fucked up, come on…" I sat up and reached out toward him but he stepped back from me like I was holding him something awful to smell.

"It is, as soon as this starts everything is fucked up. I'm so fucking tired, so tired of this fucked up _shit!"_

"Watch your mouth kid!" Charlie called from downstairs

"I should just go" Jacob said walking toward the door.

"No, stop it, why won't you _talk _to me?"

"I can't Bells, I just…can't" he said and walked out of my room.

I followed him down the steps "Jake" I reached out and grabbed his arm, "will you hold on, please!"

He turned and looked at me, with something indescribable in his eyes. There was sadness and fear mixed in with something else. "Bella, I'll just, I'll talk to you tomorrow OK?" and with that Jacob turned away from me and walked out of the house.

I stood there standing at the door, not believing that he was walking away from me, again.

Charlie came out of the doorway of the living room looking at me. "Bella, are you dating Jacob Black?"

"I guess so; I mean...I don't know Dad"

"Well, it's a pretty easy question kid, one you should really try to answer"

"Yeah, I think I am" I said looking up at him.

"Ok then" he said patting his hand against the door jam "just; be careful ok Bells."

Charlie walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to get another beer.

"Dad, what is it, what happened to him? No one will tell me, he won't and you won't and I don't have any idea what's going on here."

"I don't know if it's my place" he said looking at the floor. He shook his head and started back into the living room without another word.

"Please" I said sitting down at the kitchen table. I dropped my head to the table and started to cry.

Charlie sighed, sat down in front of me and started to talk.

"Ok, well, all I know is from Billy, so you know, it might not all be right. But I guess there was some girl he dated last year for a while and after they stopped seeing each other she got pregnant. She told her parents that it was Jake's and they said some pretty awful things about him. Her family's pretty influential down there and…well, it got pretty ugly Bells."

"They accused him of hurting her and the tribal council and police got involved. All the charges were dropped and even the girl said that he never did anything wrong, but stuff like that's hard to wash off you know."

"So I guess the stress of everything got to her and she lost the baby. She was in the hospital for a while and Billy said she never really got over it."

Charlie shrugged and looked at me.

"He switched schools to get away from all of the talk on the reservation. He's a smart kid but he'd started drinking I guess and his grades were falling so Billy pulled some strings to get him into Forks High. I'd hoped it was going to be good for him, but he didn't seem so good just now."

"Oh god…" I said, looking at my Dad "He's, he's been great, we ran into some girl Leah today and he's been upset ever since…"

"Hmmm…" Charlie said getting up and walking back out to the living room. He pat me on the shoulder on his way out saying "just, look out for yourself OK, he's a good kid, but, that's a lot for anyone to deal with."

I got up and went up to my room and grabbed my phone. I texted Jake quickly.

_I luv u – none of it matters – im here if u need me_

_

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_**hmmmm****is it what you thought? **

**What should happen at school the next day.**

**Ohhh Eddie, what are _you_ going to do next?  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Clarification Point. Leah's baby **_**was**_** Jake's. I put in the thing about them breaking up because I wanted it to be clear that they were NOT together. He wasn't the kind of guy to break up with her pregnant or leave her or something, his feelings changed before any of that started. It was just the timing of when she found out that was after the break-up.**

**I know this chapter is a little fluffy, but I hope you like it, it was cathartic after so much drama, don't worry, there will be more.**

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I pulled my truck into the parking lot of Forks High and smiled. It was going to be an interesting day. A lot had changed in the last 48 hours; with me, with my relationships, and strangely no one here knew about it. It felt like a meteor had struck the earth and somehow I was the only one who noticed.

I got out of the truck, enjoying being able to wear a short sleeve shirt and my hair pulled up into a ponytail. The sun was starting to thaw our gloomy town and I could feel the energy of spring in everything around me.

I hadn't gotten to talk to Jake the night before so I was worried if he was OK and I was excited to see him.

Alice's red VW Cabriolet was parked by the front entrance, it was gleaming in the sun, clearly freshly waxed. Alice was twirling on Jasper's arm, as he stood there, calmly smiling at her antics. She was giggling, enjoying the feeling of her skirt swirling around her. She was so cute in her short flirty skirt and big dock martins. I watched as she came in for an easy kiss and smiled. That was how it was supposed to be, comfortable and loving.

Edward was sitting on the hood of the car talking to Jessica and Erik. He had a black eye and his nose was clearly swollen but it wasn't splinted so I guess Jacob hadn't broken it after all; too bad. I tried to walk past them to get to Alice, but he got up and threw one arm over my shoulder casually.

"Morning Bella!" he said happily. I looked up at him, aghast that he would talk to me, let alone touch me. "Come here…" he said pulling me to the car and sitting back down. I stood in front of him, waiting for whatever it was he felt the need to say to me when he put his hands on my hips.

"Edward…what are you doing?"

"Look, no one here knows about what you did this weekend and they don't need to OK? I forgive you."

"You forgive me!" I started to yell.

"Shhhh, don't make a big deal" he said, eyeing our friends, trying to keep me quiet. He stood up and pulled me to him in a hug.

"Edward!" I said as he laughed, clearly trying to make this into some kind of couple game in everyone else's eyes. And then, of course, I heard Jakes bike pull up. I turned to look at him and saw the anger on his face as he saw me in Edward's arms.

"Let go of me now!" I said quietly but as forcefully as I could. I stomped on his foot causing him to break his hold and rushed over to Jacob.

"Jake!" I said.

"Hey Bells" he said tightly, grabbing his bag.

I leaned in and pulled his face to me. "I missed you" I said as I kissed him gently. I could feel him relax into me and then he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I missed you too, I thought for a second there that maybe…" he said as he leaned his forehead against mine.

"Someday you're going to start trusting how I feel about you" I laughed and looked up at him. He smiled and kissed my temple.

"Ok, I'll try to start today ok?" Jacob took my hand and we walked back over to the group. I held on to his hand tightly as I felt everyone's eyes on me.

"Bella?" Jessica said, looking from our hands to Jacob to me.

"I traded up" I said simply, squeezing Jake's hand, shrugging my shoulders. Erik's eyes bulged out of his head and then he started laughing. Jacob beamed at me and Alice giggled. I could feel Edward's eyes on me but I refused to return the look.

Edward started to say something but Alice coughed and raised her eyebrows at him. He slumped down on the hood of the car and didn't speak.

"Come on, I'll walk you to class" Jacob said smiling. He nodded to the group and they watched us walk away.

"Well fuck me!" I heard Lauren say behind us.

"I keep trying!" said Tyler grabbing Lauren into a hug, causing another fit of laughter in our wake.

"Traded up…" Jacob chuckled "What am I going to do with you?" he said turning to look at me.

"Love me forever?" I said bumping against him laughing.

We walked to my locker hand in hand. I tried to ignore the fact that everyone was looking at us, but it was hard. I hated all of the attention but nothing could make me let go of his hand or regret this moment. Jacob was glowing like he'd just one the lottery, talking animatedly about the work he'd gotten done on his rabbit. "So, you should come out after school one day and we can work on homework and I can show it to you."

"I'd love that, maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah, and hey, have your Dad come meet us, my Dad would love to have him over." Jacob was talking more then he had ever before. It was a comfortable banter, he listened to what I said and we moved along in conversation together from topic to topic.

When we finally got to my first class I sighed. "I'll see you in English OK?"

"Ok, see you then" he smiled and leaned in to give me a kiss. I pulled away, starting to get a little short of breath. "Think of me till then…" he said and nibbled on my ear. I shivered, knowing that was _exactly_ what I'd be doing.

"Go on now you" I said. When he turned to walk away I slapped his ass and squeezed it. It was high and firm and I could feel where it tucked back up to the top of his leg. He turned his head and gave me the steamiest look he could muster, making me start to get warm at my center until he cracked a wicked smile and blew me a kiss. That Jacob was trouble, everyone definitely was right about that.

I turned around to walk into class and pretty much slammed into Angela and Jessica. Angela had seen Jake and I the day before but still hadn't really gotten any kind of an explanation. "Bella, what is going on?" Angela said.

"Yeah, cause this boy hopping this is really confusing" Jessica said looking like thinking this hard was actually going to cause her physical pain.

"Not really, I was with Edward, now I'm with Jake" I said walking past them. Jessica's jaw fell on the floor as the bell for first period rang. As much as I knew my friends were dying of curiosity I didn't really want to put the whole story out there. I didn't want to think about Edward or what could have happened with him and I didn't really know how to explain that what happened between Jacob and I wasn't as sudden as it seemed from the outside.

Angela sat down next to me, turning her chair to look directly at me and waited. Bio never started on time and she knew it, plus today was lab day which I hated so she always did all the work so she knew there was no excuse for me not to talk.

"I don't pry, you know that ok? I don't want to be Jessica and demand you tell me every steamy detail; but Bella, come on, this is really…weird…"

"It's really not Ange, it actually makes total sense."

"But last week you were like in _love_ with Edward and Jacob didn't seem to be paying you any attention at all."

"I know, we, had a fight, but we cleared that up so, you know, it's good now."

"Were you dating him while you were with Edward?"

"No!" I said, without thinking "Well, I don't know, kind of, I didn't mean to be but things just kind of started that day on the beach…"

"Yeah, we could all see _that_ but I didn't figure you to cheat on Edward, I mean he's…Edward! You're like the perfect couple. Not that Jacob isn't totally hot, but I guess I didn't figure you for going for the dangerous type."

"Trust me Angela, Jacob is _not_ the dangerous one in that equation."

She stared at me, not understanding but willing to accept what I was saying at face value. "OK, well that's good; it'll be nice to have someone to hang out with on the Rez other then Embry."

"So things are going well with Quil?" I asked, hoping that if I could get her started in that direction I wouldn't have to talk about Jacob anymore. Class had started and we were dissecting some poor creature's eyeball today. I let Angela do the work while she talked and giggled over Quil.

"He hasn't said anything directly but I know he's worried about Jacob"

"I know, Quil's a good guy, Jacob's ok, he's just, got some shit to deal with"

"God don't we all, can you believe my mother wants to drive across country to Virginia to see my grandparents this summer? I think I'd rather eat this eyeball then spend 5 days in the car with my parents and little brother"

I laughed, happy to just be back to chatting with Angela, she really was the best. I could always count on her to care, but not push. Between her and Alice I had never had better friends and couldn't imagine that I ever would.

When we got out of class I walked out hoping to find Jacob, but instead ended up walking to English alone. I stopped by my locker and grabbed my books and saw Mike up ahead coming toward me down the hall.

"Hey Mike!" I said when I got closer.

"Hey Bella, so…can I call dibs on your next boyfriend shuffle?" he said smiling, but I knew there was part of him that meant it.

"Definitely" I said giving him a peck on the cheek. I was in such a good mood today even his flirting couldn't deter me.

"Bella wait" he said as I started to walk to class.

"Look, just go slow with all of this, OK, you're like bubbling over today, I've never seen you like this."

"Mike, I don't want to go slow. I don't think I've ever been this happy before."

"You _just_ broke up with your boyfriend, you've gotta think about giving him some time too you know?"

"Mike, I…Edward is _not_ the victim in this OK? He's been an ass for a while now and was getting really…controlling. I didn't just jump from Edward to Jacob? Edward made it really easy to go."

"Oh" Mike said running his hand through his hair "I guess I don't have the whole story, but Edward really isn't telling it like that" he said looking at me.

"I really don't care what Edward is saying Mike, you've known for a while, I know you have, I've seen you watching me with him and you never came out and said it but you always made it clear you didn't like how Edward was with me"

"He looked at you like he owned you or something, like you were something to eat!" Mike said, surprising both of us with his outburst.

I smiled up at him, knowing that beneath Mike's guy-ness and crush, he was a good guy. "Thanks Mike. I'll talk to you at lunch OK?" I said scurrying to class, afraid I'd be late to English. Ms. Watson was _not_ easy on us for that.

When I walked into class I looked to the back of the room expecting to find Jacob sitting at the desk in the back but he wasn't there. My good mood fell a little but he'd be there soon. I started to walk in when I saw Jake sitting in my seat next to a _very_ unhappy Edward. He smiled and waved at me with pure glee.

I walked over "what are you _doing?"_ I asked.

"Miss Swan? I hope you don't mind but Jacob was having a bit of trouble seeing the board at the back of the class and requested to switch seats with you. Do you think you'll be ok at the desk in the back?"

"Oh, ah, yeah, sure, that's, that's fine…" I said, looking up at Ms. Watson.

I looked down and glared at Jacob only to be rewarded with the biggest happiest smile I've ever seen on anyone over the age of 4. I couldn't resist laughing as I walked back to my seat.

I watched the Edward and Jacob show during class more then I listened to the lesson. Jacob was taller and stronger then Edward and felt no need to share the table. By the end of class Edward had scooted firmly against the wall and was using only the smallest corner of the desk in front of him. Jake on the other hand had his books and notes spread out and was sitting with his hands behind his head.

I watched as Jacob dropped pencils and papers making it necessary for him to move around as much as possible and eventually even asked Edward to borrow a pen. I thought Edward was going to loose it right then and there.

"It's not nice to torture your inferiors" I said to Jacob as we walked out of class laughing.

"That obvious huh?"

"Oh yeah…I think even Ms. Watson enjoyed the show though, but you better watch it. You don't want to push him too far."

"Why, what is Eddie going to do to me?" He smiled a mischievous smile and wrapped his arm down around my back, hooking his hand on my hip bone. I loved the way he walked with me, not like he was claiming me but more like he couldn't stand to be too far away.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, lunch was the most awkward but people rearranged themselves pretty easily. Basically Edward moved to the other side of Jasper and Lauren went with him, clearly making a play for my leftovers. More power to her. The completely deserve each other.

Jacob sat next to me, but admittedly, I spent most of lunch sitting on his lap throwing things at Erik who was having _way_ too much fun speculating on what we had done after leaving the movies on Monday night. Jacob never took his hands off of me. During class he held my hand or had his hand on my knee. When he needed to write he had his leg next to mine, our outer thighs and knees touching as much as possible.

His warmth, his closeness was something I needed to feel. The few classes we had apart were physically painful. There were a few stolen kisses here and there, but I tried to keep them as chaste as possible. Jacob tasted so good, I knew that once I got started I wasn't going to want to stop until I was sweating and screaming his name.

After school the sun was still shining and Alice had turned the radio on in her car and was lying on the hood. The roof was down so the music was spreading out and people were congregating near by. The day was fresh, still cool enough that you could taste the clean spring air. Outside I waited for Jake, sitting on the grass across from Alice's car.

I laid back in the grass, listening to the lyrics, and closed my eyes. The ground beneath me was dry and hard, but I didn't care, this was one of life's blissful moments. I felt someone lie next to me and reach out to hold my hand. My hand fit in it naturally, casually, fingers intertwining. But it didn't feel right somehow. I opened my eyes and rolled to see Edward lying next to me. "I knew you'd be happy to see me" he said, looking up at the sky.

"What in gods name is wrong with you" I said sitting up pulling my hand away. "I'm trying really hard not to talk badly about what you did on Friday night and you keep pulling this shit."

Edward sat up and looked me in the eyes. He sat like that for a moment and then tilted his head "Yeah, smooth move having your _Dad_ call my house. Thanks for that." He said.

I stood up and walked away from him "look, I just want to talk all this through" he said grabbing my arm.

"I have no interest in talking to you" I said turning around and shaking him off of me.

"So what, you go from sneaking out to sleep with me one day to the new guy in one night?"

"No Edward" I said taking a step back toward him "I was never interested in sleeping with you, you were a poor substitute for what Jacob had _already_ given me" I said looking his square in the eye.

Edward stepped back, balking at the new information he'd received. He'd known I was a virgin so the idea that I was sleeping with Jacob was something that would really shock him. "You slut!" he screamed and took a step toward me, pulling his arm back like he was going to slap me.

I stood there, chin up, waiting for the blow. I was not afraid of him and would not give him _any_ excuse for what he was about to do and I wanted everyone to see him do it.

But he didn't have a chance. Alice had seen what was happening, hopped off her car and kicked him with all of her strength in the shin with her shit-kicker boots. "Stop it, NOW" she said leaning into where he was bent over.

She turned to me and put her arm around my shoulders "why do you insist on poking the bear?" she said playfully.

"Sorry Alice, thanks for being my hero" I said pulling her into a hug.

"Hey, that's supposed to be my job!" Jacob said next to me. I looked up at his open, beautiful face and received the peck he gave me with a whimper for more. He laughed and we were joined by everyone but Lauren as they filtered from their classes. She went over to see what was wrong with Edward.

"What did you see in him?" Jake asked me shaking his head

"I don't know, he's pretty and intense and he used to be a lot of fun, he just got too…I don't know, focused on me or something"

He walked me over to my truck and I threw my bag in on the passenger seat, "so, you wanna come over for a while or do you need to get back home?"

"Hmmm", he said leaning his body towards mine "let me think…do I have anything I need to do that could be more enticing then spending the afternoon with you...."

I slapped him softly on the arm and leaned up to say into his mouth "I'll make it worth your trouble"

"Now _that_ I can't resist" he said, coming the rest of the way toward me for a kiss. "I'll follow you" he said, throwing his bag in the bed of my truck and going over to get on his bike.

I climbed in the car with a smile, knowing I was going to get a ride when I got home. I had to shake my head to refocus on what I was doing; the thought of him against me, inside me was distracting.

I started up the van and pulled out of the parking lot, glad that Edward and Lauren had joined the group as Alice waived good bye and brought her hand to her ear, saying I should call her with a smile.

Jacob beat me to my house and was sitting on my steps "Thought you might have kidnapped my bag" he said standing up to greet me at my door.

"Collateral" I said walking past him with a smile.

I let us into the house and walked into the kitchen but before I had a chance to grab a glass of water I felt Jacob behind me. I was pushed softly against the kitchen counter, his body behind me.

"Bella…" he whispered into my neck, my hair was up today giving him full access to my throat. "You smell delicious" he said, placing little kisses on my skin. I leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around me, bringing one big warm hand up to my breast. He massaged me and licked my skin, holding me firmly but gently. I stood up on my tip toes, wanting to feel him against my ass.

"Jake" I said, turning around in his arms "kiss me". I placed my hands on his chest and stood taller against him. He brought his lips gently to mine, moving them smoothly against mine. I tried to hop onto the counter, placing my hands behind me and jumping, but just managed to step on his toes.

"Sexy" he smiled as he lifted me up to where I was trying to go. We continued to kiss, him between my legs, hands on the top of my thighs, rubbing me as I pulled myself as close to him as I could. I was moving against him, rubbing my chest against him like a cat begging to be pet.

I dropped my hand to his chest, the other pulling at the back of his neck, digging my nails into his skin as I moaned for more of him.

His hand was moving to my back and up my shirt. The initial feeling of his skin against mine made me shiver with pleasure. His skin on mine was a drug; it was rough with calluses, warm and gentle.

"Come on love" I said, pulling back from his kiss just a little, "let's go upstairs" He stepped back to allow me to hop off the counter but pulled me into another kiss before letting me take his hand and pulling him upstairs.

Jacob closed my bedroom door when he entered behind me. We stood looking at each other, not saying I word. I reached to the bottom of my shirt and slowly pulled it over my head. He stood there, breathing heavily, not moving or saying a word. I stepped back to the edge of my bed and reached around to take off my bra.

Jacob clenched his hands into fists, opening and closing them as he watched me with fire in his eyes. I undid my bra and pulled it around me, keeping the cups over my breasts but allowing the straps to fall of my shoulder. He took a ragged breath and nodded.

I dropped my bra and stood before him. He took a step forward and I shook my head no making him smile and step back.

I put my hands on my belt and undid the button. Our eyes were still locked together. As I undid the zipped I nodded to him and he took off his shirt in one swift movement. Grabbing it behind his neck and pulling it over his head. It was such a fluid movement, so easy. That was Jake, his body was a force of nature, like water, unstoppable, ferocious and perfect.

He put his hands on his belt and raised his eyebrows at me. Slowly I shimmied out of my jeans, leaving my underwear on. He watched me, following my movements with his eyes, his eyes taking me in. I could feel myself blush but I loved the look on his face as he caressed me with his gaze.

He undid his pants and stepped out of them as he walked over to me. I sat on the bed as he came toward me and leaned back onto my pillow as he got on the bed, hovering above me. We were both still in our underwear but there was something intensely sexy and erotic about him looking at me this way. His eyes stayed on mine as he lowered his weight on me and leaned into kiss.

I felt his skin against my chest and my arms slid under his ribs and around his strong back. I could feel the muscles holding him up and I arched up against him to press my chest against his skin. He moaned into my mouth, licking my lip and bringing one hand down along my face.

I kissed down along his neck to his shoulder where I chewed on him gently. His hand was at my hip now, his eyes closed.

"Jake…" I said

"Yeah Bells" he whispered, pulling back to look at me

"I love you, no matter what, I love you, I want you to believe that OK?

"I do honey, I do" he said leaning in to kiss me again. I could feel how hard he was against me and I moved my hands up and down his back, working one hand into the back of his boxer briefs to grab his ass. As I did that he allowed more of his weight to fall onto me and rocked his hips against me.

"You are so warm…" he murmured into my neck as he suckled my skin. His hand was on my breast now working my nipple. I rubbed my foot up and down his leg and he stopped what he was doing to lean up and look at me. "Are wearing socks?"

"Oh!" I said, blushing, having forgotten about them, trying to push them off with my feet.

He laughed his full warm laugh and looked at me with that twinkle in his eye. "You are such a 'tard Swan, I love you"

He kissed me while we were both still laughing and my socks were forgotten. I pushed his underwear off and he pulled mine down off of me. Laughing when he got to my feet, rolling his eyes and pulling the socks off of my feet.

"But now they're gonna get cold!" I pouted and he roared again

"I'll keep you warm" he said bringing his mouth down on my hip bone. Licking it and breathing onto me. He kissed my mound with so much pressure I gasped and bucked up to him, making him look up at me with that wicked smile of his. He came up to me then and kissed me. I reached my hand down between us and guided him into me. I didn't need more than this today. All I needed now was the feeling of him inside of me.

As he slid into place he moaned and I arched into him. "God you're so perfect, it feels, it feels like home." He said looking at me again.

We lay there not moving looking into each other's eyes. "It is home Jacob, It's yours, I'm yours, you're all I want, you're all I need"

He leaned down, kissed me and started sliding in and out of me. I could feel him everywhere. It was like my skin was consumed with him. As he stroked me inside, my hands grabbed his neck and hair and back. I pulled him to me, kissing him and wrapping my legs up onto his hips.

We rolled onto one side and continued moving together, finding a new angle that made us both gasp. I arched away from him and he grabbed my hand, holding it over our heads as we rocked and rocked and rocked. I pushed my hips into him, feeling him at my center and my instincts took over. His hands held me in place as I thrashed against him, losing myself in the rhythm of his body against mine.

Jacob is strong and his hands on me gave me what I needed to push against as I rode out the wave that was starting at my center. "Touch me" I screamed, feeling myself approaching the oblivion of pleasure.

He took one hand and started rubbing at my clit with a callused finger and I rolled him over so that I was on top of him. "Jake…" I said looking at him as I started to shudder. My body coiled and relaxed over and over again, bringing me higher and higher to ecstasy. He was grunting and thrusting up into me hard and steady.

He slammed into me harder that I would have though my body could take, but whatever he did it released a dam inside me. I shook and came with so much power I couldn't have stopped it if I tried. I could feel him twitch below me as he grabbed the sides of the bed and screamed, his head bent back, the muscles in his neck clenching.

When we were both spent I leaned down and kissed his shoulder. Knowing that no matter what had happened in the past, no matter what happened now, we would get through it together.

* * *

**Now I INSIST you listen to this song, and definitely read the sample lyrics below, it's PERFECT for Jake and Bella**

_I'd Rather Be With You_ by Joshua Radin http://popup(DOT)lala(DOT)com/popup/504684642129748704

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain  
Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain  
You're the one thing that I'm missing here  
With you beside me I no longer fear

I need to be bold  
Need to jump in the cold water  
Need to grow older with a girl like you  
Finally see you are naturally  
The one to make it so easy  
When you show me the truth  
Yeah, I'd rather be with you  
Say you want the same thing too


	11. Chapter 11

**I haven't said it for a while so in case you're wondering I don't own these characters or story concepts. They are all SMs. I'm just enjoying abusing them for a while.**

**Also, I want to send out huge thanks to HopeAlways and OhioPaige for all their help in making this story come together, they have taken their own time in reviews and PMs to help me think through story lines and editing and I **_**really**_** appreciate it. Big Wolfie Kisses to both of you.**

**Ok, meanwhile in Forks…**

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* * *

  
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I sat on my front step waiting for Jacob to pick me up from school. I would ride on the back of his bike, holding onto his body and wishing we could be alone instead of going to Forks High. I was relieved by how well things had gone yesterday. My friends had been surprisingly accepting of my new relationship and even though Edward and Lauren were unimpressed I can't really say that's much of a loss in my eyes.

Especially when you considered what I gained: I had gained Jacob Black. I had gained a boy that I could see a man in. I could see the man he would become: a good man, a man who would keep his promises and love his family, a man who would be strong and loving, firm and kind, a man I could love.

I smiled at the thought of a life with Jacob. It was a distant thought but one where I could see children with deep gold skin and brown hair, running to Charlie who would dote on them like an old woman. I thought of waking up in his arms for years to come, loving him, living with him. I didn't want those things now, didn't know if I'd ever want those exact things, but I knew I'd want something with Jacob.

I stood up when I heard the grumble of his bike down the road and walked down to the end of the driveway to meet him. He was stunning on the bike coming toward me. His short hair was standing straight up in the wind, his natural intensity heightened by his concentration on the drive. He saw me and smiled and my heart swelled to 3 times its size trying to hold all the love I felt. His open joy when he saw me was flattening. The idea that he could feel for me what I feel when I see him was more of a gift then I could have ever dreamed of.

I climbed on the back of that bike feeling my inner Jane freeing herself as I wrapped my arms around my own personal Tarzan. He was wild and safe, dangerous and protective, sexy and loving; he was everything a girl could hope for.

"Earth to Bella!" I heard Alice say during Media that day. I had been day dreaming about this afternoon at Jake's, spending time alone with him in his garage. I was excited to be free of the eyes that followed up everywhere we went at school, to be somewhere that I could touch him and kiss him and…. "Bella!"

"Yeah, what Alice?" I said bringing my attention fully to her.

"So Jazz wanted to see if you guys wanted to go do something on Friday"

"Jasper did? Really, he barely speaks to me"

"Well, he barely speaks to anyone and honestly he tries to spend as little time with Edward as possible, so now that you're with Jake…"

"Did everyone but me know that Edward was an ass?"

"No, look, my brother's just dramatic. There's a good guy in there somewhere; he just needs to grow up."

"Yeah" I said, perhaps a little enthusiastically because I received the pursed lip glare of my favorite Cullen.

"Regardless..." she said stretching the word out "Friday night there's this little place in Port Angeles I've always wanted to go and they're having an All Ages Night, so we can get in!"

"Which place Alice? Last time we went to one of your 'little places' we ended up watching male gogo dancers shake their asses to show tunes for 2 hours!"

"Oh, you loved it!" she said, flicking her head to get her hair out of her eyes. "This place is supposed to be like a dinner theatre kind of thing but its all 1930's funky. Then they open it up and there's dancing and stuff. Come on! Jazz said he'll only go if you guys come and I _really_ wanna go." She gave me the biggest fat lipped pout I'd ever seen and bat her eyelashes at me.

"Fine, I'll ask Jake, but if I see one man in a thong I'm leaving."

"Deal" she laughed.

Physics was next and I would talk to Jake then. I can't imagine that he was going to say no, and if anyone could get the taciturn Jasper to join in the conversation it would be Jacob Black.

Jake was excited about going out but managed not to make too big of a deal out of it at school. I really didn't want to say anything in front of Edward or anyone else. It was bad enough that there was this new division between some of my friends; I really didn't want anyone to feel left out. I thought about asking if Angela and Quil could come but decided it would be nicer to have a small group.

I really wanted Alice to get to know Jacob. He was so important to me now. I couldn't imagine my life without him. Every moment I was with him I was filled with laughter and just looking at him could take my breath away. The way he looked at me was so new, so amazing. It was like I was the only thing in the room when his eyes met mine and if I wasn't careful it didn't matter where we were or what we were doing because I would reach out to touch him.

After school I rode to Jacob's house with him on the bike. Charlie would come meet us for dinner when he got off work and I'd go home with him.

When we pulled in we went in the house, said a quick hello to Billy, who was eyeing me strangely but seemed glad to see me "Bella! You sure have grown, glad you're here, I know Charlie's been missing you."

"Yeah, I'm really glad I'm here too. Forks is definitely growing on me." I said smiling and blushing a little.

"I can see that" he said looking right at me "ok you two, off to the garage, I don't need you interrupting my man time in here" he laughed and Jacob grabbed two soda's for us. Out in the garage Jacob showed me the VW rabbit he was working on. It was white and rusty, but Jacob seemed completely enamored with it.

"So it's called a VW Golf over seas but here we call it a Rabbit, I don't know why but I like it, it's cute." He was telling me all about his car like a kid with his first Transformers Toy. "It drinks more than it should but on the highway it should get decent mileage and its got great pickup and handles crosswinds with no problem. It's really perfect for driving out around here with the wind off the water. Plus it's a hatch back which means it stays small and it was cheep to buy 'cause not many people want that."

"I like it…" I said climbing in the passenger door. I sat on the seat and put my feet up on the dash board. "It's comfortable"

"I can't wait to get it on the road but the wiring needs to be replaced" he said leaning over me from the driver's side and opening the glove compartment which went straight into the dash, no compartment to hold anything just a big hole with a lot of wires dangling in the back. "The electronics are pretty easy though. I can adjust the drive belts on my own too with a shim; it's the roof weld I'm not sure how to fix…"

He leaned back in his seat and put his hands behind his head "I was going to clean the fuel injectors today and start looking over the vacuum hoses to see why the door locks don't work with the buttons, only manually." He was musing now. I loved to watch him work through problems. He enjoyed this the way other people liked jigsaw puzzles or knitting. He loved finding the solutions and creating something that worked. I watched his profile as he talked, getting lost in the lines of his face.

His jaw was defined and strong, even when it wasn't clenched in some upsetting thought. His hair was dark, almost black and spiky. He didn't seem to know what to do with it short, every day it was gelled in some different direction, but here, after a day of school and 2 bike rides it was soft and falling in his face slightly. I leaned over and brushed it away from his forehead. He sighed and looked at me.

"I love your touch." He said "it soothes me, it is everything to me." He was looking into my eyes and I was falling into the deep wells of his. My hand was now on his shoulder and I turned in my seat to face him, tucking one leg under me.

"Look, I think... I've been thinking I should go to the clinic in Forks and get on the pill. I mean, if we're gonna keep... it's just not smart that we're not, you know, being carefull right now." I said it as fast as I could, not really wanting to have this conversation but knowing we needed to.

"Yeah, fuck!" he said, his eyes wide looking at me "I'm a fucking idiot! God" he slammed his hands onto the steering wheel and looked away from me, his jaw working out whatever he was feeling that he wouldn't say.

"No, Jake, look, it's OK, alright, there's nothing to worry about and I just want to be sure there isn't later ok?"

"Sure, sure, I'm really sorry"

"It's ok love", I said pulling myself across the center console and into his lap

"Are you…sure we're OK?"

"Yeah" I said looking down "I got my period today, so really, it's fine"

I could feel the depth of his relief in his long breath. "Ok….ok…" he said softly.

I leaned down to him and put my hand under his chin bringing him up to look at me. "You're safe with me Jake, I'm not going to play games with you and hurt you." I leaned in and brought my lips to him, kissing his still tense mouth feeling him relax as I placed my hands on his chest and leaned into him a little. "I love you" I whispered into his mouth.

He began kissing me back, our mouths working together in a soft slow rhythm. His hand was under my shirt rubbing my back. I pulled his lower lip into my mouth, sucking on it and nibbling. I moved my hands down his chest, feeling every chiseled muscle as I went. His body was a miracle to touch, and I wanted to feel more. His shirt moved easily as I tugged to lift it over his head. Leaning forward he pulled it off smoothly. We came back together then, kissing more forcefully but still slowly. His tongue sent me on fire as I tasted him in my mouth. A moan escaped my lips as he moved his mouth down to my neck, licking and kissing softly. He was torturing me with gentleness.

I pulled away from him, lifting my body off of him slightly and coming back down with one leg on either side of his lap. He reached down next to him and reclined his seat back so that I could lean down on him. I pushed my body against him firmly and began kissing his neck and jaw. "You taste so good" I murmured into his skin, making him shudder. He pulled my shirt off of me and began running his hands along my sides, his fingers flirting with my breasts but not touching me.

"God" I said sitting up on him and arching my back. It was hard to believe I had lost my virginity just over a week ago. The fire on my skin where he touched me and the quaking in my thighs in the hopes that he would touch my core was overwhelming. I rubbed myself along his growing hard on, feeling the seam on my jeans press into me in all the right places.

"Bella…" he moaned as his hands came to cup my breasts as I ground against him. "You are so soft" he said as I undid my bra and allowed his hands full access to my chest. I was so glad we were in the garage. Billy couldn't get down here easily and we would have all the privacy we needed all afternoon.

I leaned in to kiss him again and his hands cupped my ass, pulling me down on him as his hips rocked up toward me. I felt him slide against me in a rhythm that I wished could be inside of me. I rode him and could feel him long and hard, ready for anything against me. He pulled me back from him and started to undo my belt. "No Jake, not today OK? I wanna leave these on." He looked at me with so much hurt in his eyes I just blurted out "Jacob, it's not you, I have my _period_ ok? That's just…a little much for in the garage ok?"

"Oh, sure, sure, sorry, I wasn't thinking. You know, I don't care right?"

"About the sex?"

"No, about, you know, I want you no matter what."

I smiled, there was definitely something sexy about a man who wanted to be in you no matter what. "Ok, but not today ok?" I said starting to feel a little shy.

"Well, then, what are we going to do with _this?"_ he said with a wicked grin, pointing down to his erection.

"I don't know Mr. Mechanic, isn't there some kind of porno fantasy about this kind of thing?" He laughed and pulled me into a hug.

"I love you Isabella Swan, you are funny and sexy and so amazing." He kissed me sweetly and disentangled himself from me. We got out of the car but he was still hard, and I was still tingling. Standing next to the Rabbit he leaned against me against the car. "I bet I can make you cum without taking those pants off" he whispered into my ear and then taking it into his mouth.

He pressed himself harder against me and rubbed his cock against me hard. "Oh god…" I said, as I felt myself get wet from his touch. I latched onto his lips and he pulled one of my legs up and around his hips.

"What do you say?" he said pushing me against the car harder, lifting me up off my feet and licking at my tongue.

"Please" I moaned and he began a fresh assault on my neck. His kisses became rougher as he pulled my skin into his mouth. My hands were around his shoulders and I was clinging to him now. "Oh Fuck" I said as he wrapped one hand around my ass and pressed his fingers against my opening. I was wiggling in his arms now, trying desperately to bring his cock or his fingers to touch the right place, the place that would send me over the edge screaming his name.

He lowered me back to the ground and put his hands on my shoulders. He leaned back; his arms fully extended and looked at me. He smiled and began looking at my body. I could see him start to shake. Whatever he saw in me he really liked and even though I couldn't imagine it, I basked in his adoration. He leaned forward and took one nipple softly, gingerly into his mouth. I tried to grab his head, pull him closer to me but his hands on my shoulders had moved down to my upper arms and he was holding me in place.

He sucked softly on just the nub and then began lapping at me with his tongue, hard and wide. I moaned so loudly I worried Billy might hear us but just as I was beginning to worry Jacob took my breast into his mouth, pulling in and sucking on it with his tongue and lips. I cried out and bucked my hips toward him, desperate to be touched. I started fighting his hold on me. If he wouldn't touch me I'd do it myself! He wouldn't let me go and was holding me so firmly I felt trapped; and I loved it. I was being fucked to death without even being touched.

Jacob stopped and looked up at me with heat and fire in his eyes. He kissed down my belly, making my stomach muscles jump and my hips shake. He moved his hands to my hips and kneeled before me. He put his nose against my center, using the cartridge to push up into me. I gasped and put my hand in his hair, pulling him to me.

He leaned his head back slightly and breathed into my crotch with his warm breath and began applying steady pressure against me with his tongue. "Oh god Jake" I screamed as I pushed my hips against him. "Oh goooooood" I wailed and then he bit me through my jeans right on my clit. I screamed and bucked and slammed my head back onto the car. He kept a firm hold on my hips, keeping me in place or I would have fallen down as the vibrations from what his teeth had done to me spread out over my entire body. He stayed there chewing on me until the last wave of pleasure over took me and I crumpled beneath him.

I fell to the floor and sat on his lap. He was sitting on his knees so I could put my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around him as I caught my breath. "Wow" I said looking up at his shinning eyes "that was…"

"Overwhelming" he said looking at me with love. "I love going down on you Bella, the sounds you make, the smell of you, I only wish I had been able to taste you."

I kissed him sleepily "But what about you?" I asked

"Oh, ahh, I kind of came already…" he said quietly looking around.

"What? How"

"You, you're just, fuck, going down on you, it's all I can do not to cum and today with you screaming against my car, I just lost it." He smiled up at me.

I giggled and put my forehead against him "pervert"

"Come on; let's get your clothes on so I can show you the fuel injector"

"Sexy" I laughed as I stood up, a little wobbly on my feet but the happiest I can ever remember being.

I slipped on my bra and teeshirt when I heard my phone buzzing. Jake was rearranging himself in him pants so I went to my backpack to check my phone and give him some privacy. I had a new text from Angela

_U on the rez?_

_Yeah what's up – BS_

_w/ quil at Sams – all boys here – need girl reinforcements_

_haha let me chk w/ J_

"Hey, Jake, Angela and Quill are over at Sam's, she wants us to come over, apparently it's all guys over there"

"Yeah, it would be, Sam is like the big brother for all the Rez delinquents" he laughed and threw a clean shirt he had in the garage. "You sure you wanna go over there, I mean it really is like a boys club"

"Well, Angela is there and I'd like to meet your friends, I mean, if you don't mind putting off the thrilling time of cleaning the fuel injector"

"I was kind of looking forward to it" he said but smiled "come on, let me tell my Dad what we're doing and we'll go ok?"

Jake ran into the house and came back with a hairbrush "you might want to just pull this through your hair, this isn't a crowd you want to have see you with sex hair" he smiled at me.

"Thanks" I said chewing on my lower lip "ok, come on" I tucked my phone into my back pocket and left my bag on the couch in Jake's garage, no sense in carrying it along.

We hopped on the bike and were speeding along back roads I'd never seen before until we came to the little cabin we had gotten the key from on Friday. Jacob hopped off the bike, now excited to see his friends and have them meet me. We walked through the front door without knocking and found what truly was a boys club.

There were 6 guys, plus Angela all crammed into the little living room on the Cabin. Sam smiled at us and was clearly the oldest one there, although not by too much. There were legs everywhere as the guys made themselves comfortable. These Quileute boys were all huge and really good looking. Good genes here on the Rez, that's for sure!

I went and sat by Angela on the couch with Quil as Jake said hello to Embry and some guys I didn't know. They were watching someone on the floor play some video game with zombies and people with green scaly skin. Jake punched the guy who was playing in the arm and I heard him say "Watch it you cock-gobbler, I'm playing here!"

And they all burst out into laughter and Angela rolled her eyes at me "See what I mean?" she said leaning into me.

"Yeah, Jesus how do you fit this much testosterone in one room."

"It's not easy" laughed Embry from the other side of the room "good thing we have Seth here to even it out! Right Faggot?" he said, ruffling a younger boy's hair. He was tall and well muscled like the rest of them, but his face was rounder and more innocent, open.

"Better me then you Em, I at least have the legs to pull it off" Seth said pulling up his jean legs and pointing his toes. Everyone laughed comfortably now. It was nice to see this kind of group for Jake. He was so high strung sometimes I knew he needed this. Seth nodded at Jake "s'up man"

"Not much kid, good to see you" Jacob said with a sweetness in his voice I hadn't expected.

"Get a room ya 'mos" another boy said.

"Who are all these people?" I whispered to Jacob who was sitting on the floor in front of me now.

"Oh god, yeah, well you know Quil and Embry" he said pointing to them. "Big guy's Sam and little fish over there is Seth. Jared's sitting on the coffee table and Paul's playing the PS3". I felt my body seize as Jacob said the last name, it couldn't be the same Paul, Jake wouldn't do that to me.

Just then Paul turned around to greet me, his smile still cold, his eyes as cruel as I remembered them, as cruel as they always were in my dreams. I stared at him and started to shake.

"So, you knock this one up yet Jake?" he said never taking his eyes off of me.

Before I knew what happened Jake was standing up but Paul was already on the ground and the kid Seth had thrown himself across the room and onto Paul. He was hitting him over and over again screaming. It took a second for everyone to register what was going on and then Sam and Jake were pulling Seth off of him. "It's ok Seth, come on man, chill, he's just being Paul" Sam was saying "you know he just spews shit without even thinking about it…it's alright man, calm down"

Paul was sitting next to the television now and had a cut on the side of his face and his lip was bleeding profusely. "Fuck man, I didn't mean anything by it, just you know, getting the lay of the land!"

"Shut the fuck up Paul" Quil said, standing up and grabbing Paul by the arm "Let's get you cleaned up." Quil and Paul walked across the room to a door behind the recliner while Angela watched in shock. I don't think she'd quite processed the violence enough to even know what had happened.

She looked at me then "Bella, are you OK? It's just a little blood." I knew what I looked like at that moment. I looked the way I always did in the mirror after waking up from a nightmare about what Paul had tried to do to me. I was white as a sheet, shaking, unable to get a full breath. I could feel the tears coming but I refused to let them fall. My breath was fast and ragged and my chest was tightening around me. Breathing was getting more difficult and I needed to run, move, anything to get away from here.

How could Jake have brought me here? How could he have brought me somewhere that Paul was and not tell me? How could he have said hello to him so casually with me sitting right here? I laughed with him, I was sitting barely 3 feet away from him; he could have touched me! And then my stomach rolled. The idea of being touched by Paul was enough to make my eyes blur and my stomach heave.

"Bella?" Angela said again.

"Ange, will you take me home." I asked "Now"

"Uhhh, Ok, are you alright?"

I looked at her and saw her pull back from the look on my face. I was angry, hurt, terrified and completely overwhelmed. I wanted to punch Jacob for putting me in this position and I wanted him to take away my pain, heal, and protect me. The need to flee was rising and I knew that if I didn't get out of there soon I was going to throw-up or faint or kill someone. Which Quileute boy would be my victim I wasn't sure yet.

"No Ange, I'm not, I don't want to talk about it. I just, I need to get out of here." I started looking around me frantically, forgetting for a moment that I hadn't brought anything with me. The panic rising up in my chest was more then I could take. I wasn't thinking straight of seeing what I was doing, the panic in my chest and the instinct to run was overwhelming.

I could hear the blood pounding in my ears so I stood up and felt for my phone in my pocked so I could walk outside. Maybe some fresh air would help me regain some control but then Quil and Paul came back out into the living room.

I was frozen in my place. I watched as he moved over to where the guys were talking to Seth. Paul was calm, the smirk on his face never completely gone, his body powerful but not like Jacob's. Seth was built more like a cheetah, slim and lithe, he looked ready to pounce at any moment. "Seth man, I'm sorry about that, I forgot you were here." Paul said, not exactly apologizing.

"You forgot I was here?" Seth said, his voice breaking slightly "So if I wasn't here it would be ok for my sister to be fucking fodder for humor? You're an asshole Paul!" Seth screamed and walked out. I watched him go; wishing desperately my feet could carry me behind him. Angela had walked over to talk to Quill and I stood there in the middle of the room, staring at the single person in the world I hated, tasting bile in the back of my throat.

Jacob stood with his arms crossed in front of Paul. "What the fuck man?" was all he said shaking his head.

"Brother, you know I don't mean the shit I say." Paul said, looking slightly more regretful.

Sam stepped up to him them clapping a hand on each of their shoulders and just shook his head. "Fucking retards" he said pulling them each under one arm. The love Sam showed for them was confusing, I was at the same time warmed to him to see that Jake had someone to take care of him like that but repelled that he would show that same love to Paul.

How anyone could even touch Paul without recoiling I couldn't imagine. Angela had gathered her bag and walked back up to me. "You ready?" she said, following my gaze to the guys. Jacob had finally remembered I was there and was looking at me.

"Yes" I said more forcefully then I needed to and walked out not saying goodbye to anyone.

"What the fuck's her problem?" I heard someone say behind me.

"Shit…" I heard Jake say as the door slammed behind me.

I walked to Angela's car quickly, waiting for her to find her keys and unlock the doors. Jacob walked out onto the porch and I couldn't look at him. "Bella" he said walking toward me, the tears started to overflow despite my pleas for them to stop. "Bella, come on…" he said reaching for me. I pulled back from his touch like he was a rattlesnake coming in to strike.

"Stay the fuck away from me" I said slowly, looking at him, shaking furiously now. The look in his eyes was full of regret and confusion. He must know how seeing Paul affected me. He either didn't get it or didn't care, either way I wanted nothing to do with him right now.

Angela found her keys an unlocked the doors. She was looking at us now, Jake with one had out toward me and me with my arms crossed over my stomach, trying to hold in the vomit rising in me.

"You're fucking friends with him." I said flatly. He flinched like I'd struck him and pulled his hands back. "I can't even look at you" I said getting into the car. Angela pulled away and I knew Jake was behind us watching us go, but I never turned around to look.

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**What do you think? Is Bella right to be so mad? Can Jake ever make it up to her? How??**

**Clicky Clicky, I live for your reviews!  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**I just heard that FF is thinking of pulling some of the M stories. I don't know any details but if this is pulled I will post it somewhere else…but where? If it's pulled I'll update a new link on my profile so you can find it. I don't know if this will happen but just to be safe I wanted to let you all know my plan.**

**Thanks again for all the love with the last chapter. I'm glad you're enjoying the **_**human**_** difficulties of a relationship. Drama Drama everywhere! Please review!**

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**Angela and I rode to my house in silence. Jacob and Paul were friends. Jacob and Paul were friends. Paul called him brother. Jacob and Paul were friends. My mind couldn't process the information I had received. My two extremes, my love/lust in life was friends with my greatest fear. Jacob and Paul were friends.

"Bella?" Angela asked as we pulled in front of my house "are you ok"

"No Ange, I'm not…"

"Do you want me to come in? We can talk or just watch TV…."

"No, I just want to be alone."

"OK hon, I'll call you later ok, or you call me if you change your mind, I can always come over" she looked at me with such kindness and love that the tears I had been biting back with my anger came spilling ok "Oh Bella, Ok hon" Angela said as she held me in her little NoVa. I sobbed into her arms, feeling all of the pain and fear wash over me.

I let the tears wash down my face and didn't try to fight the heaving breaths I took. My body shook with the effort it took to hold itself up. I wanted to melt away, I wanted every cell in my body to separate and drift away. Anything so I wouldn't have to feel this way any more.

"Ok, shhhh, you're ok" Angela kept saying as she smoothed my hair and squeezed me.

Eventually my sobs slowed and I took a few steadying breaths. Pulling away from Angela I cringed at the look of concern in her eyes. I hated having anyone see me like this. "Thanks…" I said looking anywhere but at her.

"It's OK Bella, I love you; you're my best friend" she said ducking down, trying to catch my eyes. "Let's go inside OK?"

"I'm just gonna take a shower and crash I think. Thanks though."

"Ok, I'll still call you later though ok?"

"Yeah, thanks" I said, a few small tears slipping through the gates.

Angela looked at me and nodded and watched me go in my front door. When I got inside I went up to the bathroom and washed my face. The cool water felt good against my skin. I took out my phone and called my Dad hoping I would get Jean, the lady who answers the phones, and not him. But no such luck.

"Hey Dad."

"Hey Bells, what's going on, are you OK? Do you need anything?"

"No Dad I'm fine." I said smiling at his concern. Charlie was a really good guy. "I just wanted to call and let you know I'm home not in La Push"

"Oh, I'm glad you called, I was about to leave for the drive down there. What made you change your mind?"

"I just have a lot of homework" I lied, knowing that I could never tell Charlie about Paul.

"OK, well, I'll come home then"

"No it's OK, you should go down and see Billy, he was really looking forward to seeing you."

"You sure you're Ok kid?"

"Yeah, just tired is all" I said, which was in fact the truth. I was exhausted.

"OK, I won't be home too late"

"Sure sure, just, you know no drinking and driving, I'd rather you stay at Billy's or I can come get you."

"Haha Bells, you're a riot" Charlie said flatly. We both knew he would drink and he would drive home. Somehow being the chief of police didn't manage to make him any smarter about that.

"Bye Dad"

"Bye"

As I hung up on Charlie I saw that I had 2 new text messages, both from Jake:

_Bella I'm sry, pls call me - Jake_

_B – pls – ru ok? pls call – Jake_

I shut my phone without responding. I really had nothing to say to him. I couldn't even imagine speaking to him right now. I felt my stomach heave again. As much as seeing Paul had hurt what had thrown me for a complete loop was seeing Jacob pal around with him like they hang out all the time. In fact they probably did hang out all the time. They were at Sam's and Quil and Embry were there…

I felt the tears rising again, my eyes were raw and my body was exhausted. It had been a long day at school and then with Jacob in the garage and now this. It was more input then my brain could handle. I turned on the shower, heating the water up hot and stripped out of my clothes.

In the shower I let the water soak me, letting it run through my hair, drenching it and weighing it down against me. My hair was long now, down to my nipples. I'd always dreamed of having hair that went past my breasts, but it usually got damaged before then and needed to be cut. I washed it, breathing in the clean scent of my shampoo, letting the water wash away the ache in my heart.

My tears were still falling, but mixed in with the shower water it didn't seem as painful. I leaned against the tile wall, feeling the cool against my back in contrast with the heat of the water and I sobbed. I sat on the floor of the shower and held my knees to myself. All of the fear from the past 10 years washed over me, all of the pain of keeping it secret and not feeling like I could trust anyone. I finally do trust Jake and he turns out to just be another asshole. How could he hurt me like this?

I got out of the shower and dried my hair in my towel. Wrapping it around me like a dress I step out of the bathroom, holding my dirty clothes in my arms. As I walk into my room I gasp, seeing Jacob sitting on my bed.

"Go away." I say wearily, I didn't have the emotional energy to handle this, I could barely walk I was so drained, let alone talk to him.

"Bella, talk to me."

"Why?" I turned on him "You don't talk to me."

He blanched at that, knowing I was right. He had never explained Leah to me. I had let it drop, knowing from my Dad that it was a difficult subject, figuring he would tell me about it when he was ready, but now, I just didn't care, I didn't have it in me to worry about his feelings.

"I…look, I'm sorry, you're right I'm not good at, telling people things, but I will. Ok? I didn't realize Paul would be there and it wasn't until he looked at you that I realized…I fucked up again, I know I did, it's not something I think about much, I'm sorry."

"You may not think about it much but I've thought about it almost every day for the past 10 years. I think about it every time you kiss me, every time someone tells me I'm pretty, every time someone looks at me for a little too long, I wonder, is this the next person who's going to hurt me? You don't _have_ to think about it, Jacob, I do. Now please, go away."

"No"

"You infuriating, immature ingrate, get the fuck out of my house!" I was yelling, my hands in fists at my sides. I couldn't do this, I wouldn't do this!

"Bella, I love you, I'm not going until you know that"

"Well then you might as well sleep on the couch because it's going to be a long fucking wait." I said storming out of my room and locking myself into Charlie's room. I grabbed one of his T-Shirts and a pair of old sweats and climbed into the bed. I hadn't slept in this bed since I was a little girl, and slipping under the covers now, so tired and so raw was soothing. I could feel my parents there, loving me and protecting me, telling me it was going to be OK after I woke from one of my nightmares.

I hugged one of the pillows and drifted off to sleep.

"Bella Baby?" I heard someone calling me. "Come on honey, wake up" I could hear my father's voice and smell his cologne but where was I…. "Bella, come on baby, let's get you in your bed"

"Daddy?" I said groggily, not sure what was going on.

"Come on Baby, you're too big for me to carry now" I woke up a little and remembered falling asleep in his room.

"Jake?" I asked looking up at Charlie.

"He's gone, I made him leave when I got home, come on Bells, you can tell me about it in the morning, let's get you into your bed."

I got up and Charlie walked me to my room his arm around my waist like he was afraid I was going to fall. I let myself lean into him, happy to have him home. My father and I might not be very good at expressing ourselves but I loved him so much. "Thanks Dad, I love you" I said leaning into him further.

"You too kid"

I got into bed and he tucked me in like he used to when I was a little kid, pulling the comforter right up under my chin and kissing me on the nose. "Night Bells, Sleep Wells" I smiled at his silly joke that he's been using since I was little and drifted back to sleep.

The next morning I woke to the smell of coffee and eggs. What Charlie cooking? He must be really worried about me. I threw on some clothes for school and put my hair back into a braid that fell down my back. My black pants fit snugly but I knew they looked good, Edward always told me my ass looked nice when I wore these. I had on a tank top with a short sleeve cardigan over it that pinched at the waist. I felt like crap and wanted to look half way decent for once.

I grabbed my phone after slipping on my shoes and had another text from Jake this morning.

_Call me if u want a ride – luv u_

That was all he had to say to me? After fucking everything yesterday he was worried about carpooling? What in the hell was going through his mind. I most certainly did not want a fucking ride.

I bounced downstairs and almost ran into Charlie. "Hey kid. Jake left your bag here for you last night. He said there was something in it for you." I sighed and looked at Charlie. He nodded and headed back upstairs. I knew he wouldn't push me about what had happened and I was so glad. If Renee was here I would never hear the end of it, and it would eventually turn into some kind of sob story about _her_ life at some point in time. I love my mom, I really did, but I was so much happier living with Charlie.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and a piece of toast with jam on it, Charlie was defiantly worried about me if he ever put jam on the toast… I grabbed my bag and went to sit on the front porch. Inside there was an envelope with "Bella" written in Jake's staccato handwriting.

**Bella – I'm sorry for yesterday.  
I wasn't thinking, I should have told you Paul would probably be there.****  
Like I said, Sam is like the big brother for the Rez delinquents  
We don't always get to pick who our friends are  
****Paul was one of the few guys who stood by me last year****  
A lot happened and I lost almost everyone****  
I promise I'll tell you the whole story if you'll let me  
What he did to you was not ok and I don't expect you to understand  
His being my friend has nothing to do with you  
****I never want to hurt you and I'm so sorry  
I love you Bella, all I want is you  
I will do anything you need  
Just tell me what to do  
Love forever – Jake**

I sighed. I didn't know what to make of his letter. He defends Paul and tells me it has nothing to do with me? How could it not. How could he even want someone like Paul as a friend? Better to have no friends than him. I knew Jacob went through a lot but right now I didn't care.

I got into my truck and drove to school. I didn't want to be there when his bike went by.

I went straight to the library and texted Angela

_10Q 4 yesterday – ur the best_

I hadn't answered her calls last night and I didn't want her to worry. I stayed in the library reading Blake poems for English until I heard the first bell. I was able to get to Bio without seeing Jake. I knew I'd see him soon, I had most of my classes with him, I just had to fortify my heart a little before then.

Angela didn't say much to me in biology, we were starting a new chapter and it wasn't her strongest class so she was really working on taking good notes. Even if she wasn't though I knew she wouldn't push me. It was always a breath of fresh air to be with her. We walked together to our lockers where I found a red piece of paper taped to my locker.

**Miss You – Jake**

I sighed, I had to give him credit; he was trying. Angela looked at me and gave me a half smile "ok, I'm off to French. See you at lunch?" she meant it as a real question too, wondering if I would be hiding in the library or the bathroom again. I really was getting a reputation for being overly dramatic; I was going to have to work on that.

"Yeah, I'll be there", I leaned in and hugged her before scooping up my bag and heading toward English.

Outside the door was Jake, I saw him before he saw me, his backpack on the floor, leaning against the wall with both legs kicked out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. He was chewing on the nails on his left hand and had a wrinkle between his eyebrows. I couldn't deny that he was beautiful or that both my body and heart were reaching out toward him, begging for him to fix the ache in my chest.

He was the only one I could talk to about this, the only one I wouldn't have to explain it to, but he was also the one who had hurt me. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked up to him. "hey" I said glancing up at his face, noticing the strain in his eyes as he looked at me.

"Hey" he said awkwardly "I didn't know if you were talking to me, I'm glad you are" he leaned down to kiss my check and I took a step back. He reached back and put one hand on the back of his neck "Ok, I guess I deserve that"

"Bella, hey Bella!" I heard Alice call from down the hall. I looked up at Jake and forced a smile before turning to her. I really didn't want the whole school to know we were fighting.

"Hey Alice, what's up?"

"Just confirming Friday night! Do you want to all drive together or meet us there? Jazz got me a new CD I can't wait to listen too, it's all 30s songs to go along with our night!" Jake took the opportunity of having someone else there to put his hand on the small of my back. I took a small step away but he didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah, we're totally on!" he said to Alice. "I'm excited to see my little pixie in her natural element" he said smiling and batting his eyelashes at her.

"Jake! Stop flirting with me you big goof" she said, smiling a big bright smile, thoroughly enjoying the attention.

"How can I help it when you're so effervescent!?" he said, letting go of me and hunching down into a mock pouncing position. Alice squealed and batted at his arms as the came around her to life her into a hug.

"Don't make me hurt you" she giggled as he released her. "Ok, love you Bella" she leaned in to kiss me on the cheek "see you at lunch" she said and smacked Jake's ass as she walked away.

I laughed and shook my head "You two are trouble together"

"I like Alice, she's so…free"

"Yeah" I said wrapping my arms back around myself, knowing that I was distinctly not free.

He stood there and stared at me, I felt myself getting hypnotized by those eyes. His dark eyes could make me forget the world, all of my pain and anger started to melt away as I stepped toward him. I lifted my hand to put on his face but before I made contact the bell rang shocking me back to reality and I dropped it quickly.

I turned and walked into class, taking my new seat at the back of the room without saying anything to Jacob.

I watched him during class finding it impossible to concentrate on the lecture on Blake. His shoulders were wide and the slope of them from his neck to his arms was steep. I wanted to be held by those arms, to wrap myself up in him. I noticed that he and Edward were sharing the table slightly more equitably today. Even if Edward and I still weren't speaking I really didn't want there to be a constant issue.

I was so tired of there always being something wrong. There was a part of me that wished I could go back two weeks when things were simpler. When I knew who I was and what I wanted. But I hadn't really been happy then. Not like I was now, or at least not like I had been until yesterday afternoon.

We were reading sections aloud and I was called on to read a part of The Divine Image:

For Mercy has a human heart;  
Pity, a human face;  
And Love, the human form divine:  
And Peace the human dress.

As I finished reading, I could feel those onyx eyes on me just like I had the first day he came to Forks High. I finished reading and looked at him, my breath catching at the pain in his eyes. As I sat down I could feel the tears pool in my eyes.

We walked to our next class together but didn't talk much. He kept his hands to himself but gravity kept pulling me into him. It was like he was the sun and I was pulled to his warmth. He was necessary for my survival and I knew it on an instinctual level. My body and soul were reaching out, dying a little every moment I kept myself from touching him, but my heart was still too bruised.

On our way to lunch Jacob stopped in the hall and looked at me. "What?" I asked, not wanting to do this now.

"Are we OK? I mean, I know we aren't right now but…are we gonna be?"

"Jake…"

"Look, I understand, you're pissed, I fucked up by not telling you about Leah yet and I fucked up again not thinking about Paul…I'm really sorry and I promise I'll tell you everything. I don't expect you to just forgive me but…I love you…I need to know we're gonna get through this." He looked at me with so much love and need. I bit on my lip hard to keep myself from rushing to him and telling him it was going to be OK. Why did I want to make this easier for him? Why did I feel the need to sooth him when he's the one who hurt me.

"I don't know" I whispered "I want us to get through this, I do" I looked up at him and felt the tears welling up in my eyes again "I just, need more time and…I need more honesty from you. I feel like I'm swinging in the dark, trying not to scare you or push you but never knowing what's going on."

"I get that Bells and…I'm sorry…"

I nodded, looking away from him and batting at the tears that were on my cheeks now.

"Look, let's just go to lunch OK? I don't want to do this here, maybe tomorrow…"

"Oh, don't you…I thought maybe after school" he stuttered, clearly not expecting me to want that much distance from him.

"I have to catch up on yesterday's homework and Alice and I were going to work on putting together outfits for Friday night" I rolled my eyes at the thought. Only Alice could get me to _plan_ clothes.

Jake smiled weakly, it wasn't what he wanted but at least I wasn't saying I just didn't want to be with him. He leaned forward at kissed my forehead, "I love you Bells, whatever you need ok, anything, just don't give up on me." I sighed again and nodded, letting myself lean into him for a moment, enjoying the warmth of his body.

He wrapped his arms around me but I pulled back shaking my head before I lost myself completely in him. "Come on" I said, putting my arm through his and heading towards the cafeteria.

That afternoon I drove over to Alice's house for some girl talk, homework and a game of dress-up the Bella. There was nothing I wanted to do less than listen to a lecture from Alice about the miracle of lip gloss, but somehow she always managed to make me laugh and have a good time before I even realized what was going on. Alice's energy was exactly what I needed today.

"Bella! I'm so glad you're here! You took forever driving over. Isn't dating a mechanic supposed to mean your car runs _better_?" she laughed as I walked in the front door.

We walked past Edward sitting at the dinning room table and up to Alice's room. He looked at me and smiled as we walked past but didn't say anything. That was better, the last thing I wanted to deal with was Edward being an ass today.

Alice flitted through magazines, talking about which celebrity was having whose baby while I finished off my physics assignment from class today. "How is it you never have any homework?" I asked her, wishing I could have as much time as she always seemed to.

"Oh, I do most of it during Spanish Lit, the teacher spends the whole class trying to get people to understand the Spanish we never talk about the literature and since I get A's on all the tests she doesn't really care what I do."

"When did you live in Spain again?" I asked, remembering she was bi-lingual but forgetting how old she'd been there.

"Well, we were born in Germany and then lived in Burma for a while. I think we were in Spain from like 6-9…."

"No, we were older" Edward said from the door way "I think we were 11 when we moved to the states, and you forgot about the year in Sri Lanka"

"It's so amazing that you guys have been so many places." I said, rolling over onto my back and looking out Alice's window. Edward came in and sat on the floor in front of his sister.

"Yeah, it was cool I guess, but we never really had any friends"

"That must be why you're such a social impaired" Alice said poking him with her foot. I laughed and rolled back onto my stomach, looking at the twins.

"It must have been nice to always have each other. I mean, it was always just me growing up."

Edward and Alice both smiled at me, the same crooked smile and I warmed to them both immediately. Edward and I may have broken up but we used to be friends and it was nice to have him sitting here with me, relaxed, not trying to prove anything. It was almost like he was a different person when he wasn't in school.

"OK, I'm tired of homework" Alice said even though she hadn't done any. "Let's figure out what to _wear_"

"I can't believe she talked you into going to this place with her." Edward said looking at me.

"Why…what isn't she telling me?"

"Edward, don't you say a word" she said glaring at him

"Let's just say, it's not someplace _I_ would have ever taken you" he laughed and Alice through a high heeled shoe at him.

"Oh god, what are you getting me into?" and with that Alice started pulling clothes out of her closet, holding them up and modeling different options. Edward and I sat on the floor of her room laughing and mocking her. When she pulled out the blue bob cut wig and the white boostier I started crying with laughter.

"Alice, where do you get this crap?!?" Edward hollered, tears rolling down his face.

"See Bella, I told you I could get him to cry before the week was up!" she squealed, setting us off on another bout of laughter. I could hardly breath I was laughing so hard. Edward had collapsed into my lap holding his sides in pain.

"Oh god, Oh god" he laughed.

"I think I'm going to have to pick my own clothes" I said, out of breath from laughing

"Ohhh, no you don't! You are not going out in _jeans!" _She said it as if I was suggesting I go out in a suit made entirely of kitten fur.

"Alice, you don't really expect me to wear _that_ do you?" I asked, pointing at the backless mini dress she was holding.

"Come on Bella, let's find you something" Edward said standing up and reaching his hand out to me. I smiled up, knowing that he would defend me from Alice's desperate desire to have a life sized Barbie doll.

After we had taken pretty much everything out of Alice's closet, we finally found something we could all agree on wearing. Tragically Edward and I were unable to convince Alice that the blue wig was a fashion don't.

We ordered pizza and all laid on the Cullen's couch watching some movie about a teenage werewolf until Dr. Cullen came home. He seemed surprised to see me but smiled before he whisked upstairs to change his clothes.

When the movie ended I hugged Alice goodbye and waved to Edward. As I was gathering my stuff up in Alice's room Edward came in and sat down on her bed. "Hey Bella"

"Hey" I said cheerfully, having enjoyed my afternoon.

"Look, I'm just glad you came over today and that you don't completely hate me." He said looking at his hands.

"I don't hate you Edward, you're a prick and I'll have to warn your next girlfriend but I don't hate you." I smiled and he looked up at me.

"Ok then, well, I had fun today anyway so, yeah" he said looking at his shoes and then walking out.

I checked my phone before leaving and had one text from Jake

_Gd nit beautiful – I luv u_

_

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_**I know a lot happened in this chapter. I tried not to rush it. I hope it came out ok**

**So will Bella and Jake be OK? What's up with Eddie? Where is this place they are going Friday night?  
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**Comment Please! Your reviews totally keep me inspired! Thanks!  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**OK, I am now cross posting everything at ****http://jacobblack-n-pack(dot)ning(dot)com/group/iburn/forum****. Don't stop commenting though! I will continue to post everything here unless I'm forced to stop. I am Pavarti there as well as here.  
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**Thursday morning. Not even 2 weeks since my world had been turned completely upside down. Not even a full week since I was officially dating Jacob. Why did it feel like everything was spinning out of control? My emotions were in extremes; my body was either on fire for Jake or sobbing.

Charlie came in earlier then usual to wake me up; I was already awake though so he sat on my bed, shifting around like he couldn't find a comfortable seat. "Morning Bells"

"Hey Dad" I grumbled sitting up against my pillow and running my fingers through my hair.

"I didn't want to push you yesterday but are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'll be ok, sorry"

"No, I'm, I'm always here for you, you know that right?" he looked at me and I nodded in confirmation. "So, whatever you want to talk about, even if you think it'll make me uncomfortable, it's ok." he looked down at the bed, studying the purple swirls of the comforter he'd bought me.

Oh god, we weren't doing this again were we. I really couldn't handle a sex talk with my Dad twice in one week.

"I just, I know that Jacob was here the other night and you were upset."

"Dad, look its fine, we just had a fight."

"Yeah, and look, let me just say this ok?" he stared at his hands now "I know you're 17 and all grown up and everything but Jacob is…older in a lot of ways and, I just want to make sure you're not…being pressured into…"

"Ok Dad, stop now alright?" I said sitting further up. "Sex is not the issue, you can stop worrying. I am not fighting with Jake about sex." I wasn't being 100% truthful, I mean we _weren't _fighting about sex but I knew Charlie would take this to mean we weren't having sex, but really, that white lie was ok between a father and daughter, he didn't need to know about that part of my life.

"Ok" he breathed out and pulled a hand through his hair "well that's good" he turned and looked at me "so what _are _you fighting about?"

It wasn't like Charlie to ask such a nosey questions, he generally left me to figure things out for myself. I must have really spooked him by falling asleep in his bed.

"He just…" how much of the truth could I tell him "He just doesn't talk, you know? I know what you told me must be really hard for him, but he still hasn't talked to me about it and he's just so closed off sometimes." I sighed. "I really should get dressed for school ok?"

"Ok, you do that" Charlie looked at me, knowing I was trying to get rid of him and end the conversation, but he let it go, like always, letting me have the privacy I needed. He got up and walked to the door before turning around and looking at me. "Just take care of yourself kiddo, and remember I'm here."

"Oh, Dad! I forgot to ask, Alice wants me to spend the night on Friday, is it OK?"

"I don't know Bells", he said leaning against the door frame "will Edward be there?"

"Oh, I uhh, I hadn't even thought of that. Does it matter?"

"Well, it's just you spending the night with a boy in the house, especially one who has been such a…" Charlie trailed off. I wonder what he wasn't letting himself say about Edward.

"I'll call if Edward is being a pain, but we were talking about going to a movie or something that night anyway so I probably won't see him…"

"Oh Hell, ok Bella, if you promise to call."

"I do Dad, thanks!" I said jumping up to hug him. He shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably and went downstairs.

I quickly threw on my loose jeans and T-Shirt when I heard Jacob's bike pull up. I looked out the window and watched as he slowly pulled into the driveway, using his feet to guide him. His control over the bike was perfect, it was like watching someone with a horse, he soothed the bike and it seemed to mould to his form. His tanned arms holding onto the handles made his arms bulge slightly under his T-Shirt. He swung his leg over the bike in one fluid motion, startling me again with how flexible and controlled he was. His body was so solid you almost expected him to just be muscle, but with him there was more to it, there was a self-confidence and comfort that you couldn't force. No matter what shape he was in, that alone would make him sexy, not that I would trade his body for anything.

I sat on my bed for a minute, regaining my composure before going down to meet Jacob. About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Jacob was an idiot. Second, there was part of him that truly cared for me. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I sighed and brought myself back to my feet. I grabbed my bag and last night's homework and went downstairs. What I found would have been funny if it had nothing to do with me. Jacob was sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee and Charlie had taken his gun out of his holster and had it on the table, pointed at Jake while he ate his eggs.

"So son, new school goin' ok?"

"Yeah, sure, having Bella there makes it a lot better."

"Hmmmm, about Bella…"

I walked into the kitchen as soon as I heard that, not wanting to hear my father's next thought. "Hey Jake!" I said as cheerily as I could muster and poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Thought you might wanna ride." Jake said, looking at me and then at the floor. We still hadn't really talked and I'd not texted him back last night. Seeing him a little unsure was sweet though. It was good to know that he wasn't taking us for granted just because we slept together.

"That would be good actually." I started to walk out and get my bag.

"Still a little early isn't it Bells?" Charlie called.

I walked behind him and said "Bye Dad" into his hair as I kissed him goodbye.

Jacob followed me outside and pulled me into a full body hug. He shook a little as he inhaled deeply. "I've missed you" he said kissing the soft spot at the base of my neck.

"Jake" I said swatting him away and smiling up at him.

I put my bag on both shoulders and waited for him to get up on the bike. As I slipped in behind him I allowed myself to get lost in the warmth of his skin, the feel of his chest under my hands, his smell. The bike ride was exactly what I needed. It forced me to relax and flow with the road. I felt myself instinctively moving with Jake and knew that our bodies worked together so well, if we could just figure out how to keep our minds from interfering.

The school day passed pretty easily. I allowed myself to relax and hold Jake's hand. I still held back from him, but I needed us to be OK too and I knew that our conversation this afternoon would go better if we were both a little more relaxed.

During lunch I was surprised to find Edward sitting next to me and chatting pretty happily with everyone. When he looked at me I raised an eyebrow thinking "_what the fuck"_ and he just smiled and blew a kiss at me, which earned him a growl from Jacob, which in turn earned Jacob a half eaten slice of pizza in his face. The next thing I knew Jake and Edward were laughing and hurling things at each other around me. It was all fun and games until I got hit in the eye with a cup of applesauce that got all over my face.

"Hi-fucking-sterical guys" I said getting up to go clean myself off.

"Here, let me get that" said Alice who grabbed my face and licked its full length.

"Oh. My. _God!" _I screamed bending over in shock as Alice fell back into Jacob's lap laughing. He had both hands around her waist and was tickling her mercilessly. I stormed out of the cafeteria toward the bathroom hoping that Ms. Miller would notice them soon and give them all detention for the week and make them clean it all up and then maybe hang them by their toes along the gutters outside the main building.

"You Ok in there?" I heard someone call from outside as I wiped the last of the carnage off of my shirt. I walked out to find Mike standing across the hall from the girl's bathroom entrance.

"Yeah, I'm ok just annoyed with the behavior of adolescent boys."

"Present company excluded of course" he smiled

"Of course" I smiled back.

"I have an extra shirt in my locker if you want it. I keep one there for when I have wrestling practice. It's clean, promise."

"Yeah, actually, that would be really nice Mike, thanks!"

We walked over to Mike's locker and he took out the clean shirt and handed it to me. "Hey Bella, can I ask you something? Don't take it the wrong way or get all embarrassed or anything but…Edward and Jacob are so _different_ I can't imagine going from one to the other. If you don't have, like, a _type_; why is it, you were never, you know, like, interested…in me?" he whispered the last of his question and I stood there completely frozen.

How in the world was I supposed to answer _that?_ Mike was a good guy and getting to be a real friend, I didn't want to hurt him. Oh Mike, you know, I just don't like average guys. That would just be too mean…

"I don't know Mike. I mean you're great."

"Yeah, right, I'm the best…just not good enough"

"No, it's not like that, it's…Edward was so exciting, he's popular and funny and what everyone wants. When he started paying attention to me it was like I couldn't see anything else. There was no type; he was all I could see. I was caught up in all that stuff that didn't matter. If I'd know what he was really like…It's too bad I didn't."

"And Jacob is…?" Mike asked.

"He's everything…" I breathed; realizing I meant it. "Mike, thanks for the shirt OK?" I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him into an awkward hug. He stood still for a minute, completely unused to any kind of physical contact from me. Eventually he put his arms around my waist and relaxed into my hug. "Damn Bella, now I'm going to have applesauce on ME and I already gave away my clean shirt."

I laughed and smiled up at him. As I went to change my shirt I took one last look at Mike and winked at him.

Mike had given me his Wash U tee-shirt. It was too big but it was clean. Coming out of the bathroom I saw Jacob and Edward walking down the hall towards me, Jake's arm thrown over Edward's shoulder. "That was fucking Epic man" Jake was saying as he disengaged and slapped Edward on the back.

Edward pulled away from him and looked at me, his eyes falling to the floor as he…wait…did I see that right…did Edward Cullen just…blush? What the fuck is going _on_ with him?!? I was staring at Edward's retreating figure as Jake came up to me.

"Hey Bells!" he said, extremely happy with himself. "Can I walk you to Media?"

"Sure, just try to keep the tomato sauce to yourself ok?" I said looking him over.

"Whose shirt is that?"

"Mike's."

"I don't like it, here wear mine and I'll wear that one." Jake started taking his shirt off in the locker bay.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked pulling his shirt out of his hand and back down.

"You…smell wrong"

"Jacob, I so don't need the whole marking your territory thing right now. You're in enough trouble as it is." He looked away, clearly worried about being in trouble. He looked back at me abashed and I burst into laughter. "Come on, let's go" I said as I pulled him down toward the library.

Jacob and I walked quietly hand in hand. Both smiling and enjoying simply being together. I hated that there were big issues out there always looming over us. I just wanted to be like this, just happy and with him. I didn't know how we'd ever get there but I knew that's what I wanted. When we got to the library door I stopped and looked up at him. Smiling I reached up and kissed him on the lips softly. I could feel his breath tremble and I came in for another firmer kiss.

His hands found their way to my hips and I was pulled against him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I forgot where we were, who was around us, what my name was. I felt myself shimmy closer to him, bringing as much of me into contact with him as possible and I pulled his lower lip into my mouth. He started walking backwards, keeping me tight against his body.

Soon we were down the hall and in the detention room. In-house detention usually happened in here but I guess no one was in trouble today, except maybe me…right now. God I loved to kiss him. We moved in, closing the door behind us, never breaking contact, never breaking our kiss.

Jacob locked the door with one hand as the other came up the back of my shirt. The feeling of his skin against mine was…mind altering. It felt like someone had replaced all of the air around me with steam and all I could do was gasp. He backed me into the teacher's desk. I hopped up onto it and brought my hands under Jacob's shirt. I had my hands up his abdomen and over his chest, marveling again at how wide he was. My legs were wrapped around him and he had bent his knees and was hunkered over me slightly, bringing his length into contact with my core.

"Bella…" he moaned as I moved against him, pulling him into a deeper kiss with my hand wrapped up under his shirt to the back of his neck. One of his hands was placed slightly behind me on the desk and the other had made its way under my bra. His hands were gentle but firm, massaging and collecting me into his palm.

I began kissing his neck, chewing and licking every piece of skin I could connect to, my hands clawing his back, trying to bring him closer to me.

"Bells…we can't…" he whispered

"What? Why?" I whined. What in god's name could possibly be more important than his skin on mine, him inside of me?

"We still haven't talked and I don't want to fuck this up again."

"Shut up Jacob" I said pulling myself up against him again.

"No, really, you're…you're too important," he said standing up and taking a deep breath "you're fucking vital, I can't…live without you. I can't risk this."

I took a deep breath and tried to get control of the raging fire in my clit. "Ok, ok…you're probably right."

"I just don't want hormones to be what this is about. I've done that before and it's not what I'm after here." He looked at me then, sincerity and tears in his eyes.

"I don't think that's what you're after Jake, I know you love me." I said softly, standing up and walking over to him. I curled into his chest, wrapping one arm around him, laying the other on his chest.

He sighed heavily "I do, I really do" he said quietly.

"Jake?"

"Hmmmm…."

"Was Leah your first?" I asked, not wanting the answer but knowing I needed to ask.

"Yeah…" he said.

"And then…?"

He pulled my chin up to look at him; "You Bells, just you."

I smiled and kissed him on his jaw, "I'm glad you were my first. I'm glad I didn't with…"

"Me too" he said stepping back and rearranging himself a little. We were getting ready to face the world again, but it was nice to take the time to just talk, easy, that's how it always was with Jacob. "What's with him today anyway?"

"I don't know, he was all funny and laid back last night too…"

"Right, you were at Alice's" he said, that crease between his forehead coming back.

I took his hand in mine and kissed it, walking back out into the hall. "Alice and I were hanging out and eventually Edward joined us, it was weird, it was like he used to be before we started dating, just Edward, none of the crap."

"I don't get the guy, but I like him when he's not being a total freak"

We had reached the library and he leaned down and kissed me quickly "You're late" he said softly.

"So are you" I smiled up at him and took my hand back slowly.

The rest of the day seemed to pass so slowly, it was excruciating. I was anxious to be alone with Jacob. I just wanted to put all of this behind us. I could still feel the anger and hurt swell inside me when I thought about Paul; but I wouldn't let him ruin this. He had no power over me, I wouldn't let him take Jacob away from me.

Gym was as usual the worst class for me. It seemed like a cruel twist of fate that it was a required subject. They don't make people with no musical talent take band! Why couldn't I just take some kind of test to prove that in fact I'm not faking, I'm lucky I can walk or dress myself without getting hurt. But here I was, a field hockey stick in one hand and a wincing Mike holding on to the other.

"Just try not to hit me OK? I'm right here, on your left, so when you turn around remember I'm here."

"Mike, I'm not a total idiot" I said, turning to face him, holding the stick out straight in front of me and whacking him in the thigh.

"Fuck Bella!" he screamed, earning a nasty look from Mr. Wilkerson, our gym teacher.

"Sorry…" I said meekly.

By the end of class Mike was well bruised but no blood and I had managed to poke Karen Witt in the eye with my hockey stick sending her to the nurse. Mr. Wilkerson watched me walk back to the locker room just shaking his head. It's not like I didn't try! It was just a physical impossibility!

After class I caught up with Mike who was limping slightly. "Think fast!" I said, jumping in front of him pretending to punch him. He actually flinched! "I'd punch you for flinching but you look like you've been through enough for one day." I laughed. "I really am sorry though, you know that right?"

"Yeah Bella, now would you help me get to my car without anyone seeing I'm limping?"

"Boo!" Jacob said as he jumped in front of us, making Mike wince again. "Hey man, what's up?"

"You're girlfriend beat the shit out of me in Gym class"

"That's my little vixen!" he said, leaning down to give me a kiss and hand me his book bag. Before Mike or I knew what was happening Jacob had picked Mike up and thrown him over his shoulder.

"Jake!" Mike squealed, making me break out into a fit of giggles. I watched Jake haul Mike down the hall and outside. I laughed and walked to my locker with Jacob's bag.

"Hells Bells!" Tyler called behind me as he and Jessica walked past!

"Hey guys, see you tomorrow"

Alice was waiting for me at my locker. "Ok, come over after school and we'll get ready, then Jake can meet us there and we'll all drive to the city together OK? The show starts at 9 and then the dancing starts at 11. I'm so excited; I can't believe you're going with me!"

I groaned and rolled my eyes at her exuberance. I loved that about Alice though, she definitely got me to do things I wouldn't otherwise even think about trying.

"Next time I get to make the plans though ok?"

"I am not going on a picnic in the woods with you somewhere Isabella!" she said over her shoulder as she walked over to Jasper's locker. I watcher her greet him with a kiss. I smiled as he snaked his arm around her. I was looking forward to tomorrow night if for no other reason than getting to know Jazz better. He was so good to Alice and she loved him so completely…

I was lost in my thoughts as I gathered the books I needed to take home with me and I felt warm hands wrap around my middle. I leaned back into his chest, so strong, he was so big, I felt like he could protect me from anything. "Hey" he said, kissing the top of my head "you ready?"

"Yeah" I shut my locker and faced him.

He kissed me softly and pulled back saying "ok, there's someplace I want to take you OK? It's out on the Rez, you mind riding that far?" he looked a little nervous, like maybe he thought I was going to say no.

"That's fine Jake, I don't mind."

"Good" he said looking down. Then he took my hand and led me out to the parking lot.

We waved to the crowd that had gathered by the benches outside of Building 2 and heading towards his bike. As I watched him put his bag in the saddle bag and climb on I wondered at the fact that he was mine. That I could have someone like him love me.

We rode about 35 minutes. The drive to the reservation was smooth and I let my mind wander and my body relax. I loved feeling the wind against my face and the warmth of his back. My hands roamed his sides and chest, enjoying the feeling of his chest as it expanded with each breath. When we got to La Push, the roads got rougher and I needed to hold on a little tighter, bringing myself more firmly against him. Every time we hit one of the bumps in the road, I would rise against him and feel the warmth at my center rising.

Eventually he slowed and pulled off onto a road that was slightly better paved and I realized that we had pulled into a cemetery. I felt a little bad that I had been working on getting off while Jake was driving me here.

We pulled up to an area that had a small fence around it and a plaque with the name **BLACK** written on it. He got off the bike without a word and walked over to the little gate, opening it, waiting for me to join him. He walked a little ways in and stopped at a large ornate headstone. It was red in color and had the most striking carvings of eagles and wolves on it.

"This is where my grandfather Ephraim Black was buried. He was leader of the tribe, chief. By the old ways that should have passed to Billy and then to me." He shook his head and looked down "But that's not possible now."

He looked at me with a sad, far away look and I reached out to take his hand. Before I could make contact with his skin though he had turned and continued to walk a few paces down a path to the right.

"This" he coughed softly "this is my mom's grave" he said, standing in front of a smaller, simpler gravestone. The inscription was "Sarah Black – Beloved".

"The inscription is beautiful" I said, looking up at him. "It's perfect for her"

I saw a small tear escape his eye, but he swept it away quickly, coughing again.

"This…" he paused, and took a step to the grave stone next to his mothers "This was my son" he said.

The grave stone was small and said "Collin Black – Rise to Heaven Like A Pheonix From the Fire Flame"

"Jake…" I breathed and walked to him. He was looking down, tears falling freely now.

"He was, he was so small…there was no way he could have…lived"

I put my hand on his arm and was relieved when he didn't pull away. He looked at me, and the pain in his eyes was something I could have lived my whole life without seeing. It was like someone had ripped a hole in his soul and as I looked into it, there was no end to the suffering inside. I came closer, putting my arm around his back and leaned into him. There was nothing I could say that could make this better, but I hoped that by being here, I could bear some of the pain for him.

"I didn't want it at first…I mean, we were so young. Leah was only 15, I was 16. We weren't really good together but were friends and…we just got lost in being together…"

"We had broken up already when she told me… My friends all said it wasn't mine, but I know Leah… It had to be, and when I saw him, when I…held him…"

The tears were coming faster and he was having some trouble talking. I rubbed circles into his back…"Come on, sit down."

We sat on the ground in front of the grave and he let me hold him. I stroked his hair and kissed his head, cooing that I was here, that he was ok.

He sniffed and sat up, looking at me with red, raw eyes. "Her parents wouldn't let me see her, they said I had raped her, they had the council come and investigate. Billy tried to defend me but most of the reservation believed what they were saying. Leah was so upset and she tried to tell people it wasn't true, but…"

"Eventually they believed I hadn't done it, but by then…I had almost no friends. Sam was the only one I could talk to, even though Emily, his fiancé, is Leah's cousin. I don't know what it is about Sam, but he…understands somehow."

"When I got the call that Leah was in the hospital it was from Sam. None of Leah's family was going to tell me. At the hospital they tried to keep me from seeing her, but the Drs let me in and when I saw her…holding him…"

He broke down, laying his head in my lap, sobbing opening now. I stroked his face and rubbed his side, keeping him as close to me as I could. I rocked him and talked, not really saying anything, just loving him. His sobs racked through him, an old wound had been opened and was still raw under the surface.

I don't know how he had survived his whole community turning against him. I knew that it had happened from what Charlie had said, but to see Jacob, beautiful, strong, loving, honest, good Jake fall apart over the loss of his childhood and the loss of his son's childhood made my heart brake. I was crying now too and we stayed there until the sun was setting behind the trees, weeping.

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**Please please review - I'm feeling insecure about this chapter...**

**So what do we need next? Resolution to this or straight to our night out?**


	14. Chapter 14

Slowly Jacob's tears stopped, until he was breathing evenly, still lying in my lap. I didn't stop stroking him until he sat up and looked at me. "Sorry" he said, roughly batting at his hand across his face, trying to remove the tears.

I reached out and wiped under one eye with my thumb. "It's ok Jake…" I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips and was rewarded with a small smile.

"Come on, let's get you home" he said standing up and reaching a hand out to me. We didn't speak as we got onto the bike but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It felt like something had happened between us, I could see Jacob in a new way, it was like he was suddenly 3 dimensional and I hadn't even realized I hadn't been seeing all of him before. I held on to him and the bike ride home, matching my breathing to his, melting into him.

"I'll call you later ok?" Jacob said as he walked me to my front door.

"Yeah" I leaned in and kissed him again and he nuzzled into my neck holding me tightly. I took a big breath, trying to strengthen us both for the time apart tonight. "OK, bye" I said turning to go back inside.

"Hey Bells" he said softly behind me. Turning back around I saw the shy, timid Jacob I remembered from our childhood, "Thanks…" he said looking at me for a moment longer before walking away.

Inside Charlie had ordered a pizza for dinner. I felt bad for not made dinner and not telling him I was going to be out but when I walked in instead of grilling me he just nodded to me "pizza?"

"Thanks" I said sitting at the kitchen table with him. We ate in silence, him getting me a soda when getting himself another beer. After we ate I gathered my stuff and went upstairs to take a shower and do my homework. I was behind in Social Sciences and needed to start on my next English Paper. I turned on some music and sat at my desk to work.

After about an hour, I started getting too tired to think straight. I had reached maximum capacity for the day. I changed into my sleep pants and tank top and crawled into bed, grabbing my phone in case Jacob called.

Lying in my bed I listened to the sounds of the woods outside. The window was open for the first time this spring, finally the weather had shifted and I was enjoying the fresh night air. I could see the tops of the trees dimly against the black night and sighed.

I decided that I was too close to sleep to wait for Jake to call, as I flicked open my phone it rang, making me jump and drop it. "Jake?" I answered.

"Hey, miss me?" he said softly.

"Desperately" I said snuggling in to my bed and turning off the bedside lamp.

"Was Charlie mad you were out late?"

"No, he's actually being really cool about the whole thing. I think he's a little worried about you though."

"I really wish people would stop worrying about me." He grunted in frustration.

"It's just because they care"

"I know, I'm just, tired of it."

"Yeah…" I said, loving the sound of his voice. "Jake?"

"Yeah Bells."

"Thanks for today…I mean…thanks for…talking to me"

"I'm sorry I kind of lost it, I just…don't really talk about it much."

We sat in silence for a moment. I listened to his breathing, wishing I could be there with him, to touch him and sooth him. But I knew that what I needed to say to him was something that I would never get out if I had to look at him.

"I understand that…there's stuff I don't talk about either"

He let that hang in the air for a few beats, not pushing me to talk.

"Jake?"

"I'm here Bells…"

"Well, I just, you know…you know I never really…when we were kids, I didn't know how to…thank you."

"Bells…"

"No really, you…saved me." I took a deep breath. "I've never talked about it; I've never really let myself think about it enough to talk about it. I have…nightmares, still."

"God Bella…"

"No, Jake, I want to talk about it…with you"

"OK honey" he said and I could hear him shift his position over the phone.

"What almost happened, it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I have it in my head all the time, I always wonder when it's going to finally happen. When Edward, after the movie…I was just paralyzed. I don't know what would have happened and I don't know how I would have fought, or if I would have even tried. It's like there's a pit in my stomach that I fall into and can't get out of when I'm faced with what happened and when I'm there, I can't breath, I can't move."

"Bella, I won't ever let anything happen to you"

"I know you mean that Jake, but…how? How can you be friends with him?" I was whispering now, not sure if he even heard what I said, but I knew I wouldn't be able to say it again.

Jake took a deep breath in and I could hear him exhale slowly. "When Leah was in the hospital, the baby…Collin…was born alive."

I gasped; it never occurred to me that he would have survived.

"He was so small; I could hold him in one hand. The drs said that even with help, he'd never live, so we sat with him, we held him and when he died…he died in my arms."

There was a long pause, but what Jacob had to say he needed to do in his own time.

"The nurses were so nice and they let Leah put my name, Black, on the birth certificate even though her parents fought it. I tried to be there for her. I have tried to be…"

"I know you have Jake, I saw you with her, remember…"

"She just _lost_ it Bella. She would cry and scream and scratch at me or her parents. No one could even touch her. The Drs sedated her and eventually admitted her for a few weeks. When she came back her parents kept her drugged most of the time and it was like watching a ghost of her walk around."

"Even though everything was cleared up, there was still a lot of talk and everyone talked like I was the one who made her crazy. My Dad didn't know what to say and barely spoke to me. Sam's was the only place I could go and not be met with looks of disgust or hate. It was the only place I could be Jacob, where I could be 16!"

"Sam used to live in Seattle, and he saw a lot of shit there. When he moved here he was 18 and he kind of opened his home up to some of the kids on the Rez. You might not know it now but those guys, I love them, but they've all had shit."

"Embry has no idea who his Dad is and his mom drinks…a lot."

"Jared's Dad used to beat the shit out of him, until one day Jared was big enough and he broke his Dad's jaw…now his Dad carries a knife and we all know something will happen someday but no one can do anything about it. He turns 18 in June and then he's planning on leaving La Push. I'm gonna miss him… but I understand."

"God Jake…"

"We're a bunch of misfits. Some of us have done shit to deserve it, like Quil, he was fucked up for a while, smoking and breaking into houses in Forks for money. He's got his shit together now though."

"Seth is Leah's brother and he's only 15 now. Everything that happened hit him pretty hard. I try to look out for him, but there's only so much I can bear for him."

"And Paul… Paul's an asshole Bella, no two ways about it. What he did, it can't be excused and it can't be taken away. He's got no censor between his brain and his mouth and the shit he spouts, it could make a sailor's hair curl, but he's one of us. I don't know how to explain it, but he's a part of it."

"I've never seen him do anything to anyone other than with you and he's even had some girls he dated and never seemed to treat them as anything other than special. He's stood by me, even defended me against the shit other people said. I got jumped once in a parking lot, there were 5 of them, and Paul… Paul was the only one who came over. He got a punctured lung from where his rib was broken and a broken cheekbone for his effort, but he never left my side."

"He can never take away what he did to you, and if you need me to stop talking to him I will, but, I hope you won't ask that…"

"Jake"

"Wait Bells, let me finish ok?"

I breathed out slowly "Ok"

"His grandfather raised him and he was a mean old shit. I don't think he ever hit Paul but he kept him in that ratty house and never let him go anywhere or have any friends. That old shit was bat shit crazy too, used to fill Paul's head with all the old stories and a lot of racist shit about the white folks in town. He wouldn't even let Paul go to school until the council went in and forced him to. It can't undo anything, but maybe… I don't know."

The silence hung between us and I could hear the wind blowing through the trees outside. I couldn't figure out how to put the pieces of what Jacob had said together with what I knew. I couldn't hobble together an image of Paul that wasn't evil. How could the same person be the shadow in my nightmares and someone who would take a beating for Jacob? How could I hate anyone who would stand by Jake? How could I not?

I took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, pushing myself up into sitting position.

"Bells? Are you OK?"

"I don't know Jake, the pieces don't fit. I…I can't force them together, I can't tape together what's broken in me just because he's your friend."

"I know…"

I yawned and giggled a little.

"Jake, I don't want to stop talking but I have to go to sleep."

"Yeah, we're gonna be out late tomorrow I guess."

"Oh god, I'd forgotten, don't hate me for whatever Alice drags us into OK?"

Jacob laughed his grumbly scratchy laugh "nah, I'm looking forward to it"

"Pick me up in the morning?" I asked

"Yeah, night Bells"

"Night Jake…I love you"

"Yeah" he said with a sweet smile in his voice. "You too"

I hung up the phone and feel into a sleep so deep I didn't remember dreaming.

That morning, I threw on my most comfortable jeans and a Nirvana tee-shirt over a long sleeved black shirt. I knew Alice was going to insist on make-up along with the ridiculous outfit I'd agreed to wear tonight so I wanted to be as comfortable as physically possible today.

Jake pulled up early again today but Charlie was already gone to the station. I handed him a cup of coffee when he walked in and leaned against the counter looking at him sip it. "I could get used to this…"

"What?" he asked

"You, here with me for breakfast" I said smiling.

He put his coffee down and walked toward me. I could feel his hands on me before he touched me. I know the shape of his hands by memory, the feeling of his warm skin against me. I could smell his soap and Jacob-ness before he was close enough to really smell it and I could feel the smile on my face getting wider. "I love you" he said as he leaned down and kissed me. I opened my mouth and licked him lower lip and was rewarded with his mouth opening so that I could taste his tongue.

It was a slow, lingering kiss. His hands never moved from my hips and mine stayed around his neck, but our bodies were pushed together, no room for even a molecule of air between us. I kissed him languidly, running my tongue along his lips and sucking on his lip. He sighed as he took me into his mouth. I could feel him shaking slightly and the warm length of him growing against me.

Hi hands were strong and large, just like all of him. I leaned into him closer, bringing myself up onto my toes, rubbing against him as I went. One of his hands worked its way down to my ass, squeezing it, pulling me even closer to him. I released his mouth and leaned back into his arms, giving him full access to my neck.

He didn't disappoint me as he kissed his way from my ear, down to my shoulder, pulling my skin into his mouth as he went. I brought my right hand up into his short hair, pulling on it slightly. He moaned into me and his other hand came down to my ass, picking me up and placing me onto the counter. He was between my legs and pushing against me hard, still keeping his slow pace on my neck.

"Jake…" I moaned, brining my mouth to his again in a hungry kiss. I pulled him against me roughly, grinding my hips against him.

"Bella…we…" I kissed the words in his mouth away pushing myself roughly against him. I gasped for air and looked at him, seeing the fire of desire in his eyes.

"We should go upstairs" I breathed into his mouth

"No Babe, we have to go to school…" he said leaning his forehead against mine.

"Jacob…" I said waiting for him to look up at me. "We will get to school" I kissed him softly "right now" I kissed him again "I need to feel you" I kissed him deeper, sucking on his lower lip…

"Bella…" he said but he stepped away from me and gave me a look so passionate it made me quiver. I hopped down and walked upstairs quickly, not looking behind me. I knew he would be following.

When I got to my room I turned around to find Jacob right behind me. I quickly pulled off my shirt and shimmied out of my pants. He stood there looking at me in my underwear "You are an evil temptress" he laughed coming forward and tackling me onto my bed.

I arranged myself on the pillow and he swooped off his shirt. "Jake…" I said scratching down his back, pulling him too me. He kissed me and I wrapped my legs around him, lifting my hips up to meet his length. His hand was on my breast, scooping it out of the cup of my bra before leaning down and taking me into him mouth. "Ohhh…" I moaned throwing my head back as tendrils of pleasure pulsed from my nipple throughout my body.

He was off of me then, standing next to the bed, taking off his jeans. I pulled my underwear off and undid my bra as I watched him free his erection from his underwear. I crawled over to him on the bed and kissed him on the tip of his cock, running my tongue around it. "Please…" I heard him moan above me just before I pulled his length into my mouth. I sucked on it, using my tongue to apply pressure to him as I pulled him into my mouth again and again.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me off of him, throwing me back on the bed. "God woman, you make me crazy!" he growled at me as he hovered above me. I placed my fee on his calves and leveraged myself up from the shoulders, pushing myself against him.

"Make love to me Jake…" I said looking at him.

"Condoms Bells, we need a condom." He said his face falling.

"No!" I wailed slamming my hands on the bed on either side of me. I was about to have a full fledged tantrum if he didn't put his dick in me _right __**now!**_

"Hold on" he laughed grabbing his jeans off the floor. He pulled one out of his pocket. I looked up at him raising one eyebrow at the fact he was carrying them around. "Well, after our last conversation about…I just thought I should…"

I laughed again and leaned up to kiss him. "Good, I'm glad you did" I laid back and watched as the rolled it out onto him, enjoying watching him touch himself.

He came back to where I was lying and lingered above me, looking at me. "I love you" he said as he came down to me and reached between us. I felt him enter me slowly, filling me to capacity. I moaned and rolled back in ecstasy as I felt him pull out until just the tip of him was in me. Slowly again, he pushed far into me and then pulled almost all of the way out. Without changing his rhythm he did it again and again, looking directly at me.

He sped up slightly and I was trying to grab at him, pull him to me. He took my hands and held them together above my head. "Hold still Bella" he cooed still looking at me. I felt his grip against my arms and struggled a little against them. I didn't want him to free me, but I liked the feeling of his strength holding me in place. I lifted my hips to pull him into me faster and he growled, bearing his teeth.

Before I knew what was happening his mouth slammed down onto mine. My hands were still pinned above me but now he was slamming into me. I clung to him with my legs, pushing against his every thrust, trying to get him as deep into me as I could. I pulled one leg up so he could get in me further, making him bellow in response. I started to writhe against him. Glad he was holding my hands in place so I didn't have to think about what I was doing. I screamed and shook from the power of my orgasm as he latched onto my shoulder, biting me hard as he came against me.

His body was heavy on me, but I loved the feeling of it and the feeling of his sweat making my body slick. He slowly released my hands and kissed my shoulder, my neck, my jaw, my cheek, my lips. "I love you" I said as he looked at me starting to move away "Don't go…" I moaned wrapping my arms around his strong back, wanting to stay here like this forever.

"School Bella…We _have_ to go to school"

"Harumph!" I said as he got up and went to the bathroom.

"Jake!?"

"What?" he called back to me.

"Ummm, you can't leave that in the trash can ok?"

"I know Bella" he laughed from the other room "I'm going to flush it Ok?"

"Oh, yeah, ok"

We quickly got dressed without talking and went downstairs. I was practically skipping I was so happy this morning. He was smiling at me, opening the front door for me. I beamed up at him "Good Morning" I said as I kissed him again.

"Yes, yes it was" he said laughing.

We rode to school and managed to only be 10 minutes late for class. I was still completely blissed out and didn't even care at the sideways looks Angela was giving me. I passed the day with a smile on my face and a skip in my step that I never wanted to stop.

During Physics I stepped out to use the bathroom and ran into Edward in the hallway. I smiled as I walked past him "Hey Bella" he said walking up to me. "You look great today" he said brining his hand out to touch my face.

I took a step back and found the wall against my back. "Jacob must be good for you" he said leaning down and smelling me.

"Ok Edward you're seriously creeping me out. What is up with you?"

He put his hand on my hip "I just miss you" he said leaning into kiss me.

I slammed my hands into his chest. "What the fuck Edward!" I said as loudly as I could in a hall with classrooms around us. "Are you like fucking bi-polar?" He stepped back, more upset with my words it seemed than my hitting him.

"What? God, I'm sorry, what's your problem?"

"Lately the only thing that's a problem is you" I hissed. "Seriously, what is going on?" I said looking at him. He face looked hallow, like he hadn't been sleeping and his clothes were slightly disheveled, which I had never seen on Edward before.

"Ah Fuck" he said his hand through his auburn hair "it's nothing, I'm sorry Bella." He turned and started walking away.

"OK, I accept your apology, I do, but you're still freaking me out. One day you're the controlling boyfriend, the next you're trying to jump me, then you're laughing in your sisters room and having food fights and now you accost me in the hallway." I was talking fast, afraid he was going to bolt at any second. "What is going on?" I said as gently as I could, looking up at him, trying to get him to look at me.

He ran his hand through his hair again and was looking anywhere but at me. "I…I don't know Bella, just, don't ask me stuff like that ok?"

"Edward…"

"I'm sorry Bella" he said walking away quickly. I watched him go, completely unsure of what I was doing here in the first place. Oh right, the bathroom. I peed and washed my hands, splashed water on my face before heading back to class, just in time for the bell to ring.

One more class until Alice's house, I wondered if Edward was going to be there…maybe Alice knew what his deal was. I grabbed my books and headed to my locker, Jacob beside me until he had to head towards Spanish. "Bye" he said, leaning down and kissing me. When I turned around Edward was watching me with a look of pain on his face, which he quickly covered up with a smile and walked away…

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**Comment Please!** **I love hearing what you think!**

**So what should Bella wear tonight? What is this place going to be like?**

**Will it be fun or will Drama ensue? And help me with Jazz's character a little!  
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	15. Chapter 15

**I made a playlist for this chapter – the music is what would be on the CD Jasper makes for Alice – Hope you enjoy it: ****http://www(dot)playlist********(dot)**com/playlist/19290181387/standalone

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**The ride to Alice's house was awkward at bestt, me in the back and Alice and Edward in the front.. Jake was going home and planned to meet us at the house at 7:30 to drive to Port Angeles. Jasper was going to do the same thing. Edward had some emo shit on the CD player, "Bon Iver," I think he said. The entire ride was silent. Alice was looking out the window and Edward kept looking at me in the rearview mirror. They lived outside of town so it took _forever_ to get there. It was 4:15 by the time we were pulling into their driveway.

Alice and I walked in and grabbed a bag of chips and sodas and locked ourselves into her room. After we'd flipped through her magazines and decided to shower before getting ready I asked her about Edward. "Alice, is Edward OK?"

"Yeah, of course! Why?"

"Alice, come on, you know he's been acting really weird…not just since we broke up either."

"Hmmmm"

"Alice, I'm worried about him."

"Well don't, he's OK"

"He tried to kiss me today!"

"He WHAT?" she squealed, her eyes popping open, "What is he playing at?" she muttered.

"I don't know; that's what I wanted to ask you."

"I'll talk to him, he'll chill out, just don't worry about it ok?" she said looking me in the eyes.

"Alice…"

"It's ok Bella, I'll talk to him."

"I just don't understand, I mean, I know we broke up so that's awkward, but he seemed fine with it yesterday when he was hanging out with me and Jake at lunch" Alice just raised her eyebrow at me and then stood up.

"I'll go get you a towel and you can take the first shower" she said without commenting on Edward. Weird, it wasn't like Alice not to dish…

After my shower Alice hopped in and left me in her room to start getting ready. I managed to put on the leggings and skirt we had agreed on, but had some trouble figuring out which hole was for my arm, head or decoration. By the time she came back in I was so tangled up I couldn't get one of my arms out from behind my head. "Alice…" I whined and she laughed rescuing me from myself.

"Only you…" she giggled shaking her head.

"Shut up" I snapped playfully as I started pulling my brush through my wet hair.

Alice went to her giant closet to start getting dressed when I heard a meek "hey" from the doorway.

"Edward!" Alice squealed slamming her closet door shut.

"Hey," I said, still sitting at Alice's dressing table, and brushing my hair.

"Look Bella, I don't want you to be uncomfortable or mad. I'll leave you alone from now on, I promise, it'll be like we were never together ok?"

"Edward, I don't want that, I want to know what's going on." I put my brush down and looked up at him. "Really, I'm worried about you."

He sat down on Alice's bed across from me and looked at his hands "I'm ok Bella, I just, it was easier when we were together. It was easier to be who I'm supposed to be, now, I don't know" he shook his head.

"Hey, whoever you are, it's OK" he sat silently, not saying anything "Edward…" I pushed and he got up looked at me and started brushing my hair for me. I turned to look at him in the mirror and thought I heard him whisper behind me "I hope so…" but didn't respond, not wanting to scare him away.

We spent the rest of the afternoon listening to the CD Jasper had made for this evening, dancing and singing. Alice insisted I wear my hair up in rolls like some brunette Gwen Stefani and more black eyeliner then I even thought you could fit on my eyelids. Edward had put on the blue bob wig and was singing along with Betty Boop while standing on Alice's bed.

When it was time for Alice to put the black corset she had decided to wear _on top_ of her men's white dress shirt, Dr. Cullen came home from work. When we heard the door slam downstairs Edward bolted out of our room throwing the wig behind him faster then I had ever seen him move. It was almost 7 and we were dressed and made up. And lord we were quite a sight.

Alice had on 3 inch heel character shoes, right down to the strap across the ankle and stockings with a seam up the back. Her mini skirt left little to the imagination when she bent over but on top she had a men's shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a corset overtop of it. The shirt was mostly unbuttoned in the front, but the corset came up high enough it didn't show much, but was really sexy. The blue bob wig, shockingly worked for the whole look.

I was barely able to recognize myself in the outfit I had finally agreed to wear – but it was more me then anything else Alice was trying to get me in. I had on black leggings and her doc martins with a red lace miniskirt overtop of it. On top I had on a black tank top and a one sleeved shirt that looked like it had been through a shredder. The overall effect was very punk rock, especially with the black eye make-up, red lips, and 30's style hair. I felt silly and beautiful and fun. I was looking forward to seeing what the guys showed up in.

Jasper was going to pick up Jacob so that he didn't have to ride the bike over in his get-up, whatever it was. I was starting to get excited. Downstairs we could hear the family gathering for dinner so Alice and I went down to join them and eat a little before our drive. Alice's mother Esme, was the kind of old fashioned beautiful that you imagined women in the 30s to actually look like. She was strawberry blonde and never seemed to not have make-up on, but she never looked fake. She had an easy way about her that made me want to talk to her.

The Cullens were a picture of the perfect family, all of them beautiful and they had the money to wear whatever they wanted to. At the dinner table they would talk about the news and the kids would chime in as appropriate. If the Rockefellers could have hand picked the future of America, they would have picked the Cullens. Alice and Edward had free reign to go out and do what they wanted, but they never seemed to really abuse it.

"Bella, they're here!" Alice said, popping up out of her seat when she heard Jasper's car pull up. She had the door open already as I walked to the living room. Jasper walked in first in, I swear to God, an electric blue zoot suit: wide lapels, tight cuffed pants and a hat with a feather in it. He looked like a blond Harlem gangster from 1928…it was perfect. And Alice couldn't have been more pleased.

"Jazz…" she cooed "where did you ever find that! It's spectacular!"

Behind him Jacob walked in, tall and handsome. Looking at him in dress clothes took my breath away. He had on old fashioned black pants with shiny shoes, a white dress shirt with the top 2 buttons undone, showing his smooth dark skin underneath, and suspenders. The suspenders were really what killed me. Against his striking body, they pulled your eyes straight to his broad chest and tight abs; his body the perfect shape. As I finally looked up, I saw him smiling down at me, fire in his eyes beneath the brim of a high crowned fedora hat. Over his shoulder he was holding a suit jacket.

"Holy Hotness" I said and heard someone behind me mutter "damn". But by the time I turned around they were gone. It must have been Esme, now hiding, not wanting to risk being a MILF.

"Oh my God you guys!" Alice said, literally bouncing on her toes "you guys look _amazing_! I can't believe you did this!" She was vibrating now she was so excited. Jasper stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Don't fly away now," he said sweetly and then he looked up and smiled at me. I was struck for the first time how attractive he was. He wasn't that tall but was thin and his face was beautiful. He had full lips and curly blonde hair that kind of glimmered in the light. "Hello Bella" he said looking at me.

"Hey Jazz!" I said coming up to Jake.

"Look at you!!" he said, leaning down and kissing me, quickly but passionately. I blushed, having forgotten my ridiculous outfit for a moment.

"Alice made me" I said scrunching up my face. "But you are, amazing" I said reaching out and grabbing him by the suspenders, pulling him in for another kiss.

"Have fun tonight kids!" I heard Mrs. Cullen say, interrupting what had promised to be a mind altering kiss.

"Remember, whoever's driving home needs to stay sober" Dr. Cullen said putting his cardigan clad arm around his wife.

Alice giggled and said "Ok Dad, we'll make Bella drive then" and everyone laughed, but I wasn't so sure what was funny, I'm a good driver.

"Good idea. No one with her balance should drink anyway" he said making me blush and try to curl into Jake's side.

But Jacob just laughed warmly and said "I don't drink sir, so you don't have to worry. I'll make sure everyone gets home" Jake said, making me smile up at him. Good manners, Great body and Amazing heart. I hit the boyfriend jackpot.

"Come on guys, we need to get a good table!" Alice called. I waved goodbye but didn't see Edward anywhere. We'd had fun this afternoon; I wonder why he didn't see us off.

We dove to Port Angeles is Jasper's Volvo, Alice in the passenger seat and Jake and me in the back. "No sex in the car, at least not while I'm driving…" Jasper called out when we got in the car and Jacob pulled me in for a kiss.

We put in the CD he'd made and sang along, well, everyone but Jake who didn't seem to know any of the songs. Jasper had a really great voice, lower than his speaking voice and really nice, smooth; you could totally see him singing in some lounge bar somewhere. Oh god – we aren't going to Karaoke I hope! He and Alice sang and held hands and had a great time.

About half way there Jacob's phone rang

"Hey, turn down the music for a sec" he said, leaning forward into Jasper's ear.

"La Push sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it!"

"Jake!" Alice and I screamed in unison and Jasper barked out a laugh

"Hey Em, yeah, yeah, Quil? Oh, cool…

Why do I have to be on the team with the Pale Faces?...

That's lame man…

Hold on."

"Hey, Jazz, Sunday afternoon Quil and Tyler are putting together a football game on the beach. You in?"

"Sure Jacob, I'm game"

"Em, he's in, Ok, we're goin' out; can you call Paul?...

No, this is not a fucking phone tree…

Embry, seriously, I'm buying you a girdle for Christmas…

Gooood-niiiighht!"

"Awesome" Jake said closing his phone "So, Jazz, its Embry, Quil, Seth, Paul, Jared and Sam vs. me, you, Mike, Tyler, Ben and Eric. Kim, Angela, Jessica, Emily and Leah are all coming too. How about you guys, wanna come watch your men get sweaty on the beach?"

I looked at Jacob, not sure if that was such a good idea, I mean if Leah was going to be there and I wasn't really up for seeing Paul again yet, I needed to process a little more. I started biting on my lower lip. Jacob turned to me "come on, there'll be a lot of people there, and I'll be with you whenever he's around. If you don't have any fun I'll take you home, promise."

"Yeah, ok, but, is it ok with Leah there?" I whispered, not knowing how much Jacob wanted Jasper and Alice to know about his history with her.

"Sure, sure, that'll be fine" he said with a smile on his face. But as Alice turned the music back up, I looked at him and he had a far away look on his face as he watched the oncoming cars out the window.

Ten minutes later we were in an area of Port Angeles I didn't know well but had been through, there were a lot of apartment buildings and storefronts, like any city. We pulled up in front of what looked like a restaurant with a purple sign that said "The Gilded Lily" on it in white.

We drove a little further and found a spot to park and got out to walk. There were other people on the street walking in the same direction, a guy dressed much like Jacob but with 3 inch neon pink heels, a girl dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with piercings and dread-locks. This was definitely nothing like anyplace I'd ever been before.

I looked over at Alice who had the biggest smile on her face as she twirled with Jasper. He took her hand and started to sashay the two of them down the sidewalk, her squealing in glee the whole time. Jacob was holding my hand smiling after them. I brought my other hand to his bicep and leaned in against him.

"Cold?" he said looking down at me.

"No, just happy to be out with you" I said beaming up at him. He gave me one of his toothy child grins and I felt the joy in my heart flutter out, filling my soul with excitement. Whatever this place was, it was an adventure and an adventure with Jacob was always something I was up for.

At the door there was a bouncer checking IDs and I saw Alice palm him money before he let us in. Inside there was a dark hallway with some pinpoint lights along the path. It showed off where to go next, but gave you no idea where you were or how long you would be there. We walked through the hall hearing music far off and seeing nothing.

"Alice?" I whispered

"Don't you love it Bella? Isn't this amazing?"

"Yeah, but I thought you said it was all ages tonight – why'd you tip the bouncer"

"Oh, that, um, just a little white lie to get you here" she looked over her shoulder and gave me a wink

"Evil little pixie" Jacob laughed letting go of me and reaching up to grab her around the waist, pulling her into a twirl.

"Sweet Fancy Moses…" I heard Jasper say as we rounded the corner and he opened heavy velvet curtains. In front of us was a scene out of a movie. It was an old fashioned vaudeville theatre with small round tables to sit out while you watched the show. The ceilings were at least 2 stories high and there were chandeliers everywhere and the walls were covered with velvet and posters from old vaudeville acts.

There were lanterns along the edge of the low stage and the lights were very dim. Everyone here was dressed to the nines and I felt a little out of place that I hadn't worn one of the dresses Alice had tried to talk me into. A woman wearing nothing but an elegant lace skirt and pasties walked up to us and asked if we'd like a table. Jasper and Jacob were pathetically oogling her fully exposed breasts so Alice piped up "Yes please, we'd love to sit near the front." She said winking at the woman and handing her some cash. How did Alice know how to _do_ that?

At the table we were handed menus and a 1 page program:

WELCOME TO THE GUILDED LILY

WHERE THE DRESSES COME OFF BUT THE BEAUTY REMAINS

I looked at Alice: "Did you bring us to a strip club?"

"Not exactly…" she said sitting on Jasper's lap, putting his hat on her head. Jacob laughed and I returned to the program.

PLEASE JOIN US IN WELCOMING

EMMETT "SMITTY" THE TOP BANANA AND THE MIXED NUTS

**ACT ONE:** SMITTY'S PARADE OF ODDITIES

**ACT TWO:** COMEDY STYLINGS OF MIXED NUTS

**ACT THREE:** DANCE PRESENTATION BY VIVA LA VIXEN

Our Waitress returned and put her hand on Jacob's shoulder as she spoke to us, when he turned his head, he was right at nipple level and I could see he was having a hard time concentrating on what she was saying.

"So, let me get your drinks and tell you the specials" she said, her voice high and sweet. "Today there are 3 choices for dinner, the steak special, the grouper or lasagna. If you're staying after the show, the steak is probably a little heavy, but everything is good" she said, raising her voice at the end like it was the most exciting thing she'd ever seen.

Alice ordered a gin & tonic, Jasper a Yeungling, I had a cranberry juice with sparkling water and when it was time for Jacob to order I looked at him and noticed our waitress was no longer just touching his shoulder but was running her nails through his hair making it stick up everywhere and was wearing his hat. She leaned down to him, "and you good-looking?" she cooed, clearly oblivious to the fact that I was sitting right here.

"Oh ah just a coke"

"No problem" she breathed as she stood up, bringing her chest as close to his face as she could without actually touching him. As she walked away he looked over at Alice with a huge shit-eating grin on his face "I _love_ this place!" he said making Alice and Jasper laugh and me sink lower into my seat. As the waitress came back with our drinks and started taking our dinner orders the lights dimmed and a booming voice came through the amps on the walls:

PLEASE JOIN ME IN WELCOMING EMMETT "SMITTY" THE TOP BANANA!

All around us people were cheering and hollering. I saw a bra go flying at the stage when someone walked out. He was tall and extremely well muscled wearing only black leather pants. He had on stylized makeup on his lips, cheeks and eyebrows but the rest of him left little to the imagination. His hair was dark and curly, cut short, but long enough to move as he turned his head, surveying the crowd.

"Now this is one ugly crowd, seriously, where did you fucker's come from?" He walked down to the edge of the stage and pointed and some unfortunate soul, "and _you_, did no one tell you this was a dress event? What are you wearing? Come up here."

Oh shit – no one told me this was an audience participation show. I shot Alice the evilest look I could muster and she smiled and waved at me, blowing a kiss. Jacob had his arm around the back of my chair and was lightly rubbing circles on my shoulder which had the welcome result of keeping me calm.

The woman Emmett was picking on was wearing a khaki skirt and blue blouse. She had beautiful blonde hair that curled down her back like silk. She was probably the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Her skin was creamy and looked like it was smooth to the touch.

"And what's you're name?" Emmett asked her

"Rosalie" she said shyly

"Well Rose, I'm afraid you are not dressed appropriately for this show!"

"I didn't know I've never been here before," she said looking down

"Here, let me help you fix that!" he said and reached over and ripped her shirt open. Underneath was a red sequins bustier that had the cups cut out and she had heart shaped jewels covering her nipples.

"Why I never!" she said saucily and punched him in the face. As he stammered back she started taking off the rest of her shirt. "I guess as long as it's ripped it might as well come off!" she yelled, receiving hoots of encouragement. "Ladies! My dressing screen please!" she called out behind her clapping her hands twice.

2 women in leather boosties, thongs and thigh highs came running out as fast as they could on stiletto heels with an oriental screen. Rosalie sauntered off behind it as Emmett took the main stage again.

"That, my friends was the lovely VIVA LA VIXEN!" he clapped as he directed our attention to the back lit screen showing someone pulling on stockings very slowly. The light dimmed and Emmett began speaking again. "Now for those of you who've never been here before, this is the BANNANA AND SKIN SNOW and I'm your host! To get you acquainted with what you're about to see I'll tell you something my father told me when I was younger. He said 'Emmett my boy, don't go to a burlesque show; you'll see things you shouldn't see.' And he was right! For the very next night I saw my father in the row in front of me."

"Smitty, stop telling Jokes, you ain't all that funny" said Rosalie, stepping out from behind the screen, still in her bustier but now wearing thigh high stockings attached to a garter and a black can-can style skirt.

"Ahh my vixen!" he said, taking long strides over to her and bending her down in a passionate dip and kissed her. She wrapped one leg up around his back, balancing on only one stiletto heel and the audience went crazy. People were standing up and cheering.

Our table was relatively tame but even I had started smiling along with the antics. Jacob had pulled my chair closer to him and had both hands wrapped around my middle as I leaned against him.

"And now ladies and gentlemen"

"Hussies and cock-suckers" interrupted Rosalie

"We invite you to join our PARADE OF ODDITIES" Emmett and Rosalie sat on opposite sides of the stage, hanging their legs off the apron and announced the performers as they came out. Our food came and more drinks as we watched a fire dancer, a sword swallower, a midget dressed as a baby being carried around by a very fat man, a Cambodian throat singer and other things I never imagined I would witness.

"Alice, this place is for degenerates!" I said leaning over the table as she ate her fish.

"I _know_!" she smiled. "Isn't it the best? We aren't the oddest ones here by a long shot. It's so _relaxing._"

As strange as it seemed she was right. There was something about being surrounded by all this camp and ridiculousness that was soothing. It was hard to imagine the pain and drama of our lives here; this was a place outside of time, outside of real life and it didn't matter what we did here. When the waitress came back, she put her hand on my shoulder this time and asked if we would like a round of shots on the house. Alice looked at me and I smiled. Alice said "yes, for the table" and the waitress was off.

"I really don't drink" Jacob said.

"'s ok!" Alice giggled "I'll drink it!" I wondered how much alcohol her little body could handle. I'd never seen Alice drink before but I couldn't say I was noticing much of a change from her usual self.

When the waitress returned she had a tray of shots in one hand and a smile on her face. "Ok, well maybe I lied" she said. "There is a price for these shots, Rose?" she said turning to Rosalie and handing her one of the shots.

"Everyone, before our next act I'd like to let you know that we have a lucky table who has won a free round of shots" said Rosalie as she stood up on stage.

"All they have to do," chimed in Emmett "is have one person come up here and drink the shot for all of us to see!"

Then Rosalie took the shot glass and placed it firmly and deeply between her breasts "without using their hands" she laughed.

Oh shit.

"However, it's up to you, dear audience, to decide who has to drink it. Come on up here" called Emmett and now there was a spotlight on our table. This was pretty much my worst nightmare. We were brought on stage and I did my best to hide behind Jacob but there was no way to do that completely.

"Ok" said Rosalie "when Emmett holds his hand over each person's head – you cheer and whoever gets the loudest cheer will need to drink."

Emmett started over Jasper and there was a roar through the audience. Jasper laughed and waved in good humor.

Alice was next and she received an even louder response and some foot stomping. I was starting to sweat, the lights were hot and I was as terrified as I think I'd ever been. I was seriously considering running out of here and waiting by the car for the rest of the night. I wonder how long it would take to walk to Forks…

Emmett came and stood behind me, Jacob took my hand and I took a deep breath as I waited for whatever noise the audience would make. I prayed it wouldn't be much. But instead of putting his hand over my head, Emmett grabbed me by the hips and started mock humping me. Jacob dropped my hand as he started laughing at my beet red face, thank god he wasn't actually rubbing against me!

"I don't think you can have this one Vixen! She's far too innocent for your games." Emmett growled.

"Well Smitty, what did you have in mind for her then?"

"Ohh Ohhh" Emmett started to moan like he was cuming "I have something _special_ for her!" he said humping away behind me.

"Smitty…Smitty…" Rosalie called "Hey! Emmett!" she hollered.

"What? Oh right! The show!" he said smiling at her and stepping away from me.

"Ok everybody, who wants to see the big guy do the shot?" he asked putting his hand over Jacob's head. The audience was already worked up and they went insane. I could feel the floor move as they stomped their feet and my ears felt like they were on fire from the volume.

Jacob stepped forward and Rosalie turned to him and shimmied her chest suggestively. "Sorry, I don't drink," he said

"Oh, well, that's too bad" she said pouting "But the audience picked you so you'll have to do _something_ to get your table the drinks."

"Have anything in mind my love?" asked Emmett who had come back to with me, one hand wrapped around my waist. He looked down at me and winked playfully.

"How about he gives me a tattoo?" she said taking the drink out of her chest, handing it to one of her leather clad assistants and walked up to Jacob.

"Hmmm I don't know, I think we want to see some skin!" said Emmett as Rosalie started unbuttoning Jacob's shirt.

"Who wants to see this big, sexy, dark, native do a little dance for us!?" she cooed to the audience. Jacob looked at me with a wince and I laughed. Payback's a bitch, that's what he gets for laughing while I got manhandled!

Loud music started playing and one of the assistants came out and handed Jacob a fan and a pair of gloves. Rosalie stood on one side of him and the assistant on the other.

He put on the gloves and opened the fan, holding it so only his eyes showed. The crowd roared and Jacob started to laugh and drop the fan. The assistant put her hands on her hips and started rocking a little, indicating that Jacob should to the same. Then she and Rosalie put their hand on his shoulders and all 3 started to can-can dance; kicking their feet in the air from side to side together.

Alice had sat down on the stage she was laughing so hard and I was leaning into Emmett who was laughing along with us.

After a few beats the assistant started taking off her gloves with her teeth, nodding at Jacob to do the same. He did and threw the discarded gloves into the audience with more flair then I had expected from him. He was still dancing a little, swaying to the music, but it was smoother now. The boy did know how to move, that was for sure.

Rosalie grabbed his shoulders, turned him to her and started unbuttoning his shirt. The assistant was dancing behind him, bumping her ass against his. She pulled his shirt out of his pants as the crowd cheered. Jacob shrugged off his shirt but still had his suspenders on. His chest shone in the spotlight, his muscles making shadows on his abdomen.

Rose took the shirt and put in on, it was so big it swam on her but she hugged it around herself quite contentedly.

"Good puppy" she said "now you and your friends can have a Scooby Snack" she smiled at him from under hooded eyes, clearly she'd enjoyed that particular show.

We started to walk down to our table where our drinks were waiting when Emmett squeezed me again "I'll see _you _later" he whispered. As we got to our table I heard him announce: "What good sports!" he said and the audience cheered for us again "and now for the comedy duo MIXED NUTS"

"You aren't mad at me are you?" Jacob asked, still shirtless, as the next act started looking contrite.

"No, that was pretty awful though! I can't believe he did that to me!" I laughed, blushing and sitting on his lap when we got back to our seats. I was happy to feel his arms around me.

**Man 1: **What happened to you?  
**Man 2 in a cast****: **I was living the life of Riley.  
**Man 1:** And?**  
Man 2: **Riley came home!

"You get to have all the fun!" Alice whined from her perch on Jasper's lap.

"What, you want to be violated on stage? Next time it's all yours, no complaints from me!" I laughed kissing Jacob quickly before turning my attention back to the show.

A woman with large breasts had walked on stage; **Man 1 **had turned around to walk off stage and bumped into her.

**Man 1: **I beg your pardon.**  
Woman: **What are you begging for? You're old enough to ask for it.

We were all laughing and enjoying the bawdy, over the top humor before us. I leaned back into Jake and he kissed my shoulder and then my neck, sucking the skin into his mouth. "I love you" he whispered. I felt his hand around my waist starting to stray up under my shirt.

A man dressed as a priest walked over to **Man 1 **and the **Woman**.

**Minister: **Do you believe in the hereafter?**  
Woman: **Certainly, I do!**  
Minister: (**_**Leering**_**) **Then you know what I'm here after.

His hands were warm under my tank top, his fingers just brushing against the bottoms of my breasts, and I could feel my body responding to his light kisses. I leaned into him and wiggled in his lap a little, feeling him harden beneath me.

I turned to face him and whispered "Come on, let's get some fresh air" I smiled and stood up.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry this took so long! I've had to actually _work_ this week. Thanks for all the feedback! I'm so glad that so many of you liked the club scene. For those of you who didn't it's only in the beginning of this chapter and then we're done, thanks for bearing through it! I hope you're enjoying the rest of the story. **

**As always thank you for commenting, it's totally the best feeling to get your reviews and see what you're thinking and liking. I really do take it seriously and try to keep it in mind. **

**And a big thank you to my darling HopeAlways for the encouragement and revisions, you're the best.  
**

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I turned to face him and whispered "Come on, let's get some fresh air" I smiled and stood up. He grabbed his jacket and threw it on over his bare chest and followed me back toward the entrance. I could feel him close behind me; even though we weren't touching and hadn't said anything I could feel him near me, like a crackle of electricity pulsing between us.

When I got to the velvet curtain I turned and looked at him, smiling at his beautiful face with all the happiness I felt inside. He walked to me quickly and wrapped his arm around me as we went through the curtain. We walked a few paces through the black hallway but after we passed the first pin light Jacob's arm stopped me and pulled me into a kiss. He bent down, bringing his warm lips to mine and kissed me softly, then again more firmly. I giggled and grabbed his hand to continue down the hall, but he grabbed me, a grumble in his chest and pressed his lips to mine again. I stepped back, bringing my arms around his neck to pull him with me. When I felt the wall against me I leaned against it and ran one hand up into his hair.

One of his large hands came up over my shirt and cupped my breast. His tongue traced the line of my lips. I parted them, breathing out as he lowered his other hand to my ass. He was massaging me with his hands, making my muscles warm and soft. His tongue worked down my neck and I leaned my head against the wall. I could feel my breath coming faster, the darkness of the hallway so complete that I couldn't see him; I lost myself in the feeling of him.

Jacob pulled away from me a little as he kissed along my collar bone and I unwrapped my hands from him, placing them on his bare chest. I passed my thumb over his nipple and heard him catch his breath. Pulling him against me I wrapped my arms around his back and up to his shoulder blades, feeling his skin against my arms.

I put my mouth hungrily to his neck, kissing it, tasting him. His hand moved under my thigh, holding my leg up around him as he pressed against me. I could feel him hard and long, throbbing against the confines of his pants. My hands traced the outlines of the muscles on his back. Leaning over me, his body was taunt, ready to spring. "Bella" he moaned as he lifted my leg higher, bending his knees to bring his cock against my center.

I put my arms around his neck and pulled myself up against him as much as I could. He rubbed me hard, pushing me further up the wall; his mouth on my lips before I knew it. I don't know if my eyes are closed or open, all I know is that I could feel him everywhere, my lips, my clit, the sensations he created in me vibrating along my skin. I arched up to him, pushing slightly off of the wall, trying to get as much of me into contact with his skin.

He wrapped his hand further under me, bringing his fingers into contact with my core through the fabric of my leggings. "Oh my god" I shuddered into him, wrapping both legs around his waist, allowing him to hold me with his body pressing me into the wall. He pushed his hardness against me, rubbing the very place I was so desperate for him to be. I licked his neck and chewed on his ear, feeling his hot breath against my neck.

"The car…" he said huskily. I kissed him again in response, biting his lower lip.

"Keys?" I asked looking up at him.

"Fuck…" he said, leaning his forehead against mine. He took a few deep breaths.

"I want you…" I whined moving myself against him, desperately hoping for him to rub against me again.

"God Bella, you have no idea" he groaned, his eyes still closed. I brought a hand to his face and he looked at me.

"I think I do" I breathed, leaning in to kiss his soft lips again. We both sighed as he pulled away, letting my feet fall gently to the ground. In the distance I heard the music change and a cheer go up.

AND NOW VIVA LA VIXEN!

Jacob leaned down and kissed me again, "Come on," he said taking my hand and leading me back into the theatre. My legs felt like liquid and I was frustrated to have to stop, but the night wasn't over yet.

Back at our table Alice and Jasper had ordered some chocolate cake brownie thing for dessert and there were 4 spoons. We sat down, Jacob shifting his pants uncomfortably making me giggle and earning a look from Alice. "So how are the bathrooms here? As good as Jake's house?" she asked across the table.

I blushed about 9 shades darker then usual and Jasper grabbed Alice's hand laughing along with her. I was mortified. Alice was having the time of her life and any semblance of restraint she had was clearly out the window.

The lights had dimmed and the music was loud. Rosalie walked onto stage in a white, full-length skirt and lace blouse. Her hair was tied up and she had on a small pill-box hat. Her pale skin sparkled under the bright lights and her blonde hair was striking. As she entered the stage she walked across the apron, smiling and spinning. She preened so that we could all see how perfect she was.

When she reached the center of the stage she posed and the music changed again to something with more of a bass line and beat. She slowly spun around bringing one arm up along her body and over her head, her fingers extended and lovely. With her back to us she smiled over her shoulder and bent over smoothly; her legs straight and her ass high in the air. She pulled up the front of her skirt and did something we could not see. She rocked her hips from side to side as she stood back up. Dancing in a wide arc she faced us, her skirt was open from her waist down, we could see white thigh-highs attached to a garter. She swung her hips in a wide circle and then covered herself with her hands making a mock embarrassed face.

She took several long strides across the stage and then leaned back with one arm above her head reaching behind her making a portrait perfect silhouette with her legs exposed. She pulled herself back up, leading with her chest, bringing her head forward last. The audience was silent, taking in her beauty, excited to know that soon they would be seeing all of her. Standing, she continued to rock her hips as she took of her right glove; she removed it with her teeth at first, one finger at a time, white satin against blood red lips. She used her left hand to slowly pull it off and lazily toss it to the side following the motion with her head, allowing us to see the length of her beautiful neck. The other glove came off in the same fashion.

Rosalie danced/skipped/sashayed across the stage as the music played, slowly removing her skirt and shirt until she was in old fashioned satin underwear with garters attached to her stockings. She shimmied as the music crescendoed moving her shoulders back and forth, her arms extended as if inviting us to join her. As she danced her assistants came out into the audience and pulled 2 people up onto stage. During this the waitresses cleared all of the food and plates and even some of the tables themselves.

Emmett came onto the stage and greeted those audience members, telling them something we could not hear. Another assistant came out with a paintbrush and a pixie stick. She handed it to the audience member who drew on Rosalie's chest with the paintbrush, starting between her breasts, over one, up over to the opposite shoulder and up her neck. The audience was silent as we all watched what was happening. The assistant then took out the pixie stick and ripped open one end handing it to the other innocent participant. He poured in onto Rosalie and it stuck to the path the paintbrush had taken, thickly.

"Now" said Rosalie suggestively "lick me" she demanded and the crowd started cheering again. Emmett looked at the audience and raised one eyebrow, smiled and dove in between her breasts. He put his hands on her hips and Rosalie tipped her head back, making moaning sounds as he licked up her chest. The music got louder and changed from a saucy 1930s beat to modern tones and the crowd was whipped up into a frenzy. He had to stop for a moment; having gotten so much sugar already. "Come on baby" she said pulling his head back to her. He licked the path carefully across her chest and to her neck. He stopped again smiled to the audience and then quickly and roughly licked up her neck.

"Let's Dance!" she screamed as the lights went out, tables were whisked away along with any chairs that hadn't been already. Reverend Horton Heat played now so loud that I couldn't hear what Alice was saying as she got up and came over to me. She took my hand and dragged me out to where people were dancing.

"uhhhnn un" I said, crossing my arms over my chest. No way was I dancing.

Alice laughed and smiled at me and then started dancing around me. With or without my participation she was going to dance with me. She put her hands on my shoulders and tried to get me to move; and I just shook my head again.

"How about with me?" I heard someone say into my ear as large hands glided into place around my waist. I leaned back and felt Jacob's bare chest behind me. I smiled and turned around to the silliest grin I'd ever seen on his face. He wrapped his arms around my waist and used his hands to move my hips. With his body against mine and him taking control of our movements I found that I could relax into the rhythm.

Jasper was dancing with Alice, twirling her and laughing; they were a sight to see, so free together. He was happy just to see her happy and she would do anything to make him smile. I looked up at Jake and realized we were the same way; he loved me completely and would do anything for me. Even though I hadn't asked him to, he had offered to stop talking to Paul and even though I knew that would be painful for him, I also believed he would do it. His smile was everything. When he smiled it was like the sun turned on in the room and I was transported out of whatever mood I was in and into joy.

I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder feeling his skin against my cheek, breathing in his scent. He kissed my head and moved with me, slowly and not to the beat of the music. We were dancing alone, the only music ours, the only people us. His hands on the small of my back were warm and safe. I could get lost in him.

Before I knew it the music had changed and Jacob pushed me away from him, grabbing my hands in his. He swayed, waving our hands back and forth, while I tried to keep my balance. The next thing I knew he pulled me back to him and wrapped one hand around my waist, the other still holding mine, and he picked me up swirling me around. "Jake!" I screamed, laughing, as I was literally swept off my feet. We danced until I couldn't take anymore. My feet were sore, but his were probably worse since I kept stepping on him, but he never let me fall.

Alice and Jasper were still dancing when we walked up to them "Ready?" I yelled.

"Yeah!" Alice said bending at her waist and dropping her head to her chest. I laughed and put my arm through hers, standing her up and walking out of the club. We walked out laughing and yelling because the music had skewed our sense of appropriate volume. Alice hugged the waitress goodbye as well as the bouncer and some innocent bystanders on the way out.

"How much did you drink!?" I laughed as she stumbled against me. She held up her thumb and first finger in the international sign for just a little. "You know what? I _totally_ believe you!" I yelled, causing us to break into a fit of giggles.

"Hey" a woman said as we walked past. She had on a tee-shirt and jeans and was smoking a cigarette, but when I looked at her face I knew immediately who she was.

"Hey Rosalie!" I said stopping to talk to her, Alice walked into me, not getting the message.

"Call me Rose" she said smiling "Thanks for coming out tonight, you guys were a lot of fun."

"We had a great time" Jasper said walking up with Jacob. "It really was a great show" he said smiling at her sweetly. Somehow Jasper could compliment someone on their strip tease and it managed not to be creepy. I liked him more and more every minute. "Oh, I'm Jasper, this is Alice and Bella and he's Jacob."

"Hey there big guy" she said "nice moves out there." Rose took a drag on her cigarette, still looking at Jacob, clearly admiring his still bare chest.

"Thanks. It's easier with my dancing partner though" he said pulling me to him with an arm around me. I was instantly reassured, though why he would choose to spend time with me over someone like Rosalie was beyond me. I let myself lean into him, realizing how exhausted I was. I yawned and looked up at him with sleepy eyes and was rewarded with a kiss on the forehead.

"Rose! Will you put that thing out and get back in here!" I heard behind me. Turning around I saw Emmett, now in jeans a tight long-sleeved shirt that showed how well built he was and big boots standing in a doorway behind us. "Hey! You're the shot kids right?" he asked noticing us.

"Yeah!" said Alice, "the show was awesome tonight"

"Thanks, It would have been better but Rose wouldn't let me do the cod-piece shtick" he looked at her pouting.

"Trust me Em, when _I_ say something is inappropriate it's way too much for the audience" she laughed softly walking over to Emmett.

"Wow…I can't even _imagine…" _Alice mused laughing.

"Well come back ok? And next time let us know you're here." Emmett said smiling and waving.

"They're really nice." I said pulling away from Jacob and taking his hand. He held it firmly but not hard. I squeezed his hand and looked up to his beautiful face, his strong chin and chiseled features.

"You are so beautiful" he said as he stopped walking and leaned down, kissing me. How could this creature, this amazing man think _I_ was beautiful.

When we caught up to Alice and Jasper they were at the car already. Jasper had Alice pinned between him and the car and she was giggling as he whispered in her ear. "Oh, hi," she said blushing and pushing Jasper away.

"No sex in the car, remember?" Jacob said as we walked up.

"s'my car…" Jasper said making us all laugh.

In the back seat I lay down on Jacob's lap and he ran his fingers through my hair. He was humming something until Jasper turned on the music.

"Jazz, what is this?" Jacob asked

"VNV Nation"

"It's awesome"

"Yeah, I really like it; I can burn you a CD of stuff if you want. No one around here seems to listen to the stuff I like."

"That's because it's noise" Alice complained

"Sorry Mom, I'll put some BeeGees on for you later" he laughed. I watched between the seats as he put his hand on her leg and she smiled over at him. I smiled again at their little display of affection. I looked up at Jacob who was gazing out the window.

"What'cha thinking?" I asked rolling further into him.

"Nothing Bells" he said smiling down at me and then looking back outside. There was something sad in his eyes that hadn't been there before. I took his hand and kissed it. "I love you Jake"

"I know Bella" he said looking at me again "I'm ok, really"

I sighed deciding to take his word at face value. I was too tired to push him and it didn't sound like he really wanted to be pushed right now. The car ride home passed quickly as Jacob ran his hand through my hair and gently traced the lines of my face.

Before I realized it we were pulling onto the gravel road that led down to Jacob's house. He was far away now, pulled back into himself, the closed off Jacob that I hated. Where had my Jake gone? I couldn't think of anything that had happened tonight that would have upset him, he seemed to be in such a good mood when we got in the car.

"Good night guys" he said as we pulled in front of his house. "Night Bells" he said pecking me on the lips and hopping out.

As the door closed behind him I jumped out of my door and ran over to him. "Jacob, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Bells, go home"

"No, I don't, I don't like it when you pull away from me like this." I said, feeling the tears welling in my eyes.

"I'm not honey, I'm just tired" He smiled weakly at me.

"Jake…I'm not stupid" I put my hands on my hips and looked up at him. His face hardened as we stood there in the dark. The light from his porch light just showing me enough to know that he was pulling further away.

"Bella, I never said you were."

"I can tell something's going on with you though, didn't you have fun tonight?"

"Yeah, I did, I just…God, why do you _do_ this?"

"Do what Jake? Care about you? Want to be in your life?"

"No, why do you have to push? Sometimes I just…I don't know…"

"Yes you do!" I said, getting really upset with him now. "You know exactly what's going on and you know exactly what you're upset about. I'm the one who's shut out. I'm always the one you push away."

"I'm not pushing you away. Fuck, after everything I've told you can't you understand that sometimes I just get…sad." He looked at me then, the hardness cracking to show the boy underneath. It was easy to forget how young he was most of the time. His body, his manners, his confidence, but really he was just a 17 year old boy who had seen more than he should have.

"Sad about what? Jacob…" I said walking closer to him. He was looking out into the forest, seeing things I didn't in the shadows, pulling further away from me. "Jacob, you can tell me, anything…"

"Just…I was just thinking how much Leah would have liked it there" he said hanging his head.

I stepped back. Leah? He was thinking about Leah? I got that she was still important to him, I just didn't expect to have her here with us tonight.

"Do you, do you _miss_ her?" I whispered.

"Sometimes" he said, still looking down. "Mostly, I miss my friend and I miss seeing her happy, but yeah, sometimes I miss her."

"Ohh"

"Bella, it's not like I want to be with her"

"Sure, sure…I…I get it…" I said, still not looking at him.

"Bella!" Jasper called from his window. "Are you staying here or going to Alice's, come on, she's falling asleep in here!"

I heard Alice giggle and turned to see her head out the window leaning over Jasper, "Jazz just thinks he's going to get lucky if you aren't with me tonight, don't let him rush you, he's _not!_" she said and then squealed in a fit of giggles as Jasper, I assume, started tickling her.

"You better go" Jake said stepping towards me.

"Yeah, ok…" I said still not looking at him. I took a moment, took a deep breath, closed my eyes and looked up at him. It was painful to look at him and think that a part of him wanted to be with someone else. I had to look away for fear of the tears starting. I turned to walk back to the car.

"Bella…"

"It's ok Jake, I'll…I'll talk to you tomorrow." I said without turning back.

When I got into the car Jasper was half in Alice's seat kissing her.

"Can we go?" I said into the darkness, leaning back in my seat and closing my eyes. I felt the late hour weighing on me and fell asleep.

"Bella, Bella, honey wake up" I heard someone calling to me. "Bella…we're here sweetie, wake up." Alice was sitting next to me, the car door open behind her.

"What?" I groaned

"We're home, come on" I dragged myself up to the car and into the house. Alice and I had a glass of water and headed upstairs. "I'm so glad you came tonight" she said looking at me "I love you you know"

"I know Alice, I love you too" she smiled at me and we walked upstairs hand in hand.

As we walked down the hall to her room Edward popped his head out of his room. "You're late" he whispered "Was it fun"

"Oh my God Edward – you have to come next time!" Alice whispered with as much enthusiasm as you can fit into a whisper.

"Shhh" he said smiling at us, coming out of his room. We walked down the hallway to Alice's room together.

He sat on the floor as Alice and I took off our make-up and undid our hair. I was waking up, enjoying listening to Alice's retelling of the evening.

"It was amazing Edward, you wouldn't have believed it. And the MC guy Emmett, he totally had his hands _all over_ Bella! I mean he was _humping _her on stage!"

Edward looked at me, his eyebrows up in shock.

"He was just pretending" I said, looking away hoping to deflect the attention from me.

"And he was hot, seriously Edward, you think Jacob Black is hot? Emmett was bigger, broader and _badder_" she said leaning into her brother with a huge smile on her face.

"Alice…." He said, looking at me and then back at Alice.

"Seriously, they were everywhere, you couldn't walk 2 steps without bumping into another bare-chested guy!"

"Alice!" he said breaking her thoughts. I sat there looking back and forth between them.

"What?" she snapped and then looked at me "Oh my God" she covered her mouth, her eyes wide.

"You think Jake is hot?" I asked looking at the floor in front of Edward.

"No, well, I mean, I can appreciate that he's attractive, you know, to girls." Edward said shifting his weight. I looked up at him and when I caught his eyes he blushed and looked away.

"Edward…"

"What Bella?" he said standing up and putting some distance between us.

"Do you have a _crush_ on Jake?"

"No, that's ridiculous. No!"

"I don't think she's gonna care Edward" Alice said softly looking up at him.

Edward sat back down, a tired and defeated look on his face. "Edward?" I asked softly looking at him again. He looked at me quickly before looking at the carpet and nodding.

"Ok, now that she knows can I paint your nails?" Alice asked coming down to her brother and pulling him into a hug. She kissed him on the cheek and he looked up at me.

Smiling I said "only if I can pick the color" and I crawled over next to him and kissed the other cheek.

Edward blushed and laughed and fidgeted uncomfortably. "I'm partial to blue" he said quietly and when I looked at him he had a sweet crooked smile on his face. We all laughed then and Alice resumed filling Edward in on the events of the night while I sat by him, more comfortable with him then I'd been in weeks. Well, this certainly explains why he's been such a fuck-tard…

The next morning we were woken up by Dr. Cullen screaming at Alice's door. We had all fallen asleep, Edward on the floor and Alice and I in bed. Edward had blue nail polish on now and mine was black. "Do you _want_ people to think you're some kind of freak punk!" he was yelling at his son pulling him up off the floor. Edward turned to look at me, sadness and a pleading in his eyes. I nodded, hoping he understood that I would not tell his secret.

"Oh Edward! I forgot to ask you" I interrupted. I wasn't thinking about the anger I saw in Dr. Cullen's face, only that I could tell that my friend needed to be protected. "The La Push guys and Tyler and them are putting together a football game on the beach tomorrow. They wanted me to ask you to come play." I knew that no one would want Edward to play and that he would have no interest in doing so, mostly because everyone thought of him as too intellectual for such things, not because they knew he was gay, but I hoped that it would be enough to deflect Dr. Cullen's attention from the nail polish.

"Ummm, yeah, that'd be great" Edward said with a huge smile.

"Great, I think Alice and Jazz are coming so I'll meet you there at like 1?"

"OK" he said as his father started to walk away. "Thanks" he mouthed to me turning to follow.

"Thanks Bella" Alice said when they were gone. "Dad doesn't…deal with Edward well."

"Is this why he's been such a prick to me?"

"Bella, you were the one thing that made him…normal. At least that's how he saw it, I'm not going to apologize to him but he's my brother and he _is_ a good guy."

"Yeah" I said "we'll see…" I was willing to forgive, but I wasn't sure if this was going to make any difference in the long run. I mean there are plenty of gay assholes in the world; I just hoped Edward wasn't one of them.

Alice and I spent the day snacking and watching TV, there was a Heather Locklier marathon on Bravo and who can resist _that_. Around 3PM I checked my phone and had no messages or texts. Part of me had expected to hear from Jacob. I didn't like the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach; the desperate fear that I was going to loose him and knowing that if I acted desperate that was only going to ensure it. I would wait, and hope to hear from him, if not, I'd see him tomorrow.

* * *

**Hmmm football tomorrow! Which team should be skins and who should be shirts!**

**Will Edward go to the game? What do you think about his secret? Will Paul behave?  
**

**How about Leah and Jake? What will happen with her being there at the game?**


	17. Chapter 17

_EC – can u call? Need 2 talk – BS_

_u gonna yell me? – EC_

_no, but am confused – BS_

_don't wanna call – Dad home – EC_

_ok… - BS_

_what do u want to know? – EC_

_ur gay?- BS_

_Fuck Bella! Not in writing! – EC_

_ok – we dated right? - BS_

_yeah – EC_

_did u ever like me – BS_

_sure, ur gr8! – EC_

_u no what i mean – BS_

_ur pretty and funny and smart and I wanted 2 like u – does that count? – EC_

_u wanted 2…but u dnt like girls – im confused – BS_

_supposed 2 but dont would b easier if i did – EC_

_u were a dick – BS_

_i no – EC_

_like a real prick – BS_

_i no, sorry – EC_

_u have 2 b nicer – BS_

_i will, rly, u r gr8, im sorry – EC_

_its tru i AM gr8 – BS_

_ur the best – EC_

_and u like JB? – BS_

_o no – not going there, tired now, talk more l8r – EC_

_prick - good night, c u 2morrow - BS_

I rolled over in my bed, looking at the clock. I still hadn't heard from Jacob. I was exhausted after the night out last night. I'd spent the day with Alice and then came home to do some homework and make dinner for Charlie. It was 10PM now and I was fighting sleep, hoping Jacob would text or call me. I didn't like the way we left things last night. I didn't like fighting with him.

Why was it that every time something went right between us something else seemed to come up? How could I have found the perfect guy for me and never get to just be happy with him. I sighed in frustration and rolled over again; unable to sleep but unable to stay awake. I decided I would just have to be the one to say something first. I opened my phone to text him:

_J- sleep well, c u 2morrow – luv BS_

Just as I sent it I received:

_Bells – luv u, if u need me call, im here – JB_

I smiled into my phone, tucking it under my pillow before finally falling asleep.

The next morning was a whirlwind. It was proving to be a beautiful day, clear skies and warmer then usual, perfect day for a beach party. My phone never stopped ringing between Jessica calling to see if Embry would be there, Angela calling in a tizzy about having forgotten to invite Lauren, Edward calling to see if he was really going to have to play and so on. I made Chicken Salad to take and called Alice to see if she and Jasper would give me a ride over.

Charlie spent most of the day wandering around the house grunting. Something was clearly bothering him but he wasn't showing any signs of wanting to talk about it. I asked him once and was given a snort and an eye roll, so I decided to leave him be. He was always so good about giving me any space I needed, he deserved the same. As I was getting a bag together with things to take, Charlie walked into the kitchen.

"Bells, I'm only going to say this once, be careful with those Quileute boys Jacob hangs out with. I know he's a good kid but some of them have been in a lot of trouble, some even with me."

"I know Dad" I said looking at him quickly "Jacob told me some of it, don't worry, Alice and Angela and a bunch of kids from school are going to be there too."

"Ok then" he said, walking back to the living room where his game was starting. "Oh and hey, I'm working graveyard tonight, Murry's out in Idaho taking care of his mom after she fell so we're all pitching in to cover the shift. So don't worry if I'm not here when you get home."

"Ok Dad, thanks"

"Isabellllllllaaaa!" I heard Alice's trilling voice call from outside just before she came bounding in the front door. "Are you ready to go? Jasper is dying to get there and I have BBQ chicken in the car and Edward made something too. He doesn't want me to tell you want it is though so come _on_! Oh, Hi Charlie!" She said beaming at my father.

"Hi sweetness" he said smiling at her. Alice had a way with people that just couldn't be explained. She was joy personified.

"Ok! Let's go!" she said coming and grabbing my bag out of my arms.

We walked out and Alice put my bag in the trunk while I slid in the back seat next to Edward. "Alice says you made something?" I asked him, eyeing the Tupperware bowl in his arms.

"Yeah" he said, smiling sheepishly "Fruit Salad…"

I burst into hysterical laughter "Fruit Salad?"

"It's funny right?" he said with a crooked smile and clear eyes. He looked hopeful almost.

"Yeah, Edward, it's hysterical!" I said patting him on the arm. He sat back with a self satisfied smile as Jasper pulled out of my driveway.

In La Push we went straight to First Beach – not Jake's house like we had last time. I was looking forward to seeing him so much; I kept stumbling in the parking lot and over the dunes. I knew I wouldn't feel right until I saw him; until I was in his arms.

As we walked up the sandy path I could hear their voices long before I could see them, coming over the last dune I stopped, looking out at the bodies before me. The Quileutes were all wearing shorts and no shirts, stretching and laughing while Mike, Tyler, Eric, Ben and Jacob were putting red bandanas on their heads and taking off their shirts. "Holy Mother" I heard Edward whisper just before he walked right into me.

"Keep it in your pants Cullen" I whispered smiling back at him.

He shook his head as if to clear it from a fog and smiled back at me "I'll try Bella, but I might need some help, this is, a lot to process" I laughed as we walked up to where Emily had a folding table set up and food spread out.

"Bella! I'm so glad you're here, Jacob talks about you all the time!"

"Thanks Emily, it's nice to see you" I said just before she pulled me into a hug. It was awkward but seemed like the kind of thing she did with everyone. She had such an easy way about her. "This is Edward and back there are Alice and Jasper."

"I brought Fruit Salad" Edward said presenting it to Emily.

"Thanks! These guys never bring _anything_ so it's great whenever someone does."

"Bella!" I heard Jake's voice call out to me and turned just in time to be swooped up into a big hug. He put me down and kissed me. "It's so good to see you" he said smiling, taking my hand and leading me out to where everyone had set up for the game.

"Jazz! Come on man!" Eric called out holding a red bandana for Jasper.

"Edward, are you here to play?" Ben asked as Edward joined the group.

"Nooo, not me, I'm here to keep the girls entertained while you guys slap each other on the ass and roll around in the sand."

Lauren laughed; clearly Angela had called her, against everyone's best instincts. "You can sit with me!" she called to Edward who rolled his eyes at me quickly before joining her.

"You two are friends today?" Jacob asked me

"So far…" I said smiling up at him.

"Ok bitches, the field is set – touch down is past the flags, Pale Faces are red, Quileutes are skin. Jake is the turncoat and full tackle is allowed" called out Sam. "My calls hold unless the peanut gallery objects, no fouls unless there's blood. Line up Boys!"

Jake kissed me on the head and went to stand with the Forks guys. I sat down as far away form Lauren as possible, barely able to contain my laughter as she went on and on to Edward about some cheerleading camp she was thinking about going to. Angela was sitting with Kim, Jared's girlfriend and Emily. As I settled in someone called behind me. "Good, I didn't miss the ass kicking" and turned to see Leah walking up to join us.

I help my breath. The thing that was so difficult was not only that she and Jake had a past but that she was so beautiful. Looking at her took my breath away; I could only imagine how the guys felt. She was striking with long black straight hair that never seemed to be out of place and flowed together as she moved. She had on shorts and a tee-shirt and was clearly an athlete with long legs and well muscled arms. Her lips were full and when she wasn't frowning, quite luscious. None on my friends knew about Leah and Jacob's past but Angela reached out and took my hand, knowing that I was tense I guess.

I looked over at Angela and smiled. "Who's that?" she whispered

"Jake's ex" I said quickly seeing her eyes flash and her lips purse.

"Bitch" she said

I smiled knowing that Angela was just choosing her friend "No, it's ok, she's still friends with him, so be nice" I said, smiling as much as I could. Not wanting to betray how much I wished I could just jump on the bitch bandwagon.

Leah plopped into the sand next to Emily as the game started. "Scalp 'em little brother!" she called out and was rewarded with a whooping laugh from Seth and the others.

The game started, but I was lost, all I could see was a football, flying back and forth, boys rolling all over each other and a lot of screaming. When I looked down at Edward he was clearly transfixed, but I don't think he knew any more about the game then I did.

"This is like porn" Jessica said as she sat down with us after getting herself a soda. I watched Jacob as he ran with the ball, his muscles gleaming with sweat. The sand stuck to his body whenever he fell. Tyler had tackled Embry and Paul and Seth had jumped on top of them. There were a few little scuffles but for the most part everyone seemed to be having fun. Jacob was clearly the best player on the Forks team and Sam seemed to be the best on the other side, but it was hard to tell. I was surprised by how good Mike looked without his shirt on, although, I wasn't used to such pale skin. I laughed, realizing that I was paler than he was.

As they played they got rougher and rougher and the language got worse. We were having a great time, laughing at their antics and cringing at the blows; until someone got hurt. We watched as Eric ran with the ball right into Quil and Embry who slammed him with their shoulders simultaneously. Eric's foot was in a dip in the sand and as he fell his knee twisted. Eric was officially out of the game.

Emily got him some ice from the cooler and brought him over to sit with Lauren and Edward. Lauren was in hog heaven having one of them on each side, Eric all sweaty and injured for her to hover over.

"Looks like you bitches forfit!" called Quil, smiling as he strut over the pick up the ball.

"No. Fucking. Way." Jacob called "I've got a ringer!" Everyone turned to look at him as he turned to Leah "You gonna show 'em how to do it?" he smiled at her holding his hand out.

"I was wondering how long I'd have to sit here" she said kicking off her flip-flops and pulling her shirt off. She had a black sports bra underneath and very little snorts that hung low on her tight stomach. She bounded out to the group and put on the bandana Mike was holding out for her.

"Nahh ahhh" called Embry "No fucking way, she broke my nose last time!"

"Pussy!" she called out laughing

"Seriously, I don't think I'm playing with her"

"Then you forfit, Sam?" Jacob called out.

"Embry, shut up and pull up your jockstrap, we've got some ass to kick"

"You wouldn't hit a girl would you?" Leah called out in a fake trill

"Abso-fucking-lutely"

"Hells Yeah"

"If its _you_"

The guys all called out laughing. I really didn't know what to make of this. Jacob was smiling and bent over, ready to pass the ball to Ben behind him. Leah was running behind the line, back and forth like some kind of puma. Watching her move it was amazing how much she reminded me of Jacob. It was like they were the same breed, as opposed to me; I'm maybe an opossum…

The game kicked up again but it was decidedly rougher now. The guys were targeting Leah who seemed to have no trouble slipping out of their grasp or out running them. Mike, Ben and Jasper were running some defense when Sam and the guys got the ball but for the most part our entire team was Jacob and Leah. They threw the ball perfectly to each other, making a touch down every time either one of them got the ball. They didn't need to speak, just seemed to know where the other was in space.

They laughed and he threw his arm around her after a particularly good play. It was painful to see the way she looked up at him. Like a woman who hadn't seen the sun in years. Everyone was covered in sand and other than Eric there weren't any injuries. The teams were tied now and Sam called out that this was the last play, next point wins.

The two groups huddled up, taking it all very seriously. I could hear Jessica laughing at something and Kim had gotten up to get something more to eat. I looked over at Emily who was watching Leah. When she caught my eye she smiled at me but didn't say anything. There was so much drama here; I didn't know how to deal with it. None of it was mine and there was nothing I could do, and yet, here I was in the middle of it.

The next play was louder then usual. The laughter had stopped and the guys' eyes seemed harder. This was about more then just a game now; stupid boys and their competitions. The ball didn't get far before I could hear bodies crack. Embry came up from the tackle with blood from his nose. "I fucking told you" he whined wiping it away with his hand.

"You quitting?" Leah called out.

"No fucking way" he lashed back

"Good, I'd hate to have to start telling people my dick was bigger than yours" she sneered, but you could hear the laughter in her voice. Despite the language she and Embry were both smiling. She fit in with them better then I could ever imagine.

Jacob laughed and smacked her on the shoulder before they resumed their line. The ball was in our hands and Jake passed it to Ben who threw it long to Leah who had bolted faster then I could imagine past the other team. Paul was hot on her heels when she jumped up to catch the ball. As she came down she led with her elbow, slamming into Paul's face with her forearm and dropping him to the ground. She continued on and scored the winning touch down.

It was so fast no one could believe the game was over for a minute until Jake and Mike started screaming and running toward Leah. Jake ran to her and opened his arms and before I knew what was happening she had jumped into his arms wrapping her legs around his waist. I stopped breathing as I watched them hug and holler. The other guys joined them, all wrapping around Leah and congratulating her. She jumped down but Jake kept his arm around her shoulder.

I started to feel faint and the color faded away from the scene before me until all I could see was Jacob with his sweet smile, the happy one that was meant just for me, looking down at Leah, tucked in under his arm.

"Let's EAT!" Sam called out and everyone broke to go get food. I stood up, afraid that if I sat still the tears in my eyes would start to spill over. Surprisingly it was Emily who came over to me then.

"He's just happy to see her back" she said kindly to me.

"Yeah, sure" I said not looking up.

"He talks about you all the time, I know how he feels about you, don't doubt it OK?" she smiled when I looked up at her.

"How can I compete with _that_ though" I said sadly.

"Thing is, you don't have to" she said before walking away toward the food.

I swallowed my fears and walked over to the table where the food was.

"How's your nose Embry?"

"Fuck you Sam"

"These cheeseburgers are awesome, who made them"

"Emily did, she's resident big sister" Jared said smiling at Emily as Kim came and sat on his lap with a plate of food for them to share.

"Great game guys" Mike said standing at the edge of the circle that had formed.

"Whenever you girls have rested enough I brought shovels so we could dig a pit for a bon fire." Sam said before shoving a mouthful of my chicken salad into his mouth.

"Be nice to the boys Sam" Emily said, looking up at him. I watched as he looked back and melted; he leaned down to kiss her so sweetly it was like none of us were here. Watching him with her I could see that all his bluster was just a way to reach these guys, he had a good heart.

"You are the fucking worst sister" Seth said punching Leah in the arm.

"What? I didn't slam _your_ face into the sand" she said, shaking some out of her hair from the last time Seth had tackled her. "You're getting too big."

"That was fucking brutal at the end though" Eric was saying "who _are_ you?" he asked Leah.

She laughed and it was a beautiful sound, open and happy. I could understand how much it would mean to Jacob to hear her that way again, but it didn't stop the clenching in my chest when I saw him looking at her. "Just one of the boys" she said.

"You know Leah" I heard a sneering voice say behind me as I picked up the wooden spoon that Edward had brought for the fruit salad "someone needs to bend you over and fuck you till you know how a bitch is supposed to act."

The world stopped. My breath came out hot and my jaw clenched. I could hear his voice from so many years ago _don't you know that the forest is a dangerous place? You could get caught by the big bad wolf_ I turned and saw him sitting on a log, bent over with his elbows on his knees looking up at Leah menacingly. If he meant what he said he was beyond dangerous, if he didn't he was an asshole of unimaginable proportion _you scream and I'll kill you_ I heard in my head as I walked over to him, the spoon still in my hand, pulling it up over my head. Someone was screaming now and before I realized it was me I had brought the spoon down on his head full force, wrenching it out of my hand with the force of the blow.

I wasn't done though, the screeching in my head was loud and demanding and I complied as I punched the face that was now looking up at me in shock. He stood up and backhanded me, throwing me back a few steps but I lunged punching him so hard I felt the impact up my arm, but I didn't care. Something had been opened up in me, something had been accessed and now I was fighting back. I hit him over and over, the noise in my head ringing in my ears as the blood pounded in my body. I heard voices behind me but nothing they said registered as I began kicking Paul where he had fallen on the ground from my attack.

"I'll fucking _kill_ you, you mother-fucking _asshole_! You think you can just treat people like shit and get away with it! You can't do that to _me_! Not now. You're fucking _nothing_!" I could hear the words, I could feel them coming out of my mouth but I couldn't register what I was saying. All I could feel was my pain and my hatred bubbling up out over me in waves like molten lava.

"Stop it, fuck, what's you're problem" he was saying as I kicked him in the face. I saw his head snap back and that's when I finally felt strong arms wrap around me and pull me away. I fought, flailing, trying to get one more kick, one more punch in before he was out of reach. Kim and Quil had gone over to check on Paul, who they had sitting up now, with blood dripping down his face.

Sam's arms strong were around me and had pulled me to the other side of the picnic site. He sat me down firmly and stared down at me. But I couldn't see him, all I saw was Paul, bloody and I smiled.

"I like her." I heard Leah say. I turned to see her standing up, looking at me with a smile on her face. She nodded to me and went to get ice from the cooler and brought it back, sitting on the ground beside me.

"Thanks" I said, wincing as I brought the ice to my cheek.

"What the fuck was that?" Sam said looking down at me sternly as Jacob came rushing over.

"Clearly she's met Paul before" Leah said looking up at Sam. "You protect him for some reason I'll never understand, but whatever made her do that, he deserved it. I don't need to know more than that." She looked at him with strength and confidence and I could see the person she would have been if things had been different. She looked down at me now, her eyes softening. "You ok now?"

"Yeah" I said. Jake was sitting in the sand, watching the two of us bewildered. He couldn't understand that Leah and I may never be friends or ever be comfortable but I knew her pain and she knew mine. It was a different kind, but it was the pain of a woman, a mother, a child and sitting here now, we shared it without words.

Leah put her arm around me and laid her head on my shoulder "thanks, no one stands up for me like that anymore" she whispered.

"You're welcome" I sighed and laid my head on hers, relaxing into her understanding.

"What the fuck!" I heard "What the fuck was that?!?"

"Paul, shut up" Sam said.

"No, she beats the fucking shit out of me and _none_ of you do anything and now she's over there cuddling with little miss psycho-pants. Jake, do you fucking collect fucking crazy women?" I felt Leah's arm tighten around me as my body started to shake.

Jake took 2 strides and punched Paul square in the face as hard as he could. Paul fell, out cold. "Sam, get him out of here or we're leaving"

Sam grunted and Quil helped wake Paul up.

"Babe, are you OK?" Jacob said as he came and knelt before me.

"Yeah" Leah and I whispered at the same time. She sat up and looked at me with hatred in her eyes and suddenly we started laughing. We laughed away the discomfort and the pain. We laughed at how it was possible for us to love the same man, we laughed at how awful life could be and how much better it was when we laughed. We laughed until the tears started falling and we were holding each other. We laughed and sobbed. Sniffing as we regained our composure we looked back at everyone and Leah left her arm around my waist.

"Jake, I really like her" she said looking at him, with a sad smile on her face.

"OK, what the _hell_ is going on here? Are we like in some telemundo soap opera?" Jessica asked now that the hubbub had dies down. Suddenly there were a lot of voices and Edward was walking over to me and Jacob was reaching out for me and I felt the world tighten around me. I drew back from Jake's touch and saw the look of hurt on his face but couldn't find words to explain it to him. Angela was there talking about the day we had been at Sam's, telling everyone how I had freaked out.

I didn't want to be here, I didn't want everyone to know but I couldn't move.

"Hey, my place is just up the path" Leah said to me quietly "you wanna go get cleaned up?"

"You aren't going to try to like eat me or anything are you?" I said smiling weakly at her.

Smiling widely she said "Not today anyway" as she stood up and gave me her hand.

"We're going back to my place to clean Bella up, we'll be back" she said to no one in particular but everyone heard her. I looked to Jake and tried to smile but all I found was his jaw wide and his eyes even wider. I smiled and looked down as Leah led me away.

The chaos behind me grew and I could hear Lauren yelling "So what? She freaked! What's the big fucking deal"? I could hear Paul's name in the verbal melee too. Leah led me up a different dune from the one we came in through and too a narrow wooden path.

"Come on, it's just up here"

I followed behind her, still in only a sports bra and shorts, taking in the sway of her hips and the shape of her waist. She was perfect; tall, athletic and curvy. There was nothing in me that could even begin to compete with that. I looked at the ground and kept my head down until we came to the back door of her house.

She opened the door and called out to let her mother know we were there. "Wait here" she said as she bounded up the stairs to get the first aid kit. Apparently I had a small cut on my cheek from Paul. I took advantage of her leaving to wash my face in the kitchen sink and try to calm down.

I don't know what happened, what came over me, it was like I could watch myself hit him in my memory but I couldn't remember actually doing it. My face ached and my hand throbbed but that was the only proof I had that I had been the one hitting him.

"Hi…" said a woman as she entered the kitchen. She was dressed in black pants and a v-neck shirt, she was not as pretty as Leah but you could tell that this was her mother without a doubt.

"Hi….ah…Leah went upstairs"

"ok, so are you a _friend_ of hers?" he mother asked, looking at me intently.

"Hey Ma, yeah, this is Bella."

"Bella…" her mother said, rolling my name around in her mouth like she was tasting something new.

"Yeah, she's ahh…she's Jake's girlfriend"

Leah's mother tensed, I could see her posture tighten and her face get hard as she turned to look at her daughter; "Jacob Black?" she asked slowly, looking at her daughter with intensity.

"Mom…" Leah said bringing the hydrogen peroxide and a cloth over to me to wipe my face.

"I told you I didn't want you spending time with him." I felt like I was intruding on something, but there was no way out of this without seeming rude when Leah was taking care of me.

"I wasn't. There was a group of people there and Bella got hurt so I offered to help her. Isn't that what you want?" she said turning to her mother, her voice getting lower and more menacing "for me to be _nice_ to people and make friends? Isn't that what you want?"

"Not with them, it's bad enough your brother spends so much time with Jacob, I won't have you getting involved again."

"Don't worry mom, see this girl here, this is his _girlfriend_ did you hear me? _**Girlfriend"**_

"Leah" I interrupted and they both turned to me. "Ummm, I'm ok now and maybe I should go." I started side stepping toward the door.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go too" Leah said, still looking at her mom for a moment before turning with me.

"Leah…" her mom said behind us but Leah just kept walking.

When we were far enough from the house she sat down in the sand wrapping her arms around her spread knees.

"You know, I wasn't always the crazy girl" she said staring at the sand.

"And I don't always beat people up." I said sitting next to her. We sat silently for what seemed like a long time, but could have only been a minute or two. I could feel her sadness and her strength warring with each other in the space between us.

"I was 7 when Paul tried to rape me" I said softly "I've never said it out loud before. I've never told anyone. Jake knows, he's the one who saved me."

The silence spread and when I looked over I saw that Leah had tears in her eyes. She looked up at me and smiled "Thank you for telling me" she said wiping the tears away. "I was 15 when I got pregnant, 16 when I lost my son. But everyone knows what happened; everyone sees it whenever they look at me. I can't get away from it."

I nodded and she looked away, staring out into the sand beyond the dune we were next to. "Jacob is a good guy" she said "I feel bad that I've been a bitch to him. None of it was his fault."

"He still loves you very much" I said.

"I know, but not the same as he loves you" she smiled at me, the tears falling again.

We sat for a while longer, eventually leaning back and lying in the sand looking up at the sky above us. The sun had moved some across the sky and I knew everyone would be worried about us. "Leah?"

"Hmmm?"

"You ready to go back?"

"Yeah, but, I don't really wanna deal with everyone"

"OK, well, you can stay with me or when you get overwhelmed you can just come over to where I'm sitting."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked leaning up on one elbow and looking down at me. She pushed her hair behind her ear as she spoke.

"Why did you help me get away when I needed some space before?"

She smiled "I don't know, I guess, I just understood how you were feeling."

"Well, let's just pretend we're friends and forget about the why of it" I smiled back at her.

"I am a bitch" she said standing up.

"Well, I have a bit of a temper" I laughed as we walked back to the crowd together. In the distance we could see that they had started the fire and everyone was laughing and talking again. "Let's try to have a good time."

"Ok", she said reaching out to take my hand and squeezing it. We walked back to the group hand in hand.

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**Please please please comment. This chapter just flowed out of me today, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**


	18. Chapter 18

**In case you weren't sure - I don't own any of this, just having some fun  
You guys have totally rocked and all your comments have made it really fun to keep working on this. Keep em coming!  
This chapter's a little shorter but I hope you like it!**

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**As Leah and I neared the fire I could see Jacob watching us. She squeezed my hand and walked over to Emily as I headed towards him.

"Bella" he sighed, pulling me into a warm embrace. With his arms around me I took a deep breath, finally feeling like things could be right again. "Are you ok?" he said leaning down to look me in the eyes. I nodded up at him and lay my head against his chest. I didn't want to deal with the crowd, but with Jake there I knew I could do it.

"Honey, I need to tell Sam about what happened. He's really pissed about all this but he doesn't understand."

"No Jake, I don't…want people to know"

"Just Sam Bells, I promise."

I took another deep breath before answering him "OK, if you feel like you need to"

"I do" he said into my hair.

"Bella? Bella?" Alice was calling from the group. "Are you OK hon?"

I stepped away from Jacob and turned to the group, every pair of eyes there was on me "I'm fine, my wrist hurts a little, but I think I'm ok now."

"Fucking lunatic" Lauren mumbled as everyone went back to their own conversations.

"Fucking leg-humper." Leah said much louder. I looked over and saw her smile at me, winking quickly.

"Ok, this is too fucking weird" Jacob said turning me around. "What is going on? Yesterday you're mad at me for even thinking about her and now you're best friends with my ex-girlfriend?"

"I don't know Jake, maybe Paul is right, you are like a magnet for crazy-chicks" I shrugged "she…makes sense to me"

"It's just weird…" he said looking away

"Bella, are you ok? Oh my God, your face!" Edward had walked up and was touching my cheek. I winced and pulled back "Who was that guy?"

"An asshole" I said

"Well yeah, that was clear from the beginning…"

"Leave it be Cullen" Jake said glaring at Edward.

"Yeah, ok, I just, hate to see you hurt" Edward said to me, ignoring Jacob

"I think you contributed enough to that yourself" Jacob growled.

"Stop now, please" I said "I don't have the energy for you two fighting about something that doesn't even exist. Jake, let it go. Edward, Thank you for checking on me. I'm going to get a soda now and move on with the night."

I walked off leaving the two of them standing there, staring after me. I laughed as I heard Edward say "Girls are a fucking mystery to me"

"Don't I know it man" Jacob said.

At the cooler there were soda's and beer and I decided that I'd have a beer, it wasn't often I drank and I'd never been drunk but today had been enough of a cluster fuck a beer sounded like a great idea.

"Throw me one" called Embry and I suddenly became the beer distribution center of La Push Beach. I passed them around and when Jake caught one I saw him look at it for a second before Sam snatching it out of his hand.

"Not you brother" he said looking down at Jake.

"No worries Sam, I'm good" Jacob smiled a little too big before calling to me "Coke please!"

I went back over and sat in Jacob's lap while everyone rehashed the game. "Alice, how was your night out?" Angela asked, sitting between Quil's legs, who was contentedly braiding her hair.

"Oh my God Ange, you would have _died"_ Alice began before regaling us with a blow by blow of the evening.

"I don't know where to sit" Leah said softly as she came and sat next to Jacob. "I know it's weird" she said looking at the sand.

"It's OK" I said smiling at her as Jacob fidgeted.

"I'm tired of sitting by Emily and being protected all the time."

Mike was sitting on the other side of her and leaned over "Hey, I'm Mike, nice moves today" he smiled at her.

"Oh, thanks, I've been hanging out with these fuckers my whole life, it was kind of necessary to learn how to beat them at their own games"

"It's just not usual for a girl who looks like you to be so brutal" Mike laughed

"Well, I've had my fair share, so I guess I don't think too much about doling it out" she laughed.

I felt Jacob hold me a little tighter. He may not mind Leah seeing us together, but he didn't like seeing Mike flirt with her. I pat his hands and he relaxed and gave me a tight smile.

I took a sip of my beer and when I put it down saw Jake eyeing it. "Oh my God!" I heard Jessica screaming behind us. I turned and saw Embry carrying her bridal style down towards the water. "Don't you dare! Don't you fucking _dare!_ Oh my God!"

She was struggling in his arms as he walked into the water, carrying her deeper and deeper. The sun was low now but still giving off enough light. Suddenly I heard Emily scream and Sam had her over his shoulder walking toward the water. "You _wouldn't!_"

Jasper hunched down and jumped at Alice, trying to catch her but she was too fast. "No way!" she squealed laughing running down the beach. Soon everyone was up and running around. Jacob had grabbed Seth by the ankle and was dragging him down to the water's edge while Leah and I watched and laughed.

"Going in?" she asked.

"No, I don't have any clothes"

"Hmmm, sounds like a serious problem…" she said before leaning down and throwing me over her shoulder.

"Leah! Leah put me down!" I screamed hitting her on the back. She was laughing and stumbling as she tried to run down to the water. "Nooooo" I screamed as she fell onto the sand, landing on top of me. We giggled as she tried to drag me into the water and I struggled to crawl away from her.

Mike was soon with us and had his arms around Leah's waist picking her up in the air. "Let me down!" she screamed but no one heard through the deafening roar of laughter the group was making.

I sat in the sand, watching Quil tackle Jake in the water and laughed as Alice struggled to keep her head from getting wet so her hair wasn't ruined. Jared came out of the water shaking his long hair like a dog getting me wet. "You're still out here?" he asked shocked. "No one gets out alive!" he laughed as he came toward me. I got up and ran, straight into the water and dived in as soon as I was deep enough. If I was going to get wet, it would be on my terms.

I swam out to Jacob, Jared quickly catching up, and wrapped my arms around him. "I'm being hunted!" I said out of breath from swimming so hard. Jared swam underwater and grabbed my leg, pulling me under too. I flailed and grabbed onto Jake's hand pulling myself away from Jared. Above water finally I climbed onto Jake's back and clung on. "Truce!" I called out laughing as Jared swam against Jake's outstretched hand.

"Having fun?" I asked kissing him on the neck, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Mmmm, more now" he said, ignoring Jared, turning around into my arms.

I had my legs around his waist tightly and could feel his firm body against me. I ran my hand through his short shaggy hair and laughed as he shook it out. He pulled me closer, his arms around me now too and kissed me. Pulling back he looked into my eyes, "you really are amazing you know"

"Mmm" I said leaning into kiss him again.

"No, really" he said, pulling away from me, making me pout for missing his lips on me. "You really beat the crap out of Paul, which was awesome, and then you manage to not only make friends with the bitchiest, craziest chick here but she happens to be my ex-girlfriend, and you've done it all smiling. I'm amazed by you." He brought his lips to me now softly. "I'm dazzled by you." He said kissing me again, deeper, bringing one of his hands to the back of my neck.

I kissed him back, moaning into his mouth and the feel of his warm hands against me in the water. I sucked his lower lip into mine and he kissed my upper lip softly; his tongue pushed against me and I opened for him willingly, pulling him into my mouth deeply. The sun was setting over the water and people were working their way back out to the beach, taking off wet clothes as they went and laying them out on the driftwood to dry.

"Come on lovebirds, let's go in!" Angela called as she drifted behind Quil, her arms around his neck.

I smiled into Jake's slowing kisses "Ready?"

"To stop kissing you? Never" he smiled back

"It's getting dark…"

He kissed me again and we swam back to shore. At the fire everyone had changed their clothes or was sitting wet drying off. Jacob pulled a dry shirt out of his bag and handed it to me to put on. I hid behind him and changed into his shirt and shimmied out of my jeans. Fortunately he was big enough it was like wearing a big dress with my swim trunks underneath.

"Jake, I got tickets for Disturbed next weekend, you wanna go?" Jasper said as we sat down next to him.

"Yeah, that's awesome."

"Awww you two have a man-date" Alice teased.

The fire was raging and everyone was laughing together. No one mentioned Paul again which I was thankful for. Emily had brought out a radio and was playing her ipod through it so there was music and beer, the makings of a good night. Jacob was over talking to Sam, filling him in on the history with Paul I assume, when Edward came and sat down next to me. "This sucks" he said laying his head in my lap. "I have sand everywhere" he pouted.

I laughed and put my hand on his chest. "It'll wash off"

"Not for days!" he said looking up at me smiling.

"I'm glad you're here today Edward"

"I'm having more fun than I thought I would" he said softly "having you here to talk to makes it easier. I try to stay away from Alice at parties; she's not always very good at keeping her thoughts to herself."

"She'd never hurt you, and she never said anything to me you know"

"I know, it's different to have a friend though"

"Yeah…"

"So, are you going to tell me what all that shit was about before?" He asked, looking up at me.

"Probably not." I said

"You know my big bad secret…" he pushed.

"Let's just drop it tonight ok?"

"Ok Bella" he said sitting up and pulling me into a hug "just know I'm here for you ok?"

"Thanks" I said returning his hug. When I looked up Jessica was looking at us, shaking her head and Jacob had returned to the group. He gave me a bewildered look before sitting down with Embry. I was nursing my second beer and was far behind everyone else when Angela and Quil announced they were going for a walk.

"Ye-ahh!" Mike called getting himself smacked in the arm by a giggling Leah.

Edward was still lying on my lap while I was talking with Alice when Jacob came over "You need a ride home?" he asked me as he sat down.

"Getting tired of the _festivities?" _Edward slurred, he'd had more than his fair share of beer.

"Maybe you're the one who should be getting home" he glared at Edward who was giggling.

"What? And miss all the fun? Who knows who's going to get beat-up _next!_ Besides I have _such_ a great pillow here"

"Speaking of…why don't you get the fuck up off my girl-friend" Jacob said menacingly.

"Jake, it's OK, we're just talking" I said, trying to calm him down, how could I explain that Edward _really_ wasn't a threat. If anything he was more interested in Jake than in me!

"Yeah, just talkin', how's about you get a beer and chill the fuck out" Edward said smiling.

"I don't drink" Jacob said evenly, but still glaring at Edward.

"Why's that big boy" Edward sat up now, getting closer to Jacob "you afraid of what you might do?" he put his hand on Jacob's chest and smiled.

"Edward!" I said quickly "stop being a prick, come on, you need some air." I stood up and tried to stand him up. "What the fuck are you doing?" I whispered as he started to protest.

"He's a prick when he's sober and a prick when he drinks, why do you still care Bella?" Jacob asked standing up looking at me now.

"Jacob, he just needs some air, we'll be right back" I turned and walked away knowing that Jacob was watching us, but knowing Edward needed to get a hold of himself.

Once we were far enough away I didn't think anyone could hear us I stopped "What the fuck Edward."

"Sorry" he said looking at the sand and swaying slightly.

"You can't hit on my boyfriend and expect people to not notice."

"I know Bella, he just…he gets in the way" he looked up at me sadly. "He showed up and it was like, I stopped being able to blend in, I stopped being a good boyfriend to you and I can't think straight when he's around."

"Edward…"

"I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear this" he sat down looking out at the sea.

"It's ok, there's just nothing I can _do_ for you. I mean, not only isn't he available he's not gay."

"I know"

"Have you ever…had a boyfriend?" Edward blushed and nodded then looked down the beach away from me.

"OK well, maybe you just need to meet someone else you know"

"I don't know how" he said sadly "I can't just introduce myself to people and ask if they like boys or girls. Plus, I can't let people know."

"Well I know and I don't care, maybe you don't give people enough credit."

"Maybe, but my Dad would care."

"Edward!" Alice yelled from the bon fire "Jasper and I are leaving – are you coming?"

"I should go with them" he sighed.

I pulled him into a hug. "Ok, call me tomorrow" I said and he gave me a quick peck on the lips.

"Sure thing" he said.

"Hey! Does this make you my gbf now?" I asked as we walked back to the group.

"Fuck you" he said throwing his arm over my shoulder and laughing.

Back at the fire Jacob was stewing. I could see the anger coming off of him without him even turning around to look at me, which he didn't do. I said goodbye to Alice, Edward and Jasper saying I was going to stay with Jacob. Quil and Angela still hadn't returned and Jared and Kim had wandered off. Ben, Eric and Lauren were all packing up so the fire was just Sam, Emily, Seth, Embry, Jessica, Leah, Jacob and me.

Emily appeared to be asleep on Sam's lap as I sat down next to Jacob who still didn't say anything to me.

"Hey" I said but received only a grunt in response. "umm, did you talk to Sam?" I asked, but he only nodded in response. "ok…" I said softly looking down at the sand.

"So, are you guys doing the prom thing?" Jessica called out to me.

"Oh, I hadn't thought about it…I don't know." I said looking at Jake who was looking at the ground.

"Embry and I were just talking about it and I think we're gonna go, you should come with, we can all get a limo or something. It's gonna be great – the theme this year is "Masquerade", I'm so excited to find a dress, are you going to dress like normal or are you going to do the whole like old fashioned masquerade thing?"

"I don't really…" I started but before I finished Jessica kept going and Jake stood up to get another drink.

"I think we should all get dressed up really elaborately you know like Kirstin Dunst in Marie Antoinette and we can wear wigs and do great masks, it's going to be so much fun."

Jacob was standing by the cooler looking at what was left when he glanced over at me with a pinched expression on his face. "What?" I mouthed hoping he could see me but he just sat down next to Seth instead.

"Nothing left?" Leah asked

"Just beer"

"Oh…" she said and I watched as she stared at Jacob until he lowered his head again. What was it with him and not drinking. I thought it was great, I mean, nothing worse then a drunken boyfriend, but it was starting to look like there was more to it than that.

"So like, I look really good in white so maybe you should go in like black or something and we can do some kind of fun matching theme outfits" Jessica was still talking about prom.

"Oh, Jess, look, I don't know if we're going, we haven't really talked about it yet."

"Oh, well, you should come because it's going to be totally great and it's only a few weeks away so we really need to start planning. Plus, you know that Alice is going to totally overdo it and we need to put something together that she can't top."

"Come on Em" Sam said stroking Emily's face, "time to wake up and get home, the fires starting to go out." Embry and Seth started putting the fire out and I walked over to Leah to say goodbye.

"He's in a mood now, what happened?" she asked, glancing over at Jake.

"I think he's mad I'm still friends with Edward."

"Why?"

"That's who I was dating when Jacob and I started…seeing each other."

"Oh" she said looking down "Well, I'm gonna jet" she mumbled and started to turn away.

"Hey Leah"

"Yeah"

"Thanks" I said and pulled her into a hug. She hugged me back awkwardly.

"See you around" she called as she grabbed her shirt and flip-flops and walked off towards her house; I watched her go and noticed her stop and look back in Jacob's direction before Seth caught up with her and they headed back together.

Everyone was wandering off and Jacob was still sitting in front of the now buried fire in the dark.

"Hey" I said sitting next to him and bumping him with my shoulder

"hmmm" he mumbled.

"Sooo, you wanna go for a walk?" I asked, trying to get any response from him.

"Why? So you can drag it out longer?"

"What are you talking about" I asked

"Just get it over with Bella, I don't need you to try to be nice about it"

"Jake, I don't know what…"

"I saw you Bella" he said looking up at me with pain in his eyes "How could you?"

"I don't understand, what did I do?"

"Right Bella, whatever", he said standing up "look, I'll drive you home and then we can just consider this over ok?"

"Jacob, what are you talking about! Consider what over?"

"Us, Bella, you don't have to break-up with me, I'll make it really easy for you ok?"

"Break-up? What?!? I don't want to break up with you!" I was standing now too, yelling at him in the darkness.

"Sure right, you just want to kiss whoever the hell you want and then come back to me? I may be in love with you but I'm not some kind of fucking punching bag! You can't just take what you want and leave the rest of me to suffer."

"Kiss? What?!? Ohhhh… You think I kissed _Edward?"_

"I saw you Bella! I could see you and so could everyone else, wandering off with him like that, like he's still your boyfriend and then you kiss him! And with me sitting right here?"

"No, Jake, it's not, it wasn't…Edward is just my friend"

"Whatever Bells."

"No, stop it! Listen to me"

"There's nothing you can say ok? What can you possibly say that would make it ok for you to kiss your ex-boyfriend while I'm sitting right here."

"I…I can't tell you…"

"Right"

"It's…it's not what you think OK. That was nothing; it was like kissing Angela or Alice!"

"You never dated Angela or Alice" he stood there staring at me, still with that growl on his face and I knew that this was the Jacob I couldn't reason with; the Jacob who didn't listen, who had been hurt and just expected it to happen over and over again.

"If you want a ride home come on, I'll take you" he said storming off to the trail to his house. It was the longest, quietest 10 minute walk of my life.

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**Drama Drama! How can Bella get Jake to listen without betraying Edward?  
How much of all this can they take before they decide it's not worth it?  
What's the next step?? I know what I have in mind - what do you want to see?**


	19. Chapter 19

**Songs in this chapter are  
Lover you should've come over by Jeff Buckley  
****StinkFist by Tool**

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"Put these on" Jacob said finally when we got to his yard, throwing my jeans at me. They were still damp from the water earlier, but I was able to put them on quickly. I watched Jacob's back as he walked into his garage. His head was down as he walked but his pace was quick; like he couldn't wait to get away from me. When he returned he had thrown on a tee-shirt and boots and was walking over to his bike.

He walked by without looking at me, anger still clear in his tight face and clenched jaws. His eyes were narrow and black when he turned to me. "Get on" he said and hopped on not waiting for my reaction. He started the bike as I walked over.

"Jake…" I said when I was standing next to him and he simply looked at me. There was no love in his eyes; it was almost as if he didn't recognize me. I bit my lip to hold back the tears and climbed on behind him.

The ride home was cold and while I had my arms wrapped around Jacob I felt no warmth or comfort. He was rigid on the bike, driving fast. He took turns faster then I was used to and I had to hold on tightly. Tonight, I could not find the rhythm.

We arrived at my house quickly and he stopped the bike for me to get off without turning it off. He did not put down the kickstand or make any indication that he was going to stay. Charlie was working the night shift and all I wanted was for Jacob to stay with me tonight.

"Jake, do you…" I started but was cut off with him revving the engine and walking the bike back out of my driveway. He looked at me once as he turned to leave, still, no emotion to be found.

I stood outside until the night air had me shivering, waiting to hear the roar of a bike engine, hoping he would turn around.

Inside the house was dark and I was cold. I still had wet jeans on and my hair was wet. I'd left my phone at Jakes along with my other clothes and I could feel the late hour wearing on me. I needed sleep, I didn't think I'd be able to make it through the day tomorrow regardless.

Upstairs I took off my clothes and got in the shower, allowing the water to wash the sand off of me. I closed my eyes and tried to relax but all I could see was the anger in Jake's eyes. Why was he incapable of believing me? What was it that made him shut down at the first sign of difficulty? He was all or nothing and no matter how hard I tried to break through he just wouldn't let me in.

I turned off the water and stepped out into the steamy shower. I wrapped my hair up in a towel and dried my body off with the other. Charlie always complained that I used too many towels, but I did all the laundry so I just ignored him.

In my room I turned on my ipod and started to put moisturizer on my legs. I sat there, staring in the little mirror on my desk wondering how I'd gotten here. When had I become this girl, this girl who just let things happen around me. I had accessed something in myself earlier, fighting back with Paul, speaking up with Leah; I was something more than this. I was not going to sit still anymore.

Jeff Buckley came on next and I felt the tears start to well up again:

_So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn  
Will I ever see your sweet return?  
Oh, will I ever learn?_

Fuck.

I threw on a clean pair of jeans and pulled a tank top and hoodie over my head. Slipping on my converse clogs I grabbed my keys on my way out to the truck. I wasn't going to do this anymore. If I was going to burn, I was taking him down with me.

I didn't allow myself to think about what I was going to say to Jacob. I didn't know if he'd be asleep or awake. There was no way to anticipate what I would find at his house but I knew I needed him and I knew that we could get through this if he would just stop being so fucking stubborn and listen to me.

Twenty-five minutes of focused driving later I pulled onto the gravel road Jacob lived on. I turned off my headlights, not wanting to bother anyone out here. I would find Jacob tonight and make him listen. If we were going to fight, we'd fight, but if this was going to get fixed it was going to happen tonight.

I pulled into his driveway and noticed the lights on in the garage. Stopping the car, I stepped out and heard the grinding music he had on far too loud.

_Knuckle deep inside the borderline.  
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used t_

I walked closer and could see the cooler from the beach open inside the doorway

_Something kinda sad about  
the way that things have come to be._

I stepped inside and saw that the cooler had only one beer left and 3 empty bottles on the floor next to it.

_How can this mean anything to me?  
If I really don't feel anything at all?_

Jacob was sitting on the floor with some kind of mechanical thing in front of him and his head down. It was so loud in here I knew that if I yelled he still wouldn't hear me. He had a mostly empty bottle in his hand and as he took a drink, he looked up and saw me standing there. His eyes narrowed as he stood up, shakily.

_Elbow deep inside the borderline.  
Show me that you love me and that we belong together._

I stared at him, meeting his gaze for as long as he would hold it. He had grease on his shirt and streaked on one of his cheeks, but underneath it I could see where his tears had fallen. I would not back down. I would not give in to the instinct to run or cry. He was too important. I was willing to fight for this and I needed him to find a way to trust that.

He grimaced under my stare and turned to turn off the CD that was playing on the workbench behind him; turning back to me I could see him sway slightly on his feet.

"I thought you didn't drink"

"I thought you didn't fuck around"

"Jacob Black, stop this now" I said with force.

"Stop what Bella? Stop letting you fuck with my head? I'm stopping that, trust me."

"I'm not fucking with you Jake!"

"Like Hell!" he screamed and threw the bottle in his hand across the garage, breaking it against the hood of the Rabbit. His eyes were red and he stumbled slightly as he walked toward me. I took a step back, letting him pass on his way to the cooler to open the last beer.

He took a long drink before turning back to me "What do you want from me?"

"Nothing, I just want you to listen to me. I don't know what is going on or how this got so fucked up but it doesn't need to be."

"Whatever Bella, you made yourself pretty fucking clear on the beach with Edward earlier" he said, sipping his beer. "I don't have anything else to say to you"

"Well, I have things to say to you! I did _not_ kiss Edward like that and I have no intention of not being with you. What makes it so hard for you to believe that I love you!?"

He stood in silence and stared at me blankly.

"You are such a fucking moron!" I yelled starting toward him.

"Yeah well, it's been said before" he laughed "If I'm such a fucking moron why are you here?"

"I'm here to fix this"

"There's no fixing this" he said gesturing between us, "there's no fixing me" he said leaning toward me with eyes glazing over. "This is all I am" he said scratchily before taking another drink.

"Stop it" I said walking closer to him slowly, I felt like I was dealing with a skittish horse or a dog that had been kicked too many times. I softened my voice as I got closer, hoping that he would hear me "you are everything Jake; you are beautiful and kind and loving. Everyone sees it but you." I was within reach now but I didn't dare touch him. He stood there with the beer in one hand poised to take another drink. "You don't need to do this"

"Fuck you" he said flatly as he drained the rest of the bottle in his hand. He returned his eyes to mine with so much anger it was against every instinct not to look away.

But I stood my ground. There was no way back from this, tonight I had to decide if I was in this or not. I took a breath to steady myself, I would fight for him. I knew who he was, even if he didn't. I tried again "You don't need to do that either, I'm not leaving this time. You can't get rid of me"

"You already left" he sneered

"I didn't! You didn't see what you think you did!"

"So you and Eddie-boy _weren't_ snuggling all night? You didn't walk off with him and let him kiss you where everyone could see? Bad enough you cheat on my but you have to let my entire fucking family see it?!?"

"It was not…it wasn't….look you don't understand"

"Then tell me Bella, come on, you say you're in this, so tell me! What don't I understand? How is a kiss not a kiss?"

"It just wasn't OK, it didn't mean _anything_ to either of us"

"Edward was all over you all night and you did _nothing_, you just bounce around to whoever pays you the most attention, not caring what you leave in your wake"

"Jacob, you either trust me or you don't and if you don't then you have more problems then who I kiss."

Snorting he walked around me unsteadily increasing the distance between us and sat on the couch "Just go away, I can't do this anymore, I can't do any of this! I don't want to fight with you or talk to you or love you or think about you. You are _killing_ me Bella!"

I walked over to him now, smelling the alcohol that was sweating out of his pours, seeing the desperation in his eyes. "Jacob…" I cooed coming close enough to touch him. I kneeled in front of him "please Jake…" I said waiting until he looked up at me. "Trust me, let me love you…let me be here" I said looking up at him with all the love I had in me.

"I don't…" he started before dropping his head into his hands "I can't Bella, I can't take anymore"

"I'm not going to hurt you Jake, please" I said, putting one hand over his. "I'm here" I said kissing the top of his head. "I'm here" I whispered again, tilting his head up to look at me. "Jake…"

"Bella" his voice cracked as he looked at me, tears sitting on the sills of his eyes.

I leaned into him, kissing him softly, putting my lips on his and waiting until he moved to meet me. I kissed his lips and pulled back to look at him "I'm here" I said again looking in his eyes.

He leaned forward to me, kissing me fiercely; I felt his tongue against my lips and opened my mouth to welcome him, tasting the beer on his breath. I stood and moved to him, never breaking our kiss, as I climbed up onto his lap.

I kissed his with everything I had. I poured all of the love and pain I had into him, I tried to fill him up with everything I was, give him everything so that he would know that I was his. I pulled his head toward me as I kissed him, clinging onto his neck and leaning against him.

Smoothly he flipped me over so that I was lying on the couch and he was on top of me, between my legs. His kisses were rougher and desperate. I could feel him reaching out to me, afraid to trust me. I folded my legs up over him, pulling his hips down against me so that I could feel his erection against me. I arched up to him and gave him every proof that I was his.

I kissed his face and down his neck, pulling his skin into my mouth, raking my teeth against him. My hands were under the back of his shirt and he shivered as I ran my nails down his back. His head was bent back and his eyes closed as I kissed his shoulder and chewed on his collarbone. I ran my hands up and around to his front and pushed his shirt up. He lifted himself up off of me and pulled it over his head. His eyes drooping as he gazed down at me.

He kneeled back and looked down at me, his eyes moving over my body like a feather. I could feel the heat from his gaze wherever he looked and felt the rush of wetness between my legs. I sat up awkwardly and pulled my hoodie over my head. His hands reached out to help me, running his hands along my arms as he pulled it up and off of me. Before I had a chance to reach for my tank top he was leaning down against me again, his lips on my neck. His tongue was tracing the lines of the muscles in my neck down to the thin strap of my tank top.

His hand reached for my left breast as he exhaled huskily into the crook of my neck. Lowering his body he kissed my nipple through the thin fabric of my tank top, breathing on it warmly and opening his mouth against me. His hands were under my tank top, pulling it up over my head; as soon as my breasts were exposed his mouth was back on me, leaving me to untangle my arms from the forgotten garment.

His mouth sucked on me hard, pulling me long into his mouth, making me gasp with the intensity of the sensations that he sent pulsing through me. My hips moved of their own accord against him, looking for any kind of release. Our fight was forgotten and now only our bodies remained, frantically searching for release.

I scraped my nails through his hair and could feel his moans against my breast. He kissed his way lower, across my abdomen and to my hips. His hands quickly undid my jeans and he sat up, pulling them off of me. Without looking up at me he resumed his assault on my skin with his mouth; his hot breath now on my mouth, his tongue probing me as I opened my legs.

His hands were wrapped under me as he slid his tongue across me, licking from my entrance up to my clit in one slow stroke. I moaned, moving away from him, but his hands kept me within his reach. He kissed my inner thigh gently and then sucked on the skin there before moving to the other side, biting me firmly. I gasped at the pain I felt but couldn't stop my body from pushing down toward him, begging for more.

He brought one hand out from under me and slid one finger inside of me. He moved it slowly, curving his finger and reaching a spot that made me jump with unexpected pleasure. His lips began kissing my mound as his finger stroked along my inner wall, creating waves that passed over my entire body. As I began to moan and pull away from him his arm grabbed me firmly and his tongue came out to press down on my clit firmly. His finger moved again and before I could catch my breath I was screaming out his name.

He rubbed me and licked me until I recovered my body spasming against his touch from so much sensory input. Slowly he removed his finger and lapped at me a few more times, moaning his own enjoyment. He looked up at me from between my legs, smiling with sleepy eyes.

I reached my arms down to him "come here to me" I said softly touching his cheek. He pulled himself up against me, shedding his swim trunks as he went. He was hard against my thigh as he leaned in to kiss me. I could taste myself on his lips and I licked at him, loving that he knew that much of me. I loved that he was the only one who knew me.

I kept my hand on his face as I reached down between our bodies, kissing his lips lazily. He was holding himself back, allowing me the time to bask in the amazing feelings he had created in my body. When I touched him, his cock quivered in my hand, jumping as I wrapped my fingers around his thickness. "Hmmmm" I moaned "so soft…" I pulled on him a few times, enjoying that he was rolling his eyes back in his head, his mouth hanging open from the sensations I was creating in him.

Lifting my hips slightly to repositions our angle I pulled him to me. His body moved in response and soon he was positioned at my entrance. He slid into me firmly but slowly, making both of us moan at how perfectly we fit together. I ran my hands up his sides, feeling his muscles beneath my fingers, his ribs and abs were rigid and firm under me. When my hands reached his shoulder blades he had begun moving inside of me. His head was buried into my neck where he breathed deeply.

"God" he groaned as he sped up, pushing into me with his cock. I could feel him filling me, slamming further into me with each thrust. I reached one hand over my head and braced myself against the arm of the couch as I lifted one leg up onto the back cushions, creating more room for him. My other leg was wrapped up around his ass and I was lifting up to meet him with every thrust.

He lifted up off of me slightly changing his angle slightly. I was making noise with every thrust pulling on him and meeting the impact of each thrust. His eyes were closed as he wrapped an arm around my back, pulling me up slightly to him. I put both hands around his neck and rode with him as he pushed us back down onto the couch. As he quickened his pace, his body tensed above me. I was kissing him on the neck, clawing at him and as I began to fall off of the edge of my second orgasm I brought my teeth to his shoulder. I could feel his strong muscles move under my teeth as I bit down.

He screamed as he slammed into me one last time and I bit down harder screaming into him. I was shaking from exhaustion as he slid out of me and kissed me. "Stay tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah" I sighed as he rolled next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I relaxed as he pulled the blanket on the back of the couch over us and snuggled in around me. "I love you Bells, I'm sorry I'm a moron". I smiled into his skin and murmured that I loved him too as my eyes fought to stay open. I could smell him on my skin and as I drifted off to sleep I could hear him start to snore softly.

In the morning I awoke to the sun coming through the garage windows. It was a clear day and I could feel the warmth around me matched by the warmth of the sun. I was curled into Jacob's side with my head resting on his shoulder. He was still asleep, having pulled one arm over his eyes to block the light that had awoken me.

I sighed and nuzzled into him, smelling his sweet sleep smell and rubbed his broad chest. Looking at him now, asleep and relaxed, he was so big, I felt safe just being next to him. I knew we had some more conversations to have, about Edward, about his drinking last night, but right now I just wanted to enjoy being with him. I loved feeling his skin against my body

He moaned and I scratched his chest lightly, laughing at the pout on his face as he started to wake up. I traced the lines of his pectoral muscles, kissing his shoulder.

"Fuck Leah, how much did we drink?" he moaned as he turned to me. He smiled and opened his eyes, stopping when he saw me.

"Leah?" I whispered…not able to say anything more.

"Bella, Bella, no" he said as I disentangled myself from him. I stood up, taking the blanket with me, wrapping it around my body looking down at him. I backed away, afraid to look at him, unable to look away. He sat up, naked "Honey, listen, I'm sorry"

"Leah…" I shook my head and felt the tears coming. After everything I had said last night, after being yelled at, pushed away over and over again, it was still her that he thought about; it was still her that he felt against his body in the morning.

He held his head as he looked up at me "No, honey…" I turned and walked back to the garage entrance. I was in a trance, walking slowly as if to my death. "Bells!" I heard him say closer behind me, but I just kept walking; tears falling down my cheeks.

I walked outside and Billy was out on the porch looking at me hard. Jake was behind me, still calling my name but stopped when he saw me looking up at his father.

"What have you done boy?" Billy called out sadly.

"Dad, I didn't…" Jake stopped but I kept walking to the truck, my keys were still in the car from last night. I pulled the blanket closer around me and climbed up into the driver's side. Before me, a naked, forlorn Jacob stood staring after me. I stared at him for a moment wishing he would do something.

Why didn't he come get me, why didn't he say something or move? Why was he willing to just let me go? Because it was true, I wasn't the one he wanted. It was her; it had always been her and always would be. And she loved him too. I was just something he needed so he could heal, so he could regroup before going back to her. Now that I had opened up to him completely and had nothing more to give, he could go back.

I started the engine of my old truck and backed out of his driveway. Behind me I could see Jacob still standing, watching as I drove away. Tears blurred my vision and the hand that was holding the blanket to me was also keeping my heart from exploding. The pressure in my chest was something I had never experienced before. By the time I had driven halfway back to Forks I was in hysterics. I had to stop the car on the side of the road so that I could calm down enough to breath. I leaned over the steering wheel, letting the blanket fall away and sobbed.

The pain in my chest spread to my head and I couldn't stop the onslaught of images in my mind. Leah in Jacob's arms, Leah looking up at Jacob as he spoke, Jacob pulling her tight to him in an embrace. I was such a fucking fool. I had given him everything; my heart, my virginity, my dignity.

I roughly pushed the tears out of my eyes and sat back in my seat. Pulling the blanket back over me I realized I was in no position to go to school today. It was 5:30 in the morning and there was no way I was going to go home to Charlie and explain why I was in a sheet before heading out to Biology. So I started the car and headed to the only place where I knew I would be taken care of. Casa de Cullen, here I come.

I drove down the long private drive that led to the Cullen's house and passed Dr. Cullen who was on his way out for the day. He waved at me with a tight smile but didn't stop. I knew that if I went to the front door I would be accosted by Mrs. Cullen's kind concern and I just didn't have it in me to face her. I parked the car on the other side of the detached garage and snuck to the back of the house. Pulling the sheet tighter around me and tying the ends up I climbed the trellis that was intended for Roses that Mrs Cullen kept killing before they were tall enough to climb.

Somehow I made it to the top without falling and crawled across the roof of the covered porch to Edward's window. I looked in and saw that he was in just a towel, obviously getting ready for the day. Before he had a chance to take it off I knocked on the window loudly. Edward froze, turning around quickly with wide eyes that somehow managed to get wider when he saw me.

"Bella, are you ok?" he said as he opened the window for me to climb in.

"Edward…" I cried as I fell to the floor of his room, hiccupping sobs overpowering my attempts to breathe.

"Ok, ok Bella, ok, you're ok" he said as he sat by me and took me in his arms. He rocked me as I cried into his chest, humming something I'd never heard before until I had dried up. My breath was ragged and my face was puffy from crying when Edward's door opened.

Mrs. Cullen stood in the doorway looking at us, Edward only partially covered with a towel and me practically in his lap with a sheet around me. "Oh my God!" she cried out as she slammed the door shut again. "Umm, Edward, could you come downstairs when you are dressed?" she said with surprising calm.

"Oh Fuck" I said, falling back and lying on the floor.

"Don't worry" Edward said, leaning down to kiss my forehead. "Trust me, they are going to be _thrilled_ with what she thinks she just saw" he smiled standing up.

"Edward, the _last_ think I need right now is for anyone to think you and I are…"

"Just my parents Bella, ok? No one else. It's perfect, they'll leave me alone _and_ they'll cover for you for _wherever_ you've been, which pretty clearly was not home. I'm thinking La Push?" He was pulling boxers on under his towel as we talked.

"Edward!" Alice screamed as she bounced into his room, stopping in shock when she saw me. "Bella?"

"Ohhhh _Fuck!"_

"Alice, get Bella some clothes ok? She just got here and I don't know what's going on and Mom's freaking out."

"Is this what she's squealing about on the phone? Did she _find_ you in here?"

"Oh my God…"

"Bella, come on, you're ok, come on." Edward said, now in jeans, hunching down to talk to me. "You're here with us and we're gonna take care of everything OK? Just trust us. You can tell us what's going on later, but for now we _have_ to get you dressed"

I followed Alice to her room as Edward threw on a long sleeved shirt and went downstairs to deal with his mother. "She's going to be so proud of him" Alice whispered as we walked down the hall.

In her room she closed the door and looked at me for the first time. "Bella, you are not ok…" she said seriously, sitting me down on her bed.

"No. I'm not." I croaked, my voice mostly gone from crying.

"Jacob?"

"and Leah…" I whispered looking at the floor.

"Oh My GOD" Alice got up and started pacing around her room. "I'm going to fucking kill him, what the fuck!? Things seemed so great yesterday. What happened, Bella? This is like out of no where, I mean, she's his ex right but so what; we all have exes."

"He thinks he saw Edward kiss me, which, I mean, Edward gave me a peck on the lips before leaving but it was nothing, obviously, and Jake freaked out and…god Alice, it was really ugly and he was drunk and…"

"Wait, you're boyfriend thinks you were cheating on him with your faggot ex but you can't tell him that and now he's on some kind of bender?"

"Pretty much"

"But what about Leah?"

"Well, we fought but I thought I got through to him and I stayed there last night and when he woke up, he called me Leah…"

"Oh my God" she said sitting back down next to me. She reached out and held me as I started crying again.

"I just, I don't…I can't do this anymore. I've been with him for like 3 weeks and my life is completely out of control and I can't breathe and now I'm sitting here with a blanket on crying as Edward lies to his parents that we _were_ having sex and everything is completely _fucked up!"_

"Shhh…shhh…you're OK, come on, you wanna take a shower? I'll make you some coffee and we'll get you cleaned up and then it'll be better ok? We'll figure this out."

"Ok Alice, thank you."

"Of course. I love you Bella, you are my best friend and Edward loves you too, we'd do anything for you."

"Thank you" I whispered wiping the tears from my eyes.

The shower was warm and woke me up. Alice had her own bathroom and it had spa jets for the shower and all kinds of fun smelly soaps. I usually don't use those unless she makes me but washing my hair with Acai berry rinse did help me refocus. When I came back out to her room she had laid out clean underwear and jeans along with a bra and probably the plainest t-shirt she owned. Of course it was purple with a deep v-neck, but it was better then what I had expected her to give me.

Downstairs I was greeted by a glowing Esme Cullen, a sheepish Edward, and Alice with a cup of coffee for me.

"Ok, kids, well, I'm off to the hospital to help with the fundraiser, don't be late to school!" she beamed, kissing Edward on the cheek as she walked out.

"See, I told you she'd be thrilled" he said with that crooked smile.

"Edward, I'm not going to be your fake girlfriend"

"Oh, come on, just for Christmas and Easter!" he laughed as I sat at the table with him.

I sipped on my coffee while Alice gave Edward the cliff notes version of my night after they left and he was furious. "That Prick! Just because he's beautiful does _not_ mean he gets to treat you that way! What is it about _men?"_

Alice and I burst into hysterics at his indignation. "Yes Edward, do tell me, what _is it _about men?" Alice jibed.

"Shut up"

"Bitch"

"You're just jealous of my hair" he retorted.

"Seriously, is this what I've been missing with you two all year?" and we all giggled some more before Alice stood up.

"Ok honey, we have to go" I grimaced just thinking about school.

"Look, one of us is in most of your classes and the ones we're not in we can meet you between ok? Just sit somewhere else and get through the day, and if you can't come get one of us and we'll bring you home."

"You guys are so awesome" I said, feeling my tears coming back. "I don't want to need you like this, but today…I'm just really lucky to have you both."

"Ok, that's enough group therapy" Edward chimed in "let's go."

I had no books, no phone and none of my assignments as I got into Alice's Cabriolet to ride to school, protected by the Cullens.

* * *

**We are nearing the end of the Jacob Bella drama, they will either get through this together or not at all.  
Thoughts? Likes? Dislikes? Suggestions?  
I adore hearing from you!**


	20. Chapter 20

The ride to school was slow, taking hours longer than usual. Outside my window the other cars passed us in slow motion, slowing our progress ever still. I sat in the back, curled into the corner against the door, fighting the dual needs for sleep and tears. Alice played a Train CD, Edward cringing at the lyrics.

The parking lot was already full when we got there. I looked but didn't see Jacob's bike. At least I wouldn't have to face him yet. Alice walked me to Biology giving me one of her spiral notebooks and pens so I could pretend to be engaged in the activities around me. I walked through the hall in a daze, unable to respond as I was waved too. It was like there was a fog over the rest of the world, making sounds duller and colors muted.

I dreaded English, knowing that there was going to be no way to avoid him. At least Edward would be there. Biology passed without incident and although Angela kept looking at me strangely, she seemed satisfied with my proclamation that I was just tired. She had been out late with Quil herself and was grounded for the rest of the week, but seemed content.

When the bell rang I found Edward waiting outside for me and I smiled my thanks to him. It was hard to believe that it was only a few weeks ago that I would cringe to see him waiting for me, and only a month or so since I would swoon. Whatever else, Edward was my constant. He was the one who made me insane, who made me angry and who now was making everything bearable. Without his calming demeanor I didn't know where I'd be this morning. He put his arm gently around me and guided me to English.

"You'll sit with me today ok? He can suffer through sitting at the back of the class."

I smiled weakly up to him, happy to let him make the decisions. He was a cool washcloth against the fever in my soul; he sated my pain and stilled my tears. Probably the worst thing for Jacob to see at this point was me with Edward, letting him take care of me, but right now, I needed him. I gave myself permission to take Edward's help and let Jacob deal with himself.

When we got to English I could feel myself begin to hyperventilate. Instead of going inside I sat on the floor outside of class, letting the wall hold me up. "Come on Bella, breathe easy OK, come on, I'm not going to leave your side, I promise." Edward said crouched down on his toes in front of me. "I'm here ok, just take a breath and let's go sit down" He reached out and put his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, look at me."

I looked up into his green eyes, lost for a moment in them "I'm not going to leave you ok, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You have to trust me, we can get through this"

I nodded and let him take my hand to help me stand up and closed my eyes for a moment before walking into class. What if he had gotten there before me, I could see him in my mind, his short hair and angular eyes, his sharp features that made my heart speed up. When we walked through the door though Jacob's seat was empty.

I made my way over to my old desk, sitting next to the wall so that I could hide behind Edward. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. Just trying to breathe and remember that I was strong. I had done everything I could do and he didn't want me. I was done fighting for something that had never been mine. I heard the bell ring and opened my eyes. Looking around, Jacob had not come to class.

"He's probably just late Bella, don't worry about him, relax ok, let's take care of you" Edward said in my ear as Ms. Watson began her lecture on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

The rest of the day passed in the same way, either Edward or Alice meeting me between classes and leaving me when the bell rang. Every class my heart clenched as I waited to see his frame in the door and every class I was left with a feeling of disappointment that I didn't. I ate lunch in the library with Alice and Angela, claiming to need to work on my Government Term paper for Social Sciences, which I did need to work on, but it was already drafted at home, I didn't have anything to do in the library, but no one questioned my excuse.

Gym with Mike was by far the longest class of the day. I needed to get home, I needed to nap and regroup before Charlie got home from work. He'd worked a double shift last night and then again today so I didn't want to worry him with my teenage heartbreak. Fortunately today was presidential testing day and everyone know I was useless for this so I was allowed to just sit on the wrestling mats and watch as the others competed for who could do the most pull-ups or sit-ups.

"You alright Bella?" Mike said sitting with me after he had kicked everyone's ass at the rope climb.

"Sure, sure" I said not looking at him.

"You sure about that? You look like you've seen a ghost or something, or maybe you _are_ the ghost." He said.

"I'm fine Mike, just tired ok?"

"Long night on the rez?" He laughed not realizing the effect his words would have on me.

Before I knew it the tears that I'd held at bay all day were flowing down my face.

"yeah, really long night" I said sniffing and turning away.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry! Hey!" he said putting his hand on my shoulder trying to turn me around.

"It's ok Mike, I'm just tired, you know, everything's just a little raw" I smiled at him, praying he would let it drop.

"Ok, I guess…." He said, still looking at me with his intuitive eyes. Mike had a way of knowing things without being told, and if he knew, I just hoped he wouldn't make me say it out loud.

"So, I was thinking of asking that Leah girl out" he said trying to change the subject.

"I think she's taken" I said sourly.

"Really? That's too bad… I mean, she gave me her number so I thought maybe…" he looked down, obviously disappointed. "You two seemed to get along, maybe you could like ask her next time you're down there?" he looked at me with hope in his eyes.

"Mike, I don't think I'm going to be down there much anymore" he stared at me, waiting for my explanation, not pushing, but never letting it drop, like usual. "Look, Leah's Jake's ex and I think…well, they're probably getting back together right now Ok? So, Yeah…" I said, felling the tears welling up again.

"Shit…" he said "That…that sucks Bella…"

"Indeed" I sighed looking out the glass doors that led to the main hall of the school, wishing I was anywhere but here.

"Alright kids, time to pack it up" called Mr. Wilkerson getting me out of what was proving to be a conversation I desperately didn't want to have. I changed back into my street clothes and went straight to Alice's car, hoping they would be out soon and I could just go home.

But then I saw him, leaning outside in the parking lot against his motorcycle was Jacob looking like I'd never seen him before. His face was drawn and he was as pale as his russet skin could get. He stood awkwardly and started towards me. I turned to go back inside was walked straight into Jessica who was smiling and chatting with Ben.

"Bella!" I heard him call behind me. I dropped my head, feeling the tears coming to the surface again.

"Bella? You ok?" Ben asked as I stood there in front of them, not moving, barely able to breathe.

"Bells" I heard him again closer now.

"No…" I said looking up at Ben.

"Bella!" I could hear Edward calling; it was like a chorus of my name, spinning around me. Everything was closing in, I could feel Jacob coming closer behind me and I looked to Edward but couldn't see him as Jessica and Ben swirled out of focus. My chest was clenched and the pressure in my head mounted until I could see the sun and the moon fighting for dominance in my vision.

The ground came up to meet me so slowly that I could feel myself sliding against it. The grass beneath my head was so soft and cool. I welcomed the opportunity to just close my eyes…

When I came too I was sitting in the passenger seat of Alice's car. She was leaning in over me as I groaned with a bottle of water. "Drink this" she said softly.

"Thanks" I groaned again, barely able to lift my head off the back of the seat. "What's going on?" I asked after drinking a few mouthfuls.

"You fainted, too much emotional turmoil for one little heart to take I guess." She smiled sweetly down at me.

"I'm so tired"

"I know hon. I'll take you home when you're ready."

I looked up and saw Jacob standing outside the cab, a drawn look on his face as he looked at the pavement. "Why is he here?" I asked softly.

Alice put her hand on mine and lifted the bottle of water to my lips again, nodding that I should drink some more. "He wants to talk to you"

"No", I said closing my eyes.

"Bella…" he said to try and get me to look at her again.

"No Alice, please…I…I can't"

"Ok" she whispered, standing up to go talk to him.

I watched as she spoke. He didn't look up or say anything. He just nodded still looking at the ground. He shuffled his feet and then said something without looking up. I watched as Alice got more animated. I could see her leaning into him and pointing at me. I could hear the tin of her voice but not her words and I closed my eyes relaxing back into the seat. I couldn't bear to see him, how could he possibly expect me to talk to him.

"Bella…" Alice said softly "Sweetie – open your eyes hon."

"What…"

"Jake's leaving town for a while, he wants to talk to you before he goes, ok, sit up a little; I'm going to be right over there ok?"

I felt a tear escape from my closed eyes. He was leaving? He was breaking me apart. How could he leave me! I had no right to even care where he was going; he'd already left me, what difference did it make if he went out of town? What difference did it make what he had to say? There was nothing that was going to make this better, that would put back together what he had ripped apart in me.

I took a shaky breath and opened my eyes, looking at Alice. "Ok Alice" I said.

"I'm right here ok, and Edward is right over there under the tree, we're right here and we aren't going any further away. If you need us you just call for us and we'll come right over."

"Ok…thank you" I said, feeling another tear follow the trail down my cheek.

I watched her stand up and glare over at Jacob, she held his eyes for a moment longer then necessary and then nodded as she turned and walked a few paces behind the car.

I looked down at my hands as I waiting the impossible amount of time it took for Jacob to walk over to the car. He bent down, sitting on the door jam of the seat. I pulled away instinctively as I felt the warmth of him near me. My tears flowed freely now that I could smell his sweetness; I could almost taste him in my mouth.

"What…" is croaked, unable to look at him. I watched my hands twist around each other, as I waited for him to speak. He reached out to still my hands and the feeling of his skin against mine was like a fire searing me. I pulled away and looked up at him "you don't get to touch me." I spit, allowing the anger to flow out of me and overtake my pain.

"I know…" he said looking down.

His skin had a grayish hint and as I looked at him I saw that the bags under his eyes were deep and dark. His eyes were red and watery. What could he possibly have to cry over? "What do you want?" I said, still looking at him. I wanted to punch him, claw at him and take my heart back. I wanted to fall into his arms and have him kiss me until I couldn't feel anything anymore.

"Here" he said holding out my phone to me "you left this…"

I took the phone from him and put in it the drink holder of the Cabriolet. "Thanks, you can go now."

"Please…Bells…look at me."

"Why Jake, what else could you possibly have to hurt me with?"

Jacob caught his breath as I spoke. "I know…" he said again and started at the ground outside of the car. "Bella, I'm…I talked to Sam and…he got me into a program ok? I should have gone before…but I thought…"

He ran one large palm through his hair and I could see the movement of him body out of the corner of my eye. He was so breathtaking; I could feel the ache in my chest swelling, threatening to overtake my strength.

"Look, I…I don't handle things well and I don't…talk about things well and I fucked up ok? I'm going to do whatever I can to fix this, but I have to fix me first ok?" he looked up at me quickly a tear dropping from the sills of his eyes.

"Good, fix you, there's no fixing us though, you said it last night, this…this isn't going to work." I said harshly, feeling pain in my jaw as my teeth clenched together.

"I don't believe that" he said.

"Well, I don't know how it could work when you wake up with someone else's' name on your lips."

"Bella, no, I was…confused…"

"I got that pretty clearly"

"Shut up will you! Just, fucking listen to me!"

"Do _not_ yell at me Jacob!"

"Ok, it's a rehab place ok?" he said looking at me fiercely. "I didn't think I did, but I need some help…You're too important for me to keep…fucking everything up…I'm…Bella I'm going to do whatever I have to to get us through this and I'm not giving up on you. Please…don't give up on me yet."

"Jacob, there's no us…you should be talking to Leah"

"I don't want Leah" he said softly "I want you, I need you…Bella, I love you"

I sat there not saying anything, looking down at him. I couldn't take the risk, I couldn't allow him in again; every time I did he hurt me. No matter how good he was or how much I loved him, somehow everything always came back to me in tears and him apologizing. "I don't want you Jacob" I said looking away.

I could hear him take a deep breath but I didn't turn around. There was nothing left to say. "Alice…" I said "I need to go home" Jake didn't move as Alice came and got in the drivers seat. He didn't move as Edward came around and stood behind him. I could feel his eyes on my face as clearly as I could feel the tears that flowed down it.

"Jacob" Edward said behind me "you should go now."

And like that, Jacob Black stood up and walked away, leaving me to cry myself into oblivion. I cried as Alice drove me home. I cried as Edward took me inside and walked me up to my room. I cried as they took my shoes off and tucked me into bed. I cried as Edward decided to stay until Charlie got home, afraid to leave me alone. I cried as Alice kissed my head, promising to call me later. I cried as Edward crawled into my bed next to me, humming and stroking my hair. I cried as I fell asleep…thankful for the blackness that took away my pain.


	21. Chapter 21

**This was written as part of the last chapter but it made more sense to keep it separate.**  
**Next chapter isn't even started yet so don't get used to this pace!**

**And for those of you getting drama whiplash - like I said, this is the end of the drama, they'll either get through this or they won't, no more relationship booby traps. Love you all!  
**

* * *

Dear Bella,

I got here last night, it was a long drive from Forks, but it was OK, mostly it was just cold. When I got here they took my keys and my bag and told me I could have it back when I left. At least they let me keep my clothes right? So, I have a roommate who seems ok, his name is Dimitri and he's here for different reasons from me but I'm not allowed to tell you that. That's the first thing they tell us, you know, it's confidential and shit. I feel like I joined the Masons or some kind of addict Fight Club but its good I guess.

I know you don't want to hear from me but I'm not ready to stop trying. I just hope you don't throw this away, because I don't have a computer and my handwriting sucks so this took like 5 tries to get right.

So today I have to do all of the admission shit they set up, I get to meet the shrink and then get a physical. Then I meet with my counselor and go over everything and set up a plan or something. I heard there's group therapy and classes and stuff.

Sam knows one of the guys here so he got me in under one of their free slots so I can be here for a while without my Dad freaking about what it costs and if Sam says it's good I'm willing to try. I don't know what they'll have to say other than I'm a fuck-up, but you and I already know that, right?

Ok, well, it's time for morning group, so I have to go and introduce myself or something.

I'll write more soon  
I love you Bella  
Jake

* * *

Dear Bella,

This place sucks. The kids here are fucking nuts. Like, at dinner, we had meatloaf but weren't allowed to have knives because some of these psychos can't be trusted. I did my intake eval or some shit and they didn't tell me anything, just kept asking me questions and writing things down, I already know all that shit, I don't need to do the talking! No turn my head and cough though so that's good.

Today I went to group and it was OK, but seriously, some of these kids are fucked up, like abused and serious problems. I feel like the poster child for addiction around here, like, here's Jake, see if you can be only as fucked up as he is! So instead of getting anything to do I get to go on a walk. My afternoon "activity" was a fucking walk.

It was ok I guess, it's quiet outside here and it's warm enough to actually wander around but I thought I was coming here to get better, not get exercise. There's a really cool old tree here that's a Banyan tree or something that I could climb really high and see out over the grounds. Tomorrow I'm just going to go there I think.

I think about you all the time. I don't know if you're even reading my letters but I hope you are. I miss you.

I love you  
Jake

* * *

Dear Bella,

This is my 5th day here and I'm starting to get a little stir crazy. I don't know what you're doing and I don't know if you're getting my letters but you're in my head so I keep writing. I just started the skills program here. I guess I'm doing better because that's like the next stage. I still have therapy and group everyday but now instead of processing me so much I'm supposed to be learning how to deal with shit I guess. Today made me think of you. It was all about how to avoid fights. Do you realize that we fought almost every day about something? That can't be good.

There's a lot of God talk here too which is a little weird, but its ok I guess. I mean, they talk about being responsible to people and God and that kind of makes sense. I haven't really been very responsible the past year. What with Leah and stuff. I thought I was being responsible when I decided not to drink any more but I didn't really think about it much more then that, you know?

Well, tomorrow we're starting in on anger management. Maybe I can figure out how to talk about this stuff better before I come back. I miss you. I hope you're doing ok and school's alright. I don't know what everyone there thinks I'm doing but I guess it doesn't matter. I'm not supposed to care about that I guess. But it's a little embarrassing to think everyone knows I'm here. I probably deserve that though.

I love you Bella, please believe that  
Jake

* * *

Dear Bella,

I got to talk to my Dad today. I haven't seen him or heard from him since I got here. He seems happy that I came. I guess he's just glad to know someone is helping me. I think he was more worried about me then he said. You know it's hard though, it's just him and me and I've been doing all the adult stuff for so long, I forget sometimes that I'm supposed to just be the kid.

I've been talking about my mom here a lot and how my sisters just left. I never hear from them, even here, I don't know if they even know I'm in here or if they'd care. I don't know if I'd even want to talk to them at this point if they did. You know, they never came or called after everything with Leah. My dad barely talked to me by then anyway, he was already mad at me before she ever even got pregnant.

Am I allowed to talk about this stuff with you? I guess it doesn't matter since you haven't written back and probably just shred my letters when you get them.

I started drinking with Leah, when we first started dating. I could steal my Dad's stash easy and just hide in the garage. Plus the store would sell it to me even though they shouldn't because of Dad being in the chair. So, you know, waking up hung over in the garage is something that happened more then it should have. I know it doesn't really make any difference but that's the only thing that made me call you Leah. It wasn't that I thought you were her or wanted her to be there. Fuck Bella, I wish you'd write back.

I miss you so much, it's hard to sleep sometimes. Dimitri's getting really tired of hearing about you. He's got some shit of his own that I don't really get so we talk and end up totally confused by each other. He's a good guy though. I think you'd like him.

Ok, well, I'll write more soon,  
I love you  
Jake

* * *

Dear Bella,

Today I'm writing you from one of my classes instead of from my room or the Banyan tree. I've realized that the time I spend writing to you is a part of what I'm supposed to be doing here. Today we're talking about making amends and I know I have a lot to make-up for, to you, my Dad, and Leah especially. In a lot of ways not being able to make amends to them is what led to me needing to with you.

Maybe if I'd been able to tell them I was sorry and work on fixing those relationships more openly I would have been the person you deserved. I'm still not, but I'm not going to stop trying.

Bella, I am sorry for shutting you out. I am sorry for always putting myself above you. I am sorry I didn't listen. I am sorry that my fear stopped me from trusting you and loving you with all of my heart.

I do not know how to fix what I have done to what we could have been, but I'm not going to stop trying. I will be the person you deserve and I will love you forever.

I love you Bella, I'm always here if you need me  
Jake

* * *

Jacob,

Thank you for your letters. I have been reading them. I'm sorry I didn't write back until now, I wasn't sure what to say. I'm still not, but, I felt like I owed you at least that.

Things here are going OK. School is winding down and everyone is freaking out about prom and finals. I've been spending a lot of time with Alice and Edward but some down in La Push too. Angela and Quil have gotten really tight and Mike has been working on wearing down Leah's reserve. I don't know if I can talk about her with you either, but I guess we're going to have to figure out how. She's a great person. I can see why you care about her.

Paul has left La Push. I guess Sam had a talk with him and when he didn't deny what happened Sam told him not to come to the house anymore. He left a few days later. The guys aren't happy about it and they know it's because of me, but Sam's made it pretty clear that Paul had to leave because of Paul. I'm glad not to see him anymore, but I still can feel him just around the corner sometimes.

I don't know when you'll be back but I'd like to see you. I think it's great that you're there and I can tell you've been thinking a lot. I'm really proud of you. I don't know what we are or what we can be now, but…it'd be good to see you.

Bella

* * *

Dear Bella,

Thank you for writing back to me. I can't tell you how much it meant to me. I must have looked like a little kid when the mail came and there was something for me from you. I saved it until I could walk outside by myself before reading it, not wanting to share it with anyone else. Dimitri's never going to leave me alone now about being a girl at heart. Kid's got a weird sense of humor for true.

I'm glad Paul's gone, part of me will miss him, well, I'll miss who I thought he was, and it's weird to think about Leah dating Mike, but I guess it's good I can even tell that it's weird right? Do you ever think maybe it would be good to talk about Paul? I know it's not the same, but, talking here has really helped me let go of shit.

Today I have to do something that makes me nervous. That was the objective. My therapist didn't put anything on it other than that, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to fill that. I thought about ditching out of here and trying to steal my keys to come see you. The idea of that sure as hell makes me nervous. I hope you'd smile to see me but I'm scared as shit you won't.

It doesn't matter though because I'd get my ass kicked out of here if I did that and then my absence from school wouldn't be excused and Billy would be pissed and Sam would skin me and I guess I don't really want to leave yet. I mean, I feel better but not better. Does that make any sense?

So maybe I'll sign up for Yoga this afternoon or break out into song during dinner or something. I don't know…

Well, I love you Bella, I'll talk to you soon  
Jake

* * *

Dear Bella,

They're talking about me going home soon. I don't know when. The idea is really exciting but really scary. I know you said you'd want to see me, I hope you do. I'm not going to push Bella, you can have as much of me as you want. But I hope you know that I love you and that you mean so much to me. I don't want to overwhelm you or come on too strong, I mean, are we even dating?

But maybe that's what we should do. Can I take you out on a date when I get back? Something just us. I'd like that. I'll even let you drive.

I love you,  
Jake


	22. Chapter 22

**I do not own them, except in my slightly inappropriate dreams :)**

* * *

Prom dress shopping was conceivably one of the outer-rings of hell for me to begin with, add on an excited Alice and an ecstatic Esme Cullen and it was all I could do not to just whither and die.

When Esme found out that Edward and I were going to Prom she about laid an egg. It was all he could do to keep her from sending out announcements that we were getting married. I loved the boy, I really did, especially now that he was being honest with me, but going to Prom with him was a sacrifice I wasn't really ready to make. And yet, here I was, shopping for undergarments with bones of their own to hold up my boobs in contortions so that they fit correctly in the ridiculous get-ups that Alice had found in some specialty costume shop in Port Angeles.

"Alice, I really don't think _this_ is going to be necessary" I complained holding up the garter belt that she had handed over to me.

"Honey, don't you want to make an _impression_ on Edward?" she said barely containing her giggles.

"Oh you would look _gorgeous_ in this too!" Esme said walking into our dressing room without knocking.

"Mom, God, we're like _naked!"_

"Oh please, you don't have anything I haven't seen before" she smiled walking back out.

"I'm going to kill you two for this" I hissed "and what in the world is _this_ for!?!" I asked holding up what appeared to be a girdle made out of satin and fishing wire.

Alice strutted around in her white strapless bustier, undies and thigh-highs. "Mom? Do you think this is the right size?" She called out to Esme, needing help with her top. "Bella can't tell which is the front and which is the back on hers" he laughed watching me attempt to put on something with more straps then an octopus.

"You _could_ be a little more helpful" I pouted, giving up and going back to the simple black strapless bra I had found.

"That really has no…charm" Alice said frowning at me.

"Like it really matters Alice"

"Ohhh it matters" Esme said as she came back in with an armful of medieval looking contraptions. "Believe me, if it doesn't matter to you, it matters to _him_"

Mrs. Cullen had spent the entire day desperately trying to get me to talk about sex with her son without actually coming out and saying it. I was doing the best I could but the charade was really wearing thin. Edward was going to owe me big time for this, and soon.

A grueling 45 minutes later we finally agreed on acceptably uncomfortable underwear and headed over to the costume shop. Alice had found someplace that purchased costumes from theatres and resold them for charity. It was really an amazing place with all kinds of cool costumes. Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to dress as the Phantom of the Opera or Madame Butterfly and was being forced into something from a Venetian murder mystery.

Alice's dress was a gorgeous cream satin fountain of bustles and layers with a powder blue corset and overskirt. She looked like an angel with a cream mask that was decorated with blue crystals and pink and blue feathers.

"What do you think Bella?"

"I think you are exquisite"

"I picked out Jazz's outfit too, we're going to match"

"Of course you are" I smiled, knowing that all the effort she put into these things was how she expressed how much she loved us.

I tried on my dress, with significant help from Esme and Alice. "Can I come over before the dance? I'm never going to get into this without you two!"

Once I had been buttoned and strapped and lifted and squished in every direction imaginable I came out to look in the mirror. The dress Alice had picked for me had layer upon layer of black and red lace woven together to create something that looked like it was moving of its own accord. The bodice was black with red satin ribben woven through it and the mask she handed me was silver with black trim and a large red feather.

"Alice, it's…amazing"

"I _know!_ I saw it and I knew it was you."

"Edward is going to die" Mrs Cullen said behind me, looking at me in the mirror.

"Of Jealousy" Alice muttered as she walked away.

She had of course gotten a matching outfit for Edward that had black short pants and a beautiful red jacket with a high color.

"You two will look perfect" she smiled at me.

"Perfect…" I said, trying to keep the happiness on my face, despite the fact that nothing about this night would be perfect. I would be there with the wrong man.

Jacob had been writing me regularly since he left. I'd only written back once, not sure if it was a good idea or not, but, I needed him to know…I don't know, I guess, I needed him to know I was here. I was still so confused about everything that happened. Billy had sent word to the school that Jacob had to leave town for a family emergency and everyone seemed to accept that without question.

For the most part no one asked me about him. I guess Mike had let it slip that he and I weren't together, despite the fact that he had been pursuing Leah ever since she called and denied still being involved with Jacob. He had been going over there a lot and wouldn't tell me if they were officially dating, but had been trying to talk her into going to Prom.

Mike might be exactly what Leah needs. He's so sweet and open. He's about as earnest as you can get and pushy. Maybe he would be the one who could break through her shell with his sweetness and perceptive attention.

Jessica and Embry had stopped dating and she was going to the prom with Tyler, trying desperately to get Alice and me to go in on a Limo with them. Somehow, I think she and Edward knew that a Limo might make me run screaming at this point. You know, straw, camel…

I turned around in the dress and saw that the back was cut lower than the front, showing a lot of my back. It was really striking how the red and black looked against my pale skin. For once, I actually felt…beautiful.

Prom was 2 days away and the idea of going with Edward surprisingly sounded like fun. At least I wouldn't have to worry about getting a hotel room for later. Our friendship was throwing people off track at school, but he'd been denying that we were dating to everyone but his parents so I just let them wonder.

I wished Jacob was home. His letters were so different from how he had been before he left. He talked and I felt like I knew him. It was like we had skipped a whole part of getting to know each other and just dove into this intense relationship. Now that he was away and I had the time to miss him and think about him, I couldn't believe how I'd let myself get so lost.

"Bella, Bella, you're day dreaming" Alice said. I turned and looked at her.

"Alice, this is…perfect. Thank you." I said

"You're welcome goose – now let's dislodge that bosom and go get some dinner."

We waited while the cashier put our dresses and the guy's suits in garment bags while Esme paid. I felt bad about the fact that she was buying my Prom dress but she had insisted and Edward assured me that this was the happiest she'd been about something he did in a long time and that I should just let her enjoy it. I couldn't be his pretend girlfriend forever, someday he was going to have to deal with them, but I guess if this made his life easier for a little while it was OK.

We stopped at some little Euro Café on the way home and grabbed sandwiches in the car. Esme listened to softrock in the front of the car while Alice was sketching how we would do our hair.

"Alice, you are _not_ putting feathers in my hair"

"Bella, when will you learn I'm going to do it anyway?" she smiled at me and I knew she was right, I would buckle.

At home Charlie had gone to bed already so I grabbed a glass of water before heading up myself. I had school tomorrow and than Saturday was Prom. I was exhausted just thinking about it.

Sitting on the kitchen counter was a letter waiting for me; Jacob's staccato handwriting on the envelope spelling out my name. I grabbed it and ripped it open. The past three weeks without him had been so hard, and so good at the same time. Every time a new letter came I felt like I was given a little gift, a pearl of who Jacob was. His heart had been beaten so many times, I couldn't even imagine what he'd been through.

He had been alone in so many ways for so long and instead of holding him tight like I wanted to I pushed him away, just like he had done to me. My own insecurities proving to be the most damaging thing our relationship had to overcome.

I looked down at the letter and felt tears come to my eyes as I read the first line _They're talking about me going home soon. _ Jacob was coming home… I read his letter over and over that night; unable to sleep. I was afraid, excited, nervous and thrilled to see him again. I knew that he still wanted me. Even after everything, he still wanted to make things work, that much was completely clear in every letter he wrote. He never gave up and in doing that, he never let me give up.

I was afraid most that we couldn't make this work, that whatever it was that kept forcing us apart was something that we couldn't overcome. What if Jake and I simply weren't meant to be? It was something I'd been thinking about a lot the past few weeks: who was I if I could disappear so completely into something as…fucked up as we had turned out to be. When I looked back it seemed like I felt the best and the worst of my life in the little time I'd been with him.

Is that what love was? Was it something that you suffered through because of the highs it created? Was it supposed to be so all consuming? It seemed like it was, I mean, that's what I expected, but I needed something more from him; and to do that I had to be something more… I didn't know what that something was though and I was afraid I couldn't do it. I was afraid to let him down, to disappoint him like everyone in his life but Sam seemed to.

Friday passed in a haze, I was exhausted and none of the teachers seemed to have the expectation that we would be able to do any work, which was good because the halls were vibrating with preparations and excitement for Saturday night. I agreed to meet Alice and Leah at Alice's house tomorrow afternoon to get ready which meant Edward would be able to help strap us in too. Seriously, the more hands on deck the better, how did women _wear_ that crap!?

Saturday morning I woke up late, having slept in to catch up on the sleepless night before. Downstairs I could smell coffee and eggs and knew that Charlie had gotten up and made himself breakfast.

"Hey Dad" I said walking in and pouring myself a cup

"Hey Bells, so Prom tonight huh?"

"Yep" I said sitting down cheerily. Tonight would be fun and Jacob would be home soon and school was almost over, things felt like they were falling into place.

"And you're going with Edward Cullen"

"Yes Dad, as friends ok?"

"I know you say that but does he? I mean, he doesn't have the best track record and Bella, sometimes a man can get carried away you know?"

"You really don't have to worry, Edward is totally clear that this is just friends and there are a bunch of us all going ok?"

"Mmmhmmm" he said, taking another bite of his omlette. "Well, do me a favor and take your pepper spray just in case ok?" he said without looking up.

"Dad, that's ridiculous"

"Just humor your old man ok? Take it with you and then I don't have to have a stroke worrying about you all night"

"Ok, I will" I stood up, taking my coffee upstairs with me to hop in the shoulder. "I love you Dad" I said kissing him on the top of the head.

"Hey Bells" he called after me, tomorrow I'm going down to La Push to go fishing with Billy so, if I don't see you, I hope you have fun."

"Thanks"

The shower was hot and when I felt fully awake I got out, toweled off and pulled out the long unused hairdryer under the sink. I flipped my head over and blew my hair dry, knowing that Alice would have something awful in mind that would be easier if it was already straight.

I grabbed a bag out of the hall closet and threw a change of clothes for tomorrow and my toothbrush in it. All of my prom accoutrements were already at the Cullen house so I could travel light.

"Bella! You're late!" Alice screamed down to me as Mrs. Cullen answered the door. I looked up to see Leah looking at me with curlers in her hair and a pleading look in her eyes.

"Sorry Alice, I'll be right up!" I called "Thanks again Mrs. Cullen for letting me stay here tonight"

"Any time Bella, you're like family to us here, you know that" she smiled. She really was a nice person, it's too bad should couldn't be this nice to her son without be playing a part for him. "Edward is over at Jasper's, they were come by to pick you girls up with Mike later"

"Ok, thanks!" I called as I ran upstairs, afraid to keep Alice waiting any longer.

In Alice's room Kristin Hersh was blaring on the radio. "Throwing Muses?" I asked crossing the room to put my.

"Nope – solo work" Alice said without looking up at me from whatever she was doing to Leah's head. "Why won't this WORK?" Alice cried in frustration.

"I keep trying to tell you you little monster!" Leah whined "My hair _doesn't curl!_ I'm a fucking _Indian_"

"All hair curls, you just have to find the right temperature" Alice condescended.

"Well, before you burn mine off we're stopping ok?" Leah stood up pulling the remaining curlers out of her hair roughly.

"Fine" Alice pouted before looking at me the light returning to your eyes "At least now I have Bella to play with" she said smiling.

"Oh good"

"As long as it's not me" Leah muttered as she came over to give me a hug. "I'm _so_ glad you're here!" she whispered.

I laughed enjoying the mock tension of the room.

Soon we were all parading around in our silly undergarments and Leah was trying to flatten her now frizzy and uncurled hair.

"Hold still Bella, you're going to get make up all over yourself if you don't"

"Tell me again why it has to be so _dark_"

"It's dramatic, especially with the mask. Trust me ok?" she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek as I surrendered to her application of what appeared to be a black sharpie to my eyes.

"Wow Leah…" I said as I watched her turn around after slipping her dress over her head. It was a ruby red spaghetti strapped satin floor length dress. The kind of thing every girl wishes she could wear but so few could actually pull off. "You look like a movie star…"

"Mike's going to shit his pants" Alice laughed. "I mean, he's never gotten anyone to date him before, let alone someone like _you_"

"Be nice to Mike, he's a good guy" I said, watching Leah blush. "You really look gorgeous"

"Thanks, it's not too much?"

"Did you _see_ what Alice is making me wear?"

"oh, Leah, I know exactly what you need" Alice said, bouncing off the floor and disappearing into her never ending Narnia closet. When Alice return she had a pair of elbow length black gloves in her hands. She handed them to Leah, who put them on and struck a Vogue pose.

"Very sexy" I laughed.

"Thanks…I hope Mike likes it."

"You really like him don't you?"

"I don't know, it's been a while since I tried to, date…" Leah looked at me knowing that I understood why, even if Alice didn't.

"Its ok for you to be happy you know" I said.

"hmm, you know, that's exactly what Jacob said to me in the letter he sent me from…his trip"

"Ohhh…" I said looking away from her. I hadn't realized he had been writing her as well.

"He just had some, old things that needed to be said, and that he wanted me to be happy, like he was with you." She said sitting on the bed next to me.

"Ohhh…" I smiled weakly up at her trying to remind myself that he was coming home and wanted to see me and that I needed to let go a little for things to work.

Finally when Alice had my hair up at an impossible height and my makeup on thickly, she put the mask on me and turned me to look in the mirror. I couldn't believe the girl in front of me. "Alice…you are an artist!" I said

"It's easy with a pretty girl like you" she said smiling at me in the mirror.

My lips were blood red and my eyes were blacked out behind the mask so that all you could see where the whites of my eyes. My cheeks were highlighted and looked more pronounced but you couldn't see any make-up.

"Let's get dressed!" she squealed, careful not to bounce for fear of making the pile of curls she had clipped to the top of her head fall over.

Esme came in to help strap in first Alice and then me, cooing over how beautiful Leah looked all the while. We strapped on our shoes and very carefully went downstairs. I hadn't realized how difficult stairs would be with this amount of fabric wrapped around my legs, but somehow I managed to pick my way very slowly down the steps.

"Good lord, could you take any longer??" Leah laughed as I slowly took the last 2 steps.

The camera was brought out and despite my protests many many pictures were taken before the guys even got there. Thank goodness for large memory cards right? Just as Esme was trying to pose us in different ways we heard Edward drive up with his Dad's Escalade, the only car other then a limo that could possibly fit all 6 of us and my dress.

Jasper and Edward were dashing in their matching period pants and coats, but Mike was a shocking site. He had trimmed his blonde hair and was wearing a full tuxedo with tails and a top hat. "Mike!" Leah said running up to him. "You are so cool"

"Just wait, I have a cane in the car" he said smiling at her. "You look gorgeous" he said warmly, kissing her quickly on the cheek. Leah blushed at his attention and affection but I watched as her eyes went to his lips in response.

Edward came over to me and we flirted dutifully for his mother, allowing our picture to be taken while we kissed lightly even. "Thank you" he whispered to me as we made our way to the car after group pictures and more couple shots.

"I'll send copies to Charlie!" Esme called out.

"Oh great" I said, rolling my eyes so that only Edward could see "he's going to be thrilled."

The ride to the school was quick and pretty quiet. Sitting in this contraption was proving more difficult then I'd expected.

"Stop fidgeting Bella, I can see you in the mirror" Alice called out from the front seat.

"How can you breathe?" I wailed

At the school we walked into the usual ugly stereotypical gym to find it transformed. Jessica had outdone herself. There was fabric draped from the center of the ceiling back to the sides and down the walls, creating a giant tent. There were lights behind the fabric creating a glow in the room that was enhanced with Christmas lights strung throughout. The music was already playing loudly by the time we got there at 9PM and most everyone was here already. There were tables, all draped to match the walls, and a platform for the DJ. Otherwise the room was meant for dancing.

Edward insisted I dance with him at least once despite my protests and sincere desire not to break his toes. He held me at arms length and guided me on a very old-fashioned style dance, which the dress actually made easier. Leah and Mike held each other closely most of the night, making googley eyes and being generally disgusting, but it was sweet to see, for both of them

After getting some food and visiting Edward asked me to dance again. While we danced slower this time I heard him take in a breath. "Bella" he whispered, stopping. I turned around and looked across the room as the song played on.

_Cause oh, you are home, and no matter where I go you're in my bones  
And no matter where I sleep, I never rest outside the place I keep my soul_

On the other side of the room stood Jacob in his Jeans and black "DayMan" tee-shirt. His hair was styled differently, all spiked up together and angled to the side. He looked…amazing the warm light of the room setting off the red tone in his skin. He was looking at the room but hadn't seen me yet, or maybe didn't recognize me.

Standing next to him was someone I didn't recognize. He was as tall as Jake but slight, you could see the tight strength in his body under his button up shirt and jeans. He was pale and striking in his own way.

"Jacob…" I sighed as my body moved to him of it's own accord. I could feel Edward behind me as I walked, not thinking about anything else in the room.

_Oh, you are home, and no matter where I go you're in my bones  
No matter where I go, no matter where I go, you're in my bones_

When I got closer he saw me and stopped, his face frozen before he smiled smally bringing his hand up to push through his hair as he did so many times before. But before he was able the guy standing next to him slapped his hand and said something I couldn't hear, making Jacob smile widely.

That smile, that toothy, unconscious grin was what I had fallen in love with in the first place. It was how I knew that no matter what else we had to overcome, we could do it together. That smile was the single most beautiful and important thing in my world.

"Bella…" he said as I got closer.

"Hi Jake" I smiled

"Umm, this is Dimitri" he said gesturing to the person beside him. "He didn't have anywhere to go so he's coming to stay with us for a while."

"Hi" I said looking at him, but Dimitri was not looking at me. His eyes were fixed on the man beside me.

"Hi…" he breathed…still not looking at me.

"Hey" Edward chocked out "um, hi, I'm Edward"

"Nice to meet you" Dimitri held out a hand to Edward to shake but instead when Edward's hand touched his, he brought it up to his lips and kissed it.

"You too" Edward said not looking away from Dimitri's beautiful eyes.

The two wandered away hand in hand without another word to us. I was smiling after them as Jake reached out putting his warm hand on my arm. "It's good to see you"

"You too" I said turning back to him with a smile. He looked so hesitant, concern creasing his forehead. "Welcome home" I whispered as I leaned up into him, pulling his lips down to meet mine.

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**The song in this chapter is ****You Are Home by Levi Weaver**

**Please comment and let me know what you think.  
**


	23. Chapter 23

**OK so I was going to have the last chapter be the end and then maybe do an epilogue but ya'll are so sweet I decided to do a little more…**

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"I missed you" I breathed as I pulled away from his lips.

"Bella…" he moaned coming in for a deeper kiss but I kept my lips soft and closed.

"Jake, not yet" I said pulling away again. I could see the disappointment in his eyes as he looked at me before looking at the ground next to us.

"Yeah, Ok, I guess I deserve that"

"No, it's not about that" I said reaching up to touch his cheek. "I think we both deserve a little…time is all"

"OK" he said stepping back but looking up at me with a smile. "You look amazing you know"

"Thanks" I said blushing "You know… Alice did it"

"It looks like your date abandoned you, think he'd mind if I danced with you?"

"No" I giggled "I think he has _other things_ on his mind right now" I said looking over at Edward and Dimitri leaning against the wall engaged in what appeared to be a very animated discussion.

"Guess I was kind of an idiot to be jealous"

"No, I get it. I just couldn't say anything; although he's not really hiding much right now is he?"

"Well, Dimitri has that effect on people" Jacob laughed softly and low in his chest making me look back up to him. I marveled at the sight before me, here he was, with me, _my_ Jacob.

"Come on, Alice is going to want to see you, and, Leah is here too, with Mike."

"Yeah, she wrote me and told me that…" he said looking at me with narrowed eyes, like he was watching my reaction.

"I know, she told me, I can't help being a little…possessive…but you two still have to sort things out. I get it… Jake…I'm going to try ok. I know you've been through a lot and we have a lot to figure out, but…"

"What Bella?"

"You never gave up on me…" I said looking up at him with a sad smile "I don't know why you didn't but…here you are…"

"I…"

"Wait ok? So here you are and I'm going to do whatever I can to be there for you and meet you half way ok? I won't give up either."

Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist picking me up to him "That's all I needed to hear Bells…I love you."

"Ok" I said kissing him on the cheek with a laugh "come on" and we walked back to the crowd of friends who had been watching our reunion.

The evening passed with very little drama, I only managed to hurt one person while dancing, and it was Mike who was resigned to his role as my punching bag after the last few months of gym class with me. Everyone was happy to see Jake and other than a dance with Alice and a few hushed conversations with Dimitri he never left my side. At all moments he had a hand on my back or his hand in mine.

While everyone was certainly wrapped up in their own romances and the magic of the evening Edward's behavior toward Dimitri wasn't lost on anyone. Edward orbited around him like he was the sun; his attention pulled almost magnetically to the visitor.

"Bella, can I sit here?" he said in one of the rare moments that Dimitri wasn't in the room.

"Of course Edward!" I said, pulling my skirts closer around me and making room on the bench I was sitting on.

"Having fun?" he asked looking down at his hands.

"More then I expected" I admitted, looking over at where Jake and Mike were throwing grapes into the air and seeing who could catch them. "I have a feeling though that my boyfriend's going to end up with a concussion by the end of the night" I laughed as I watched them slam into each other – again.

"Me too" he whispered looking at me out of the side of his eye.

"Dimitri seems nice…."

"Yeah…"

"You like him" I teased, leaning against him.

"He's… nothing like anyone I've ever met" he sighed looking down at me with his green eyes full of hope.

"I know how that feels"

"I'm not really playing it very cool am I"

"not really" I laughed "but you know, it's kind of nice to see you twitterpated"

"Bella, I don't have that anatomy"

"Shut up, you know what I mean"

"I'm… scared Bella"

"I know Edward, but, Jacob trusts him and that means a lot about what kind of person he is and…you are amazing, you deserve everything good in the world."

"The way you see me is absurd"

"hmmm, maybe, but I don't seem to be the only one who sees you that way" I said watching as Dimitri returned to the gym and walked straight over to Edward. He didn't see anyone else in the room and the closer he got the more intense and warm his gaze became. Edward stood up as he got closer, forgetting my existence for the moment, and took Dimitri's hand. Their fingers laced together and Edward blushed softly, leading Dimitri over to the drinks.

"So Quil and Angela are headed over to the beach" Jake said coming over to me "can I get a dance with you and then maybe we can go to?"

"Sure" I said looking up at him hearing the acoustic guitar strum the opening beats of the familiar song. "Jacob…" I said smiling up at him.

"Yeah, I'm a big dork, indulge me" he said as he pulled me out to the dance floor, singing to me as we danced slowly to the remake by Cristina Dona. _Sign your name - Across my heart  
I want you to be my baby_ "I can't believe you had them play this" I laughed, burying my head into his shoulder. He sang softly to me as we danced slowly, as close as my ridiculous clothing would let us get. Toward the end of the song he put his lips against my ear and whispered along with the song _All alone with you  
Makes the butterflies in me arise  
Slowly we make love  
And the Earth rotates to our dictates  
Slowly we make love…_

I felt myself shiver against the warmth of his breath and the words he was saying, as if they were meant just for me. He kissed my ear then, and the side of my neck, before pulling away and looking down at me. Smiling he stepped away from me and led me back to our friends.

In the parking lot everyone started to make their way to their cars, but Jasper had the keys to the Escalade.

"Where's Edward?"

"uh" Jake said, looking unsure "He and Dimitri borrowed my bike, they'll meet us later"

"Oh my God!" Alice clapped her hands.

"What?" Mike said looking from Jake to Alice. "What!?"

"Really?" Leah said looking up at him smiling. "You have _no_ idea?"

"No? Where did they go? I have beer in the trunk already"

"I don't think they went on a beer run Mike" Leah said thickly

"Ok, well, whatever…Jake you gonna ride with us?"

"That or walk" he laughed climbing into the passenger's seat.

"Umm, Jacob, that would be my seat" Alice said with her hands on her hips

"My legs are longer"

"My dress is bigger"

"My dick is bigger"

"Really? Let me see it, I'm the only girl here who hasn't yet!" she pouted.

"_Alice!" _Leah and I cried out in unison.

"Shut _up_" Leah

"What? It's true! I wanna see what all the fuss is about!" Alice reached into the car toward Jacob's crotch.

"Oh my God!" Jacob cried as she put her hands on his belt "Ok ok, I give, you can have your seat." He said quickly getting out of the car.

"Didn't think it'd be _that_ easy" she said smiling broadly as she gathered her skirts up and climbed in the car.

"Evil little pixie" Jake muttered coming back to me with a smile.

"You can sit with me" I said

"You sure we can both fit with that dress?"

"Alice, did you bring my jeans?"

"Yeah in the trunk."

I walked behind the car and opened the back to find my bag. I pulled my jeans out and pulled them up under my skirt. "Jake…" I called "can you help me?"

He came around to the back as everyone else settled into their seats. Angela and Quil had already taken off and Jessica and Tyler were off doing something on their own, probably at a motel 6 on rt. 101 or something.

I turned away from Jacob as he undid the clasps of my skirt. The skirt pulled away from me in one piece and Jake put his warm hands on the sides of my waist. "Even more beautiful in jeans" he said huskily, bringing his lips down to the soft spot where my neck and shoulder connect, making me swoon at the contact.

"Come on!" called Jasper as he started the car and turned on one of his blaring CDs.

"Jazz!" Alice cried "Something a _little_ more appropriate please?"

"Fine" he said, switching the CD to Tom Waits.

Jacob closed the trunk as I climbed into the back row of the Escalade. He climbed in beside me, pulling me into the crook of his arm. Curling up into his side and wrapping an arm around his middle I sighed, breathing in the scent of him, completely content. I could feel the shape of his hand on my waist, knowing the contours of his fingers. I looked up at his lips, knowing how he tastes.

The ride to the beach was slow, Alice in her own world, gazing out the window at the world passing by, holding hands sweetly with Jasper who was singing along to the CD

_And I must be insane  
To go skating on your name  
And by tracing it twice  
I fell through the ice  
Of Alice_

At First Beach, Mike and Jasper carried a cooler out to the beach along with some blankets. Jacob and I were already out there, having taken off our shoes and walking toward the water. A ways up the beach I could see two figures lying in the sand.

"Edward! We're here!" Alice called out and I watched as one body sat up and looked back at us. I could see his pale skin gleaming in the moonlight, shirtless.

A few moments later, he appeared in his dress pants and white tee-shirt. His hair was a mess and full of sand and his lips were swollen from Dimitri's kisses. Dimitri was slightly out of breath walking with Edward, his arm around his waist.

"Hey, where'd you guys….go…" Mike's voice trailed off as the blissed smiles of the couple before him left no question as to where they'd been. "Oh" he said quickly.

"Come on, lets go for a walk" Jacob said, grabbing my hand. I skipped along beside him, letting my feet splash in the water when the waves broke near us.

We walked for almost half an hour, not saying anything, just enjoying being together. "So, can I ask you something?" he said finally walking up the beach to sit in the dry sand.

"Of course" I said joining him

"Can I, take you out tomorrow night?" he said looking at the sand in front of him.

"Are you asking me out on a date Jacob Black?"

"Yeah" he said. "A proper one where I pick you up and pay and kiss you goodnight at your door, while your dad watches out the window. I want…I want a real date." He looked up at me sweetly.

"I'd really love that" I said scooting closer to him.

"And Bella?" he said looking out at the water "I wanna do things right this time ok?"

"What do you mean Jake?"

"I just, think, like for a while ok, maybe we shouldn't, jump right back in to where we were" I looked at him and raised my eyebrow "You're going to make me say it aren't you?"

"Yes"

He sighed "Ok, so I think no sex for a while alright, like let's really start over" he turned to me then, cupping my chin in his hand. "I want to woo you Bella, I want to court you and kiss you and let you know how precious you are to me and I want to do it all the way you deserve."

And then he kissed me, a slow burning kiss that set my skin on fire and warmed my soul; A kiss that could melt the arctic. It was soft and patient, filling me with the love he had for me, and I returned it with all the love I had for him. And so we spend the night, lying the in the sand, kissing and gazing at each other. Softly tracing the outlines of my face, he kissed me, again and again.

**

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And that's it folks. I have an epilogue in mind so there may be another taste of these two, but now's the time to tell me what you think and how you liked I WILL BURN! Love you all, thanks for sharing this with me. **


	24. Epilogue

"I don't know if I can do this Bella"

"We don't have to, I mean, it's completely up to you"

"I know…I want to, I really do, it's just"

"What Jake?"

"It's a really big step"

"I know but I'm here ok and we'll do it together"

"Ok" he said sighing then straightening his shoulders in resolve.

He sat down, his face directly in front of my breasts.

"Hi there" he sighed leaning in to kiss one of them.

"Alright now, none of that" I said, swatting him away. Jacob pouted and I walked behind him, keeping a hand on his shoulder. I could see he was still nervous from the way the muscle in his neck twitched slightly. I kept my hand on him as I leaned down and picked up the tool that was waiting for me.

"Are you ready?" I said one last time.

"Do it" he said, shutting his eyes as I turned on the electric razor. Quickly I ran the razor over his head making a reverse Mohawk out of his now shaggy hair. I ran it from back to front over and over, making sure to get each section as closely cropped as possible. When I was done checking behind his ears and the back of his neck I turned of the razor.

He ran his big hands over his scalp to get off any stray hairs and looked up at me. "So? Am I hideous?" he smiled.

"Never" I said, straddling him on the chair and kissing him deeply. His hands were at the small of my back, never straying, never motioning for more. His tongue in my mouth was warm and soft. He tasted like heaven and hell mixed into one. I could feel him getting hard beneath me as I shifted my weight a little, wanting contact with the full length of him against me.

I let my hands move from their resting spot on his shoulder, bringing one hand around to the back of his now bald head, letting the other train down his side, along the edges of his peck and abdomen.

Far too soon he pulled away from me "I wanna see it Bells!" he said looking at me with a pout. I disengaged reluctantly and let him go look in the mirror on the wall of his garage. I watched him walk away from me. He had on just his jeans and no shirt to keep the hair from getting itchy in there. His body was rigid and strong.

It was hard to believe that it had been almost 7 months since I had made love to him. 6 months we had been officially dating. I spent most of the summer in Florida with my mom receiving letter after letter from Jacob. We spoke almost everyday but still, there was nothing like being home with him. Here in La Push, in his garage is where I spent almost all of my time now other than in school.

I had taken an art class in Ft. Lauderdale to pass the time so I sat sketching while Jake worked on whatever project struck his fancy or offered to help pay the bills.

"I look like a skin head" he said turning back to me

"Well, technically you are a skin head" I said laughing "I mean, look at the size of those boots!"

"There are no Indian Nazi's Bella" he said sourly leaning down and collecting the fallen locks into a plastic bag.

"You know, this is what you get for making bets with Dimitri though. He handed you your ass and now you have to hand him your hair."

"Stupid 'mo shouldn't be a better boxer than me"

"He runs the boxing center in town now Jake, it's not like you didn't know he was good"

Jacob continued to pout as he finished cleaning up. I laughed as I watched him glad we would be seeing Edward and Dimitri at dinner tonight. Edward had moved out of his parent's house as soon as he turned 18 and in with Dimitri. Things hadn't gone over well with his parents when they found out that he was gay and in love.

Tonight was our 6 month anniversary. Jake and I counted from Prom as did Edward and Dimitri so to celebrate we were all going out to the little Italian place that had just opened in Forks. It was the first real restaurant to try to survive here in a while. It did better than most because they delivered pizzas too that were much better than the fast food places.

"OK, I'm going to go shower and get ready." Jake said

"I should get my dress out of the car then"

We walked inside and Billy smiled at us walking back to Jacob's room. Billy still didn't talk much but he was much warmer to Jacob since I got back from Florida then I'd ever seen him. Jacob got into the shower while I went out to the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Bella" Billy said as I walked into the living room.

"Yeah Billy?"

"You're a good kid."

"Thanks…"

"You're good for that boy of mine, you know, he's… a good kid too"

"Yeah Billy, he is…you should tell him that."

"hmmmph" Billy said, wheeling outside to wait for his ride into town.

I walked back to Jake's room and took off my school clothes. I pulled a small thing of powder out of my bag and put some between my legs and under my arms, freshening, making the whole room smell like me. As I pulled my navy dress off of its hanger Jacob, wrapped in just a towel walked in behind me, still dripping from his shower.

"Oh, sorry" he said, blushing and turning to walk away.

"It's OK" I said ignoring him. I bent over to get something out of my bag and I heard Jake hiss behind me.

"God woman" he growled. I looked up and back at him smiling.

"You think you can get dressed in here with me and behave yourself?" I taunted, still not standing up, giving him a perfect view of my ass and the thin fabric covering my mound.

"I actually don't know the answer to that" he said taking a step forward and placing his hand on the side of my ass.

"Now now…" I teased, standing up and turning away. "Your rule, no touching" I was going to get him to break that rule tonight if it killed me.

"Ok!" Jake said putting both hands in the air before sitting down at his desk, barely covered with the towel around him. "No rule against looking though" he said leaning back his eyes looking up at me darkly.

"Nope, no rule against that" I said turning back around. I decided maybe I would change into the underwear and bra I had brought with me.

Slowly, without looking back at him I undid my bra, letting the clasp come undone but keeping my hands in place. I pulled it around to my front, letting the straps fall gently down my shoulders. I was in a pink undies set that was soft against my skin. I pulled the bra off and let it drop to the ground, hearing Jacob take a ragged breath behind me.

Then I tucked my thumbs into the sides of my underwear, slowly inching the fabric lower, letting it roll over the swell of my ass. When it was just above the dark hair of my cunt I turned slowly to look at him, my hands still in my underwear. I faced him, topless and daring, letting him rake my body with his eyes.

"Is this allowed?" I asked as I grazed one of my hands along the inside of my panty-line.

"Unnnhhnnnn" he nodded, his eyes fixed on my hand.

"How about this?" I said as I pushed my hand further inside my undies, touching the hair there, letting my fingers open my lips so that I could touch what I so desperately wished he was licking.

"Fuck Bella" he said, his own hand sliding down his abdomen toward the tower his towel had created over his cock. The towel came off and I watched as the grasped himself firmly. I had never seen Jacob touch himself before and the site of it made me wetter than I thought I could get. I could feel the juice from inside of me slickening my fingers, encouraging me to rub harder.

I leaned against his dressed plunging a finger inside of me. "Jake…" I moaned, closing my eyes, imagining it was him filling me.

"Look at me Bella" he said and I opened my eyes at his voice. I watched him, watching me as I touched and pulled at the moist sensitive skin between my legs. My legs were weakening, shaking from the effort to not fall down as I felt waves of warmth flood through my body.

"Bella" he moaned as he pulled on his cock, again and again, his legs tensing and his teeth bared, I could see he was close and all I wanted was to climb on top of him and ride the wave of pleasure I knew I would feel from having him in me. I pushed my underwear down and walked toward him; so glad I had gone on the pill over the summer.

"No" he breathed pulling the towel back over himself.

"What?" I hissed, having had half an orgasm already that I desperately wanted to finish.

"No" he shook his head.

"Yes" I said firmly, continuing my advance. I climbed on his lap, letting the towel separate me from what I wanted. "You are a gentleman, you are a good boyfriend, there's nothing to prove with this."

"Not yet" he said not looking at me.

I rubbed myself against his length, the roughness of the towel adding friction and making me wetter. I knew he could feel how warm and wet I was. We hadn't come this close to breaking his no sex rule before and I couldn't take it anymore, my body was on fire. "I need you" I said, kissing his neck. "I need you" I said again biting him, pulling his skin to my mouth and running my tongue along him. He let out a strangled cry and pulled the towel out from between us.

His hands were on my hips and I had impaled myself on him with one hard thrust before my brain even had time to catch up with what was happening. My body convulsed at the overwhelming sensations it was feeling, I threw my head back, Jake's hands around me keeping me from falling off of him completely. I clenched him inside me and felt every nerve ending on my body scream his name with me.

He had started lifting me up and down on him and when I had recovered from the initial shock of pleasure he pulled my left nipple into his mouth. I tightened myself around him, eliciting a moan from him I could feel through my nipple and down to my quivering clit.

"Jake, oh god, Jake" I panted as he lifted me up so that just his tip was inside of me and then slammed me down against him again and again. Every time he did I could feel him deeper inside of me, so deep I shuddered with every new sensation. I wriggled against him, wanting more of him, desperate for him to touch my clit and give me the release I was so close to. I could feel it pulsing for him.

He pulled me down onto him again and held me there, moving his hips in little circles, touching the inner walls of me, rubbing the skin above his cock against my lips.

"You are so wet" he said in an otherworldly voice. He looked up at me. "I want to taste you. Can I taste you" he said making my body shake with the promise of his tongue on my aching clit. All I could do was nod and he helped me up off of him. I backed up to his bed, never taking my eyes off of him as he stalked toward me, he was the hunter and I was definitely his prey.

Sitting down I lay back, feeling myself sink into his mattress. I placed my feet on the bed, keeping my knees wide, knowing his large shoulders would need room. He took his time coming to me, his eyes locked on my cunt.

"I love to look at you" he growled "you are so beautiful" he knelt between my feet "so fucking sexy" he said as he looked at me and started rubbing himself again. "Just looking at you….gaahhh" he said closing his eyes for a moment. He brought his eyes back to mine and smiled as he let go of himself and settled down between my legs.

"Kiss me Jake…" I sighed as I felt his breath against my cunt.

"Mmmm" he murmured against me rubbing his lips against me but not kissing me. I watched as he closed his eyes and smelled me before brining one of his hands up to the inside of my right inner thigh. "I love the way you smell here" he said putting a kiss on my inner thigh just before his hand grasped me and spread me wider. "and here" he said kissing the other side, as his other hand came up and positioned me the way he wanted me before him.

"and here" he said into my folds as he kissed my opening.

"higher" I squeaked, needing to feel him against my clit. I was shaking now, unable to keep my legs this far apart without his help. And then he licked me, from my opening to my clit he licked with his wide tongue as if I was a dripping ice cream cone in August. He lapped at me 3…4 times, making me jump every time he got to my clit.

"Please" I whined, getting to the end of what I could take. "Please"

He sucked me into his mouth then, using his tongue to swirl my clit inside his mouth. As the first wave of pleasure flooded through me I lifted my hips, pushing myself into him so that I could feel his teeth against me. As I started to lower myself I felt him slip a finger inside of me. It could have been 2 it could have been 7 for all I knew at that point but it was amazing. He continued to suck on me but released my legs and put one hand on my hip bones to keep me from wriggling away from him completely and the other hand inside of me, pulling me with his fingers to my final release. As I tried to roll away from him, my eyes closed and I let out the scream that had been locked inside of me…"Oh my God! Jaaaake!"

I collapsed on the bed his fingers still inside of me as he continued to lick me softly. He nuzzled his nose into me and looked up at me smiling. "God I have missed that." I giggled and held my arms out to him.

"Come here to me" I said pulling him on top of me. He rested his weight on me but didn't make any moves to be in me, just laid there, smiling at me as I traced his eyebrows and lips with my finger. "I love you" I breathed kissing him deeply. I ran my hand down his back and over his ass, feeling his cock twitch against my leg. I moved one leg out from under him and pushed him gently, telling him I wanted him inside of me with my motions.

He lifted up off of me and looked down with so much love in his face. "We don't have to. I don't mind waiting" he said, kissing me sweetly.

"I do, I'm not done until I feel you inside of me; it doesn't feel done without that. I love you, I want you in me; I want you everywhere." I guided him to my entrance with my hand and he slid into my slowly, never breaking his gaze from mine. He slid into me further and further, causing aftershocks of the orgasm I'd just had to clamp down around him.

"Bella" he moaned leaning his forehead down against mine. "Kwe' Kwowle" he whispered pulling back to kiss me before moving his hips again. I moved with him, our bodies parting and coming back together in perfect rhythm. My hands ran over his scratchy scalp and I lifted slightly onto my feet, giving more of myself over to Jacob's lovemaking.

He started moving faster and I could feel the need rising in me again, the need to have him, love him. I lifted one leg and he pulled my knee up against his chest so that he could drive deeper into me. Over and over he slid in and out of me, pulling me to him and slamming me away. His chest gleamed with sweat and I clung to his arms feeling my second orgasm coming fast.

He changed his angle slightly, causing me to sit up into him with the sudden pleasure it created in me. "Jake…" I muttered as I clawed at his neck and back, trying to keep my body as close to his as I could, trying to keep contact with him and that place inside me that was reaching out to take my sanity. He was slamming into me with abandon now, taking a frenzied pace that had us sideways on his bed and pushed up against the wall, but we didn't notice, feeling only the connection and joy of our bodies.

"Fuckk, I cried as I came, clenched my jaw and dug my nails into his triceps causing him to push into me and pause sheathed deeply inside me, quivering.

"Gaahahhh" he croaked pushing firmly into me, so deep I could feel him in my womb.

Jacob lay on top of me, panting, sweat on his brow with his hand around one of my breasts. I ran my fingers over his head, feeling the contours of old injuries that had been hidden by his hair. We lay there, smiling blissfully, warm in the light of each other.

"Bells, we should get dressed" he said lazily, making no movement to get up.

"Yeah, Edward and Dimitri have _never_ been late" I chuckled, knowing that for our 7PM reservation Jake had told them 6:30 on the off chance they might be on time then.

"Come on" he said, pulling himself up and kissing me quickly. I didn't move though, I watched as he walked to his dresser and pulled out some boxer briefs and smiled down at me.

"I could spend the rest of my life with you you know" I said lazily.

"I hope you will Bella…I hope you will" and with that he came back to the bed and made love to me slowly and passionately, all thoughts of Edward and Dimitri gone from our minds.

* * *

**And that is the End my lovelies. Now what to write next...**


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